S.M. owns Twilight. kdillin is my beta. FYI about half of this chapter is dream/flashback so have fun with the young Beast.

Edward

"How much for a few?" Ben stepped up beside my locker.

"How much do you have?" I smirked and threw my books inside.

"I've got a hundred cash." He pulled out a few bills and stuck them under one of my books.

I slipped a small bag from my coat pocket and slapped it into his hand. "Pleasure doing business with you my friend."

I slammed my locker and noticed James watching me from down the hallway. If looks could kill I'd be fucking six feet under. I cocked my eyebrow at him and laughed as Victoria stepped beside me.

"Meet me at your car…" She flipped her hair and started to strut towards James, obviously flashing the fact that we were about to fool around in the parking lot. I took my keys from my pocket and twirled them around in my fingers as I followed after her. I glanced his way as I passed and continued outside.

She was waiting for me, leaning against the side of my car. I unlocked it from a few feet away and she jumped inside.

As soon as I sat down in the front seat, she was on top of me, pawing and clawing at my pants.

"Slow down sweetheart, we've got some time…" I leaned the seat back and allowed her to unzip my jeans. She yanked them roughly down just enough to expose my dick. She reached for my hand and slipped it up her skirt. "No panties huh?"

"I didn't see the point." She straddled my waist and forced herself down on me. I threw my head back against the seat and groaned as she rode me. I reached up and cup her breasts as they bounced up and down, contained inside her sweater. Her hands reached up and grasped the seat beside my head, steadying herself as she picked up her pace.

I noticed she kept looking out across the parking lot. She wasn't looking to make sure we didn't get caught by the dumb ass principal. She was looking for him. James. Odds are he was watching us from somewhere inside because he knew we were here. They'd got back together a couple of times since the first time we fucked in the classroom, but she kept coming back every time they fought. We used each other as a pawn and I wasn't ashamed of it. I got sex and some pull on James from it. I wasn't complaining. And my dick sure wasn't either.

I grasped onto her hips and held her to me as I found my release, grunting under my breath. She reached between us and finished herself off before crawling off of me and checking her makeup in the mirror.

"Thanks for your services." She smacked her lips and got out of the car. I put myself back in my pants and ran my fingers through my hair.

I strolled back into the school feeling like a fucking million bucks. I started towards the cafeteria to get something to eat before class started again.

"Cullen!" James yelled.

I spun around just as he collided with my chest, pushing me back into the lockers.

"Aw, poor little boy having a tantrum? Did I steal your toys?" I narrowed my eyes at him and smiled before starting towards the cafeteria again.

He yanked at my shirt again and pulled me back. This time when he slammed me against the lockers, his arm was at my throat almost cutting off my air supply.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I choked out.

"You've pushed me the last fucking time!" He pressed harder and I started gasping for air. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocketknife. My eyes widened in fear as he flipped it open and started twirling it in front of my face. "You know you wouldn't be anything without your family…or that pretty boy face of yours. Nothing." He clenched his teeth and stared at me with more hatred than I'd ever seen. He raised the knife to my skin. "It'd be so easy to…" A dark smirk crossed his face as he laughed and pushed away from me. I doubled over, choking and trying to catch my breath. "Soon…" He nodded and started walking away.

"You son of a bitch!" I launched myself forward and caught him at his waist, forcing us both to the ground. I felt an elbow to my face and a punched to my ribs before someone pulled us apart.

"What the hell is going on here?" The principal ran out from his office and stared between James and I. I struggled against the teacher who was holding me back. James spit in my direction as he was carted off in another direction.

An hour later I was sitting in the office with an ice pack on my face and angry parents beside me. My mom looked like she was about to cry and my dad had the "we'll talk about it later" look on his face.

"Dad it wasn't my fault," I said.

"I don't want to hear it Edward," he said.

"Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen…please come in." The principal ushered us all into his office. He waited until we were all seated until he spoke again. "I don't have to tell you that this is a serious matter. And this is not the first time we've had to deal with Edward's behavior."

I rolled my eyes and started smiling at the secretary out in the regular office. She had to be in her thirties but she was fucking gorgeous.

"I know you contribute a lot to this school and your support is important to us, but I cannot let this latest incident slide. Especially considering the contraband we found in his locker."

That brought my attention back to the conversation.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Do you want to explain these?" He held up a ziplock bag of about five pills.

"You had no fucking right to go through my locker. Isn't that violation of privacy or something? This is bullshit!"

"We received an anonymous tip from a student," he said softly. I could only guess who it was. Stupid bastard.

My father sighed and buried his head in his hands. "I'll take care of this." He took the pills from the principal's hands.

"We're suspending Edward for a week; the other boy no longer attends this school. We take weapons very seriously." The principal tapped his pen on his desk. "Mr. Cullen," he addressed me. "I sincerely hope you'll take this time to re-evaluate your choices. We will not be so lenient next time."

I sighed and waited for him to finish his little speech. "Are we done now?" I asked.

"Yes, we're done." The principal nodded at my parents as they stood and shook my father's hand.

The drive home was not pleasant. I swear that I could hear the ticking of the miles on the odometer as they passed. When we got home, my mother went straight to their room and closed the door. My father glanced my way and then started towards the library. I assumed he meant for me to follow him so I did.

"Can we just get this over with?" I said as I closed the door. I sat down at the piano and started poking at the keys.

"Is this ever going to stop with you Edward? Are you never going to learn?"

"Learn what?"

"Who slipped you the pills?" He asked.

"Why does it matter?"

"Because they'll no longer be employed at my office. I could lose my career over something like this and you're taking it like you stole some penny candy from the store."

"I don't remember who it was," I lied.

"Bullshit." He studied me for a few moments. "I'm assuming it was one of the nurses since they seem to take a liking to you for reasons I don't care to know about. Gianna? Heidi?"

My fingers stopped.

"Heidi then?"

"I didn't say…" I started.

"You didn't have to." He got up from his chair and started towards the door. "We'll talk more later."

"Can't wait," I said sarcastically. I blinked and was suddenly in my parent's room later that night.

James was leaning over me, a sadistic smile across his face. "You know I was planning on using my knife, but I think I'll use this instead pretty boy." He reached down and picked up the razor dangling from his necklace.

I felt nauseous. I closed my eyes, hoping that I would wake up. I knew I was dreaming again, but Bella wasn't here. I couldn't find her anywhere. I needed her to be here.

"Why?" I stuttered.

He laughed and ignored my question. I took a deep breath as he raised the razor to my skin and sliced. I screamed out in pain as he continued running it over and over my face. I thought about running for the slightest moment. His friend, whoever he was, must have known what I was thinking because he was on me in a second, holding me down. Blood dripped into my eyes and into my mouth.

The next thing I knew they were gone, leaving me broken and bleeding on the floor. They'd managed to throw in some good kicks to my ribs. James knew it would be sore from earlier so I imagined it was on purpose.

"I didn't know…" I mumbled to myself, rocking myself as I curled up into the fetal position on the floor. "I didn't know…" I didn't know he was that messed up. Never thought he would push it that far. I never thought anyone could do something like this to anyone, let alone me. I felt vulnerable for the first time. I felt weak.

My whole body jerked as I woke myself. I was met by the only face I wanted to see right now. Hers. I panicked when I looked down and saw my hands gripping her body. I pulled them away, embarrassed that I'd been so forceful with her in the past, even when I hadn't intended to be.

"Did I hurt you?"

She guaranteed me that I hadn't hurt her, but I was hurting her. Maybe not physically, but I could see it in her eyes. It hurt her that I couldn't tell her everything. I bit down on the inside of my cheek and told her about my dream.

She was so supportive. So caring and gentle with her words and her touch. It was different than anything I'd ever experienced before and I made a conscious decision to tell her things. She needed to know and I needed her to know. I hated admitting I was fucking scared to do it though. Even though she's shown me time and time again that she's not going anywhere, I'm terrified that I'll tell her something that's just too much. I'm scared of blinking and finding her gone. It was going to happen sometime just because she couldn't stay here forever; I knew that. I just didn't want to think about it.

Once I started telling her about the drugs, it all just came out. I felt my hands clenching tighter and tighter with every word. I watched a spider building a web above my bed as I finished; trying to focus on anything except the terrible things I had told her.

"Please don't hate me," I whispered. I repeated it over and over, hoping that it would somehow make it true. "Please don't hate me."

"I could never hate you," she murmured. "Edward, I will never hate you."

"O-okay," I stuttered. My jaw was clamped so tight that I could barely speak. She offered to get me some water. As soon as she left, I felt my body start to relax which was odd because she was usually the one calming me down. It wasn't that she made me tense, but the thought of her knowing everything did. I was glad that I told her everything, but it still made my heart beat fast. Exposing your soul when you thought it was dirty was terrifying.

I fought to stay awake. Even though she could only have been gone a few minutes, I slipped back asleep. When I woke up, she was lying next to me. I smiled and wrapped my arms gently around her waist for a few moments. I kissed her cheek and turned towards my nightstand to take a sip of water.

Something caught my eye on the table across the room. A row of pill bottles, my pill bottles, was lined up perfectly at the edge.

"What the fuck?" I hadn't even seen a couple of them in months. The only person who knew about the secret compartment in my nightstand was Jasper. I glanced back at Bella as a stabbing pain shot through my chest. She did this. They did this to me.

I leaned forward and tried to tell myself to calm down. It was stupid. They were just pill bottles. I hadn't taken them at all in so long and Bella knew that. Didn't she? She said she believed me.

I didn't realize how long I'd sat there until Bella woke the next morning. I felt her shift beside me and whether she knew it or not, she gasped when she saw me. Her betrayal was sitting in plain view in one single row in front of us.

"Where'd you get those?" I asked. I told myself to let her explain herself, but I couldn't find any explanation in my head for why she went snooping behind my back. I blew up at her, even though I regretted it instantly. I thought she understood, but maybe nobody really could. I didn't use them, but they made me remember who I once was. Was that really such a bad thing?

"What if I need them?" I asked. Some of those were actually my prescription for after the murders. To say I had been physically and mentally in pain was an understatement.

"You don't."

"You don't…know that!" I charged forward, more forcefully than I'd meant to. I just wanted her to understand. I was livid. A part me of almost thought that if she had just asked me, I would have told her where they were.

Her eyes widened in fear as I neared her. My heart softened a little, seeing her like that. I could never hurt her. Ever. She touched my arms, running her fingers across them like a soothing rain to the fire burning inside.

I hated the way she pushed. I hated the way she never gave up. I hated the way she was always right. But behind all that was an emotion that I didn't quite know how to deal with or how to explain.

"Can you just…get out? I need some time," I said. I needed a few minutes to myself to sort out my thoughts. I saw the questions in her eyes and answered her before she asked.

"I'm not going to take them."

She quietly left and I started pacing around the room, my eyes glancing at the bottles I'd throw on the floor every now and then. I knew deep down that I was using them as a crutch. Like I was almost waiting for myself to slip. And I mean really slip. Deeper than I was now, deeper than I was before. Deep enough where I really did need them. It was like I was expecting it to happen eventually, but I'd been too numb lately to make the effort to even fall.

"Fuck," I whispered. I picked up all the bottles off the floor and shuffled to the bathroom. I couldn't just throw them away because I knew I'd dig through the garbage and find them again. It had to be permanent.

I sat down beside the toilet and pulled my knees up to my chest as I emptied the bottles one by one and flushed them down. I felt pathetic. I didn't know how I'd become this person, or even the person I was before. My parents had raised me to be a good kid and somewhere along the way everything got fucked up. I fucked up.

Bella stepped silently into the bathroom and sat down beside me. Her eyes were sad, like she was looking at a wounded puppy. She took my hand and tried to smile. "I don't hate you," she whispered.

I sighed as she rested her head on my shoulder. I flushed the last of the pills and turned to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"I should have talked to you first. I'm sorry; I just didn't know how you would react."

I nodded and eventually stood up, pulling her with me. "I'm going to go play for awhile."

"Do you want some company?"

I squeezed her hand tighter and toted her towards the door. We slipped down the hallway to the library and went inside. I sat down at the piano and let go of her hand as she slid in beside me.

My fingers danced over the keys, playing a new melody that came from somewhere deep inside my chest. It reminded me of Bella. Soft, beautiful…mysterious. Captivating. I was captivated by her and the way she was, the very essence of her. Despite the fact that I hated what she did, I wanted her more than anything. More than I wanted those pills. She was the center of everything now.

She pressed her lips against my shoulder and moved up to my neck. I closed my eyes as they ghosted over my skin, delicately caressing every inch. Her fingers reached up around my neck and grabbed onto my hair. She tugged lightly at the ends, pulling my face slightly towards her. She finally pulled her lips away from my neck and settled her chin on my shoulder, mere inches from my face. My fingers slowly stopped moving across the keys as I became more and more enthralled with her.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" I asked, nuzzling my nose against hers.

"I know what I'd like to be doing to you…" She breathed hard through her nose and swung her leg over my waist while she pulled herself between me and the piano.

"Bella…"

"I'm proud of you, do you know that?" She brushed my hair out of my face.

"I'm not sure what there is to be proud of."

"I do." She leaned forward and kissed me. My hands went to her waist and traveled down until she was practically sitting on them. She moaned into my mouth as her tongue swept out and brushed against mine. I gripped her tighter as she shifted her hips against mine. Her fingers trailed down my chest and settled on the waistband of my sweatpants.

"I don't think…" I started.

"You don't want me?" She slid her hand inside. "I just want to touch you."

I groaned as she brushed against my dick. Yes I wanted her to. "Yes," I whispered.

She gently pushed down my sweatpants enough to fully expose me. She wrapped her tiny hands around me and started caressing me up and down. She bit down on her lip as she looked down at what she was doing. Her eyes widened as she picked up the pace, every once in awhile brushing her finger over the tip.

I would have never called getting a handjob an out of body experience, but fuck if this wasn't something more. My fingers curled, straining in what should be the most uncomfortable positions as I slammed them down on the piano behind her. The off-key notes echoed through the room as my breathing picked up.

I allowed my head to fall foreward and rested it on her chest. She kissed the top of my head and whimpered as I started twitching in her hands.

"Shit," I breathed, crashing into my release. She pulled my face up and captured my lips in hers as I rode it out. She kept her hand on my dick, gently stroking it with one finger.

"Was that okay?" She asked.

I looked up at her and smiled slightly. Instead of answering her, I pressed my lips lightly to hers. It was a small step, but I didn't turn into the old me that I'd been so terrified of. It was something.

"I'm sorry again…for earlier. I know things have been good, but I can't promise that the monster won't slip out every now and then. He's still a part of me."

"Then he's a part of me," she whispered. She kissed me again. "Because you're a part of me too…All of you."

A/N:Hope you enjoyed hearing from young Edward, despite him being such an asshole he's kinda fun to write.

LLW was reviewed on the Fictionators by the wonderful Kassiah and DaniWithGreenEyes. I was so surprised and honored so thank you guys so much. There was a major influx in alerts after that posted so welcome to all my new readers from that, and thanks again to the Fictionators and the reviewers for the support : )

I don't do a lot of recommendations because I honestly don't have as much time as I'd like to actually read, but I do want to tell you guys about a new story. My dear friend secamimom who has been a big supporter of me since the very beginning just started posting her new story "Your Presence Still Lingers" and I'd really recommend that you check it out. I helped her make the blog for the story so I've got a little inside knowledge about the story and I can just tell it's going to be incredibly powerful and worth the read. Like I said, it just has the one chapter so far, but at least put it on alert and check it out when you can bc secamimom is awesome and I love her to pieces.

Things are going great with my next story. I have 4 chapters prewritten. I haven't decided when I'm posting that but I'll keep you updated : )

Thanks!