Those of you who are reviewing – I wish I could send you Rob giggles. Thank you for supporting this fic.
Special thanks to ginginlee for betaing and morethanmyself for prereading since my lovely lizzylillyrose is out of town.
2010
"Hi, Bella," he said nervously, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.
"Edward Masen," I whispered, a small laugh escaping my lips. I looked to him and then to the horse, finding his eyes again. I had no idea how long I was out riding, and I felt bad if he had to wait. "I'm sorry, I hope you haven't been waiting on me for long…"
He laughed, my comment taking him by surprise, I suppose. He turned a nice shade of pink, and his eyes shot down to his boots. "You have no idea," he drawled slowly.
I didn't understand, but okay…
Both of us were at a loss for words, and the moment got more awkward by the second. I tried desperately thinking of a way to cut the silence, so I offered the only thing I had…
"You want to stay for dinner?"
O.o
Chapter 6: 2010
Dinner…had I really just invited Edward to stay for dinner? It seemed so wrong, so foreign, so…normal.
He fidgeted, and long gone was the boy with the sly smile who could turn me to jello with just a glance. I fought to see the confidence and strength of the eighteen-year-old-Edward. Instead, I stared into the blue eyes of a tired man, his face painted with the lines that had come from the stresses of life. His shoulders, broader than I remembered, hung with a slight sense of defeat.
"Dinner?" he asked, and a smile finally graced his lips. "You're not cooking, are you?" He laughed lightly, his eyes looking far away. "If my memory serves me correctly, the last time you tried to cook for me it ended pretty badly."
I rolled my eyes at the memory, but I couldn't help but laugh, as well. "That was ages ago – I promise, my cooking has improved. I've even perfected some southern recipes your mom tried to teach me back then. I have to say, they taste much better."
"No food poisoning, then?" He seemed much more relaxed, more collected and at ease at the simple mention of our past.
"Only if it's intentional." I smirked playfully.
He laughed and nodded. "Alright, I guess I can stay. Only if you insist, of course." He looked at me slyly, raising an eyebrow.
I smiled at him, mustering the confidence that he instilled in me when I was just a girl, and looked at him pointedly. "Edward Masen, it has been way too long since I have seen you. Please, stay for dinner. I insist. I was just about to cook for Charlie, anyway."
He looked at me strangely; his eyebrow raised just the slightest. "At least let me help you get the horse back in the stable," he answered after a moment.
Edward led Jenna back into the barn while I walked up the back porch steps, pausing at the door to remove my muddy boots. I walked in to find my uncle perched in front of the TV, snoring loudly as the baseball game got ignored by his slumber. I figured that Charlie wouldn't have minded Edward staying for dinner, especially considering the stunt that he had pulled this morning, so I got to work without his consent.
I searched high and low for decent food to cook in the kitchen cupboards, but I only found about a week's worth of frozen meals and a few cans of vegetables. I sighed heavily, racking my brain for what I could possibly cook.
I stood with my hands raised above me, angrily gripping the white wood of the deteriorating cupboards and intensely staring into the vacant space when I heard a door slam behind me. I jumped at the noise, my hand flying to cover my heart.
A laughing Edward came walking into the kitchen. "Jumpy, much?" he mocked, pulling out a kitchen chair to take a seat.
"I'm just not used to loud noises, or people, I guess," I reasoned without much thought, bringing my attention back to the empty cabinet, willing food to appear.
"You're not used to people?" he asked incredulously. "Have you been living in seclusion for the past twenty years, or something?" I knew it was just joking, but I couldn't find the strength to tell him that it sure felt that way.
"Not exactly," I went with instead.
"So…" he eluded.
I turned just my head to look at him. There was a moment, right then, when our eyes locked and something stopped. My brown eyes glued to his blue ones, my breath sounding loud in my ears. Something hit me in that second; an overwhelming sense of sadness overcame every part of my body. I felt on the verge of crumbling, like I was literally deteriorating from his stare. A mirrored look seem to cross his features, as well, and, before I knew it, Edward was out of his seat, across the kitchen, and had me wrapped in his arms.
His touch, his smell, his voice flowing softly in my ear completely cracked any resolve, any strength that I had left, and sent me straight into tears. Heavy sobs wracked through my small body, and I clung onto him for dear life. I had pent up everything from the past few years, not willing to allow my ex-husband to see me break. My pride was that only thing I had left from that marriage, and I refused to have that be taken away, too. However, that is exactly what led me to the sob fest in Edward's arms.
"Oh, Bella," he cooed, softly stroking the back of my head. His voice, the realization that I was here, only made me cry harder.
The cries eventually lessened, and with each deep breath I felt more and more like an idiot. After all of these years, this was the first impression I gave him. But he didn't come up with a hurried excuse and leave; he didn't mock me or joke about my weak behavior. He simply pressed my back up against the counter and ran his calloused thumbs over my tear-stained cheeks and across my salty lips.
"What has life done to you?" he asked so softly that I wasn't sure if the words were even meant for me to hear.
"I'm sorry," I answered eventually, sniffing loudly and unattractively, trying my hardest to gain control. "I don't know where that came from."
He smiled sadly and brushed a few strands of fallen hair behind my ears. "It's okay," he responded, his eyes finally reaching mine.
I took in his proximity as his body was still practically pressed up against mine, the heat rolling off of him in waves. My fingers gently fingered the fabric of his shirt, claiming the attention of my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at him.
"Why are you here, Bella?" he asked eventually, his voice still soft and caressing.
I took a deep breath and gave him the answer that I had been telling myself for weeks. "Charlie is sick; he needs me to take care of him."
His hand rose and gently gripped my chin, lifting it so I was forced to meet his piercing gaze. "Is that the only reason why you came back?"
What was I supposed to say? That I came back because my marriage fell apart? That I was drowning in my own self-pity and loneliness? That I literally didn't have anywhere else to go?
No, I couldn't tell him that. "I need to be here," I answered instead.
He dropped my chin and nodded slowly, taking a step back from me.
"Why are you here?" I asked him back.
"What do you mean?" he responded, confused.
"In Johnston County, why do you live here?" My voice took an edge that I hadn't intended it to take, immediately causing Edward to tense up.
"What does that supposed to mean? I've lived here my whole life."
Memories all of a sudden hit me like a ton of bricks, channeling my anger for my life into anger towards him.
"What about all that talk about moving to a big city? Getting out of this Podunk town and doing something with your life? God, all I can remember is you saying how you couldn't wait to leave! So…what happened? Why didn't you go?"
A thousand looks seemed to pass across his face, shifting between shock, anger, sadness, and back to anger.
But he didn't answer my question; all he did was step back closer to me, trapping me, once again, between the counter and his hard body. "Why did it take you twenty-three years to come back?"
I couldn't talk; I couldn't breathe. Edward's breath fanned my face, his anger clearly evident in his words. He suddenly gripped his hair tightly after I didn't respond, and he stepped back again, this time turning his face away from me.
"I have to go," he abruptly said, digging the keys of out his pocket and storming out the front door. He didn't even give me a second glance on his way out, but my eyes never left his retreating form.
"What's with all the yelling?" A tired looking Charlie stood in the doorway to the kitchen, rubbing the back of his neck.
I turned back and starred into the empty cupboard. "Nothing," I said dryly. It was always nothing.
O.o
I busied myself into my work the next few days, not wanting to fall behind on my editorial duties. And, well, because I needed a damn distraction. I did not come back here for Edward! I would repeat that to myself like a mantra, forcing myself to believe it. I did not come back for the memories; I did not come back to re-live the past.
He wasn't even supposed to be here…I was never meant to see him again.
This was not some fairytale or some ending of a cheesy book. This was life, and life's personal goal seemed to be to find every way to fuck me over, so any idea of becoming involved with Edward was just absolutely ludicrous. I didn't even know the man.
But his last question swam in my mind for days, haunting me with an underlying truth. Why didn't I come back? Why did it take me so many years to finally return?
I had always insisted that Charlie come up north to visit me, or he and I would meet somewhere in the middle. I always refused to come back to North Carolina. But why?
I fought the answer that surfaced to my mind, not wanting to believe it myself.
Coming back meant tampering with that summer, replacing those memories with new ones.
And I wasn't willing to let that go, no matter if it meant obscuring any potential future. Because he wasn't supposed to be here, and even if he were, I knew I wouldn't have been able to handle another ending like the first.
It all boiled down to one truth: Edward Masen broke my heart, and no matter how much time or distance I put between us, I was still too fragile for him to break it again.
O.o
It was so incredibly hot in this house, and of course it was even hotter outside. There wasn't even a breeze to accommodate for the extreme heat today, and I was literally sweating myself into dehydration.
"Charlie, how can you take this?" I asked from my sprawled out position on his couch. He had a fan plugged in, directed at his seat in his recliner. I didn't have the heart to switch it in my direction.
"What's that, dear?" he asked, not even bothering to remove his eyes from the TV.
"The heat. How are you not suffering?"
"Oh, hush, Bella. One day without air conditioning won't kill you. The guy said he will be by first thing tomorrow."
"I feel like I'm becoming delusional from the heat stroke I'm currently experiencing." I knew I sounded like a bitchy-teen, but I couldn't find it in me to care enough to stop.
"Then get out for a while, then. There are plenty of places in this town that are air conditioned."
I huffed and peeled myself from the couch, my skin leaving damp imprints in the fabric. Gross.
"Do you need groceries?" I asked, already knowing the answer to that question. I walked into the kitchen to grab my keys and purse without bothering to listen to his response. "I'll be back soon."
His mumble and air wave was my dismissal, and I pushed open the screen door to the blinding sun. Super Walmart was packed. Obviously people had the same idea as I had to escape the heat.
There was a vast range of people shifting through the aisles and taking up space on the massive gray floor. I took my time pushing my cart around, not really focusing on where I was going or what I was buying. I was suddenly so angry at being there…at Super Walmart. This wasn't what this community was built off of…a large chain that stole the business of the local farmers and markets.
My anger might have been a little bit misplaced, but it was just another thing that wasn't the same as I had remembered. The layout of the town wasn't the same, the atmosphere wasn't the same, the markets weren't the same…Edward wasn't the same.
This had been the exact reason why I didn't come back sooner. It was screwing with everything I knew, everything I had built my memory around. My emotions were already a constant battle of what it chose to remember, always dancing on the thin line of first love and first heart break.
I had still yet to find out which stuck with me more.
O.o
After my internal hissy fit at Walmart, I bought a few basic items to cook with, but I ended up driving along the dusty roads until I found what I was looking for. A few small white tents were set up along the side of the highway, and I pulled off to the side of the road and put the car in park.
I walked up to the man sitting behind the chair, and he dipped his cowboy hat in greeting. I took in the signs that were written in paint on boards of wood that stuck in the ground, listing the prices of the different fruit available for purchase. This was more like it, I thought to myself.
I was busy scanning and smelling different peaches when I heard a car pull up behind mine. Two kids with light red hair climbed out of the back seat of the black Suburban. They couldn't have been more than eight or ten. They each ran up to the blocks of fruit and started rambling off requests to who I assumed was their mother, who had red tinted hair that matched theirs perfectly. Her brown purse hung tightly on her shoulder, and her sunglasses blocked off most of her face.
It wasn't until she lowered her glasses and spoke to the man in the chair that the recognition of who she was hit me.
"Rachel?" I asked, surprise laced through my tone.
Her head snapped up at the sound of her name, and a look of confusion crossed her face.
"Yes?" she replied, still not having recognized me.
I took a step closer and reached my hand out to shake hers. "I'm Bella…I guess you would know me as Bella Swan…?" I offered.
Something passed across her face, but it didn't seem to be recognition.
"I came to visit my Uncle Charlie Swan for a summer back in high school…you were friends with Edward and Ri…"
I wasn't sure if she had cut me off before I could finish the last name, or if I just wasn't able to finish it myself.
"Oh yes," she said unimpressed. "The famous Bella Swan." Her tone was dark and unfriendly…she was nothing like the girl who I had become friends with all that time ago. I didn't understand her hostility, and I tried to rack my brain for a memory I must have forgotten of us fighting or something.
"Lana, Patrick, it's time to go," she called out to her children and turned to leave.
"Hold on," I called, lightly touching her arm. She whipped back towards me and her eyes closed into thin slits.
"Listen, Bella," she spat with distaste. "I don't know why you're back here, but you are not welcome. I don't want you anywhere near me, my husband, or my children, do you understand?"
I was flabbergasted, utterly shocked at what the hell had just happened. "Uh, sure," I finally stammered out, any witty remarks completely blown to wayside due to my complete shock.
"Kids, let's go, come on," she called again.
"Oh, come on, Mom! You promised us a watermelon!"
I stood still as stone as Rachel picked up a green melon and paid for it hastily before retreating back to her SUV.
"What the hell was that?" I asked the guy sitting in the chair, not really expecting him to answer.
"A wife who has spent her entire marriage in second place has some right to be angry," he replied simply, no trace of malice in his tone.
I scoffed…a wife in second place. Hell, I would know.
"Yeah, thanks," I said bitterly before purchasing my selected fruit.
The drive back to Charlie's was spent in silence. I didn't have the radio on, and I turned my phone off so I wouldn't have any distraction. I ended up driving right past his house, continuing the path that the curvy, vacant road led.
When I pulled up to the hidden entrance of the narrow, rocky road, I prided myself in remembering how to even get here. I drove down the path for a while before the terrain stopped and a beautiful, vast field was laid out before me. I parked the car and climbed out, bringing some fresh fruit and a blanket I found in the back seat with me. I walked through the high grass and patches of flowers, finally finding an old, large tree that sat in the middle of the field.
I circled it and scanned the bark until I could see it…
I love you, B. – Edward
The words were faded but not gone completely. Someone must have come back and re-carved it, right? After all this time, they must have…. I laid the blanket on the shaded grass and sat down gingerly, pressing my back into the scratchy bark.
I closed my eyes and I could still see the words carved into the old wood.
I love you.
Without my consent, a lone tear slipped down my cheek.
I love you.
Too bad, even then, it hadn't been enough.
End Notes:
Anyone else wonder what the hell happened? If you haven't listened to the song, Strawberry Wine by Deanna Carter, listen to it. Of course, there is more detail than just that, but I think you guys will have a better understanding.
And if you guys read my first fic, Family Ties and Guarding Hearts, I will be submitting an outtake of a certain couple's wedding for the fandom for tsunami cause. There are a ton of awesome writers from a bunch of different fandoms that are contributing, so please check it out even if you aren't interested in my piece.
As always, please review.