Sorry folks - I know I said this chapter would be up ALOT sooner but I wanted it to be perfect. I'm not 100% happy with it but I say "near enough is good enough!" Sorry for any and all spelling mistakes! All characters belong to Charlaine Harris. Alexander Skarsgaard is still tied to my bed so season 3 will have to wait!
Chapter Thirteen
"I am sorry I had to show you this child"
"Niall? Please God, tell me I am still dreaming"
"It was not a dream but rather a vision of what is to come."
"I can't let it happen."
Her eyes shot open as she jolted out of sleep. Sookie clutched at her chest as she gasped for air. She looked down at Eric, still dead to the world beside her, and clutched his arm just to make sure he was really there. She felt the cool hardness of his arm and breathed a sigh of relief. She knew she was awake, really awake, now.
She looked at the little alarm clock beside the bed. It read 3.45pm. Nightfall was a few hours away. She looked back over her shoulder at the sleeping figure of Eric. Tears pricked her eyes and she let them flow down her cheeks. Memories of the vision Niall showed her came flooding back. She had not only seen it all unfold before her but she had felt it all too. As Eric had drawn the blood out of her, she had felt helpless to stop it, betrayed by the man she loved. But even with her last breath she had still loved him. Her death had felt similar to a cold breeze moving up her body. Then there was no more pain and she was no more. All she could see was Eric. But when she saw what happened to Eric her heart broke anew. The bond was broken and so was he. How could he live on when the part of him that made him alive was now dead. Over and over again she heard him scream, "Why was I not enough for you??".
She began questioning herself. How could she do that to Eric? Let him suffer and end himself because of her. Have I been selfish? In some ways, yes, but I don't know any other way. I have been on my own most of my life. I put myself first out of habit not out of selfishness. That is my self preservation mechanism. But how could he think he was not enough for me. He is everything to me. He is prepared to die for me but am I prepared to do the same for him?
But how could she submit to becoming a Vampire. She loved him and wanted to be with him but she had always told herself she never wanted to be one of them. Whenever the subject of her mortality had arisen she had changed the subject. If she was honest with herself, just the idea of thinking about it terrified her. She had always stuck by her wish to die a human death and smiled her 'crazy Sookie' smile, like she was alright with growing old and feeble while her vampires remained unchanged. She felt a pang of jealousy she had never allowed herself to feel before. Was she really okay with it? The fragile and finite life of a mortal? A pain in her chest told her she really wasn't okay with it. She wasn't sure a human lifetime was enough for her anymore.
What if I asked Eric to turn me? What would happen to me? I would look like this for eternity. Not a bad thing as I'm young and attractive. I would have to drink blood. Alot of blood. Yuck. Though being a vampire I guess I would suddenly crave it like I do chocolate when I have PMS. Eric doesn't much like bottled blood but he drinks it down when it's the only option. Many vamps have mentioned that fresh blood is far superior. Eric never killed his 'meals', and honestly I could never kill someone just to feed."That seems similar to suddenly becoming a vegetarian. I just couldn't live with out meat so I can understand that aspect of it," Sookie paused and thought on her last comment to herself. "Huh, that's interesting." she said to herself. Sookie had never before allowed herself to think through these ideas, rather she had pushed them for her mind like any other impulsive desire. She found it quite liberating so she let her mind wander further. Would I still be Sookie Stackhouse, waitress? Not sure Sam would ever talk to me again if I was turned. I guess I could tend bar at Fangtasia. Hope I don't kill myself off! She laughed out loud to herself and it echoed off the walls.
"Would I still be Sookie Stackhouse, telepath? I have no answer to that. As I am part Fairy, what would happen if I was made vampire? Would I be a super-vampire? Somehow I don't see myself donning blue spandex. Would I still be telepathic or would my changing into a vampire allow me to read the minds of the undead? Who knows? I hope to God that it wouldn't be the latter. That would be the worst thing imaginable. Would my personality change if I became a vampire?" She had never known anyone before they were made Vampire. Her cousin Hadley didn't count as she barely knew her to begin with. She knew vampires weren't completely cold hearted and made of stone. She could never have fallen for Eric or Bill if that were the case. If anything they feel emotions more keenly that humans. Her stomach growled in protest so she went about making herself a light dinner consisting of a grilled chicken sandwich. She took her meal into the media room and browsed the hundreds of DVDs while she ate. Eric certainly had an extensive and eclectic collection. His book selves were much the same. Sookie did notice that a large portion of the DVDs and novels were ones she liked. She couldn't pass that off as coincidence. Eric knew her pretty damn well and it made her smile despite the the weight of her thoughts. She settled into the couch with book but after reading the first paragraph several times she gave up and fell into her thoughts again. She tried to imagine life as a vampire. She would be Eric's child and, like Pam, she would be forever bound to him. She hated that idea but Pam didn't seem to mind, after all Eric allowed her to leave when she pleased. She had told me once that she returned Eric out of loyalty not because she had been commanded to.
She yawned and looked at the clock. 5.06pm. Not long until Eric woke. She didn't want to go back to sleep. She had done a lot of thinking and now she was armed with the knowledge and perspective she needed. She was ready to talk this through with Eric, though she felt it was pointless in a way as she knew what had to happen. But she still needed to talk about it, with him. She stepped into the shower stall and enjoyed the hot spray on her face. Nothing like a hot shower to make you feel brand new. She continued thinking about Vampires and what it would be like to become one. She realises quite suddenly that she wasn't tense. Rather she felt quite relaxed thinking about it. She was ready to do this.
As she emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of heat and steam, she saw Eric stir and sit up. He turned his attention to her and she saw his fangs fully down. It seemed strange to her until she looked down and realised she was naked. Her mind had been preoccupied. Before she could take a full intake of breath Eric was bearing own on her. He grabbed her around the waist and pushed her up against the nearest wall, lifting her hips to meet his as her legs automatically wound around him. She knew she needed to discuss a lot of things tonight but for a little while she wanted to forget about them. She pushed her chest forward, rivulets of water trickling down her breasts and over her stomach. She offered herself to him and he gratefully accepted. Their lips met and a battle of tongues ensued. He held her firmly in place as she roughly grabbed fistfuls of his hair. Her stubbornness and fierce determination stoked his own fiery nature. He pulled back from the kiss and ran his fingers through her wet hair. Their heated gaze met as her thrust into her hot centre without warning, drawing a strangled cry from Sookie. He held her gaze, daring her not to look away, as he pounded into her. Her slick folds aided his relentless rhythm. As her climax drew closer, her eyes glazed over and began to close. Desperate to draw her back he whispered "Look at me, lover." Her eyes snapped open and focused sharply on his. As her orgasm crashed over her she cried out his name. The pounding of her heart and the pulsing heat between her thighs drove him over the edge. He broke their gaze as he sank his fangs into her neck, drawing deeply, as his fingers instinctively dug into her arms.
"Eric, be gentle" she begged.
At that he retracted his fangs and licked her wounds, sealing them. Touching his forehead to hers, he wished he could hear her thoughts. Her hot skin burned him but he could not let her go. He stiffened inside her and he sighed to himself.
"Lover," he said, low and husky, "you torment me. Why can I never be sated? I will never tire of you." He looked into her rich blue eyes as noticed they possessed an added depth. He examined the bond and felt many new sensations coming from his bonded.
"Sookie, are you well? Something is different. What has happen?" he released her from his grasp and led her to the bed where they sat facing each other.
"Yes, something happened while we slept. I had a dream that wasn't a dream. Niall came to me and he told me many things."
"Tell me everything," he said, suddenly serious. Nothing involving Niall was ever good.
"He told my very little and most of it was cryptic. He did, however, show me once possible path that lay ahead."
"And where did that path lead you."
"Us. It led us to our deaths, Eric."
Nothing else could have shocked him more. "You said he showed you, yes? Explain, please" he asked. He was getting that sinking feeling.
"Niall showed me what was to happen today if I refused....to be turned by you." She was watching for his reaction to her words when Eric cut off the blood bond completely. When Sookie felt it drop she jerked back instinctively, giving herself whiplash. She reached out and grasped his arm before he could move away. Closing her eyes she focused her mind on his. Eric knew he could simply move away from her but he was curious to know if she could read his mind intentionally. He placed her other hand on the side of his face, cupping his cheek. The silent void of his mind grew louder as background thoughts and memories plowed into her. She pushed them aside as she heard him calling her name. Sookie, I'm so sorry. I did all I could for us. This is all that is left.He let his end of the blood bond open again and Sookie was shocked by how much fear and trepidation she felt coming from him.
"Eric" she whispered. "It's okay." she said as she drew him into an embrace. After a long moment she pulled back and spoke again. "In the vision Niall showed me I was scared, still so scared, and I refused you. You gave me a choice when you didn't have to. But I let you down. I wasn't strong enough or brave enough to carry on. You drained me right here in this room. This is where I died. The bond, it broke and you fell and screamed, over and over. It broke my heart Eric. I'm so sorry. Sorry for not trusting you, sorry for not believing you and for not loving you until it was almost to late. You are enough for me, I swear. You are everything to me.
Her string of heart broken apologies shook him to the core. "Sookie, Sookie, Sookie," he crooned in her ear as he pulled her into an embrace. "Tell me what happened after that?"
"You took me home and put me into my bed in Grans' old room. You kissed me sweetly. Then you......you...." but she couldn't get the words out.
"Met the Dawn?" he said in a near whisper as he looked past her into empty space, his eyes misted with blood.
She began sobbing heavily now, tears streaking down her cheeks and falling onto Eric's chest. "You saw me in the sunlight. You took my hand and I led you away from the flames.
"You believe what Niall showed you to be true?"
"Yes, of course! Why would he lie to me?"
"I believe he has told you the truth also. Sookie we are in grave danger. I must apologise for keeping you in the dark but it was necessary. I knew what was going to happen. I tried to stop it but it was futile. All I could do was delay it. Felipe was to be in Bon Temps the evening after you were rescued from the fairies. He was to take you back to Nevada for 'safe keeping'. He believed I had failed in keeping you safe. But as you now know it was all his doing. I managed to keep them away. I had your witch friend work a spell to keep Felipe at bay.
"Amelia? Why didn't she tell me?"
"I asked her not to. I did what was best for everyone concerned. I sent her home to New Orleans where she would be safe."
"So you delayed them some? So what? It didn't stop them coming back. If you turn me, how is that going to stop them. If I am still telepathic, God forbid, Felipe will still want me. And he will kill you for turning me without his permission!" she said. She saw Eric swallow hard when, of course, he had no need to. Eric was again keeping something from her. "What is it? Tell me, Eric!"
"I spoke to Niall before he left. I asked him about turning you and he wasn't at all surprised. He informed me that you would not be the first part-Fae to become a vampire."
"So he knows what would happen when vamp and fairy blood combine?"
"Yes, to a point. Niall was unsure if any of these 'Changelings', as he called them, had been telepathic."
"What did he say of these Changelings? What happened to them?"
"Nothing. They became vampires. Nothing especially Fairy-like about them."
"Well that doesn't help me. I need to know what will happen with this" she said, tapped her forehead.
"Sookie, Niall told me something else. I am not sure what to do with this information. Maybe I should have told you earlier. Maybe it's completely irrelevant."
"For God's sake! Tell me!"
"Niall did not believe your telepathy to be related to your fairy blood as it is not a skill the Fae possess."
"What? I think that is pretty damn relevant! Why didn't he tell me about this?"
"I don't know Sookie. In my experience when a human becomes a vampire, they die. Maybe your gift, being part of your human side, will die too?"
"I guess that would make sense. But every time I have had an infusion of vampire blood my 'gift' gets stronger hence why I can sometimes hear your thoughts. I don't know. I'm terrified that it will go wrong and I will be worse off as a vampire. What would happen to me, Eric, when...if....I became a vampire?"
"What do you mean?"
"Will I be a blood thirsty vamp, happy to kill any human who crosses my path or will I still be me?"
"Blood thirsty, oh yes, you will be thirsty, very thirsty. But no, I don't believe you would ever kill anyone and be happy about it weather you are human or vampire. Becoming a vampire changes what you are, but not whoyou are. Sookie listen to me and I will tell you of my experience. After I was turned by Appius I feared my own loss of humanity. Sure, I had killed countless foe on the battlefield but that was to keep myself and my kinsmen alive. Some would say being a vampire is not much different. To kill to survive. That was the problem for me. In the heat of battle I had enjoyed the fight but I never took pleasure in the kill. As a vampire I was expected to enjoy killing. It took many decades until I mastered the 'little drink', leaving no need to kill a victim. It was then I began to enjoy myself. A little drink here, a drink there mixed with a whole lot of sex. No humans died at my hands unless it was for my own protection. But those early mistakes haunted me, when I wasn't strong enough to stop myself without my Makers help." He fell into to his thoughts for a long moment before Sookies' warm touch on his arm brought him back to the present.
"The point I am trying to make is that being made a vampire didn't make me a blood thirsty killer from day one. It took centuries for my humanity to whither, but only because I let it. Vampires can go either way over their long lives. They can grow cold and bitter as the world they once lived in passes them by, nurturing a hate and contempt for all humanity because it is easier to hate that which excludes you. Or a vampire can watch as the human race progresses over time; changing, exploring, discovering. They can study human nature and come to see it a something beautiful and powerful yet fragile, something to be cherished and enjoyed."
"It was time, and old hurts, that caused me to become cold and contemptuous. But the night you, Lover, walked into Fangtasia, I felt something I had not felt in many centuries. Curiosity. Later on, as i got to know you I began to feel something else. The thrill of the chase. The hunt, the seduction, the conquest. And that then evolved into something much, much deeper. I found that my heart loved you before my head had any idea."
"Same here" she said as they smiled at each other.
"I cannot, will not, live without you Sookie. I wish things could...." She silenced him with the lightest of kisses. Her kisses moved along his jaw and up his neck. She whispered in his ear.
"I know. It's okay. Everything will be okay soon." She pulled back and held his gaze. "I'm ready Eric." she said as she turned her head and bared her throat.
Erics' fangs ran down as he struggled to contain his desire for her. This glorious creature before him was laying down her life for him. She was his hearts desire fulfilled. His euphoria flooded the bond making Sookie smile. He placed his hands on either side of her face and turned her to look at him. "Sookie, I wish to give you a gift greater then eternity"
She couldn't help but be confused and a little hurt. She feared suddenly that he would not turn her. But I want this. I want him always and forever.
He felt her flutter of emotions. He pushed his love and calm through the bond. "I wish to give you what I never had. One last day in the sun. Go and greet the dawn, enjoy your last day in the warmth of the sun. When twilight arrives we will have each other forever.