A/N: Spoilers for episode 7x13, Redrum.

I pulled a water bottle from the fridge, sat at the counter and put my head in my hands. I was so exhausted, I wanted to fall asleep right then and there. Hank was gobbling down his food in the corner. As he ate, I looked around the empty apartment and just felt… sad.

I missed him. We hadn't spoken in a few days, even though so much was happening. I tried sleeping at the townhouse the night previously – it hadn't gone well. It felt empty and foreign without him there, and I ended up doing more crying than sleeping.

I dug through my purse for my phone, staring at it with an emotionless gaze. It would be so easy to call him, to tell him right then and there, but I just… couldn't.

My gaze drifted over to the cardboard box sticking out of my purse. I don't know why I kept it. Maybe I was just in disbelief. Every time I stared at it, I expected to see one little pink line, but instead, I saw two. The two little pink lines that told me I was pregnant.

I hadn't even begun to grasp it. Kids were never really part of my plan. I was not the maternal type. And Gil… well, he was only just learning how to adjust his life for me. How could I possibly ask him for this?

The gentle buzzing from my phone made me jump. My heart pounded in my chest. I was going to tell him.

"I can't put this down, Sara," the voice on the other line said.

I sighed. Nick.

"Uh, yeah, me either," I said distractedly. I was angry and disappointed over the reverse forensics debacle, but… I had other things on my mind. "I'm sure Warrick just wants to let it go, and Greg's probably forgiven everyone already?"

"Yep," he sighed. "I don't know, Sara. This would have never happened if Grissom was around."

I hummed a noncommittal agreement.

"You think he's really coming back?" he pondered.

"Of course he is," I said quickly. "Why wouldn't he?"

"You haven't noticed him acting… strange… lately?"

I cleared my throat.

"How do you mean?"

"You mean besides taking up and leaving the lab for a month?"

"Yeah, beside that."

"Well, he's not eating, sleeping and living in the lab," Nick mused. "He looks good. Happy. Maybe he finally has a girl in his life."

In Grissom's townhouse, with Grissom's dog at my feet and Grissom's bed only feet away, I had to fight off my shock.

"Um, yeah. Maybe."

"Sorry," Nick said quickly. "I know that might be uncomfortable for you. Anyways, I'm hitting the gym to try and work off this steam. I'll talk to you later, Sar."

"Uh, sure, okay," I stammered. "Later, Nick."

I closed my phone and stared at it in disbelief. Nick might still might have been clueless on one important detail, but was still starting to pick up on things. We really needed to be careful.

I was just about to give up and go to bed, when my phone rang again. And this time, it wasn't an angry Nick.

"Hi," I said softly, pressing the phone to my ear.

"Hi, honey," Gil said on the other line. "I was just thinking of you and decided I had to hear your voice. I miss you."

"I miss you too," I said, smiling despite myself. "I got your gift."

"You did?" he said, excitement in his voice. "What do you think?"

"I love it," I replied. "It's… perfect."

Halfway across the country, I could feel him beaming, so I left it at that, not mentioning that a note or even a simple Love, Gil would have been nice.

"How's Hank?" he asked. "How is work?"

"Hank's fine," I said, looking down at the drooly dog. "He misses you too. Work is… fine."

"Are you okay?" he asked, picking up on the weariness in my voice.

"I'm… fine," I said. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He paused.

"That's not very convincing, honey," he said softly. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Just a lot going on. And I miss you."

"I miss you too," he said before pausing again. "I do, Sara."

"I know."

I heard him sigh.

"I don't like how things are between us right now," he said. "It feels like you're angry with me, but you're trying not to show it."

"I'm not angry," I replied, wanting to change the subject and trying to keep my eyes off that pregnancy test on the counter. "How are classes?"

"It's been a long time since I've been around students," he said. "They're keeping me on my toes."

"Well, don't let any girls with too many questions give you their e-mail addresses," I teased. "You know how that ends up."

"Don't worry," he chuckled. "My body may be in Massachusetts, but my heart is back in Las Vegas with you."

I smiled and silence settled over us. I wished so much that he was here, so that I could confide in him about everything – the stupid drama at the lab and the not so stupid discoveries here at home. I wished I could just fold into his arms instead of pretending that everything was okay, but that just wasn't the way things were.

"Sara?"

"Hm?"

"I'm glad I came here," he said shyly. "I wish the circumstances before I left were… better, but I'm glad I'm here. It's… the breather from the lab that I needed."

"Good," I said sincerely. "I'm glad."

I glanced at the clock and realized how much time had passed since I'd gotten off shift.

"Gil, I have to go," I said hurriedly.

"You do?" he said, not quite hiding the disappointment in his tone. "I thought…"

"I'm sorry," I cut off. "I… have something to take care of. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Sara," he said firmly. "You would tell me if something was going on, right? You'd tell me if you weren't okay?"

"I'm fine," I stressed. "I just have somewhere to be. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay," he sighed. "I love you, Sara."

"I love you too."

I ended the call, and as much as I wanted to really throw myself into bed, I hadn't been lying. I had somewhere to be.

"Ms. Sidle?"

The doctor cracked open the door and poked her head in before fully entering the room.

"I have the results of the tests the nurse ran on you," she continued. "I don't know if this will be good news or bad news for you, but you are not pregnant."

"Are not?" I repeated in disbelief. "But I… I took a pregnancy test."

"Those can often yield false positives," the doctor said gently. "These tests are much more accurate. I'm sorry."

I shook my head.

"I-it's okay," I said, reaching for my jacket. "It's okay."

I practically sprinted out of there, and the moment I got outside, I took gulps of fresh air, tears stinging my eyes. I had no idea why. I hadn't really wanted or intended to be pregnant in the first place. I had been scared and anxious at the prospect of having to tell Gil. Now that all of it was off my shoulders, I should have felt relieved.

But instead, I got into my car, locked the door behind me, and cried some more.