S.M. Owns Twilight. My beta kdillin owns me because she's so amazing.

Edward

I felt her absence the moment the door slammed. I closed my eyes and leaned down, resting my forehead on the bannister as I tried to tell myself to fucking breathe. This was bad.

I stood back up and kept my eyes focused on the door. She'd come back. She had to come back. There was no way she'd stay out there in this weather.

My feet unconsciously started pacing back and forth at the top of the staircase as I waited. I told myself she'd be back by the time I counted to ten. After I'd done that a few times I really started to doubt it. And that pissed me off. What the hell was she thinking?

I mean I know I snapped at her, but she was in my room. My room. She had no business in there and I didn't expect or ask her to force herself into my life. I went back to my room, thinking that it would help me calm down. I flopped down on the edge of my bed and fingered through my hair, tugging so hard that it actually hurt.

"Fuck!" I screamed. I got up and started across the room. I didn't bother grabbing a coat as I ran outside and tried to follow her tracks. The wind was starting to pick up so it was hard to see them, but they were there. For a while at least. She turned left out of the house so I figured she was down the road a ways.

I cursed out loud as the chill of the wind shot through me, straight to my bones. I wrapped my arms around myself as I rounded a corner and spotted a shadow up ahead.

"Damn it Bella are you fucking crazy!" I shouted. I stomped through the snow towards her, determined to drag her back to the house if I needed to. She wasn't staying out here and freezing to death. End of story.

"Edward look out!" She screamed. There was an overwhelming tone of fear in her voice and it made me stop dead in my tracks.

"Don't move," I said when I spotted the wolf. "Don't move I'm coming to you." My heart started racing, beating and thumping loudly against my chest. I had to protect her. And that was it. There was nothing else.

I took a step towards her and held my breath when it growled at me. I continued to make way in a circle around the animal, cautiously closing the gap between me and Bella. As soon as I reached her I stepped in front of her, shielding her completely from view. I felt a little better when she grabbed onto my shoulders. I reached around and fingered her hips trying to comfort her. I could feel the waves of terror rolling off her body.

"Okay..." I said. "We're going to move very slowly back towards the house." I started moving us back towards where I'd just come from. The wolf followed us, mimicking our movements like it was some sort of dance.

I took a shaky breath when Bella pressed her forehead into my back. "Edward I'm scared," she whispered.

"It's okay." And it would be. There was no fucking way I was letting anything happen to her. I didn't give a fuck about myself. She would be okay. I rubbed my fingers against her hips again a moment before the wolf snarled and leaped towards us.

It knocked me square in the chest and forced us to the ground. I hovered over her, covering her completely with my body as I felt the wolf clawing at my shirt. I winced and screamed when I felt its teeth pierce my skin. Fuck that hurt. I started swinging my body back and forth trying to get it off me. The moment I felt his weight off me, I helped Bella up and told her to run. She argued of course. I guess I wouldn't expect anything different from her. Always had to put up a fight.

I felt an ounce of relief as I watched her disappear into the snow just knowing that she was safe. It was an odd feeling. Relief. Especially when I was standing in front of a menacing wolf that seemed intent to fuck my shit up. What the hell did that mean?

"Do not. Make me angry," I said through my teeth. I took a few steps towards the house and he ran towards me again. I put my arm up to protect myself and screamed when he bit down on my flesh again. "Get off me!" I pushed against his heavy body, but couldn't force him away. His teeth were too deep in my arm.

I jumped as the shot rang out from somewhere behind me. The wolf whimpered and backed away before turning around and disappearing into the darkness.

"Edward?" Jasper yelled.

"Yeah!" I rolled around over the cold ground, grasping at my arm. I officially hate that fucker for biting me. Twice.

"Are you okay?" He knelt down beside me and started assessing the damage. I cursed as his fingers brushed over my shoulder and my arm. "I think he only got a piece or two. You can still function with one arm right?"

"Really asshole? You're joking right now." I shook him off and stood up.

"They're not even that bad Edward. We'll get you cleaned up back at the house; you'll be fine in a few days." He caught up with me as we reached the house and we went inside.

Bella immediately ran from the kitchen, her face tear stained and her eyes all puffy.

"Is he okay?" Her eyes danced between me and Jasper. I felt a little bad that she was so upset. I mean this hurt like hell, but she didn't need to flip out.

"He'll be fine. I'll go get the first aid kit." Jasper disappeared from my side and started up the stairs.

"Here, come in here." Bella wrapped her small hands delicately around my good arm and led me into the kitchen. I pulled myself up on the counter and rotated my shoulder carefully to assess the damage. "Take your shirt off so I can see."

I slowly pulled my shirt over my head and heard her gasp. I'm guessing the reaction was about my tattoo. I'd kind of forgotten about it. Probably because I'd just been savagely attacked by a wild animal. My suspicions were confirmed when I felt her fingers skim lightly over my skin.

My dick automatically jumped to attention at her touch and I closed my eyes. As much as I want to say I'm in control I'm not. And I fucking hate that. I'm not in control of my mind or body around this girl. Control was my safe place. Control was all I had.

I hummed under my breath as she pulled her fingers away. I missed them as soon as they left. "A phoenix..." She mumbled. She walked around and forced herself between my legs. It made me want to touch her again. Run my fingers over that small patch of skin that was showing between her shirt and pants. Over her bony hips and soft flesh. Over...everything. I looked up at her as she contemplated her next move.

I sighed again and told myself to calm the fuck down. My dick was starting to take over my mind and it was going to get me in trouble.

"This might hurt a little." She glanced up at me before she pressed the cloth to my shoulder. I didn't mean to scream, but it tends to happen when a piercing sting shoots through your arm. I slammed my jaw shut and told myself to breath. "I'm sorry. I have to get it clean."

I held it in for the rest of the time she was tending to my wounds. It wasn't easy. I knew I was fine as far as shots go; my dad was always on top of that shit. As long as the bites were cleaned well and I didn't need stitches I should be fine. I could still see the fear in Bella's eyes that she'd somehow caused me pain beyond imagination.

"Um...I'm sorry. For everything. That was stupid." She sighed and went back to the sink. "And thank you. For saving me."

"You're welcome. And I'm..." I struggled to get the words out, but for some reason they were easier to say to her than anyone else. "Sorry for what I said to you."

I jumped as something crashed to the floor and my eyes shot over to the doorway. Jasper was staring at us wide eyed with the first aid kit all over the floor. I glared at him. Mostly because he spilled the shit everywhere. And partly because he heard what I just said and he knew what it meant. Everything was changing.

"Um...we didn't have time to grab your bag Bella. I'm going to go get it for you," Jasper said.

She started to protest, but he insisted of course. As soon as he was gone she started working on me again.

I tensed up a little when she asked about my tattoo. I didn't want to lie to her about it. It was there, plain as day. I wasn't ashamed of the tattoo, but I felt something for not living up to its expectations. So I lied...a little.

I had a reason for getting the phoenix. People always said phoenix's rise from the ashes right? I had this fucked up logic that after something terrible I could rise above everything. And it was a joke. I failed myself and the life I thought I could have. Now I had a constant reminder of everything I'm not permanently etched in my skin. It wasn't that I didn't think it was beautiful. It was just tainted.

"It is really beautiful," she said. I shivered again as her fingers brushed against my skin. "I'm sorry I guess I'm still a little cold."

I looked down at her hands and realized that her fingers were shaking a little. I wasn't sure if it was from her nerves or the cold, but I didn't like it. I took her hands in my own and did the one thing I least expected myself to do. I brought our hands close to my lips and breathed warm air through my lips to warm them. My mother used to do it to me when I was little and stayed out a little too long in the cold.

I rolled my eyes as the door slammed and her head whipped towards the hallway. She pulled away as Jasper's footsteps echoed into the kitchen and started towards the door.

"I'm going to go take a hot bath. I should probably change your bandages in the morning." She smiled and past by Jasper as he walked in. He ambled around the room in complete silence, tidying up everything. When he was satisfied with his work he positioned himself directly across from me and leaned against the wall. We stared at each other for a long moment before I sighed and hopped off the counter.

"Edward," he started.

"I don't want to hear it."

"You don't want to hear it? Or you don't want to admit it?"

"I'm going to bed." I ran my fingers through my hair and stepped around him. He caught up with me as I reached the top of the stairs.

"Are you really that blind Edward?" He asked.

I glanced towards Bella's side and almost blew up at him for being so damn loud.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said softly. I wasn't in the mood to deal with his righteous 'she's going to change you' bullshit. I was exhausted.

"Just go ahead. Keep playing dumb. We both know what you did. And I heard what you said to her."

I flipped him off and continued up the stairs to my room, slamming the door behind me.

I didn't bother doing anything, except carefully laying down on my bed. I usually slept on my side or my stomach, but that wasn't happening tonight. Which probably meant I wasn't going to sleep much. I couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. On the upside it saved me from the nightmares. On the downside it meant I was alone with my thoughts for endless hours. Both could be dangerous.

I jacked off twice, hoping it would take care of this uncomfortable boner I was sporting and help me sleep. Two hours later I found myself counting the rings on my bedpost for the third time.

So I saved her? What's the big fucking deal? I wasn't a cruel person. Did Jasper honestly think I was going to sit by and watch while she got attacked by that thing? I mean I guess I didn't have to go after her. And I didn't have to apologize. But I refused to admit to myself that Bella was affecting me even if I knew it deep down in my bones.

I didn't understand why I wanted to be close to her. Is that what it was? I'd been alone so much that I just wanted that intimacy with someone? Or did it have everything to do with her? It was a constant struggle between the two voices inside my head and at this point I had no damn idea who was winning.

I was so caught up in these thoughts I couldn't escape that I didn't notice that morning had arrived. My head snapped towards my door when someone knocked against it and I just assumed it was Jasper.

"What?" I snapped. He probably came to grill me some more about something that I didn't even have worked out.

"Edward its Bella. Can I come in? I just want to look at your bandages."

I froze and looked around the room like I was scared for her to see it. I forgot for the slightest moment that she already had. I guess it was okay. Right?

"Okay."

She came inside and started messing with my bandages. She snapped at me a few times for picking at them, but I couldn't help it. They fucking itched.

I panicked slightly when she asked me about last night on the stairs. I thought maybe I could play dumb with her, but she had that look in her eye. Like she'd almost laugh in my face if I even tried.

"He thinks I'm acting...different now."

"You are acting different."

I still refused to admit it to myself, let alone her. She finished up what she wanted to do and started towards the door.

"You know what's a little ironic? On the anniversary of the night you think you took away your parent's life, you saved mine." Before she left she nodded towards my shoulder. "And don't scratch those."

Why'd she have to break out that philosophical bullshit on me? That was Jasper's game and I was sick of people trying to pull that on me. Things can sound as pretty as you want them to, but it doesn't change how ugly the truth can be. I saved her life. That didn't mean I didn't get my parents slaughtered.

I scrounged around what was left of my father's things and found something to knock me out for the rest of the day. Thankfully I avoided any nightmares, which I didn't expect.

When I woke up it was dark outside, but I knew it wasn't really late. The moon wasn't high enough.

"Are you making a habit of watching me while I sleep?" I said to the darkness. I felt her presence as soon as I woke up and I was starting to wonder why she always seemed to be here when I woke up.

"Sorry," she said, flipping on the light beside her. It was one of the only ones left in the room now. I ran my fingers through my hair and sat up, resting my arms on my knees as I blinked into the light. "I came to check on you and you were sleeping so hard I was scared you were going to stop breathing." She glanced down at my bare chest and back up to my face. "I didn't want to leave you alone."

"I took some pills," I said with a yawn. She narrowed her eyes at me. "Legal. Pills. Recommended dosage. Don't go all Doctor Phil on me. I had enough of that in high school."

"Speaking of high school..." She tapped something in her lap and I realized she was holding my high school yearbook. "I was reading it earlier, but I ran out of light."

"And?" I cocked my eyebrow.

She stood up and crossed over to my bed, her finger holding a page in the book. She sat down dangerously close to me and flopped the book down on the bed.

I leaned over her shoulder to see what she was looking at and sighed.

"I remember his name. And his face." She glanced towards me, accidentally brushing her nose against my cheek. "I didn't know you went to high school with him."

I focused on my picture on the page and James' resting beside it. It was weird seeing my face all smooth and...normal again. I reached down and brushed my finger over it. I had my cocky ass smile across my face like I owned the school. And I did.

"Yeah I knew him," I mumbled.

"What were you like in high school?" She asked. She turned towards me and pulled her feet into her lap.

"You didn't hear about how much of a prick I was?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"No I did. I just wanted to hear it from you."

I rested my head on my hand and sighed. "I was the doctor's kid Bella. I could have anything I wanted. I didn't start out exploiting that until I got older and realized what it could get me."

"And what did it get you?"

"Popularity, money...girls." My eyes fell to my lap, almost feeling embarrassed by admitting this all to her. I never felt that ashamed about how I acted with anyone. She was different. I was scared to tell her, but I wanted her to know. It didn't make any fucking sense.

"So you fucked around and got well known for it."

"Power is a dangerous thing. It can completely consume you so much that it alters everything that you are."

"So what about James then?"

"He was just like me...kind of. He wanted the power, but he didn't really have the...family support if you know what I mean. His parents put every dollar they had into paying his tuition. He was pretty rough around the edges."

"And I take it you two butted heads?"

"That's an understatement," I laughed. "It was a constant power struggle to be the big man on campus. It got bad." I shook my head. "We both got suspended enough times to almost get us kicked out of the school." I shuddered when I thought about that last day in school. He pulled a knife on me in the bathroom and threatened me. I thought it was all a game. I never thought he was serious until I saw his face in my parent's room.

"But that still doesn't explain..."

"It's complicated," I snapped. I didn't want to talk about it anymore, but there was so much more that I wasn't telling her. To say that James and I had a tumultuous relationship was a big fucking understatement. It was like we were both alpha males fighting for our territory. The fact that he was a twisted fuck to begin with didn't help. But I didn't know then what I knew now.

I was on top of the world until everything came crashing down on me. I slept with any girl I wanted and didn't bother with a second glance at her in the hallway. I sped around in my sports car laughing at everyone driving their used mini-vans and station wagons. Money was no object. There were other things...terrible things that I didn't even want to think about anymore. My life was the epitome of perfect. Take everything and don't give anything back.

"But," she started.

"I said." I closed my eyes. "It's complicated."

"Fine." She slammed the yearbook shut and looked over at me. "Let me see your bandages again."

I leaned forward and pulled my shirt over my head. She silently checked me over and sat back, her fingers still lingering on my chest. "I think you'll live," she said.

"Oh good."

Her eyes were focused on where our skin met. It was the lightest touch that drove me fucking crazy. Almost like she was hesitant or like this was wrong. That dominant, rebellious teenager that I used to be lived for this shit. I didn't know exactly what this was, but I wanted it.

My head lulled back against the headboard as I cautiously reached my hand across the bed. When my knuckles brushed against the fabric of her jeans, I started caressing the outside of her thigh ever so slowly. I didn't want to scare her. I didn't know if either of us really knew what was happening between us, but that tension that had always been there was starting to morph into something else. Every time she touched me I could feel it buzzing between us.

Her breathing turned shallow as her eyes flickered to mine. "I should go." She swallowed hard and stood up. "I should go," she said again, almost like she was trying to convince herself. She nodded and cleared her throat as she started towards the door. "Goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight Bella," I said, a little disappointed by her abrupt departure. Before the door even closed, my hand was resting over the spot on the bed where she'd just been. It was still warm.

She was so different from everything I knew and I guess I just didn't know how to be around someone like her. I was used to a jaded world and she was the complete opposite. It made me wonder how she could want anything to do with me.

I started feeling sleepy again, so I pulled the covers back up and lay down. The moment I closed my eyes I was back in the halls of my high school. I walked down the hallway like I was untouchable; knocking into the other people I didn't give two shits about. I licked my lips when I saw a chick in a short skirt down the hallway. When I reached her I accidentally bumped into her and ran my hand over her ass.

"Edward..." She giggled.

"What are you doing at lunch?" I whispered.

"You." She winked and went to join her group of friends by her locker.

I smirked and laughed as I watched her walk away. The moment I turned around, I ran right into James.

"Cullen," he snapped. "Can I have a word?" He nodded to an empty room beside us.

"I suppose," I sighed and shuffled inside. As soon as the door closed he slammed me up against the wall. My books all fell to the floor as he grabbed my shirt. "What the fuck Carter?"

"I heard you sold to Tyler Crowley. He's my customer."

"You scared I'm going to take all of your business?" I cocked my eyebrow and offered him a smug smile.

"Watch it." He pointed his finger at me. "You think you're hot shit."

"Your girlfriend thinks I am." I cursed as his fist hit my cheek.

"I'm warning you Edward. Stay out of my way."

"Or what? I could crush you." I took a step forward. "My dad could get you kicked out of this school before you can say 'trailer trash' without lifting a finger."

"Go cry to Daddy rich boy." He spit at me and left the room.

I stepped across the hallway to the bathroom and took a look at my cheek. It hurt like a bitch, but I've had worse. The bastard left a mark.

When I left the bathroom James and his girlfriend Victoria were arguing by her locker. They were a pair if I'd ever seen one. She was a lot tougher than most of the girls in this school. And by tougher I mean I'd love to fuck her in the janitor's closet. She didn't seem like one of those prissy ass girls that I couldn't be rough with.

"Fuck you!" She yelled, pushing James back. This was a typical scene for them. They broke up and got back together more than anyone I know. Their relationship seemed really intense, in a really unhealthy way.

"Fine," he screamed. He glared at me once more before stalking off down the hallway.

The bell rang and I figured I should at least make an effort to get to class.

"Hey," Victoria said as I walked by. "He hates you right?" She asked. I could tell she was pissed.

"I seem to get that impression," I mumbled.

She nodded towards the room we'd just come out of and I followed her inside. As soon as the door closed, she unzipped her pants and pulled them down.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"You like to fuck right? And you probably want nothing more than to piss him off right now?" She stepped towards me and pressed her lips roughly against mine.

I dropped my books to the floor and grabbed her hips. She reached down and undid my pants, pushing them down just enough.

"Just so you know," she said as I pushed inside her. "This has nothing to do with you."

My eyes shot open and I was back in my room. I felt dirty. Like I could still smell her on me, even though it was just a dream. She didn't smell like Bella and I didn't like it. I wanted to smell like Bella. I wanted her. It was the first time I openly admitted that to myself. Even with all this bullshit I wanted to love her. And I wanted her to love me too.

A/N: Before you get too mad at him, please remember that Edward is a different person now. He's still got the snippy bastard inside but with less teenage horny manwhore.

So we finally get a little info on his relationship with James, what's the deal? Any theories?

Just a few announcements:

First of all thank you thank you thank you to everyone who took the time to vote for Love Like Winter at the Lemonade Stand. It was voted as one of the fics of the week and I am blown away by all of your support : )

I'm participating in the Love is In the Air Contest and have submitted a one shot for your reading pleasure...except I can't tell you which one it is because its anonymous. But you should really go check out all of the entries and leave a review for the authors, they've got some great stories over there. The link is in my profile.

I've also started a blog for me, kind of a central hub for any news and it also has links to my other story blogs. The link for that is also on my profile.

I think that's it for now! Thanks for all the love and hate for Beastward. But you know you really love him deep down. It's a complicated feeling.