Five Senses – The Way to Awakening
Chapter Four – Sight
Takes place two days after the events in Chapter 3….
They were stuck in the office, ostensibly laying low to let him heal. He said his head no longer hurt, but she knew better from little things he did differently. He faced away from the bright light of the sun and stayed at work until dusk. Charlie loved the sun – it symbolized freedom, truth and clarity to him – all those things he was denied in the dark, dankness of prison. But she knew his head and eyes hurt. His brow was still swollen and tender under the butterfly bandage she reapplied for him.
"Does your head hurt Crews?" she asked. "Hmmm?"
"No," he stubbornly refused to tell her what she already knew.
"Okay, tough guy. Have it your way," she teased. She didn't want to force him into the field, but neither of them enjoyed being stuck behind their desks. It didn't surprise her when his restlessness led him to pace. She announced she was going for coffee and he should "settle down" – but he didn't. In fact, he did just the opposite.
In retrospect, she should have known something would go wrong – he'd get himself into some sort of trouble, after being stuck indoors – confined - for that long.
As soon as Reese was out of sight, he walked into the Captain's office and just barreled into a conversation, he'd been meaning to have for days now. No time like the present he reasoned. At least he had the good sense to shut the Captain's door before he let fly his commentary, "I know why she's pissed at you."
He didn't have to explain who "she" was. There was only woman in both their hearts and minds and it was the same girl for both men. They might have been friends had they not been rivals for the attentions of the diminutive brunette who would return soon and resume her efforts to bash the hell out of her keyboard in the next room.
Tidwell stared up at Crews from his desk, trying to convey ease he did not feel by pushing back and propping his feet up on his desk, "do tell."
"She thinks you sending her to the FBI was a setup," Charlie said coolly.
He wasn't entirely convinced the Captain was as innocent as he seemed. Despite the good Captain's protestations and the impressive histrionics Charlie witnessed; after hearing Dani's interpretation, Charlie turned the conundrum over in his head a few times and found her skepticism merited further inquiry. He appointed himself the "inquirer in chief."
"What?" Tidwell gaped his feet back on the floor instantly. "That's…that's crazy," he blustered. "You know how worried I was about her," he defended. "You gotta back me up here Crews," he argued. "I'm never getting out of the doghouse with her if you don't help me out, dude."
Charlie puzzled over the premise that he'd actually helped the Captain mend fences with a young woman Charlie currently found himself in love with. He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face, "I don't think I'm inclined to do that, Captain."
Tidwell considered his rival for a moment. He knew; he'd always known that Crews was more than just her partner. He also knew Crews was careful to insulate her, to keep her at arm's length to protect her from the dark paths he tread on. Had that changed? How did he miss it? When did Charlie Crews go from goofy annoying partner to something else entirely?
"Could that possibly be because you're in love with her too Detective?" Tidwell challenged.
Crews eyes turned a steely grey. "Yes, it could," he said tersely holding the other man's eyes.
"But you're avoiding the question. Did you know this business at the FBI was all about getting to me?"
Tidwell started to round his desk and then thought better of getting into a fight with Crews right there in the office in full view of Dani and the entire squad. He simply puffed up his chest and replied, "I'm not even gonna dignify that with an answer."
"I think that is an answer of sorts," Crews glowered. He secretly hoped Tidwell was feeling froggy enough to jump. Being stuck in the office the past two days made Crews edgy and impatient. He almost welcomed a fight. He was disappointed when the other man's discretion made him pull up short.
Tidwell wasn't going to just roll over; in fact he upped the ante with his next comment, "I could split you two up for what you just admitted to me. The Department doesn't permit partner's to date."
"They don't permit Captains to date their Detectives either as I recall. You really think that's gonna win her back? I think you do that – you try to do that - and you only drive her further away," Crews staked out his superior position.
"Then why come tell me?"
"Because we work here and you need to fix this," Charlie said, "if it can be fixed." He stared out into the bay where she sat fixated on her computer screen, furiously typing and noting things on a yellow legal pad, oblivious to the duel going on behind the glass twenty feet away.
"But make no mistake," Crews stated his position, "I'm through helping you with her and you need to be very careful how you talk to her, I don't want her hurt again." There was ice in his voice when he delivered the veiled threat.
"Meaning what? I do and I end up like Nevikov - in a burnt out car with my throat crushed?"
Charlie's eyes did not conceal the rage he felt, but he did not swing at Tidwell's pitch. It was beneath acknowledging, but he said simply, "no one hurts Reese."
"Dude, you know I love her," Tidwell softened his rhetoric with a sprinkling of truth.
"Then fix this," Crews challenged. He indicated Dani in the office outside. "She doesn't need to carry around the guilt of feeling like she got used by you – just to get to me. You know the way Dani's mind works. If you love her, then fix this – even if you have to lie. She deserves better."
Tidwell nodded knowing Crews was right.
Charlie turned to leave, but his hand stayed on the doorknob as he delivered a parting shot. "Oh, and Captain one more thing….I better not catch you putting your hands on my partner again," he threatened. "I wouldn't like that."
He didn't give the man a chance to respond as he quickly snatched the door open and returned to stand in front of his partner's desk. Tidwell watched as Charlie said something to Reese and she stopped typing. Then her head cocked to the side and she smiled. He made her smile, Tidwell realized. She didn't even look in his direction as they gathered their things to leave.
She worked late that night, well after Crews left. The office emptied out and finally it was just them - her at her desk and him in his glass castle of an office. He remembered kissing her in that doorway for the first time and how hard and long he had to chase to even get her to give him the time of day. It was now or never. He resigned himself to the fact that this would either mend fences between them or burn that bridge for good. He turned off his desk lamp, folded his suit coat over his arm and walked out intent on "fixing" things between them – as Crews had termed it.
She studiously ignored him until he pulled out Crews' chair and sat down opposite her. Then she just stared at him with unveiled hatred in her eyes. "That's Crews' chair," she said as if him sitting there was an insult.
"Yeah," Tidwell smiled, "Crews isn't here just now, so he won't be needing it. You and me need to talk."
She glared but said nothing further. Just like she'd done for the past couple weeks, she stubbornly rebuffed any effort he made to engage her. He realized if he didn't talk fast she'd grab her things and go. "Listen, babe," he winced at the dark look she shot him over his choice of words.
"Dani," he rephrased, "you have to believe me. I didn't know the FBI thing was a setup," he opened strongly. He tried to convey the emotions he'd felt during her absence but words didn't really come close to expressing the terror he experienced – at least not the words he could summon.
She said nothing but continued to look at him with disbelief painted on her face.
"I was really worried about you," he protested. "Dani, I really care about you."
With that last comment, he lost her eyes as she shook her head.
"I was looking for you too. Crews just got there first," he argued. "Maybe Crews was always there first," he added under his breath.
"What?" she questioned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means," he sighed and resigned himself to ending this – because that was what admitting this meant – the end of them, any chance for them. "It means that I noticed it when I first met you two. I didn't think it was real, but now I know – and I've known for some time that it was – it is. You love him."
Dani started to protest, "that's not…"
"It is true," he interrupted. "He sees it; he knows it. You're the only one who doesn't see it. Do you know that every time we talked in the three weeks you were gone to the FBI thing - Charlie Crews was what we talked about? He may not have been all we talked about, but he was there – in every single conversation we had. Why is that Dani?"
"He's my partner," she asserted angrily.
"He's a lot more than that," he shot back raising his voice. "You know and I know it!"
"All I know it that your FBI assignment….my way up the ladder? Was supposed to be earned by betraying him. He's what they wanted – he was all they ever wanted," she retorted angrily. Hot tears were in her eyes but she blinked them back and charged straight at her former lover. She was hurt and felt betrayed; but Dani didn't know how to back down so she fought back. "And when I wouldn't do that - give up my partner; betray him, become their little spy," she finally explained, "that's when they gave me to Roman."
"I didn't know!" he shouted annunciating each word sharply for effect.
"I don't believe anything you say," she replied also shouting.
"I know and it doesn't change anything anyway," Tidwell said defeat evident in his tone. "I didn't know, but it doesn't change the fact that the man you love sits here – in this chair. And it's not me, Dani. It's Crews and it's always been Crews. If you don't see it – you're a fool," he was angry too. Angry that he'd let himself fall for a woman whose heart belonged to another man – it always had.
There was a long moment of silence in which he seriously considered she might shoot him. She was that pissed. Anger rolled off her in waves so hot he could feel them. He forced himself to calm down and asked her simply, "Are you ever going to stop being mad at me?"
She just stared at him, her eyes hooded in dark lashes. He remembered when those smoldering looks meant he was going to get laid and knew those days were in the past. "Are you two gonna be able to work for me?" he finally asked.
She shrugged. "You'll have to ask him about that. I can work for anybody."
"Maybe you can talk to him then," Tidwell gambled. "Because I'm pretty sure he threatened my life this afternoon."
Her head snapped up and surprise showed in her eyes, "he didn't," she stammered saying she doubted him when in her heart she knew that was typical of Charlie. And she like Tidwell knew, Charlie Crews didn't idly threaten – he meant it.
"Oh, yeah. He most certainly did," Tidwell boasted. "Even if you both think I was part of this, I know I wasn't and I'd rather not end up like Nevikov. I think we both know your partner can kill…."
"He won't," she interjected. "I'll talk to him." Tidwell nodded. After a long moment he got up, gathered his coat and pressed the call button for the elevator.
It was silent as he waited, until her voice cut through the air just before the bell announcing the arrival of the elevator rang. "I don't love him," she lied.
"You just keep telling yourself, babe," he said with a wane smile as the doors shut.
The knocking on his door had to be Reese. No one could beat on a door quite like her. She was pissed he could tell before he even opened it, but he swung the door wide anyway.
She attacked the moment the door opened and she could see his face. "You threatened Tidwell?" His smile annoyed her further.
"Well, hello Reese," he deflected. "What brings you by at this time of night?"
"You threatened Tidwell," this time her statement was an accusation.
"I wouldn't say that," he parried.
"I knew you talked to him this afternoon. I figured it was about me, but you have got some fucking nerve Crews," she raised her voice at him. "My relationship with him is none of your business," she shouted.
He waited for her to wind down, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.
"Say something," she demanded.
"Do you have a relationship with him?" he asked curiously.
"Apparently, not anymore," she replied testily.
Inside this made Charlie happy, but he careful not to show it. He said nothing further and again waited for Reese to continue.
"He said he didn't have anything to do with the FBI being a set up. He said he didn't know. He says he was worried about me too, was looking for me too. Is that true?"
"Yes," Charlie told her honestly. "I believe he was worried and he was looking for you in his own way."
"What does that mean?"
"Legally, lawfully, in channels," Charlie explained. "He was using SWAT, forensics and anything else LAPD had."
"What were you using?"
"Anything I had to," he replied. His eyes were dark now, serious. "Legal or illegal, lawful or criminal, everything I knew, everything I had, everything I am, all of it," he laid it out for her.
"He's says you love me," she prodded.
"Then he's telling the truth," Charlie said looking directly into her eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me that?" she wondered. Her anger was abating and her eyes sought answers honestly.
"Because I'm afraid of what might happen to you," he countered. "Because of what they might do to you, because of what I might do to you," he confessed.
"You know what you do to me Crews?" she countered. "You drive me crazy," she said in a hoarse emotional whisper. Her eyes closed and a tear slid from the edge of one. "I don't know what to do about how I feel about you. I don't know if this is real or it's imagined. I don't know if it will last or…"
He was there in an instant sensing her distress was something beyond anger. She felt him in her personal space curled around her without actually touching her. The heat of his body warmed her. His breath tickled her ear. "It is real; it will last. I just need you to see it, to choose it. So many men pursue you; you must have spent your whole life running from people who want to capture you. I don't want that, Dani."
"What do you want?"
"I just want you to see me," he said gently brushing her hair off her face. "I want you to see me the way I see you – as my answer. My one. The one person on the face of the planet who I feel lost without and found when I'm with. You never even have to let me touch you – I just want you to see me." But he was touching her, his hands warmed her arms, from her wrists to her shoulders in slow, light, soothing strokes. He pressed a soft chaste kiss to her forehead. He inhaled deeply and then withdrew, continuing to look at her – into her.
It felt as though someone were actually seeing her for the first, perhaps the only time. Crews wasn't lusting after her as most men did, he wanted something much more sacred from her. Strangely she felt at peace with his hands on her and under his deep gaze. Normally, when a man placed his hands on her it was a precursor to sex. The tactile sensation was one of the reasons she didn't like to be touched. But Charlie's touch wasn't sexual. Sure she reasoned that would come later, but it was so much more than just sex.
She scrutinized him closely and he bore her examination without further comment, as she tentatively reached out her hands to frame his face and her thumbs stroked first his lips, then his cheekbones as she sunk her hands into his short red hair and kissed him once lightly and turned to leave.
"Stop threatening our boss," she told him glancing back.
"I didn't…"
Her eyes narrowed.
"Okay," he looked away from her penetrating gaze, "I may have suggested that he not put his hands on you again," he acquiesced knowing he was caught.
"Or?"
"Uh…there was no "or." It was just stop," he admitted.
"Okay, now I'm telling you – just stop," she coached. "I can handle Tidwell." She readied herself to leave just as suddenly as she'd appeared.
He wanted her to stay, but he awkwardly jammed his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. While his heart wanted her with every molecule of his being, his stubborn head kept reminding him how dangerous he was for her. He clamped his mouth shut to keep from calling her back.
"You know," she ventured as she reached the door. "I stopped chasing boys when I turned twelve, Charlie."
"What…I…uh," he stammered.
"It occurs to me that I've kissed you twice and while I don't think I've offended you," she risked a look back. "I get the sense that you aren't as interested as I am. I gotta tell you that's a first for me," she commented almost to herself and left him standing there absolutely speechless.
Prior to that night only Jen had been capable of rendering him speechless. His mind simply failed to summon the words that would keep her from leaving. Was it possible that she didn't know what she did to him? Was it possible she thought he wasn't interested? If so, he had to fix that mistaken impression right now.
He snatched the door open and liked to have ripped it from its hinges with his energy. He stepped in front of her car and stopped her with just his eyes.
"What?" she mouthed from the driver's seat, gesturing with her hand.
He walked around to her side of the car and opened the door.
"Get out," he demanded in stern tone.
She did and he shut the door. She stood there annoyed at him yet again; hands on her hips, tapping her foot as a hint of a smile played on her lips. He walked to within inches of her and felt her hands ride up his chest.
"Don't," he commanded grasping her hands and removing them. A glimmer of fear crossed her face. "I didn't get to say good bye properly," he advised and her smile returned. He touched her lightly, brushing the hair from her cheek, as he leaned close.
The Detective in her began to notice things she hadn't at first blush. His aftershave was fresh and his face smooth. He had been waiting for someone – he was showered, freshly shaved and dressed she realized in that instant. Was it her he expected?
"Did you know I'd come here tonight?" she wondered as he inhaled along her neck and her body began to tingle. He was doing wonderful things to her and he had yet to really touch her.
"Know? No, I didn't know. I hoped," he gently kissed her jaw line and she felt him press her back against the car. "I hoped, Dani," he balanced her between the solid frame of the car and taut line of his body.
He teased her by repeatedly touching her lips with his, flicking his tongue across the divide and drawing her breath away before retreating. He was stoking a fire and watching it grow. She growled at him as he pulled back again.
His voice rumbled through her like an earthquake, shaking her insides, when he finally asked her with mirth in his tone, "Would you like me to kiss you now, Dani?"
"Yes," came her exasperated reply.
"Then ask me nicely," he teased. When her surprise and fire flared her took her lips branding his name on them and erasing all doubt of his desire. He burned through her like a fever she never wanted cured.
"Good night, sweetheart," he murmured releasing her.
Dani couldn't speak; she could barely stand.
"Next time you're coming over," he turned seductive, "call first so I can be prepared for a proper hello." Dani remained mute, as he gently put her into her car, shut the door behind her.
He didn't go into his house until she was long out of sight. He sighed heavily and looked at the stars in the heavens. "Trouble," he grumbled. "She's nothing but trouble, but I swear I've never loved anyone more."