Twilight belongs to S.M. kdillin betas Beastward : )

Edward

I smiled as I ran down the stairs, anxious to get out to the meadow. I loved her. I loved Bella. I started to realize that I had no fucking idea what that meant, but for once I wasn't scared of it. Those three little words... They seemed so insignificant, but they could free me. My chest fucking swelled at the prospect. They could release me from everything that was holding me in, keeping me prisoner in this cage. They would save my life.

I passed through the kitchen and almost passed right by the greenhouse, but I caught myself. I should bring her some flowers, my mother. She probably misses her roses. Sure the meadow has some beautiful wildflowers in the spring, but its so cold out there now.

I walked up and down the aisles of the greenhouse as my eyes skimmed over the endless petals for the perfect ones.

I plucked a few roses up and twirled them in my hands and I headed outside again. I realized I should probably grab something to tie them with. I thought I remembered seeing some type of ribbon in with all the Christmas stuff so I ran back inside to grab it. Once I tied some of the black ribbon around the thorny stems, I started back towards the kitchen. As I got closer, I heard the soft murmur of their voices echo down the hallway.

"I think I love him Jasper!" She said. My breath hitched in my throat as I paused outside of the doorway, listening to her every word.

I smiled to myself as their conversation played out, until she said those four tiny words that almost stopped my melted heart from beating. What if he can't?

I felt like someone stabbed me in the chest, almost leaving me gasping for air. Does she think I can't love her? Am I that much of a monster to her that I'm not able to love her? My hand subconsciously tightened around the bouquet, but I barely felt the sharp thorns digging into my flesh.

I heard the door close and her sigh loudly a moment later. The instant I stepped into the kitchen, her face went blank. "Edward?"

"I wanted to bring my mom some flowers," I said. "I just came back inside for some ribbon." I nodded and stomped across the floor towards the door. I was suffocating in this room with her. I needed to get out.

Once I was outside, my legs carried me faster and faster over the drifting snow towards the trees. They were safe. I could hide there. At least for a little while.

I kept rubbing my finger against one of the thorns, just light scraping it against my skin enough to give me something to focus on. By the time I made it to the meadow, I was mumbling to myself and shaking a bit from the cold.

This was the fucking reason I didn't let anyone in. I didn't want to experience the disappointment. For the first time I was terrified of disappointing someone else, instead of being disappointed when they cowered away. I didn't want to let her down. She meant everything to me and I started to doubt if I could be enough for her. She doesn't think I can love her. Hell, maybe she's right. I can't blame her for looking at me and seeing something dark and unnatural. Love is light and beautiful, the complete opposite of everything I am. I am the darkness, polluting the every damn thing around me. I thought maybe I could move past it, but her doubt shattered everything.

I stood staring at my parents' graves for the longest time in silence. I'd lost all the words I'd wanted to say to them. It was almost like the wind blew them away and now they're left lingering on my fucking tongue.

I brought the bouquet of roses to my nose and inhaled, taking in their sweet scent. One of the best things about my mother is that she always smelled like them. It was almost like I was wrapped up in her arms, like she was hugging me, telling me everything was okay. Was it okay?

I wanted her here. I wanted my father here. I was never one to tell them about girls, since my extracurricular activities left something to be desired, but Bella was different. Bella was fucking beautiful and everything I want in my life. I was just sorry they weren't here to meet her.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. My knees started to shake beneath me, threatening to send me crashing into the cold snow. I'd been struggling this whole time to say those couple words and they tumbled from my lips barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry," I said again. I was sorry. I was such a horrible son to them. I was sorry they had to deal with everything I put them through. I was sorry that my destructive behavior killed them. They didn't deserve that. We all deserved better than what happened to us, even I did. I'd spent all this time telling myself that this was my burden, but I was beginning to realize that even I deserved better circumstances than this. I was worthy of more.

"I'm sorry," I screamed. My legs finally gave out and I collapsed in front of them as stuttered sobs ripped through my chest. And then they stopped almost as instantly as they had started. I clenched my teeth and glanced up at the headstone one last time before placing the roses on top of it.

I sniffled and wiped at my eyes as I stood. As I turned away from my parents, I stopped immediately. Across the meadow I saw a pair of deer stepping through the snow. They looked at me, pausing for the slightest moment before carrying on with their business. As fucking cliche as it sounds, I felt like my parents were telling me something. That maybe they heard me. Maybe I'm just bat shit crazy and starting to get hypothermia out here, but it felt better. I felt better. At least about my parents anyway.

I started back to the house and found it completely silent. I trudged upstairs, cursing my wet pants the entire time. I went to Bella's room and slipped inside. I heard the shower running and peeked my head inside the bathroom. I could see her shape behind the curtain, standing there doing nothing and looking like she was deep in thought. I love you. I quietly closed the door and walked out of the room, completely undetected.

I went to my room, changed into some different pants and grabbed a drink. I sat down in the chair in the corner and drank as I waited. I knew she'd come at some point because she always did. Even with the static between us, we always found our way to each other.

She finally opened the door and stepped inside, her body wrapped in a towel and her hair still dripping wet. I watched her in the darkness until she saw me. I diverted my eyes to the glass beside me, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. What did I want to say? With every passing moment, I got more and more frustrated with the whole situation. I wasn't mad at her. Not even a little bit. I was mad that through whatever means, she'd been led to think those things about me.

"Am I incapable of love?" I whispered. I glanced up at her and felt the urge building up inside. This was the normal scene. I get upset. I yell. I scream. I throw things and act like a fucking child. "Am I?" I wasn't even asking her, not really. I was just so...angry at the world in this moment and I wanted nothing but to be able to love her like she needs to be loved. Why can't the fucking universe just give me that? Just once? "Am I Bella?" My hand instinctively reached for the glass, but I told myself no. Not now. Not with her. Fix it, Edward.

Her eyes were sad, broken, lost. I didn't know what to say or do to make it better. "I'm sorry Edward, I didn't mean it like that." She shook her head furiously as the tears started to slip down her cheeks.

"Do you think its impossible for someone like me to love?"

"No."

"Because there's this pain so deep in my chest…" I reached for my heart. "Whenever I think of being anywhere, but with you. And I don't know what that is, but it's the only kind of love I've ever genuinely felt for someone. It's something I've never known before Bella and it has to be love right? If I can feel you right here?" I hit myself because I didn't know what else to do.. "It's love."

The next thing I knew she was on me, everywhere around me. I pulled her close and we cried together. Her towel slipped a couple times and I noticed her shiver, so I pulled it back up and held her closer than before. I kissed her shoulder, her neck, her lips as I spoke against them.

"I'm falling," I whispered. "I just want you to fall with me." I brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her again, putting all that I am into it. "Trust me with your heart, Bella."

"I trust you," she said calmly. She took a deep breath. "And I fell," she murmured. "I'm falling." She pushed the towel from her body and it fell to the floor with a soft thump.

Her lips were on mine and over my skin, nipping and kissing and driving me fucking crazy. My hands encircled her small, bare waist and moved up her back before circling back down. She whimpered when I reached below the dimples on her back and pulled her hips against me. I was hard in an instant and knew in that moment that I wanted to make love to her.

I cupped her ass and picked us both up from the chair as I shuffled across to the bed. She pulled and tugged at my shirt along the way, finally getting it off a moment before I laid her down on the mattress. A small, sweet smile played on her lips as she watched me unbutton my pants. I pushed them down and collapsed on top of her as she pawed at my boxer-briefs. She managed to get them down to my thighs and sighed when she saw her progress.

I kissed her quickly before I sat up and kicked them the rest of the way off. She crawled across the bed and licked her lips before taking me deep inside of her mouth. I groaned and reached down to caress her hair as she licked and sucked. I carefully leaned forward and placed my palm flat against her back and worked my way down her flesh, past her ass to her core. As I pushed a finger, then two, then three inside her, she tightened around my dick, lightly grazing her teeth across me.

She started whimpering, moaning, cussing me out in pleasure as I pushed faster inside her. She released me from her lips and her head fell forward as she reached towards the bed for support. I needed her to go first. I wanted her to. I wanted to see her come undone again and again.

"Come on baby...the sooner you let go, the sooner I can be inside you," I urged her on and knelt down on the bed. I moved my other hand to her front and started rubbing my finger against her. I pulled my fingers from her and gently pushed her back on the bed, before entering her again.

"Edward," she moaned.

"I love you..." I kissed the side of her mouth as I felt her writhe below me. Soon.

She screamed and slammed her hands up behind her. They smacked roughly against the headboard, sending it with a thud back into the wall. I crawled up her body and lined myself up with her, just enough to feel her against me.

"I need you," she said.

"I need you," said, brushing my hand down her side and to her hip. She nodded quickly as I pushed myself inside her. We both fell silent, speechless from this moment and how fucking good it felt. She spread her knees farther apart as I started to move inside her, in and out, feeling every inch. I love you.

Sweat. Breath. Lips. Bella. Fingers, toes curled. I love you.

. Hard. Fast. Slow. I love you.

"Fuck," I hissed. "It's so good." I rested my forehead on hers as I pushed my hips against hers again and again. Her jaw dropped slightly, relaxing enough to make her pink lips pout a little. She took her bottom lip between her teeth, sucking it in and making it disappear for the slightest moment. Her hands held my face close to hers, enough that I could feel her breath on my skin. I'd never known this before, this feeling of completeness. I'd never feel it with anyone else again. It had to be Bella. Always.

I felt the pressure building as a drop of sweat trickled down my cheek. My lips searched out hers as I struggled to hold everything in. Just a little longer. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the soft thump of the headboard against the bed as I filled her over and over.

"So close," she breathed. She arched her body against me as I felt every fiber in my body buzz with electricity. I buried myself deep inside her once more as I crashed into everything I'd never felt. I'd gotten off plenty of times before with way too many girls, but I couldn't explain this. There were no words and I doubt even fucking Shakespeare could describe a moment like this. I was paralyzed.

She screamed in ecstasy and collapsed back onto the bed, breathing and panting hard. I kissed her once more, slipping my tongue into her mouth to taste her. I sighed and rolled beside her as I grabbed her hand and pulled it to my chest.

She smiled and turned her head towards me. "I didn't know this existed..." she whispered. She squeezed my hand tighter and her eyes fluttered shut.

"I love you," I said again, just because I could. "I deserve you," I whispered. I leaned over and kissed her neck.

"I love you too," she murmured as she drifted asleep. I followed closely behind her, my body feeling like it was completely melted into the bed.

I woke a few hours later to Bella still asleep beside me. The freezing rain slamming against the window outside woke me and I realized that I might have lied to her. Maybe the spring was coming early. For once in my life, I wished winter would stay forever.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and watched it plink against the glass. I felt the fear Bella felt. I felt it everywhere.

"I'm never leaving you, Edward," she said from behind me. I felt her crawl across the bed and wrap her arms and legs around me. Her palms rested against my chest and I could feel the warmth of her bare body all down my back. "I might have to go back for a little bit, but I'm not leaving you." She kissed my shoulder. "Okay?"

"Okay."

She was never leaving me. Everything would be okay. She would never leave.

A/N: Man I'm paranoid about her leaving just thinking about it. : /

So the last few chapters have been a little shorter than usual. It wasn't a conscious thing, I honestly just write until I feel like the chapter is complete and that was just how the cookie crumbled, but I hope you've enjoyed them. We're starting to wind down to the big finale!

A couple of announcements:

My new story, The Roommate, is a Fic of the Week over at TLS. You can find the review and the reviews for the other wonderful fics up on their website a little later this week so make sure to check those out.

I'm going to be involved in "Junkin for Joplin", an auction for the victims of the terrible tornado in Joplin. I'll be donating an outtake from Love Like Winter, The Roommate, Code of Conduct or Game, Set, Match. The winning bidder gets to choose ; ) I'll put the link for their Facebook on my profile page. Once you join the group, check out the photo album because that's going to tell you what's up for bid. Once bidding options just "comment" a bid on the photo of what you want. There are also further instructions on the group page. My best advice for auctions is to band together and bid in a group, whatever you're bidding for. You're more likely to win. There's some great things up for auction, so I hope you'll consider bidding. Thanks : )