Thank you to kdillin for being my beta and thanks to ImHereToReview for prereading this chapter for me when I was a little unsure. : )
Edward
I couldn't fucking take it. I told myself that she would come back and everything would be okay. I was being a selfish bastard. But I couldn't take watching her leave. It would've killed me.
I cursed under my breath as I slipped from bed and covered her back up. I risked her hating me, doing this to her. Leaving without any warning so she didn't leave me. It was an asshole thing to do, but I hoped she would understand it even if I barely understood it myself.
I quietly started picking up the few things she had left to pack and placed them in her suitcase. As bad as it sounded, I didn't want her to linger here tomorrow morning. The longer she was here, the longer I would have to change my mind about all this. I convinced myself it was better for both of us. We'd had our time and now it was over. The winter had come and gone. It was almost like a portrait in my head. Every moment, every image captured perfectly in the soft, white snow. And now I had to hang it on the wall and move on. This wasn't her life. This was my life. I didn't blame her for that. If she could come back she would, but maybe she shouldn't even though I wanted her to.
I shook my head and cursed myself for every contradiction running through my head. It was like my head and my heart were waging a war on each other and I couldn't even think straight.
I carried her things downstairs and set them by the front door before I pulled out a piece of paper and left my heart etched in the ink. And then I ran. I ran out into the backyard, passing Jasper as he went into the house. He watched me as I went, a knowing look in his eye. I ran towards the trees, through the forest, towards the meadow.
When I got back to the house, I hid back by the tree line, hidden in the shadows to make sure that they were gone. As soon as I saw Jasper's car was gone, I walked the rest of the way up to the house. Each step closer to the empty house made my chest burn so much so that I could barely fucking breathe by the time I got inside.
Everything was silent. Everything was cold. Her warmth was gone. I stood at the back door and listened for a moment, taking it all in. I eventually walked upstairs and went to her room only to find it as empty as I'd expected it to be.
My eyes started to sting, burning with the tears that I didn't want to fall. "Damn it!" I screamed, grabbing fistfuls of the blanket that covered her bed. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel, but I felt hollow. Like a vital piece of me was just…missing.
I finally forced myself to go downstairs. I thought about closing her door behind me, but I didn't. I left it wide open.
I stumbled down the hallway, wiping at my eyes. As I marched downstairs, I heard something. It sounded like the back door opening. Was Jasper back already?
"Jazz?" I called. I crept around the corner and lost my breath the moment I stepped into the kitchen. She was here.
Bella's hands trembled as she held onto her bag. Her face was stained with tears and a slight smile graced her lips.
"I couldn't go yet..." she said softly.
"I didn't want you to go yet."
She dropped her bags on the floor and ran across the room towards me. I opened my arms a moment before she jumped up to meet me. She wrapped her legs around my waist, pulling herself closer to me as she cried into my neck.
I sighed in relief, feeling a little more complete with her here. I hated that I needed her that much. I hated it. But I loved her.
"I don't have to be back for a few days," she mumbled against my neck. I nodded and kissed her. I carried her back upstairs to my room and we hid under the covers for the rest of the day. It felt right - . Like this is right where she was supposed to be. Every step that led her back to me was a step in the right direction. We needed this time. Away from stress, not worrying about what was to come. I was determined to keep it that way.
"Where's Jasper?" I asked.
"He dropped me off and went back into town. I needed him to check on something for me."
"What is it?" I asked.
"A surprise."
"I don't like surprises."
"Stop being a grump." She laughed and punched me in the shoulder.
Jasper returned later that evening with a car full of groceries, including three boxes of Lucky Charms. I was a happy fucker.
The next morning, Bella got up and helped Jasper out in the yard. I eventually joined them outside and leaned against the greenhouse as they worked. I'd begun to notice a difference in the yard, in my mother's garden. The weeds and moss were starting to disappear as Jasper and Bella worked across it. I could actually...see things. The fountain, the statues. Just like she wanted it to be.
Bella sat back on her knees and wiped some sweat off of her forehead as she chatted with Jasper. I smiled and walked over to meet them, falling down to my knees beside her.
"How can I help?" I asked.
"Grab the hose and start filling the fountain over there. After that, Jasper will probably need help carrying the new soil he bought in town."
"We should start seeing the flowers begin to pop up anytime soon..." Jasper's smile was hard to contain. Spring was his favorite season. He turned to Bella. "I talked to Alice while I was in town."
"You did?" She asked.
"Yeah. I saw her at the store again. I didn't tell her you were here...It wasn't really my place. But we're set to have lunch on Thursday afternoon. I thought that would be a good day since...you know."
"What's Thursday?" I asked.
"It's when my flight was supposed to get back. I'll have to go back," she mumbled.
I slowly got up and grabbed the hose like she had asked. I stood across the yard filling the fountain as I watched her work.
Something was stirring deep inside me and I couldn't figure out what it was. A gnawing. An itch. I bit down on my lip and tried to shake it off as I finished with the fountain.
We all worked outside for the next couple of days, her last days. It was turning out to be beautiful. Something about Bella working on my mother's garden made me love her more. Almost like they had some type of connection. I was wishing more and more every day that they could have met her.
We both grew a little more tense on Wednesday, but it was different this time. Not as harsh. Not as final as before. I knew she was leaving tomorrow. There was no buffer, no grace period. If she didn't go back tomorrow, I was sure her father would search the ends of the Earth to find her. I wasn't so sure that he hadn't suspected something was wrong already. She's been gone for months with not a single phone call or letter.
We had dinner with Jasper Wednesday night before Bella and I retreated to my room. She grabbed a towel and headed for the shower as I sat down on the bed.
I'd been expecting her to ask me to take her back all day. I knew it was what she wanted and with her stubborn attitude I was surprised she hadn't.
"Bella?" I called into the bathroom. She didn't answer. I guess she couldn't hear me over the sound of the shower.
I got up and stumbled to the bathroom. I peeked my head inside and squinted through the steam. I could see her shape moving behind the frosted glass of the shower.
"Bella?" I called again. Nothing.
I walked inside and leaned against the counter. After a few minutes, I felt a little creepy that I was just standing here waiting for her to finish. I shrugged out of my clothes and opened the door to the shower.
"Another few minutes out there Peeping Tom and I was going to invite you in anyway." She ran her fingers through her wet hair and stepped under the stream of water.
"Sorry," I said.
"It's okay." She reached out and brushed her fingers along my stomach. "I wanna be close to you tonight."
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to my chest. We stayed like that until the water ran cold. I think both of us were afraid to move.
I reached over and turned the water off when it got too cold to stand it. It wasn't until then that I realized she was crying. Her shoulders shook against my body as quiet sobs escaped from between her lips.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I bent down, trying to find her face through her mess of hair.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you too." I kissed her cheek. "I love you too," I said again.
I opened the shower door and reached outside to grab her a towel. I wrapped her up in one and scooped her up in my arms as I carried her to bed. She clung to me as I tried to let her go.
"Bella, I have to go dry off. I'll be right back," I whispered.
She sniffled and let go before burrowing into the blankets. I went back into the bathroom and dried myself off. I grabbed a pair of boxers from my drawer and slipped them on before crawling into bed beside her.
She was on my chest as soon as I laid down, her fingertips exploring my skin. They brushed up over my neck and to my face where she traced along the lines of my scars. If someone would have told me even a year ago that this would be happening, I'd laugh in their fucking face. I never thought I'd be okay with someone even seeing my scars, let alone touch them. Bella saw it all and more.
"Why haven't you asked me yet?" I asked.
"Asked you what?"
"To take you back."
She kissed my bare chest. "Because I know you don't want to." Her hand drifted across my stomach, where it fell lazy at my side.
That stung. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I just...couldn't? Why couldn't I? I sighed and closed my eyes, willing sleep to take me.
It reluctantly did, but not for long. I woke up a couple of hours later and shifted slight under Bella's weight. I didn't want to wake her. I smiled and ran my fingers through her hair as I bent my head down to watch her sleep. I was surprised when I was met with her dark, brown eyes instead.
"What are you doing awake?" I asked.
"I can't sleep."
"You worked outside all day, how can you not be tired?" I caressed the small of her back.
"I don't know." She yawned as her eyelids fought to stay open. She was exhausted. It didn't make sense.
And then it did. She thought she was going to wake up to an empty bed again.
"I'm not leaving, Bella." I gently pushed her over onto the bed and curled up beside her. "I promise I'll be here when you wake up."
She searched my eyes for confirmation before nodding and relaxing into her pillow. I held her hand as she fought it a little while longer. She slowly, but surely began to lose her battle. They eventually fluttered shut and once I was sure she was asleep, I followed shortly after.
When I woke the next morning, she was already awake. Her face held a sad smile as she studied me.
"I was thinking about coming back up here next week after things calm down. Maybe bring my Dad up if that's okay with you." She reached over and took my hand. "Maybe it'll make him understand."
I wasn't too thrilled about her dad coming up here, but I could see her point. I didn't have the best track record with the Chief and maybe if he saw how well Bella had done up here, he would look past my discretions and support our relationship. Fat chance of that happening, but I could dream.
"It's okay with me."
"Really?"
"Yes." I leaned over and kissed her.
We both wanted to stay in bed all day, but we knew it was impossible. Jasper tried not to seem excited about his date with Alice because he knew it was a tough day for us.
I watched as he put her bag in the car for the second time. I watched her eyes glisten with tears as she crawled into the passenger's seat. I watched as he turned on the car and started down the driveway. And then I wasn't watching anymore. I was running.
My lungs protested at the sudden sprint as I hauled myself towards the disappearing car. It paused at the end of the driveway and I nearly collided with it. Bella's eyes widened with surprised as I knocked at Jasper's window.
He cocked his eyebrow and rolled it down. "Yes?"
"I want to drive," I said quickly.
"What?"
"I said I want to drive. Get out."
"I...have a date."
"I know you have your date. Get in the back, we'll drop you off." I motioned to the backseat.
He slowly got out of the car and got into the backseat. I straightened my shirt out and sighed before I slid into the driver's seat.
"Honey, are you sure about this?" Bella asked.
"You haven't driven in a long time, Edward. Easy does it."
"I can do it, damn it!" I slammed my palm down on the steering wheel and the horn echoed out. Bella cracked a smile and laughed almost silently to herself.
I took a deep breath and adjusted the seat. I checked the mirrors and adjusted the seat again before pulling on my seat belt.
"Seat belts, please," I said softly, keeping my eyes ahead. Jasper put his on as Bella pulled her knees up to her chest. I reached down and turned on the radio before checking both ways and pulling out onto the road.
It took us twice as long to get into town because I refused to go much over 25 miles per hour. Jasper was right. I hadn't driven in a long time. It wasn't that I'd forgotten by any means, but I just wanted to be cautious.
"God Edward, my 100 year grandmother used to drive faster than that," Jasper complained.
"Shut up, fucker, I'm driving."
"You're doing fine, Edward." Bella reached over and rested her hand on my thigh. "Jasper, where are you meeting Alice?"
"The diner downtown," he answered. "On Market Street."
Market Street. I remember that place. I met a guy over there a couple of times to sell him some pills.
I got a little more anxious the closer we got to town. I noticed it because my knuckles started hurting from gripping the wheel too tightly.
We passed a car. And then another car. Pretty soon there were people walking down the sidewalks. My heart was beating a million miles a minute, threatening to jump right through my chest.
"You're okay," Bella said again.
"Just park there," Jasper said, pointing to an open spot in front of the diner.
As soon as the car stopped, I wanted to crawl into the backseat and hide. I was out in the open. Anyone walking by could look inside and see me. I felt completely exposed and I could feel my whole body start to panic.
"Edward..." Bella said. She took my face in her hands and smiled. "You did it." I let out a huge breath and nodded. "You're going to be fine. No one is looking at you. And if they do, I'll kick their ass okay?"
"Okay." I smiled nervously and turned the car off.
"Do you want to run in and see Alice, Bella?"
"No, I don't have to. I can see her later." Bella shrugged.
"Go," I said.
"What?"
"Go." I nodded to the diner. "I'll wait out here for you, it's okay."
She leaned over to kiss me before barrelling out of the car and towards the diner. I watched her as she ran inside and up to a petite brunette with short spiky hair. I assumed this was Alice.
"She's cute," I said to Jasper.
"Yeah." He patted my back. "I'm really proud of you, man."
"Thanks."
"I'll have Alice give me a ride back. Don't wait up." He winked and got out. I was happy for him. He'd sacrificed enough being up at the house with me. I guess I didn't realize it until now. That was his life. I was his life. And now he had the chance to have her. I wanted that for him.
I glanced back inside and smiled as Bella talked to Alice. They hugged and jumped up and down a couple of times. Alice's eyes flickered outside and I cowered back into my seat. She surprised me when she waved at me through the glass. I raised my hand and gave her a tentative wave. Bella looked like she was finishing up, when a younger guy stepped towards her. It looked like they knew each other, but I didn't like it. I began to realize what this all meant. Her going back. She was going to be around other people. I trusted her with my heart, but that didn't mean I trusted them. People were assholes.
I focused on the digital clock in the car as I waited for her. When I looked up again, she was coming out of the diner looking a little flustered. Her eyes were hard, tinted with a fleck of anger.
She got into the car and didn't say a word.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah. Let's get going." She stared straight ahead as I nodded and pulled out of the parking space. She gave me directions to her house, even though I was vaguely aware of where it was. I'd driven by the Chief's house and thrown shit at his car enough to know. If I would have known Bella was inside, I would have walked up to his door and asked his permission to take her out instead of spray painting "dick" on his mailbox.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants as I pulled into her driveway. I saw the curtains pull back in the front window and then fall closed again. Bella smiled and got out of the car. She ran up to the door and met her father as he opened it to greet her. He smiled and laughed as he threw his arms around her.
He glanced at the car a couple of times, but I wasn't convinced he could see that well inside. He turned back to Bella and started talking to her, I imagine about the trip that never was. His face fell and I assumed she'd just told him the truth about what'd happened with her car and cell phone charger. His face turned bright red and I noticed his fists clenching at his sides as his head whipped towards the car. Now was probably the time to get out.
I cleared my throat and stepped out.
"What the hell is going on here?" Charlie asked.
"Nice to see you again, sir." I smiled and rested my hands on the top of the car.
"How dare you keep my daughter up there!" He stomped his foot. "You had no right to keep her prisoner like that, I should file charges against you for kidnapping."
"Dad!" Bella scolded. "It wasn't his fault. Get a grip!" She took a step closer to me. "Edward and Jasper were very hospitable. They took me in and allowed me to stay with them." She took my hand and I saw Charlie's anger flair. "Edward saved my life. And I fell in love with him." She gave my hand a squeeze.
"Is this a joke?" Charlie asked.
"No."
"Sir, I love Bella very much." I felt like a teenager again asking permission to take a girl to prom or something. "She says I saved her life, but it's really the other way around."
"I know who you are." Charlie put his hands on his hips. "Do you really know him, Bella? Know about his past, his secrets."
"I know everything," Bella said. I was proud of how strong she was being. I was on the verge of shitting my pants and she was the epitome of calm. "We don't have secrets." She shook her head. "Dad, you told me when I was little not to look at the surface. Not to...judge people until I know them. I know Edward. And he knows me. Better than anyone. Better than Alice and better than you. Can't you understand that?"
Charlie glanced between Bella and I. His eyes softened a bit, but I could tell he was still trying to keep up his tough dad stunt. "We'll talk about it later. I want you inside. And Cullen I want you out of my driveway."
"Yes, sir." I wasn't going to argue with him. He didn't like me. That was okay. I didn't blame him.
"You don't have to go," Bella whispered.
"I do. It's okay, I've had enough of town for one day." I smiled and was surprised that I felt okay with all of this. I was at peace with the situation. She stood up for me. She stood up for us. She wasn't going anywhere. I could love her from anywhere, we didn't need to be in the same house all the time. This could work.
"Okay." She reached into her bag. "I almost forgot." She handed me a box and smiled. "I had Jasper pick this up for you when he was in town." It was a cell phone. She bought me a cell phone. "I already programmed my number into it. I'll have to run and get a new charger, but it should be up and running soon."
"Wow..." I nodded. "Thank you."
"Now you can call me every night and complain about how much Jasper is driving you nuts. Because he will. That man is already in love and you're going to hear about it."
"Goodie," I said sarcastically.
"So...I guess that's it." She smiled slightly and reached up to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed her gently against the car. I nipped at her lips and felt her laugh against me. "Don't push it," she mumbled. "My dad already wants to cut your dick off."
"I better leave then because I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize ever spending time with you again," I said, smirking. I pecked her lips once more before I got into the car. She stood outside and watched me back out of the driveway. I waved as I slowly drove away.
It was hard, leaving her like that. But I knew she was okay. With this new phone, I could call her whenever I wanted to. Hopefully her dad would get her a new car or get her truck fixed. We were okay.
I drove straight back to the house and parked the car. When I got out, I slipped around the house and found myself wandering the gardens. The sun was warm on my face as I bent down to touch the new soil. I smiled to myself as I saw the very beginnings of the stems started to blossom from the earth. It was quite symbolic, if I do say so myself. Like a new beginning. This was the beginning of everything good.
I spent some more time outside and went back to the meadow to visit my parent's before I headed back to the house. As I rounded the corner, an unfamiliar car rolled up the driveway. I tensed slightly, wondering who it could be. I couldn't imagine it was being Jasper already. It was too early and he wouldn't explain the eerie feeling I got in the pit of my stomach. My only salvation was that it wasn't the one person who had hurt me before. It wasn't James. He died in prison two years ago.
A/N: *Mayjah dramatic moment music* I'd say about 95% of you thought our mysterious attacker from the prologue was James. *wags eyebrows* What do you think now?
We're so so close to getting to that prologue. We have one more chapter until we get there, which means this story is almost over. I want to say right now that its been a joy to write and thank you for indulging me in my adult Disney fantasies.
I'd love to hear your theories on what's going to happen! If you haven't started reading my other WIP The Roommate, now is the right time to start. All of the shit just hit the fan : )
Thanks again for reading!