A/N: Spoilers for episode 7x4, Fannysmackin'.
I couldn't sleep.
Every time I tried, I saw fists launching at me and felt pain on every inch of my face. I played and replayed the events of the night in excruciating detail, wondering what I did wrong or right, worrying if I should have done more or less.
Eventually, I think I did fall asleep, because the visions suddenly became crystal-clear. I saw Demetrius James, eyes blazing, striding towards me. I felt the thudding in my heart, my breath catching in my throat, the nails digging into my palms. I felt the pummeling… over and over until it barely hurt any more because I couldn't feel a thing. Everything in a daze, not wanting to move too much for fear that something would hurt or something else would happen.
When I woke, it was with a gasping pant, my chest rising and falling in rapid breaths, beads of sweat covering my forehead. Standing in the door, bags of Mexican take-out in their hands and scared, worried looks on their faces, was Warrick, Nick and Sara.
I struggled to catch my breath as they stood, paralyzed, in the doorway. I swallowed hard and breathed through my nose until finally, Sara handed Nick her plastic bag of veggie tacos and what I knew must be a steak burrito for me, and made her way to my bed.
"Greg," she asked, her voice shaky. "Are you okay?"
"Nightmare," I panted, wiping my forehead with my sleeve. "I'll be fine."
"We… brought you some food," Nick offered, joining Sara.
I offered them the best smile I could muster.
"Thanks."
"If you need some rest, man, we can come back later," Warrick said.
"No," I said quickly, reluctant to be alone again. "No, I'm starving. Hand it over."
Sara smiled, but the worry didn't quite disappear from her eyes as she took her bag back from Nick and extracted my double steak burrito with extra guacamole.
"Just how I like it," I told her through a mouthful. "Thanks."
"We're really glad you're okay, man," Nick said, stealing some of Sara's chips. "What a night."
"I never knew what hit me," I said slowly. "It happened so fast, but… now, I can't stop replaying it over and over in my mind. It's like a bad movie."
"You did good, Greg," Warrick assured him quietly. "Somehow you kept it together enough to notice what was going on around you."
The corner of Sara's mouth tugged up.
"Telling me to collect DNA while you're lying there in the street," she teased, shaking her head. "Typical."
She paused.
"Have you told your parents yet?"
I stopped chewing in the middle of a huge bite of burrito and stared at her.
"Did Grissom tell you?" I asked in disbelief.
She shrugged.
"Maybe."
"Well, report to Mr. Gossip that they have been duly informed," I huffed. "They're on their way into town now."
I swallowed hard. My mom hadn't taken the news well. It'd be a miracle if she didn't storm into CSI, yelling at whichever unfortunate soul was unlucky enough to cross her path, wondering why her precious only son was beaten to a pulp on the Las Vegas streets when he should have been tucked away, safe and sound, in the lab.
"Well, law enforcement isn't safe no matter what field you're in," Warrick said.
"Don't remind me," I mumbled, meeting Sara's eyes. We both remembered the day of the lab explosion all too well.
"If anything, have Grissom talk to her," Nick suggested. "He can vouch for what a good CSI you are… if your family knows how good you are at your job, maybe they won't be as apprehensive."
"You think Grissom would vouch for me?"
"Of course he will," Sara said, a little too quickly. We all turned to stare at her. "He… thinks you're a valuable asset to the team."
"Whatever," I said. "I just want the nightmares to go away."
"They will, Greg," Nick said quietly. "It'll just take some time."
A nurse knocked on the door.
"Excuse me," she said. "Sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours are over. You can back in the morning."
"Well, I guess that's our cue," Warrick said, gathering the trash. "Feel better, man."
"Yeah, we expect to see you at the lab soon," Nick joked, following Warrick to the door. "Sara?"
"I'll, uh… catch up," she said, lingering and waiting for the guys to leave before turning towards me.
"What?"
"I'm worried about you," she said.
"I'm fine," I lied. "Really."
She nodded, silence settling over us.
"Thank you," I said. "For coming to see me. Both tonight and… earlier."
Sara shifted from one foot to another, before taking her seat back by my bed.
"You know, I had a really, really crummy year last year," she said. "And you were the only one who was always there for me. So thank you."
She covered my hand with hers. After all these years of working together, I knew I had no chance with her. Eventually, my little crush had faded away. But even still, mixed in with the feelings of respect and adoration that I had for her, there were still some inklings of affection.
I opened my mouth, wanting to say something – anything – about how much she meant to me, but the words were lost along the way. I hoped that my feelings were conveyed to her through our gaze.
"You know, maybe once you're up for it, we should start running together again," Sara said. "I miss our jogging dates."
"Me too," I said, managing a grin. "Let's do it."
"Feel better, Greggo," she said. "I'm glad you're okay."
She smiled at me, and I watched her leave, smiling back. A few feet outside the door, her cell phone rang. She glanced at the ID, smiled, and opened the phone, smiling wider. And as she started talking, I think I actually saw Sara Sidle blush. Fleetingly, I wondered who in the world she could be talking to, but I pushed the thought aside and just watched her smile and be happy. For a moment, it made me happy too.
But once I lost sight of her down the hallway, my heart started to feel heavier. I was glad to have seen my friends, but now that they were gone, I felt… empty. Drained. I was still scared – nervous and jumpy and anxious. I was exhausted, but I didn't want the nightmares to return, so I fought against my heavy eyelids and tried to stay awake as long as possible. I thought about how much I dreaded seeing my family, and the looks of worry that would accompany them. And how much I dreaded returning to work, and gazes of pity coming from my coworkers. And yet, I'd have to tolerate it, the worry and the pity, and pretend to be my old self all the while. I didn't feel up to it. But somehow, I'd have to make it happen.
Eventually, I lost the battle with my eyelids and fell asleep.
And the nightmares came.