Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a very raggedly Beauty and the Beast blanket that is the most comfortable thing ever. Kdillin is my beta and she seems to have a thing for Beastward and his Lucky Charms.
Edward
I knew I was dreaming, but that didn't make it any less terrifying. I was outside wandering the grounds aimlessly. I had no direction, no purpose. I was just walking for no reason. Everything was white. And then I turned a corner and a single red drop fell to the ground, soiling the pure perfection of the snow. It came from nowhere in particular and just like that another one came. And then another. Drip drops of red liquid leading me like some fucked up version of Hansel and Gretal towards the house.
When I finally made it up to the greenhouse, I stopped. The red drops had formed into a large puddle right in front of the back door. I jumped when a piercing scream rang out from inside the house. I tried to push the door open but it wouldn't budge. I stepped back and looked up at the window above.
"Mom?" I screamed. I could see her in the window, her face distorted in absolute agony. The white silk of her nightgown was soaked with a dark wetness that pooled up by her neck. "Mom!" I screamed again. I rushed forward and started pounding on the door, trying desperately to get inside.
"Hello Edward." James stepped behind the glass of the door, his face mere inches from mine. His normal sadistic smile played on his face as he waved the razor blade back and forth, taunting me with it. My breath hitched in my throat as he lashed out at me. Even though I knew the pane of glass separated us, I instinctively covered my face and cowered back.
"Edward?" A soft voice called from behind me. It wasn't menacing or angry. It was almost comforting. "Edward?" She called again. I knew who it was instantly and it surprised me that she was here.
I slowly turned around just as Bella stepped from behind the greenhouse. She smiled at me and beckoned me with her finger to join her. Her dark hair was wild and blowing around her alabaster skin with the wind. She smiled and called my name again as she disappeared around the greenhouse. I looked back towards James and my mother, debating between fighting a useless fight to save her and following Bella.
I took a deep breath and took a step away from the house. I peeked my head around the greenhouse and spotted her tiny footsteps leading towards the woods.
"Bella!" I yelled. I looked back at the house once more before running after her. When I reached the trees the footprints disappeared into thin air. They just stopped and there was no explanation or sign of her. "Bella?"
"It's okay Edward," she whispered. I felt her step behind me. She took one of her hands in mine and I was surprised to find it was warm. I slowly turned to face her and looked down. "It's okay," she said again. She nodded and brought my hand to her chest.
A howling wind raced through the trees, enough to make me shiver. The snow flurried up around us, almost capturing us completely. Something soft dropped and fell on my foot. I reached down and picked up the single rose from the snow. When I stood back up Bella was gone. I spun around looking for her, but she wasn't here. I was completely alone.
I twirled the rose in my fingers, pausing only when I heard it. My mother's cries were echoing through the trees, building more and more with each passing moment. I closed my eyes and tried to wake myself up but it was useless. When I opened my eyes again, she was right in front of me where Bella had stood moments before. She cocked her head and looked me up and down before another piercing scream escaped her blood stained lips. I clenched my fists at my sides and shot up out of bed, thankfully awake.
I was panting and sweating like I'd just ran a damn marathon. I couldn't understand why I always had the same dreams. And always her. Never my father. I guess I felt an inherent need to protect her despite the fact that we'd had a somewhat rocky relationship. And I failed. That was haunting me more than anything.
I ran my fingers through my hair and hopped out of bed. I swung my bedroom door open and almost stepped on the soft petals of a single rose lying in the hallway. It lay on the floor, just like it was meant for me. It paralyzed me for the slightest moment, bringing back memories of the nightmare I'd just had. I leaned down and picked it up, careful not to cut myself on the thorns.
I was on fucking edge for the whole rest of the morning. I had these dreams a lot and I had to admit they were probably a major contributor to my "attitude problem" as Jasper called it. I can't imagine many people who dreamed about their dead mother woke up like Suzy Fucking Sunshine every day.
Jasper made me some breakfast with our diminishing eggs and milk. I always got extra irritable when we ran out of milk. It meant no cereal.
"Maybe you should...see someone about all this," Jasper said. "I mean I know it always gets bad...now, but they might be able to help."
"They sent me to every fucking Doctor in the state who thought they'd have the magical cure for my episodes and they all failed." I twirled the rose in my fingers. I'd come to the conclusion that she must have left it. I obviously wasn't imagining it since I'd slipped up and cut my finger and Jasper had no reason to leave me flowers unless there was something he wasn't telling me. It had to be her. But why?
It pissed me off slightly that she had been on my side of the house. I know Jasper had told her to stay away and she deliberately disobeyed him. At least she was only in the hallway. I just needed my space and there were...things buried deep in these rooms that I didn't want her to see. As long as she stayed out of my fucking rooms, I wouldn't say anything.
"Maybe you just need to...let it go?" Jasper shrugged and glanced up at me because he knew he was treading on rough waters.
"Let it go?" I glared at him. "I can't escape what happened to her Jasper. I'm just sick of seeing her...all the fucking time! I mean do you understand what that's like!"
A commotion from out in the hallway interrupted our conversation and Jasper didn't have time to answer me. I knew he didn't have an answer anyway. I tapped my finger on the counter top before following him.
"Bella. Are you alright?" Jasper leaned down to helped her off the floor. I winced when I saw the pain in her face. I couldn't be here right now. I couldn't look at her face because all I could see was that beautiful...comforting Bella from my dream. It was messing with my head and I didn't want to freak her out more than I already had.
I scampered up the stairs and quickly disappeared into the library. Before I could sit down at my piano I heard their voices coming up the stairs. I crept towards the door and opened it slightly, just enough so that I could see them. Jasper was helping her up the stairs as she limped, favoring one of her ankles over the other.
"Shit," I mumbled. I started to go out there and help her, but something stopped me.
"It's my fault," she said. "I made him angry."
"He wasn't talking about you Bella," Jasper said. "He has these...nightmares. About his mother."
"I know."
"How do you know?"
"I hear him screaming at night."
"It's just a bad few weeks for him so I would steer clear at all costs. Understand?"
"It's the anniversary isn't it?" She asked. They reached the top of the stairs and she looked over at me. Thankfully I was cloaked in darkness so she didn't see. "I remember it on the news. All the cop cars and ambulances were up here and it was snowing. I remember."
They continued down her hallway and disappeared from sight. I quietly closed the door and kicked at the wood. She thinks I was complaining about her. She had no idea she was the one who saved me.
"Fucking stupid asshole." I kicked the door again, leaving a slight scuff from my shoe. My chest hurt. Not in the "I'm having a fucking heart attack" way, but more like a dull ache. Like I felt her pain or some shit. It wasn't something I was really used to, taking in other people's pain. I was so blinded by my own that I couldn't.
I went for a walk and stopped by the meadow to lay some roses on their graves. When I got back I took a shower and ended up jerking off...twice.
Bella hadn't come out of her room all day and I wondered if she really hurt her ankle. I peeked outside and saw Jasper moving around in his house before I went downstairs. I grabbed a plastic bag, a towel, some ice and aspirin before heading back up.
I hesitated outside her door and knocked softly.
"Come in," she said.
I cleared my throat and pushed her door open. I was worried how she would react when I peeked my head inside. I tried to smile, but I'm sure it looked off. "Hi," I mumbled. She didn't say anything.
I noticed that Jasper had propped her leg up on some pillows and left her some ice, although it was all melted now. She looked down at her hands and started pulling at the sleeves of her shirt.
"May I?" I asked. I nodded down to her ankle. She shrugged.
I sat down on the bed and pulled her ankle slightly onto my lap. I took the melting ice off and leaned down. My fingers lightly danced over her skin, pressing slightly and examining the discoloration.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"My dad was a doctor, I'm not completely incompetent." That came out harsher than I meant. Shit. "I think you just twisted it. Keep this ice on it and stay off it for a little bit." I carefully got up and set her foot back on the bed. "Here take these." I handed her the aspirin and she looked at me expectantly.
"I don't have any water."
I sighed and turned around, crossing the room into the bathroom. My eyes glanced over all the cabinets, trying to remember where they were. I hadn't been in here in a while. Actually I hadn't been in here since I snuck Irina in here back in high school.
I opened a few of the cupboards and finally found the little paper cups. I grabbed one and filled it with a little water before carrying it back out to Bella. She took a small sip and swallowed the aspirin before handing me back the cup. I took it back in the bathroom and tossed it in the trash.
When I walked back into the bedroom she was staring at me with her arms crossed over her chest. She looked uncertain about something, even though I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I leaned against the wall and mimicked her stance. The air was thick, almost like it was filled with the questions and unsaid words between us. I should apologize for upsetting her. Even though she does something to piss me off on a daily basis, I should.
"I..." I started. There was a soft knock on the door and Jasper stepped in. His eyes widened when he saw me.
"Edward?" He asked, almost like he didn't believe it was me standing there. I knew enough about dreams to know this wasn't one.
"I was just...checking on her ankle," I stuttered.
"Hath Hell frozen over?" He joked.
I narrowed my eyes at him and started towards the door. "If you need anything else...let Jasper know." I quickly ducked out and stood outside her door for a few moments trying to catch the breath I'd been holding.
I didn't see much of Bella for the next couple of weeks. Mostly because I was becoming a bit of an angry recluse the closer it got. It always got worse. I usually spent the few days surrounding it so drunk that I barely remember anything.
My dreams were becoming more and more vivid, but she was always there. Bella. Even if it was a quick glimpse out in the yard or a small wind of her smell, she was there. It was always a bit of a distraction from whatever was happening in my dream and for that brief moment I felt better. I never spoke to her like I did in the first dream. She was always just out of reach, slipping further and further away. Two nights ago I chased her out into the greenhouse, only to have her disappear once I got there.
I'd gotten so sick of seeing my mother every time I closed my eyes that I stopped sleeping. I'd taken to wandering aimlessly around the house, occasionally stepping outside into the greenhouse. I napped every now and then, but never for very long.
Three nights before the anniversary I found myself outside Bella's room and tired as hell. It was late enough that I knew she was asleep. I stood outside her door for over twenty minutes telling myself to walk away. I finally took a deep breath and quietly pushed her door open.
She was asleep, just like I knew she would be. She was curled up in a ball, twisted and contorted into the most uncomfortable looking position I'd ever seen anyone sleep in. "Strange girl," I whispered.
She looked really peaceful as she slept, like her dreams were filled with nothing but rainbows and puppies. To be completely honest it wouldn't surprise me. Nothing and everything seemed to surprise me about this girl.
I closed the door quietly and sat down, leaning my head back against the wall beside her door. I fought sleep as long as I could before I allowed my eyes to close. A moment later someone cleared their throat. I opened my eyes and was surprised to find the light of morning glowing from the window down the hall. I blinked a few times and sat up. No nightmares. None at all.
"Good morning Sunshine," Jasper said. He was standing beside me with a few logs cradled in his arms.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked.
"I always pop my head in to make sure her fire is still going." He slipped inside and was back out a moment later empty handed. "And I could ask you the same question."
I got up and cursed under my breath as I walked down the hallway. I went downstairs and grabbed something to eat. Jasper quickly joined me and I knew he wasn't going to leave me alone until I told him something.
"She helps me sleep okay?" I said softly.
"Okay." He held his hands up defensively.
I stayed away from her room the next couple of nights just to avoid the inquisition the next morning. Jasper was a sneaky bastard. And he was sneaky in disguise so that made it so much worse.
The night before the anniversary I didn't sleep at all. I sat in my chair and drank and played my piano a little. I didn't escape to Bella's room, even though I was desperate to sleep without waking up screaming in terror. The doctors had given me these sleeping pills shortly after it happened, but I didn't like taking them. Sometimes they'd put me in such a deep sleep that I didn't remember any of my dreams. And sometimes they trapped me in them, leaving me stuck in that limbo. Knowing I was dreaming, but paralyzed and unable to wake up.
I finally made it downstairs late that afternoon, still a little hung over. Or maybe I was still drunk, I wasn't sure. Jasper and Bella were in the kitchen, sitting at the bar together.
"So how long have you lived here?" Bella asked him.
"Technically, I moved in right after Edward's parents died. But this was always my second home. I've been friends with him since we were five. I was bounced around foster care after my parents decided that they didn't want me. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were always very welcoming."
"You were friends with him that long?"
I cleared my throat and stepped into the room. I ran my fingers through my hair and started making some coffee.
"Well if you can imagine it, Little Edward wasn't quite the Little Shit he is now." Jasper smiled at me and I offered him a humorless laugh.
Bella's eyes focused intently on, slicing so deep that I was starting to feel uncomfortable.
"You didn't sleep at all last night," she said. It wasn't a question. More like she was stating something she already knew.
"Thank you Captain Obvious," I mumbled. I thought she was going to glare daggers at me, but she didn't There was a flash of something else unexpected behind her brown eyes. Sympathy.
I stood in front of my medicine cabinet later that night staring at my reflection and debating the little bottle of pills on my sink. I was taking a risk, but I had to sleep. I popped the top off and took two of them. I went over and lay down on my bed, hoping that sleep would find me.
I'd just started drifting off when the windows flew open. The papers that lay strewn all over my room lashed out in a whirlwind as I shot out of bed. I swung my legs over the bed and ambled towards the window. I shivered as the wind and snow billowed inside.
I finally reached the window and pushed it closed before turning around and picking up the mess. I sighed as I leaned over to pick up the newspaper. I had about fifty copies stacked in the corner at one point, but they'd eventually been thrown or torn or burned into what they are now. I stood up and my breath hitched in my throat when I saw her reflection in the mirror.
"Edward," she whispered.
"Mom?" I closed my eyes. "No, no, no. I'm dreaming." I must have fallen asleep. When I opened my eyes she was still there, staring at me with this sad, hurt expression on her face.
"Why can't you say it Edward?" She tilted her head to one side.
"Say what?" I asked.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about son." She stood up and walked towards me. I closed my eyes again as she traced her finger along my shoulder. It was so real I could almost feel it. When I opened my eyes again, it wasn't my mother anymore. It was Bella.
"Bella?" I cried.
"Just relax Edward. Everything's okay." She brushed my hair away from my face.
Everyone always told me that. Everything's going to be okay Edward. Don't worry Edward. She was the only one I half believed. As soon as I reached out for her, her face morphed into that smiling bastard and I jumped back.
"Won't be so pretty anymore will we?" James smirked. He launched at me, knocking me onto the bed.
My whole body spasmed out of sleep, almost like when you dream you're falling. I'd much rather dream about that. My head shot towards some movement in the corner of my dark room and I froze.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I..." Bella stuttered. "I heard..." The newspaper she'd been holding fell from her fingers and fluttered towards the ground.
"What the fuck are you doing here!" I screamed.
"I'm sorry...I..." She shook her head.
"Can't you just leave me the fuck alone? Get out! Just get out of my house!" I grabbed my lamp and launched it at the floor. It crashed against it and exploded into pieces. I heard her breath hitch in her throat as she stared between me and the glass pieces. And then she bolted.
By the time I made it out to the staircase, she'd grabbed her bag and coat and was flying down the stairs towards the front door.
She glanced up at me one more time before pulling the door open and walking out. My fingers wrapped around the banister as she left, gripping so tightly that my knuckles felt like they were going to pop. What the fuck did I just do?
A/N: Before you go into his room and smash all his cereal, please remember that Edward is a little stressed out right now. Not condoning his actions, he's still an asshole, but go easy on him.
I would like to announce that Love Like Winter is up for a Flavor of the Week Fic on Teh Lemonade Stand! Beastward would appreciate if you would stop by their blog and vote for him to be featured. It only takes 2 seconds. Maybe he'll be a little nicer next chapter. Such a grump grump. www . tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com