Tengoko: Methinks I like this story. Is that conceited to say? Oh well. If it is, then it is. But, only three reviews? C'mon, people. I want to know what you think. Do you love it? Hate it? Adore it? Abhor it? Tell me. Well, anyway, I don't want to waste anymore of your time. So...enjoy!
------------
Rated M for language and romance
------------
Chapter 2: Doubts and Convictions

It was so hard. Working with him for nearly five years, she had come to somewhat revere him. To her, Rude was the closest thing to a god she would come to, a man with little words, boundless patience, and vigor like no other. She admired him, the enigmatic Turk. That's why she couldn't stand to see him hooked up to wires, to see his leg and arm done up in casts.

She lay a few feet away, her own arm in a cast and her head bandaged. She didn't care. She had hurt Rude. That's all that she could think about. Pain. Pain was irrelevant. Particularly her own pain…but not his. She caused his, all because of a rookie mistake.

"Hospitals are so miserable," Rude said, staring up at the ceiling. "I hope they let us out soon. I'm dying to lie in my own bed."

"I'm just relieved you are okay," she admitted, smiling faintly at him.

"Laney…don't do that. You know I hate when you get all schmaltzy." He smiled back at her, his baby blue eyes twinkling with humor. It wasn't often that she saw them- his eyes- and the mildness of them belied the stern Turk facade that he usually maintained. "Women," he snorted.

"I know," she conceded. "I'm sorry."

"For what? Being a woman? I don't think that could be helped, Laney." He smiled at her again, and became a little upset when she did not. He knew why. It was obvious. "I don't blame you," he told her, his voice more somber. "This could have happened to any one of us."

"But it didn't," she retorted. "It happened to me. I disobeyed Reno's orders and almost got all of us killed. If I had just listened to him, none of this would have happened."

"Did I just hear you right?" he asked, faking bafflement. "Did you just say, you should have listened to Reno? Just wait 'til Reno hears about this one. You'll never hear the end of it."

"That's if he ever talks to me again," she said.

"Of course he will. How else is he going to boss you around?"

Elena was about to rejoin, but unexpectedly, they both heard a torrent of voices outside the door. Three men, all conversing about something very intensely. She couldn't make out every word being said, but she picked up the occasional, 'good for nothing,' 'inexcusable,' 'careless,' and 'go to hell.' It was no mystery as to who or what they were talking about.

The voices died down all at once and the door opened. Tseng was the first one to enter, his footsteps slow and his hands clasped behind his back. Rufus was next, his face fixed in a disappointed frown. Reno was behind them, neutral, his eyes flickering back and forth between Tseng and Rufus. Elena couldn't help but notice his slight limp.

"Two weeks," Tseng said. What it meant, Elena didn't know. It must have showed. "That's how long we have to wait for Reno to be operational again. Five weeks. That's how long we have to wait for you. Eight weeks. That's when Rude will be able to come back."

"Eight weeks!" Rude exclaimed. He wasn't prone to outbursts, so everybody in the room was staring at him in amazement.

Tseng finally nodded. "Yes, Rude. With a fractured femur, it'll be a while before we can put you back in the field. Don't worry. You'll be on a paid leave. As will Reno and you too, Elena."

"I doubt we need to tell you how serious this situation is, Elena," Rufus Shinra began.

"You are on probation," Tseng said impersonally. "Too many missteps. This one almost cost the lives of all of you. I hope you understand that."

"How long is her probation?" Rude asked, seeing the horror-struck look on Elena's face.

"Until further notice. You do know what that means, don't you? No more errors. Not even one. You will be watched very carefully until we decide you won't be making anymore. But, should you mess up again, it will result in your instant and permanent termination."

"Bull shit," Reno mumbled, causing Rufus and Tseng to cast him reproving stares.

"You have something to say, Reno?" Rufus asked.

"Damn right I do," he shouted.

"Reno…don't," Elena begged.

"We've all made mistakes, Tseng. Even you have. Don't chastise the girl for trying to get the job done."

"That's not why we are punishing her. Her determination isn't the problem Reno. It's the way she went about it. She disregarded your orders, put your lives in danger…"

"But we are still alive. And, she completed the mission."

"Why are you fighting us on this?" Rufus asked. "For years you have been trying to convince us that the girl doesn't belong. It's noticeable that she gets under your skin, and, let's face it, she's got a lot to learn about being a Turk."

"Kindly remember," Rude began, "that you would be dead without this 'girl.' Also, let's keep in mind that this 'girl' is still in the room, so let's stop talking as if she is not."

"Either way," Tseng said. "We won't have our minds changed. She's just lucky we have decided to give her another chance."

With that, they smiled tersely at her, and Rufus and Tseng left the room, closing the door behind them. Of course they left. They never stayed longer than needed. It had always been that way.

Rufus' case was logical. He was president. That job entailed many responsibilities and he couldn't be expected to wait around in a hospital room. With the war finally at an end, and Midgar being restored, she was surprised that he even came at all. But, then again, he always admitted he had a profound, everlasting respect for the Turks.

Tseng was another matter entirely. He made a point of being indifferent, especially where she was concerned. At first it had been to warn her off, to end a ridiculous school girl crush. But, perhaps it had become a habit of his to treat her that way. Even with the infatuation over, Tseng still handled her with a lack of interest.

Reno cursed after them, but stopped once the door clicked. Turning back to face Elena, he slowly made his way to her bedside and sat in the chair next to it.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've been on probation more times than I can count. And hell, I'm still here."

"But, you are a good Turk. You know how to finish a job without getting anybody hurt."

"I didn't do such a good job of that today," he laughed, nodding towards Rude and then looking back at her. "Hell, two of my team members ended up with the asses stuck in these damned hospital beds. I did something wrong."

"Yeah, you brought me along."

"Damn it," he groaned. "Don't start with that whole self-pity thing. There's nothing you can do about what happened back there, so forget about it. Trust me, Rude and I have had worse injuries and we've jumped right back from them in a heart beat. Don't worry about us, Laney. We're big boys. We can take care of ourselves."

Not another word was said. Reno had the art of wrapping up a conversation without truly trying, and now was a prime example. How could she possibly respond to that? But he was mistaken. There was something she could do about it. Work. That's all. Work harder, become better, better than the best. In that way, she would prove her value, prove she deserved to be a Turk.

She looked down at Reno was messing around with an unlit cigarette, coiling it with his long, nimble fingers. Then, she looked at Rude. He wasn't really doing much of anything. Just lying back looking tranquil as usual. That was Rude. She had come to expect those kind of mannerisms from him.

She smiled just as she realized Reno was looking at her now. It was almost too much. His eye were such a severe blue. Mako infused. Gods, they were so haunting. Daunting to say the least, and Elena could only guess why he was looking at her, scrutinizing her in a way.

"I'll do better next time," she promised, smiling and winking at him.

"Damn right you will," he teased. Or was he serious? It was hard to tell with Reno. Finally, he looked away from her and down at his cigarette. Letting out a long winded sigh, he stood up and put the cigarette behind his ear. "Well, it's time for a drink," he said, scratching his cheek. "I'll see you guys later."

He didn't look back as he left. He was gone before the door closed behind him, keen to get liquor into his system. Gods know what else he planned on doing to consume the night. Gambling? Most likely. Fighting? It was a possibility. Even with a hurt leg, Reno was impulsive. Not the kind of man to pass up a good fight. Womanizing? Definitely.

Rude chuckled, drawing Elena's interest to him. "That man's always in a hurry," he commented. "Eager. Always eager. You think he'd have matured by now, but Reno will be Reno."

Elena smiled in agreement. There was no changing him. He'd always be the same. Reno. A man that could be describe as a laid back opportunist with self confidence in abundance, a plethora of arrogance, and inscrutable. She wished she just had a trace of his conviction. Then she wouldn't be doubting herself as she was now.

"Rude," she started.

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I have what it takes to be a good Turk?"

It took nearly a full minute before he answered. But, she didn't mind. That's the beauty of Rude. You asked him a question and he wouldn't just pop an answer back at you. He would mull over it for a while. So that way, Elena knew she could expect nothing but honesty from him. "Elena, you have the potential to be a great Turk. You just have to stop worrying about what everybody else thinks, and do the job for yourself."

For herself? Was it even possible? Her whole life, she had done things to please others. Always others. She lived to impress. She usually succeeded. Always the best, never second. That was her life in a nutshell. Not anymore. She was the rookie. Nobody was impressed by the rookie. That had to change. That would change.