Thank you so much to ginginlee for being absolutely amazing and beta'ing this chapter. She catches all of my mistakes and is like my own personal thesaurus!

Thanks to people who preread and gave wonderful advice: lizzylillyrose, sammielynnsmom, morethanmyself, and sparklingtwilight. I struggled a lot with this chapter, and they really helped me through, so lots of love to them.

IllicitWriter, thank you for another beautiful Pic-Tease! Make sure y'all check out TwiFicNews every Monday for a chapter pictease for SW!

For everyone who is rec'ing this fic, sincerest thanks! I'm so glad you love this crazy story enough to tell others. For those of you reviewing, I love reading your thoughts! It still blows my mind about how much love this story is getting, so thank you again! And all my other lovely readers, thanks for sticking along for the ride!

So, last adult chapter ending with a cliff, here is your resolution!

…

He slowly started walking over towards me, seemingly like an eternity for him to get just a foot away. I could smell him then – he smelt like ash, his job lingering on his skin. His blue eyes were looking intently in mine, trying, it seemed, to communicate through them alone.

His hand that didn't hold the paper that held our fate rose to my face. His fingers gently stroked my cheek, causing my eyes to flutter shut. I sighed, leaning into his touch, goose bumps appearing on my overheated skin. Was this it? Was he going to kiss me? Was I finally going to experience his lips on mine again?

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he finally said, my eyes opening to meet his. His head shook back and forth, and his voice broke. "I just…can't.

O.o

Chapter 14
2010

"Can't?" My voice seemed to catch in my throat, my muscles automatically tensing at his rejection.

He brought his forehead to rest on mine, holding my face in both of his hands now. I felt trapped, drowning in his presence. "Bella," he started again, but I shook my head, even though the movement was resticted – he just held me tighter.

"What do you mean 'can't'? I thought…I thought, um, well, okay then," I tried to keep my words at an even tone, but it was incredibly difficult with the crushing threat of tears so imminent.

"Bella, listen to me." By now, I was pressed almost directly against his body – not by my will, but his hold – as he continued to pull me closer, almost trying to crawl under my skin. "Do you remember what it was like when I would kiss you? Because I do. I remember all of it…well, the amount my old-age will allow me to remember. But, Bella, life was so simple then, so easy. Things were so much less complicated. I didn't have a family…I didn't have a wife." His words trailed off, sadness and sorrow laced through his tone at the mention of Rachel.

"Your wife," I spoke softly as I released a gust of air. "You're still married." The realization dawned on me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, I felt sick, just knowing that I was doing even a fraction of what Alice had done to me.

My eyes were closed, but I felt his head nod against mine.

"I've spent so many years thinking that any hope for a life with you just wasn't possible in this lifetime, that we made too big of a mistake somewhere along the way that it just wasn't meant to be for us. And yeah, I got married, but my life doesn't end because of my marriage. I loved Rachel, truly I did, but I don't remember my heart racing the first time I grabbed her hand. I don't really remember sweating with anticipation every time I saw her. She was never you. But even though I'm not going to be married to her for much longer, I can't be the kind of guy who cheats on his wife, no matter how far gone the marriage is or how innocent the kiss might be.

"Please tell me you understand…"

I stepped back from him, forcing him to let go of me. I lifted my head, my eyes meeting his. He looked so defeated, slumped over and heart-broken. "I do," I voiced. "I'm sorry I was so forward…I shouldn't have…"

"Bella, stop." He took a step towards me again, grabbing onto my wrist that lay at my side. I wanted to take another step back, but I was too selfish; I wanted this touch from him.

"I'm not dense, Bella; I know that we're both different people now. I know that life has changed you, messed with you even, and that realistically, it has done the same to me, but I won't discount how you still take my breath away, how, even right now, my palms are sweating, just being around you. I won't overlook the fact that I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, or how whenever I hear you laugh, it makes my day.

"You're not the girl I fell in love with anymore, but, God, this sounds so ridiculous…I want you, Bella. I want to feel what it's like to fall in love again.

"That summer, I had my whole life planned out, every detail carefully organized into what I thought I wanted it to be. My priorities were set in a straight line and were practically untouchable. I wanted what I wanted, and I went after it…and it absolutely fell to shit! It took me until it was too late to figure out that my priorities were all wrong, but by then you were already gone. By some miracle, I seem to have another chance with you, Bella. The timing just isn't perfect yet."

I took a deep breath; my mind felt like it was swimming in the new information that Edward was providing. But as long as we were being honest…"You know, some days I feel like I never grew up," I admitted, since we were throwing our baggage on the table and all. "I look in the mirror, and I'm shocked to see me in this body. I find myself questioning where my life went, how time could have possibly passed so quickly. It feels wrong. I still feel like a teenager, making mistakes and in fear of getting in trouble. I swear I keep feeling like Charlie is going to yell at me for breaking curfew." I breathed out a short laugh, and when I looked up at Edward, he was smiling, too.

"God, I know the feeling." He sighed, sitting down, cross-legged, on the floor of the barn. I decided to follow, and I sat down beside him, a couple inches separating our knees. "It was like all of a sudden my acne was replaced by wrinkles and sun spots. I don't know which one is worse!"

"Always so worried about your looks," I joked, rolling my eyes.

He playfully hit my knee. "Well, you never know when the love of your life is going to come back into the picture." I knew that he was still joking, but as soon as the words left his mouth, my face froze. I turned my head to the left just enough to look at him, but his eyes were watching his fingers as they played the laces of his boots, the tips of his ears bright red.

"God, getting old is a bitch," I muttered, hoping that it would break the sudden tension that filled the space between us. We had too much to hash out before we could confront any "love of your life" ideas.

"You have no idea." He shook his head now, finally smiling again.

"That's right," I mocked. "You are older than me, aren't you?" I laughed as he threw a small rock at my shoulder.

"Laugh it up, Bella. Man, if I wasn't intending on wooing you again in the near future, I would have some very not nice things to say in rebuttal."

"Oh, whatever, Edward. You've got nothin'!" Even though, a smile came to my face and my heart warmed at the thought of him pursuing me again. It was absolutely impossible to turn down the charms of a Masen.

I couldn't help but think that what was happening right then was some kind of transition. I had been here for a few weeks now, and we both had danced around each other, executing our carefully constructed movements, testing the waters. It was overwhelming but exhilarating, getting back into each other's lives. And in moments like these, it felt like I never even left, never grew up. I still felt seventeen, but that scared me, too. Sitting here with Edward was amazing, liberating, but as an adult, there was still the hesitance present, as there should have been. There was a lot more to this than just me and him now.

Taking a second to sit back and think about this past day, my talk with Emmett, this moment with Edward, had given me some clarity. Yes, it was exciting to rush to the station in search for a kiss from him, but it was also a bit childish, too. We need to be mature in this; both of us did.

I was still looking at him in the following silence, but as he turned his head in my direction, something in his eyes changed, his face getting serious. "God, I want to kiss you," he whispered, looking at my lips.

"I think I was rushing things when I left that note on your bed at the station," I blurted out. His eyes rose and meet mine, a look of slight panic on his face. I was on such a high after I had met with Emmett; I felt invincible, untouchable. Now being here with him, realizing that this was Edward, not just my imagination Edward but Edward in the flesh, my guard was building, remembering what it was like to be rejected, remembering everywhere we went wrong. "I don't want to mess it up again. I remember all too clearly what it felt like the first time."

He sighed and rubbed his hand down the length of his face, closing his eyes and taking another deep breath. "Yeah, I get that, too."

"Especially now because you have kids involved." I couldn't keep the vision of Lana sitting in the truck, refusing to come inside during the storm, out of my mind.

"Ah, the demon-children." I swatted his arm, and he laughed. "Kidding, kidding. I love my spawn very much."

"They adore you," I stated honestly. "And most of all, they trust you."

He nodded solemnly. "That they do."

"If we're going to do this, Edward, it has to be done in baby-steps, for everyone's sake." I felt better after telling him this, knowing that we both had to address every detail before we went anywhere.

It took a minute to think about what I was saying, and he finally went to answer, but when he did, it looked like he was in a lot of pain to even say the words. "Can I ask you something, Bella?"

"Um, sure, of course you can."

He turned to meet my stare again. "I need to know something before I allow myself to commit to this with you…it's a deal breaker for me, actually."

"Oh…okay." My heart, which had been beating so rapidly this whole time, seemed to stop. I was pretty sure I stopped breathing, too.

"You, being here… is this a permanent thing?"

"What?" I shook my head, clearing the rise of emotions that seemed to take over with his question.

"I won't pursue you if you plan on leaving again." His voice was so full of crippling conviction.

"Oh…um," I stuttered, trying to get my brain to catch up with my mouth, but it was difficult when my thoughts were all over the place. This had been in the back of my mind for the weeks that I had been here, but I honestly couldn't answer that question right then. I knew I needed to make a decision about where I wanted my life to go from there on out, but until recently, Edward didn't even seem like a factor. Originally, I was just going to come for a couple months, get Charlie back on his feet and maybe find him some alternate care to look out for him. Could that be me? Could I become that person for my uncle?

At that thought, I was instantly taken back to when I was a child, and my father died. Charlie gave up his life to take care of me and my mom. Even though I wasn't his child, he treated me as such, and I owed it to him to take care of him. But what about my job? Did I want to give that up? I knew that I was working away from home right now, but they only agreed to it because I had told them that it was temporary.

I thought about my friends up north, the life I had. After I graduated from Ohio State University, I decided to stay in Columbus, and over the past couple decades, I had built my life up there. I might not have had a house anymore, but it was still my home. I knew that my ex was still there, rebuilding his life with Alice, but I didn't want him to be the reason I never went back. I was done with having him be the deciding factor in where my life went or didn't go.

I looked around the barn, picturing Seth in the corner, feeding the horses. What he had said to me earlier, how he reacted to me wanting to meet his girlfriend, sent a wave of pain through my chest. From the sound of it, he didn't have a good family life. He needed support; could I be the person who supported him? And then I thought of Emmett and how good it was to see him today. I wanted to help him, knowing that he was now alone raising his daughters. I had met them a few times when they had visited Rosalie's family, and they were absolutely precious, so much like their mother.

I have spent the last ten years of my life yearning for children, for a complete family. The people around, as dysfunctional as it might have been, in some resemblance could give me that.

And then there was Edward. Edward. The idea of a future with him, a real future, sent chills across my skin. I wanted it to be an easy choice; I wanted to choose him above all else, but just like him-his life, his past, his children-I had a life of my own that I was bringing to the table, and with that came a lot more than just me and my desire for a relationship.

"Bella," Edward's voice brought me out of my thoughts, "I need you to be honest with me."

I sighed heavily again and put my head in my hands, scratching the top of my scalp with my fingernails.

"I still have a lot of things in my life to figure out, Edward." I tilted my head so I could look at him. "As wonderful as it sounds to stay here, just like how wonderful it would be to kiss me, life is just a lot more complicated now than it was back then. I can't give you a direct answer yet. I'm still trying to figure everything out myself." I shrugged my tired shoulders in defeat, but he looked at me with understanding.

"Okay," he offered. "Will you just, I don't know, let me know when you figure it out?" He didn't ask out of anger, but it was a genuine request.

I smiled and nodded. "Will you let me know when you're no longer someone's husband?"

He mirrored my actions, smiling lightly and nodding his head. "Deal."

Edward stood up from his position next to me on the floor of the barn after a couple minutes, and he held out his hand, helping me to my own feet. I brushed off the back of my jeans, which I was sure were covered in dirt, and purposefully avoided his gaze.

"So, you work out here with Seth every day?" he asked, taking a step away from me and into one of the stalls.

The image set something off inside of me. I realized in that moment that this was the first time I have been alone inside the barn with Edward in over twenty years. Suddenly, the image of him eighteen and shirtless floated through my vision, making me smile.

"Pretty much. My work doesn't keep me too busy, and I'm sure Seth likes the company. It can get pretty lonely out here by yourself."

He smiled at me and ran his hand through Jenna's mane. "Yeah, it's definitely better when you have someone helping you out."

"Can I ask you something?" I had always wanted to know the answer to this, but I never could find the courage to ask Charlie.

"Sure."

"Did you ever come back, you know, during the summers?" My voice was small like a child's, and did not match the body that I was now in. Part of me always enjoyed the thought that he never came back, that what we shared was the last chapter of that life for him. I was his ending in that one, at least, and I liked it that way.

"Once..."

"Oh." I was sure my face fell a tad, but if Edward noticed it, he didn't say anything.

"It was the summer after my sophomore year. I usually just stayed in Chapel Hill during the summers, taking courses so I was sure to graduate on time, but that summer, Emmett's parents were really struggling with the farm, and they needed an extra set of hands."

"So you didn't work for Charlie?"

He released a small laugh. "No, he fired my ass."

"What!" I exclaimed, laughing along with him. I was shocked, but even I never underestimated the craziness of Charlie Swan.

"Oh yeah." He shook his head at the memory, I was sure.

"Why? You did some pretty bad stuff when we dated, but what finally set him off?"

He kicked the floorboards then, his attention focused on his swinging leg. "I...um, Bella, we don't need to get into it." He looked guilty, and it made my heart sink a bit.

"What was it?" I asked, genuinely interested. "Come on, Edward, I'm not going to freak out on whatever you say! It was years ago!" I truly hoped my voice was light enough that he would tell me. I wasn't sure why he looked so nervous; it wasn't like I was the kind of woman that angered easily.

"I brought a girl home during Spring Break of freshmen year," he whispered, causing me to laugh out loud.

"What?" It was his turn to look confused.

"He fired you for bringing a girl home?"

"You know how protective he is of you!" he justified.

"Edward, even then, I was a big girl. And it wasn't like you were cheating on me!" I laughed some more. Charlie...oh, Charlie. What on earth was I going to do with that crazy-ass old man? "Spring Break...wouldn't that be March, April? Jesus, that was months after you left for school."

He just shrugged, looking back at his boots.

"I'm sorry he did that," I said truthfully.

"You're not mad?"

I rolled my eyes, tempted to throw something at him. "Edward, I'm a sensitive soul, but I'm not unrealistic...or psychotic for that matter!" I added on at the end.

"You're a little psychotic," he added, smiling and looking up at me.

Now I really wish I had something to throw at him. "Yeah, yeah, keep it up, Masen, and see where it gets you." I was still chuckling and shaking my head as he walked back over to me.

Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug, he breathed in deeply. "I hope you know how happy I am that you're back in my life, Bella. Even if it's just as friends, or whatever it may become, I forgot how absolutely amazing you are."

His admission made me smile, and I tightened my hold around his waist. "We had a lot of fun together, didn't we?"

"We did." He stepped back and released me, but he kept his eyes on mine. "It was just...easy with us."

"Yeah." I couldn't help but think of how it was in the other serious relationships I had since Edward, trying to remember if I ever flowed this well with someone else. "I think it works because we're both a little crazy," I joked, earning a good smile from Edward.

"I get it from that uncle of yours."

"Don't we all."

"How is he doing, anyway? Any better?"

I sighed, playing with the end of my ponytail that was fallen on my shoulder. "I don't really know, Edward," I admitted seriously. "He's just so stubborn; his breathing is as bad as it has ever been, but he refuses to go to the doctors with me!"

"I think I know someone who can help us."

"Really?" This piqued my interest, and I was sure the excitement showed on my face.

"Yeah...her name is Leah. She helped our family out a lot when Emmett's wife, Rosalie, was diagnosed with cancer. Maybe we can get her over here without Charlie knowing about it and see if she can give us any insight."

"Isn't that incredibly deceitful?" The rational side of my brain voiced the sensible thought about Charlie's wishes, but the niece in me that wanted her uncle to be okay was all for the idea.

"Well, maybe a little." I raised my eyebrow at him. "Okay, a lot, but hey, this is Charlie we're talking about. His health is more important."

I sighed, knowing that he was right.

"Okay. I would really appreciate that, thank you," I said earnestly, smiling a bit sadly at him.

"Sure thing," he said in return.

The following moments were filled with awkward silence, not really knowing where to go from there. Edward was back to kicking the dirt, and I knew that was my cue to get us out of here.

"Let's go in and see how he's doing," I suggested the first thing that came to mind. "And I'm sure Seth would like to get back to work. We kind of did kick him out of his space. He has a hot date later that he needs to get home to," I edged with a bit of snarky enthusiasm.

"Oh, is that right?" Edward matched my up-beat, semi-mocking tone.

"Yeah...her name is Rebecca," I informed, laughing a bit afterwards. "He is just absolutely smitten with this girl. You should have heard him on the phone before you got here. It was gag-worthy."

"Gag-worthy, you say?" He laughed. "He must really have it bad."

We started walking out of the stables, Edward holding the door open for me to step out. "Very bad," I agreed.

"As bad as I had it?"

"I don't know...we never had the whole, 'You hang up first!' battle."

"Ah, that is bad. But to my defense, Bella, we didn't have cell phones back then. These kids have it so easy these days."

"I know it. You actually had to drive out to see me if we wanted to talk with any form of privacy. God, do you remember that time I caught Charlie listening to our phone call on the other land-line phone?"

"Do I remember? I was mortified! Scarred for life!"

"He made fun of you for a week after that!"

"Okay, look, if I knew he was listening, I wouldn't have used those nick-names. That was supposed to be for your ears only."

"Okay, Agent E," I mocked, causing Edward to nudge me with his elbow. I stumbled a bit, but it didn't stop my laughter.

It felt just so good to laugh again. I really did forget how easy it was between us. All those years spent apart, I would either focus on the pain the ending caused, or I would remember all the swoon-worthy moments - our first kiss, our first date when he took me out to the field and had a picnic set up for us, the late night drives in his truck. Edward was definitely a smooth talker, and he always seemed to make my heart beat a little bit faster than normal. But lost within all the memories was how much time we spent just laughing with one another. I didn't remember it being that way with the other men I dated. Granted, there were only two serious ones in that pile, besides Edward, of course, but we never held the back-and-forth conversations that even to this day, Edward and I had.

I took my dirty boots off before we walked into the house and found Seth perched up on the couch next to Uncle Charlie, watching some sports-thing on TV.

"Okay, Seth, the barn is all yours," I said happily, causing Seth to groan loudly.

"Come on, can't I call it quits for the day?" he asked, not even bothering to look at me.

"Hold on," Charlie cut in, "am I paying you to watch baseball with me right now, boy?" he sneered.

Edward laughed at this, and Charlie's eyes turned quickly to him, winking before hardening his gaze as he looked back at Seth.

"Um..."

"Get back out there and do your job. Those horses aren't going to feed themselves."

"Yes, sir," he replied, standing up from the couch and giving me a dirty look before making his way back outside.

Charlie just laughed to himself when Seth was out of ear-shot.

"A little rough on the kid, Charlie?" I prodded, but he just shrugged.

"The kid needs good discipline, a strong, solid home. If I don't give him good responsibility, no one will."

This reminded me of the earlier thoughts that I had about Seth, and I decided now was as good of time to ask. "About that," I started, "what's going on at Seth's home? He was acting strange earlier when I mentioned him bringing his girlfriend over her to meet me."

Charlie just sighed. "I don't know if I really want to get into it now. To make a long story short, his father is an alcoholic, his mother is no better, and his older sisters skipped town the first chance they got. He doesn't have much to go home to."

"I'm glad you provide a stable environment for him," I stated earnestly, loving Charlie even more than I thought possible in that moment.

He looked at me straight in the eye then. "I love him like he was my own son, Bella. Just like I love you as my own, and even that tall hairy thing over there." He motioned to Edward who was standing behind me. "Life didn't give me a traditional family," he continued. "I just had to make one for myself."

This made me smile. Yes, I thought, he was exactly right.

"I think that's just what I needed to hear, Uncle Charlie. Thank you."

His gaze returned back to the screen. "I'm telling ya, you should write down all my fantastic quotes on life...this wisdom could make you a lot of money."

Edward and I both laughed at that. "I should listen to it more often."

"Damn right," he muttered quietly, his attention now fully back on the game.

O.o

"So, I have to go pick Patrick and Lana up. They got back from the beach today," Edward stated about an hour later. We were still sitting with Charlie, watching a re-run of some Superbowl game on ESPN. "Do you want to come with me?"

I was kind of surprised with his question, and I hesitated with my answer. "Is that the best idea...with Rachel and all?"

"Don't worry about it; she won't be there, anyway."

"Oh...okay, I guess so, then."

I followed him out to his truck, and being the gentleman he was, he opened the door for me and offered his hand to help me climb onto the seat. "This brings back memories." I chuckled, pulling for my seat belt.

"Don't get me started," he returned, laughing a bit as he closed the door and walked over to the other side.

I fiddled with the radio on the dashboard, and Edward changed his humming to match whatever song I picked. It wasn't dark yet, but it was late enough that the sun had started its retreat in the sky. "I forgot how pretty southern nights were," I thought out loud, causing Edward to hum in agreement.

"I guess I just take them for granted. They're all I've ever seen." His voice held a bit of sadness in it, and I couldn't help but wonder if he regretted at all how his life had turned out.

"So where are we picking the kids up from?" I asked, looking out the window, not recognizing where we were headed, and since Rachel wouldn't be there, I didn't think it would be from her house.

"I don't know if you remember Rachel's brother, James..."

"Jamie?" I asked, vaguely remembering him. He used to always try to cause problems between Edward and I, and I remembered that Edward really hated the guy. I found it extremely ironic that they became brothers-in-law.

I laughed out loud a bit at the ridiculous memories of the two of them fighting. "Didn't you hate that guy?" I spoke my thoughts aloud.

He just groaned. "I honestly wish I could say that he's better now, but he's just as bad, if not worse, than he was back then."

"And you let your children hang around him? Man, he used to always creep me out." I couldn't help the shudder that went through my body.

Edward just rolled his eyes and sighed again. "I don't have a choice. He's good with them, at least. He takes Pat to go play ball, and Lana adores him, even though I have no clue why. And it's not like I can be like, 'You should know what he did when we were kids!' That just makes me the pathetic sounding father."

The frustration in his voice made me laugh more. "Yeah, that would be pretty pathetic."

"Oh well." He sighed again. "I guess some people are just always going to be in your life, no matter how much you might despise it."

I turned my head to look out the window again, all of a sudden feeling overwhelmed with guilt. My ex-husband, no matter how much I hated it, would probably always be in my life, even if it's just a fraction. Being married to someone for fourteen years automatically made them a part of you. And I knew that if I wanted any future with Edward that I would have to tell him eventually. But how was I supposed to say the words? I had no idea how he would react. It wasn't like I just met this guy randomly in Ohio. He used to be a very integral piece in the lives of everyone here, Edward included. But right now, Edward was none the wiser, and I felt that there was a lot less pressure on the two of us if it stayed that way, at least for now.

My ex-husband didn't make me who I was. I was no less of a person because of him. I was ready to start my future without him hanging over my head, and I felt that in order to do that, I needed to keep him quiet.

I already let him break me once, but I sure as Hell wouldn't let him break whatever was about to happen between me and Edward.

O.o

End Notes

Things will be progressing a lot more quickly for them from here on out.

So, Jamie can get crossed off the list. Thoughts?

Wont you review?

Love y'all!