Hi, everyone! I'm hoping this post will be the start of weekly postings since I'm officially on summer vacation. Even if I don't get it up weekly, they will be posted a lot faster. Thank you all for your continued support of this little known fic.

To my wonderful betas, SparklingTwilight and ginginlee, thank you for your corrections and suggestions! And of course, my amazing pre-readers, who always have many great ideas, lizzylillyrose and morethanmyself, thank you so much. All of you guys are simply amazing.

Stephanie owns Edward and Bella. I would like to think I get Seth, but nope, not him. But I do take claim of Rachel. Oh hell, who am I kidding? She's not really mine, either.

Quick catch up: last 2010 post, Bella ran into Rachel and her two kids, and then went to the field where her and Edward shared and got super emotional.

Chapter 8

2010

"Can I from now on refer to you as Old Maid? Not even the old maid, just Old Maid," he asked from his seat on a splintered wooden stool as he scubbed some equipment.

I was seriously going to kill this kid. "Seth, if you like your life, I suggest retracting that statement immediately."

He and I were out back working in the barn. Unfortunately, it was pouring rain, so we couldn't ride today, but listening to the pounding raindrops on the roof really wasn't such a bad thing. It was actually pretty relaxing, soothing even.

"Oh, come on, Bella. I think it's very fitting." If I hadn't gotten to know Seth over the past few weeks, he would have been castrated already.

"I'm warning you right now, I won't cry at your funeral," I said nonchalantly as I ran a brush through Jenna's mane.

"Just think about it…you're old…"

"Seth…" I warned.

"Alone…" he continued.

"Seth!"

"You like animals, so I see cats in your future."

I stopped what I was doing and turned around to look at him, trying unsuccessfully to shoot daggers through my eyes towards his head. "Seriously, where are you going with this?"

"I think I even see a gray hair!" He got up from his stool and picked a strand of hair out from my head. I smacked his arm away with the brush I had been using on the horse.

"I do not have gray hair," I rebutted. "I dyed my hair only a week ago," I continued under my breath.

"So, are you interested in dating, then?" he asked with a smile.

"We went over this, kid…not happening between us." I laughed as I motioned my hand between our bodies.

He rolled his eyes but continued. "Not with me, Old Maid. I know a guy," he suggested excitedly.

"Oh yeah? You know a guy. Has he at least hit puberty yet, or are we still swinging in the baby leagues?"

"I wouldn't be so quickly to object; he's a catch."

"Seth, really, I'm in no place in my life to be dating anyone, catch or no catch,"I said seriously, turning my attention back to Jenna.

"Okay, Old Maid." He chuckled, sitting back down in his chair.

I swung back around and glared at him. "Am I really an old maid?" I asked more softly, my insecurities rising to the surface.

He shrugged his shoulders, but I could see the motives behind his eyes. "UGH! Fine! I'll go on a date with…your friend," I surrendered. Besides, one date couldn't hurt, right?

He smiled widely at me.

"He is around my age, though, right?" I tried to clarify, not wanting to be thrown in jail on pedophile charges.

"Oh yeah. He's really old, just like you." He laughed, causing me to chuck the horse's brush at him.

"Ow, Bella!" he complained, rubbing his arm. "You might want to be nice to little old me…after all, I'm now your very own cupid!"

"Should I buy you a diaper and little red arrows, then?"

"Ha-ha," he replied sarcastically. "Joke all you want, Old Maid, but when you see this guy, you're going to be forever indebted to my match-maker ways."

I laughed but went to pick my brush back up, anyway. This kid was seriously too much, but I was definitely glad he was around. He was a needed breath of fresh air, a good distraction.

It had been over a week since Edward had stormed out of my kitchen, and I hadn't seen him since. Charlie hadn't said anything to me, but I did catch him try to burn the house down again the other day, so I was pretty sure I knew where he stood on the subject. Crazy old man.

I just wish I knew what to do here, though. When I was younger, I thought adults knew everything, that they had everything figured out. But here I was…old, alone, and I didn't have a damn clue. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to do anything. Edward seemed so passionate the other day, though. I replayed that in my head over and over again. Why did he get so angry? It just didn't make sense.

"Hey, Bella?" I heard Seth ask after I had already returned to working on Jenna.

"Seriously, kid, I wouldn't push your luck anymore today," I joked, laughing until I turned around

and stopped in my tracks. The person who stood before me made me want to vomit in my mouth; actually, I was pretty sure I did a little bit.

"Alice," I practically choked. I made sure to place the brush I was using down so I wouldn't beat her with it.

She stood in the entryway of the barn, shaking out her umbrella by her side. "Hi, Bella," she replied nervously, fidgeting from foot to foot. The air in the large space was suddenly so full of tension that it was practically visible. Or maybe it was just me that was seeing red.

"Maybe I should go," Seth started, but I whipped my head towards him.

"Sit," I commanded in his direction, harsh enough that he sat down without question.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her, my voice full of venom. All the playfulness and joking that had happened between Seth and I seemed like ages ago in this moment, for I felt like I was reliving the exact memory of walking in on them.

"Bella, please, don't get upset. I came all the way out here to see you; just let me explain," she tried.

I took a few steps toward her, slowly, painfully. "How dare you come here? You…you were my best friend." All of the rage that I never got to lash out was slowly rising to the surface.

"Bella, I know. I came here to tell you that I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Sorry? You're sorry?" I was on the verge of yelling, trying desperately to keep my composure in front of the kid.

"Yes, of course I am. I didn't mean to hurt you, Bella. It all happened so fast! I fell in love!" she reasoned as if it excused every kiss, every touch, every moment of carefully executed betrayal.

"IN LOVE!" I screamed, finally shattering. Love…what did that even mean anymore?

"I really should go." Seth tried to get up to leave again.

"Seth, no," I said firmly, looking over at him, begging with my eyes for him to stay. I needed him here; I needed the support even though he had no idea why. He was my clean air when I felt like I was drowning.

"Bella…" she tried again.

"Alice, he was my husband! I came to you when I thought he was having an affair; I cried on your shoulder." I took a shuddering breath before continuing. "I MOVED INTO YOUR HOUSE WHILE I WAITED FOR THE DIVORCE TO BE FINALIZED!" I was begging for the tears to not spill down my cheeks. "But it was you…it was you all along."

"Bella, please, it's more complicated than that."

"How can it possibly be more complicated than that?" I spat.

She took a deep breath as she stood a bit taller. "I'm pregnant."

I was pretty sure my heart stopped. I always feared that he would leave me because I couldn't give him children. This was just an extra slap in the face. I took a few deep breaths, processing the new information. I don't think her or Seth even dared to breath while I took in the news. I was sure both of them thought I was going to explode, but after looking at her, I only felt pity. I knew that man better than anyone else. She had no idea.

With a new, calm resolve, I said, "I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Excuse me?" she seethed, grabbing onto her stomach protectively, obviously not expecting my reaction.

"Alice, don't you get it?" I asked disbelievingly. "He is just going to do the same thing to you that he did to me." Did she honestly think that she was the only one he was fooling around with? Of course she wasn't.

"He didn't love you!" she shot defensively. "He loves me!"

I took another step towards her until only a foot separated us. "He doesn't love anyone, Alice. That man has a black soul. If I were you, I would run, fast."

"I came here to apologize, try to make amends. I miss you in my life," she asked with tears welling in her eyes. "Why are you saying such hurtful things?"

I loved how everything was spun to be my fault. I'd had enough. "I refuse to allow you to step all over me for one more second," I rebutted. "Our entire friendship has been what was convenient for you. Hell, even my marriage wasn't convenient for you, so you made sure to end that. I was married to that man for fourteen years, and he dropped me like a dime, so do not think for one second that he wouldn't do the same to you." I could feel my hands shaking, and I wanted her gone. I didn't want to be reminded of what she did to me…of what he did to me. "Now, get out. Do not come back. And do not bother Charlie with your nonsense or pleasantries." I knew how she worked, and I didn't want any of it.

"I want you out. Out of North Carolina, out of my life, for good," I finished as strongly as I could muster.

Hate and malice filled her eyes before she spoke. "He wasn't the one with the black soul, Bella. He wasn't the bad guy. You, after all the years you two were together, refused to let him in. He didn't love you because you didn't let him. You pity me? Well, I pity you, because your life will be spent entirely alone. Do you know why? Because you choose for it to be that way."

She looked around the barn and picked up her umbrella, getting ready to leave. "You're going to end up exactly like Charlie," she stated mater-of-factly. "He was right; I shouldn't have come here." She looked me dead in the eye before stating, "You're not worth it," right before she disappeared back into the rain.

I stood frozen in my spot, staring at the wooden barn door. I felt like I was breathing in ice. After a few moments, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to look at Seth, who stood next to me, confusion and sadness written on his face.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier, Bella. You know, I think any guy would be lucky to be with you, and you'll find someone soon. I know it."

I smiled sadly and turned to hug him. "Thank you," I whispered, and he gripped me tighter.

"Can we be done for the day? I think we both need out of this barn," he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"You can go ahead and go. I'm just going to finish up a few extra things in here."

My head was spinning, and I honestly could have used some time by myself. Seth, being the young kid he was, picked up his stuff and practically skipped out of the barn, being released early from the day's work. I envied his enthusiasm, his innocence. I envied his happiness.

Finding out that Alice had been the one who was sleeping with my husband all along was the thing that really pushed me over the edge. I expected betrayal from him. After knowing him as long as I had, his infidelity really didn't come as that much of a surprise. Alice, however, that was a killer. She was my best friend, the closest thing I had to a sister.

But it honestly didn't surprise me that she tried to blame me for it. It was always my fault. I was never good enough…always in the wrong.

I picked up a horseshoe and threw it as hard as I could across the barn. I was tired of this! I was sick and tired of being at fault. I did not end my marriage! I did not break my vows! And what the hell was Rachel's problem? I did not destroy her relationship. I didn't even know who her husband was! I hadn't seen her in over two decades, for crying out loud.

This whole 'blame-Bella' philosophy had to stop. It was singlehandedly going to destroy me if it didn't.

It seemed like my entire life was based around waiting for other people, only to be disappointed and then blamed for their mistakes. But I was done…it was time to take my life into my own hands.

And that was exactly what I was going to do.

O.o

After getting directions from Uncle Charlie, who was a smug bastard about it the entire time, I got into my car and headed for the fire station. I wasn't going to wait for Charlie to light our house into flames just so I could see him again. He and I had things that we needed to settle. After two decades, it was about time I got some closure.

Wilson Mills Fire Station was an average sized brick building with only a few cars in the attached parking lot. Both engines were tucked away in the garage, so I figured everyone who was on duty was in the house. It was late afternoon, and the rain had finally stopped, opening up to a clear blue sky.

I pulled into an open parking space, taking a shaky breath before turning off the car. My plan seemed so much better when I was back in the barn, high off of the adrenaline from my confrontation with Alice. Being here, even this close to him, took me back to the shy, insecure, seventeen-year-old version of myself. I sighed in frustration. I was letting something else…someone else…beat me again.

Fuck it, I finally thought, grabbing my phone and keys before I got out of the car, slamming the door behind me. If this was the first step to taking my life back, then that was what I was going to do. Alice could shove her "never letting anyone else love me" business right up her ass.

I climbed the steps to the station, not sure what the correct protocol was. Should I have knocked? Walked in? Set the fire alarm off? Really, where was the guide to finding my long lost fire fighter lover when I needed it?

"Excuse me, ma'am, can I help you?" Oh, thank God.

"Hi, yes!" I said excitedly as I walked down the stairs and towards where he stood by one of the trucks. "I'm looking for Edward Masen. Is he around?"

He smiled and looked me over. "Yeah, Masen's here. And you are?" he asked coyly, as if something was amusing him.

"I'm Bella…" I didn't think giving my last name would have been relevant. Edward didn't even know what it was anymore, anyway, and saying "Swan" made me too much of that girl. I was definitely not Bella Swan anymore.

"Right…Bella." He chuckled. "Come on in." He turned around and walked through the garage to a door in the back, and I followed closely behind him.

We entered into a hallway, which broke off into different rooms. One held a washer and dryer, one was a bathroom, and then it finally led into the kitchen.

"Masen," this man yelled, causing a group of men who were sitting at a round table in the center of the room to look up. They stopped playing their cards, and Edward, whose back was towards me, didn't bother turning around.

"What's up, Crowley?" he asked lightheartedly as he dealt out another set of cards to his friends. Too bad none of them were paying attention…they were all focused on me.

"Someone's here to see you."

Finally, he turned around, and it seemed like slow motion as his body pivoted towards me; his once there smile dissolved when he realized that it was me who was standing there.

"Fellas?" this guy who had brought me in asked, causing every one of the guys at the table to stand up and follow him out of the kitchen. I would have been polite, telling them that they didn't have to leave, but I honestly did not want this conversation to have witnesses. Edward must have felt the same way, because he didn't stop them, either.

"Bella," he finally said, still sitting in his chair. "Hi." I watched as he studied me from head to toe, almost like he was memorizing what I looked like.

"Hi," I responded, playing with my keys in my hands. "So, I had this whole speech planned out, but, well…" I trailed off.

"Um," he mumbled, tearing his eyes from mine. "Here, come sit down." He motioned to the table and pulled out the chair next to him.

I walked over and sat in it gingerly. Seriously, my mood swings were giving me whip lash. First, I was hell bent on talking to him, then I got all nervous, then my resolve came back full swing, and now, here I was, unable to form a single significant thought. I hated and loved that he did this to me. I hated all the different feelings, but I loved feeling something.

"Bella, listen, the other day…"

"Edward, I…" we started at the same time, earning a nervous chuckle from the both of us, which then just sent us back into the awkward silence.

"Do you want a tour?" he finally blurted out with a smile.

I smiled in return and nodded my head. "A tour sounds great."

I left my phone and keys on the table and followed Edward out of the kitchen. "Do you guys actually cook in there?" I asked as we walked into the next room. "It's just so clean."

He laughed. "Yeah, we cook. You're just lucky you came when you did…it was cleaning day."

"Sounds enthralling," I joked.

He shook his head but laughed anyway. "Don't get snippy."

Snippy? It was nice to know that he still used strange words.

"We get plenty of action around here," he defended. "Between these country boys and that uncle of yours, there's hardly ever a dull moment."

"Okay, okay," I surrendered. "My old man setting his own house on fire must be really tiring."

"You know, he never did it on purpose until you came back."

I shook my head and sighed, refusing to look at him. "Don't mind his crazy ideas," I dismissed sadly.

"Hey, I'm particularly fond of his crazy ideas!" he said enthusiastically, and I wasn't sure if he was joking or not. "Do you remember when he was convinced that you were sneaking out of the house?" He laughed at the memory.

"But I was sneaking out of the house!" I responded, laughing. Charlie had tried to set up booby-traps all around the house to try and catch me in the act that summer. But, between Edward and I, and our hormonal determination, we never actually got caught. Or so we thought. Charlie definitely brought up those memories, in front of my ex-husband, no less. Charlie really did hate that bastard, though I couldn't blame him.

"You know, he knew about everything we did that summer," I admitted as we walked through the gym and up the stairs to the sleeping quarters.

"What do you mean?" he asked with fear written across his face. He was still so much of that eighteen-year-old boy that it made me blush.

"Uh," I tried to regain my composure, "July fourth weekend…" I eluded.

"No way." He gasped, sitting down on one of the beds. I walked over and joined him, sitting cross legged with my back against the head board while he was near the foot of the bed.

"Oh yes. And the night of the bonfire."

"Why didn't he say anything?"

I laughed, shrugging. "I think he's always been on Team Edward," I joked.

Edward just shook his head and looked at me. "Crazy old man."

"You got to love him, though," I added.

He smiled in agreement. "Oh, of course."

"We thought we were being so sneaky. You would dress in all black and force me to call you Agent E."

"Hey, don't make fun; I was on a mission! I had to get my girl out of the dungeon."

"Dungeon? Always so dramatic," I countered, rolling my eyes.

"You loved it," he defended.

I lifted my eyes to look at him. "Yeah, I did. It was the most exciting summer of my life."

He smiled sadly in return. "Mine too, Bella."

"Daddy!" We both turned our heads at the sound of a little boy who came barreling through the room with a girl in his wake.

Edward automatically opened his arms as the boy collided with him, jumping up onto his lap. "Hi, Daddy!" the girl said, coming over to hug Edward as well.

He looked at me nervously as he hugged his kids, and my face, I was sure, was frozen in shock.

"I should have known."

I looked over to see Rachel standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. "You couldn't even wait for the divorce to be finalized before getting her in your bed," she spat.

Edward shot up from the bed and kissed both of his children on the head, telling them to go play with their uncles downstairs, before staring at Rachel.

Once the kids reluctantly left the room, Edward seethed, "What the hell, Rach? We talked about this. Those comments in front of the kids are out of line."

"Out of line?" she countered, her high heels cackling on the hard floor as she stepped towards him. "How am I out of line? I came to bring you your children, and they find you in bed with your mistress."

Edward laughed loudly, no humor evident, before he addressed her again. "Get off your damn high horse, Rachel. We were just talking. I am so SICK of you turning everything I do into a damn felony. Bella is not my mistress, nor has she ever been my mistress. You just have it stuck in your thick head that I have been unfaithful! I have never been unfaithful!" he screamed.

"Not physically, maybe."

"Oh for the love of God," he cried, throwing his arms up in frustration. Finally he turned to look at me, and my expression made him fall short, composing himself. "Uh, Bella, I'm really sorry. I should have told you…"

"Sure, apologize to her!" Rachel yelled.

"Rachel, just get out," Edward commanded, exasperated. "Seriously, you've been in the room for less than five minutes and I already have a splitting head ache."

She huffed loudly before adjusting her purse, and without even sparing me a glance, she stormed out of the room.

Edward sighed loudly, sitting back down on the bed, his elbows resting on the top of his thighs.

"You married Rachel?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

He just nodded his head in response, not looking at me.

"I guess it makes sense now." I chuckled humorlessly, causing him to look at me strangely. "I ran into her the other day," I clarified. "She demanded that I stay away from her husband. I didn't really understand until now."

He groaned and put his head back into his hands. "She is ridiculous. I'm so sorry," he offered. "And if it means anything, I won't be her husband for much longer. We've been separated for over a year; we're just in the final stages of the divorce. Everything just got so damn complicated." He sighed in defeat.

I should have known that Edward would have his own scars, his own baggage. But I was too busy thinking of myself and my own problems to even consider his. I reached out and put a hand on his hunched over shoulder.

"Hey, I get it, trust me," I consoled softly. He just shook his head.

"How did our lives even get here?" he asked, even though I didn't think the question was geared towards me. "I had a plan…"

I scoffed, "You and your plans." I removed my hand from his arm and used it to tuck my fallen hair behind my ears.

"Please, don't start. Not you too; not today," he grumbled, looking at me with no light in his features.

"Okay," I whispered, surrendering to the hopelessness of his blue eyes. "So, kids, huh?" I asked with more inflection to my voice, trying to bring us both out of the dark hole.

"Kids," he confirmed statically, but even I could see the hint of smile on his face. "They are the best parts of me," he added. "But they deserve better parents than Rachel and me, that's for sure."

"I'm sure you are a wonderful father," I berated.

"What about you? Did you ever produce little Bella babies?" He chuckled nervously, shifting his position to get more comfortable, while refusing to look at me at the same time.

"No…I, uh, no." I couldn't find the words that would fit. How could anyone find those words to explain to someone else? I looked away from him, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from spilling.

"Hey," he called out softly, coming closer to wrap his arms around me.

As soon as his body touched my own, I lost it. It was like only he could set me off into hysterics like this. Again, I loved and hated it at the same time.

"Please don't cry, Bella." He held me tighter, tucking my head into his chest.

Why did this hurt so badly? After all of these years of suppressing this issue, refusing to allow it to affect me, why now did it all have to haunt me so deeply? I know I shouldn't have been jealous that Edward and Rachel had kids, it wasn't even that I was jealous that Edward had them with her...it was that they had children period and I didn't. And now Alice, with him. It was like the world was trying to spite me today, remind me of my failure.

I wanted to be a mother, to love one of my own unconditionally, to be loved back with the same intensity. Maybe it was just another way for me to fill this void that was in myself, but I needed this sense of completion, I craved it, I mourned for it, and now I even let it break me.

I was stronger than a lot of things, but I was not stronger than this.

I sniffed loudly, trying not to make a mess of Edward's shirt with the evidence of my breakdown. "Wow, I'm sorry," I was finally able to speak, even though barely coherently, after what seemed like eternity. "I promise I won't lose it every time I'm around you."

He took my face in his hands and wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. "I don't mind," he said honestly.

"Dad!" a voice came from down the stairs, causing Edward to close his eyes and drop his head.

With a heavy sigh, he yelled back, "Coming." Looking back at me, his face was full of pity - I hated it. "Bella...I..." He seemed torn, whether to go to his child or to sit here and console me.

But my emotions had had enough of the whirlwind today, so I stood up and wiped my face with the back of my hands. "I should be going, actually."

"Bella, don't go," he pleaded sadly, but when he heard his son calling for him again, he didn't have an option to convince me to stay.

"I'll be back," I offered, and he took that as enough because he took off for the stairs, leaving me in the room.

I stood idle for a moment, feeling uncertain about how things just progressed between us and the revelation about his marriage and kids. I took a step to leave just as Edward ran back in, out of breath from just re-climbing the stairs. "Dinner..." he practically panted, taking me by surprise.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Dinner...tomorrow night. Since we never got to the other night, I would love to make you dinner."

"Oh, um..."

"Please?" he begged with an adoring smile on his face.

"Okay," I replied with a smile of my own. "Dinner."

O.o

End Notes:

If you're worried about Edward being married to Rachel, trust me. I won't be dragging out any divorces. Just trust.

And for those who would like to support me as an author, I have a one shot in the Love Like Fire Contest called There You'll Be. It's angsty and painful, but I'm really proud of it. If y'all wouldn't mind reading/reviewing/voting, the o/s can be found on my profile.

Thanks for all the support!

As always, please review!