"Olivia!" He screamed as he ran over to her weakening body. His hands were covered in blood as he put pressure on the wound. "Someone, call a bus!" He was panicking now, blood gushing over him as her eyes began to close. "Liv, c'mon Olivia stay with me."
He wanted her to speak, to tell him she was okay, expecting to hear her usual 'I'm fine'. He wanted her to tell him to leave, like she had years ago. Elliot let out a sob as her body went limp and her breathing slowed. "Olivia!" He wanted to slap her, shake her, do something to wake her up but he was afraid to take his hands off the wound.
His last thoughts, as her body was taken away onto the stretcher, was that she would die without knowing that he loved her. After everything that they had been through, she would die thinking she was alone.
And then his feet were moving under him, running towards where the man had taken off. Olivia's voice propelling him to save the little girl. He remembered the fear and determination in her eyes when Gitano had cut her neck. She wanted him to save the boy then and she would want him to save the girl now.
But he hadn't followed them. He didn't know where he was going. He could only run and hope that he would find them in time.
It was then that he noticed the trail of blood, leading down the street. The girl. He thought. He shot the girl. There was crowd up ahead and his worst fears flashed before him. The man had killed her; he fucking knew it.
Except when he got to the crowd he saw not the body of the little girl, but of the man. A uniformed officer stood over him, radioing in the death.
"The girl", said Elliot, "what happened to the girl?"
The officer stood. "She's okay. One of the guys is taking her to the hospital, just in case, but she seemed fine."
Elliot nodded and looked at the body and noted the gun shot wound on his back. "You shot him?" He asked.
The officer shook his head. "No, I was chasing after him after I heard the gun shots. He just collapsed. He was already shot when I saw him."
Elliot closed his eyes, realizing that Olivia must have fired when he did. She took the shot. She took the shot she hadn't taken years ago.
Guilt welled up in his stomach. A risk; it was a stupid risk. She took the shot knowing that she could have hit the girl and she had taken that risk because he had been such a jerk to her years before.
He made her doubt herself, her ability. Except the girl was fine and the man was dead and Olivia was being rushed to the hospital.
He fell to the floor on his knees. There was so much blood. His hands were still covered in it. A few heartfelt sobs escaped his throat and he felt like vomiting.
Even if he could move, he didn't want to go to the hospital. He was too afraid of what he might find when he got there.
But then a pair of arms wrapped around him and pulled him to his feet. There was another officer talking to him but he couldn't make out what he was saying.
He vaguely caught words like; 'hospital' and 'ride'. Elliot nodded and followed the officer into his squad car. It was like he was on auto-pilot as they drove to down the streets of New York.
He could only think of Olivia. He remembered drinking coffee on his stoop after a hard case and the smile on her face when he asked why there was a flower in her cup. He remembered a few years back when she surprised him with his kids at his desk so he wouldn't spend his birthday alone. He remembered their conversation about giving each other a kidney and that's when he recalled her blood type.
The same as his.
It was then that he gained control back over his body, as he rushed down the halls of the hospital. Olivia needed blood, his blood.
The nursed ushered him down the hall into one of the empty rooms. He caught sight of Olivia in the hall. She was being wheeled into surgery, she had tubes down her throat and her face was pale.
Nothing, not even the needle that pierced his skin seconds later, could compare to the pain he felt from that sight. He watched as his blood drained into the bag and then as the image blurred from his tears.
He stayed there, alone in that room, long after the nurse rushed his blood into the operating room.
He pressed the cotton against the puncture wound on his arm and buried his head in his other hand.
He couldn't remember ever feeling so helpless. It was like a part of him was dying and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
All he could think of is how much he would miss her, how empty life would be without hearing her voice, seeing her face, touching her skin.
He didn't know how long he stayed there. At some point Cragen had come to join him but he stayed silent.
Elliot never lifted his head from his hands and Cragen never spoke a word. Elliot vainly sought comfort in the hand resting on his shoulder.
Cragen could feel him trembling and he knew Elliot was crying. His throat tightened when he tried to speak.
Damn.
He wasn't supposed to cry. He was supposed to be the rock of his unit. He was Captain, cold, unbiased, and unfeeling. But this was Olivia, the woman he considered a daughter and she was hanging on by a thread.
"Be strong, Elliot." He said, having finally found his voice. "She needs you to be strong for her."
Elliot nodded and wiped his tears. He let out a pained sound when he saw the blood drying on his sleeves. "She was bleeding, Cap'. I don't- She was shot."
Cragen nodded. "One of the nurses filled me in on her injuries. They told me you gave her blood."
"She needed it." He said, not missing a beat. His eyes started to water again at just how much blood she had lost and just how pale and lifeless her body looked when they brought her in. "She needed it."
Moments later the same nurse that took his blood walked in, caring a clip board and some juice. She handed the juice to Elliot and told him he needed to drink something after giving blood.
Elliot could have strangled her. He knew that; he was well aware of what he was supposed to do after donating blood. What he didn't know was how Olivia was doing and this stupid nurse was wasting time babbling away about juice.
"How is she?" Asked Cragen, sensing that Elliot was about to snap.
The nurse looked at the men as she began to speak. "Ms. Benson is out of surgery. She bullet went straight through her lung. She is stable for now but other than making her comfortable, there isn't anything else we can do. The next few hours are criticle."
Both men nodded. She was hurt but she was alive. "Can we see her?" Asked Elliot.
The nurse nodded. "Right this way."
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