Black Ice: Ch. 6

By: The Confused One

A/N: I'm not as sure of this chapter as I have been about some others. I really hope it works for everyone, and please enjoy, and remember to review. Thanks.

After eating, Bobby returned to Alex's room. Frustrated, Mike did the dishes. He finally went in search of Bobby. Bobby was lying on her bed. He was sitting on his back. His head was facing the window. The door was open. With relief, Mike mused that Bobby had stopped trying to force him out, but he noted Bobby didn't acknowledge him in any way as he entered the room.

Tired of Bobby's guilt, Mike sat down on the edge of the bed. Watching Bobby, he broke the silence. "Pretend you didn't throw any punches at me. Do whatever you have to do. Just stop ignoring me. I'm not going to let you withdraw into yourself and shut down on me."

Bobby simply closed his eyes. He felt completely drained. He had no energy left for anything. He spoke quietly, "Go home, Mike, please. Just leave me alone." It was half plea and half beg, but there was a tone to resignation to his voice. He knew it was futile. Mike wasn't going anywhere.

Mike sighed sadly. Shaking his head, he persisted, "No. I'm not leaving until you do."

Bobby snorted. They were obviously going to just go round and round in circles. He decided to just change the subject. "Her brothers, father, and I helped her move into this house. The five us moved every piece of furniture in." He smiled whimsically. "She liked decorating the place. She was still nowhere near done. Said the last owners had horrible taste." He still didn't dare move or look at Mike.

Mike nodded in understanding. He replied, "I…noticed a new bookcase."

Bobby actually smiled now. "I have several drawers, part of her medicine cabinet, part of the closet and a bookcase. She took off on me at lunch one day. Came back saying she had a surprise for me. It was here when I arrived. The books on it used to be at my apartment. She said that way I didn't have to lug my books around as much. We spent most of our nights here." He closed his eyes against the tears. "I don't know why we didn't come here last night. I don't know why we wanted to be at my place. There was nothing special there. If we had just stayed here…"

Mike shook his head. He insisted, "You can't do that, Bobby. You can't question your decisions. You couldn't have known. You can't blame yourself for this."

Bobby swallowed hard. Sitting up, he shook his head. "Yes, I can. I have to blame myself. There is no else to blame."

Mike sighed. He obviously wasn't going to get anywhere with this conversation at the moment. He changed the subject. "You can't just sit here forever."

Bobby looked over at Mike like he was stupid. "I wasn't planning to, Mike."

Mike nodded. "Good. Then get off your ass and let's get out of here."

Bobby shook his head and looked away. "I'm not ready. Besides, there are just as many memories at my place."

Mike sighed. Putting his hand on Bobby's shoulder, he pointed out, "Yeah, but it's your place. This was her place. You can't just…stay here."

Bobby closed his eyes. He let a few tears slip down his cheeks. "But she's still here. Everything here is…her. I can feel her. I can't lose that, Mike. I just can't. I can't lose her."

Mike swallowed hard. He felt completely out of depths. He didn't know how to make this better for Bobby. He offered the only comfort he could. "You'll always have a part of her with you, Bobby."

Bobby took a shaky breath. He whispered, "I can't… I can't live on that."

Mike was about to speak when there was a knock on the broken front door and someone walked in. Alex's sister, Jennifer, called out, "Bobby?" Her voice broke just a little.

Bobby closed his eyes. He wasn't sure he could handle seeing more people. He turned his head to the door. His mind was reeling. Standing up, he called back, "Jennifer…"

Jennifer and her husband, Neil, met Bobby at the door of Alex's room. Sniffling, she pulled him into a hug. "God, Bobby, it's so awful." Jennifer had long since gained an appreciation for how much Bobby Goren loved her sister. Bobby was considered family, and it was obvious he was hurting as much as they were.

Bewildered, Bobby pulled away from her. He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry…" He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve their affection. He couldn't believe they were reaching out to him.

Jennifer shook her head. She met Bobby's eyes. With determination in her eyes, that was pure Eames, she insisted, "Don't you dare, Bobby. Don't blame yourself."

Bobby had to look away. He couldn't continue to see that look in her eyes, the same look that reminded him so much of Alex. Overwhelmed, he felt like he was drowning.

Neil quickly nodded in agreement. No one wanted to see Bobby try to blame himself. "She's right, Bobby. You can't blame yourself for this." With a sigh, he indicated the font door. "What happened to the door?"

Mike crossed his arms and looked at Bobby. "He refused to let me in. I busted it down."

Ignoring the looks Jennifer and Neil were giving him, he stared at the floor and his voice was barely audible when he explained, "I… I just wanted to be alone." His head was starting to spin. He was starting to feel like the walls were closing in on him. He wasn't sure how much more he could take.

Neil sighed softly. He pointed out, "You shouldn't be alone, Bobby."

Jennifer agreed. She put her hand to his cheek. "That's what family is for, Bobby, and you're family as far as we're concerned."

That was the last straw. It was all just too much for Bobby. He couldn't take it. He felt completely lost. He whispered, "I can't do this." Before anyone could utter another syllable, he fled the house that he had so stubbornly refused to leave until that moment, and that just pissed him off. He didn't want to leave that house, but he had to get away from all of them.

Alarmed, Mike tried to chase after him. He didn't trust Bobby alone right then. Only he wasn't fast enough. Bobby beat him to his car and out of the driveway. Stomping back into the house, Mike slammed his hand against the doorframe. "Damn it!"

Coming out of the bedroom, both Neil and Jennifer came out of the bedroom with ashen looks on their faces. Neil ventured, "We just made things worse didn't we?"

Mike scrubbed his face with his hand. He shook his head. "No. No. You didn't do anything wrong. He's just…all over the map right now and unpredictable."

Taking a shaky breath, Jennifer wrapped her arms around herself. She quietly admitted, "We were… We were going to try to get Bobby to come with us to my parents'. We live the closest…"

Mike sighed. "Even if we could find him, I can guarantee he's not up to a large group of people."

Jennifer nodded, trying to accept this. "Are you going to try to find him?"

Mike nodded. He assured her, "Yeah. I'm going to find him and make him go home."

Jennifer was able to relax a little then. Grateful, she wiped at the tear that escaped. "When you do…tell him we're worried about him. We want to see him. Tell him to come by or at least call."

Mike nodded again. He gave her a sympathetic look. "I'll do my best, and don't worry about the door and the house here; I'll take care of it.

Jennifer sighed softly. "Thank you." She looked at Neil. "I guess we need go ahead and go."

Neil took her hand. Giving it a squeeze, he agreed, "Yeah..."

Watching them leave, Mike sighed. Grabbing the phone he had to get this door taken care of fast. He had to find Bobby before he did something stupid. Mike could feel it coming on.

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Bobby drove around, hoping to calm himself down. He was in a temperamental fury by the time he decided to finally go to his apartment. He was furious with himself for letting them chase him away from her home, and he knew couldn't go back there, not tonight. He had let her down again.

Reaching his apartment, he staggered through the door. Shaking, he was only focused on the rage deep inside of him. He was cultivating it in a desperately attempt to feel anything but the pain and emptiness. He encouraged the anger in a desperate attempt to stave off the fresh wave of tears he knew would come if he let go. Lost in the dark cloud that surrounded him now, he stormed to the end table in the den. Grabbing the picture of him and Alex, he threw it against the wall. He took a certain amount of sadistic pleasure in seeing the frame crack. He would never have desecrated her home like this, but he didn't care about his own anymore. Storming to the mantle above the fireplace, he swept every picture on it to the ground with one swipe of his hand. Making his way to the bookcase, he proceeded to throw every book against the couch. The force and abuse caused a few of the paperbacks to tear.

By the time he was finished, his chest was heaving, but he wasn't done with his emotional and frenzied tirade. He stormed into the kitchen. Bitter, he grabbed the two glasses that were still unwashed from the night before and slammed them against the wall. After watching them shatter, he threw his cabinets open. He began pulling out his dishes and throwing them against the wall. Running out steam fast, Bobby's resolve was quickly crumbling. Throwing a final plate, he gripped the counter and the sobs came. Sinking to the floor, his knuckles turned white. Letting go of the counter, he collapsed onto his knees. Sobbing, he leaned his forehead against the cabinet door.