A/N: Spoilers for episode 7x18, Empty Eyes.

Everything was quiet. I was quiet, he was quiet, even the night was quiet as we drove home.

It wasn't how I expected to spend my night off. I expected a date, a quiet night of holding each other. What I got was… pain.

It wasn't just losing Cammie that was making me stare out the window with wet, teary eyes. It was the entire case. Six lives cut short, six beautiful women gone, and why? It was all so senseless. I already felt lost after the Marlon West case, but this… this was hard to swallow.

I thought I'd known what a hard year was like. I'd had plenty of them, from my first few months in foster care all that time ago to the days where I'd turned to the bottle instead of to others for help. But this year was starting to feel like too much. Watching Catherine lose her father, seeing Greg lose the sparkle in his eyes after his beating, watching Grissom lose faith and become increasingly frustrated and angry with the Miniature Killer. Each case dropped a load of weights on my shoulders that I just wasn't able to shake off like I used to.

It was too much.

Grissom squeezed my hand, and despite myself, I had to give him a weak smile. The difference between this tough year and the others was him. Had I worked this case three years ago, I'd been driving myself home to a quiet apartment and an empty bed. But I wasn't alone, not any more. I had Gil, and he felt like my one constant, the one thing in my life I could always count on for love and support.

He was worried about me, I could tell. He kept sneaking glances at me in the dark, when he thought I wasn't looking. I knew seeing me in pain hurt him in turn. It was the same for me. I would reassure him, if I could, but I just couldn't muster the energy.

The quiet continued as we got home, and we went straight to bed. I had no appetite, and I knew that even if we tried putting on the TV. or putting in a movie, it would do no good in distracting me.

He crawled into bed next to me, quiet as could be. He put his arm over my side, palm resting against my stomach. His touch was hesitant, and that's how I knew he was scared. I think he was trying to figure out what to say, but eventually, he nestled in closer to me and put his lips near my ear.

"You did everything you could," he said softly. "I'm proud of you."

"I didn't save her," I choked, the tears resurfacing and rolling down my cheeks. "Instead, I… c-comforted the one who… who…"

"Sara," he said softly. "Don't do this to yourself. It wasn't your fault."

I shook my head against the pillow. He didn't understand. But I didn't know how to explain… anything… of what I was feeling. It didn't even make sense to me. All I knew that it left me feeling drained and empty.

Gil stayed close and we laid together in silence. Eventually, I felt his muscles relax around me and heard his breathing grow slow and even. I turned myself around in his arms to face him, to watch him sleep. He was beautiful. I wanted to reach out and touch him, softly, but I didn't want to do anything to disturb the way he looked right then. More silent tears streamed down my face as I watched him sleep, studying every detail as if I wanted to burn the image into my memory forever. Maybe I wanted to. Maybe I wanted nothing but this for the rest of my life, nothing but him and I, because anything and everything else was just… too much.

I couldn't sleep. I tried, but eventually, I took one last long, lingering look at Gil and crawled out of bed as quiet as possible. I tiptoed out to the living room, and curled up on the couch staring out the window at the bright lights of Las Vegas. It all looked so superficial and… pointless now. Didn't all the brainless, silly people out there realize how senseless life could be? That what means the most could be snatched away in just an instant?

I hadn't cried this much in a long time. But I let the tears flow, thankful they were silent. But it wasn't enough. I heard his footsteps behind me, heard him pause, knowing that he was looking at me with a heavy heart. Finally, I swallowed hard and turned to meet his gaze.

"I couldn't sleep," I managed.

We just kept looking at each other, and after a few moments, I just lost it. I completely broke down, chiding myself for doing so, but not able to help it. Sobs claimed me this time, and wracked my body as I choked. Gil came straight to me, wrapping me up in the warmth of him.

"Shhh," he soothed. "You're okay. It'll be okay."

I cried myself senseless, until I had nothing left, and finally, finally, I was tired. Gil took me to bed, wrapped me up tight and didn't say another word. He didn't need to. All I needed was for him to be there, to feel him and smell him and reach out and touch him, and it would be all right.

For now.