hey guys im sorry this has taken so long but my entire computer crashed taking 4 of my new chapters with it. please be a little patient with me cos its going to get really good from here onwards. be prepared for some twists n turns. thanks r&r appreciated greatly!

so much for true love

Chapter 4

Peyton Sawyer looked over at the happy couple and smiled a mildly amused smiled. It had been perfect, the perfect wedding. The bride, all decked out in lace and trim looked perfectly elegant; the groom, as was to be expected, was smiling his bashful, cheeky grin at her. They were dancing now in the half-tipsy, half-merry fashion of newly weds. It was a lovely wedding, a real beauty. It definitely topped the last Tree Hill wedding - hers and Nathan's.

Not that theirs hadn't been special in its own way, she thought smiling fondly at her tall husband as he whistled and cheered the couple on. She let her eyes glance around the room and rest on the intricate purple lilacs and white lace ribbons - definitely the bride's exquisite taste. Amusingly, the only word she could ever think of to describe her wedding was 'traditional'. Not a scrap of lace, ribbons and no flowers - especially not wild ones. Just strictly, blessing, family, friends, reception. No big grand affair, no flashy lines. In her heart she felt that Nathan had done all he could to separate their wedding as far as possible from his and Haley's.

Strange how she had been so okay with the idea of marrying someone's whose heart still bled for another. Misery loves company? Maybe. Sometimes she had the strange feeling that his hurting comforted her, his heartache reminded her of the existence of her own heart, his pain reminded her to breathe. She remembered how they had found solace in each other, how they had clung to each other in their pain. How they had been together through the tears, the hurt, the anger, and worst of all the purest ache which no tears nor groaning could wipe away - the dull ache that clung onto one's soul like it would never leave.

Speaking of things that never leave.

'By the way,' came a slow drawl and a black-winged angel. 'Lucas is here'.

'I noticed,' Peyton mumbled.

She had tried inviting more people, Lucas and Brooke at least. But after three tries she gave up, the cards kept getting sent back with big red letters - "invalid address" stamped over them. She hadn't broached the topic of inviting Haley.

'What was that honey,' Nathan asked reaching over to touch her hand. Peyton smiled his hand away and shook her head softly.

Strange how they had seemed contended, even happy together. Their wedding, though not joyful (that was too strong a word), not happiness, but it was a pleasant memory. One she could smile upon easily. The Nathan she had married was so different from the one she had dated earlier. He was sweet, caring, understanding, unselfish. He had held onto her through their pain, and when his pain had slowly subsided, he let her cling onto him for dear life as hers didn't. He wiped away her tears in the middle of the night. He picked her up when she broke down for the umpeenth time. He closed her eyes at night when she couldn't sleep for fear of missing that phone call. And one fine day, he had offered her another life, one that didn't promise her much joy, not much happiness, but one that showed no prospect of pain, one that one believed would definitely be - pleasing. He had swept her up in those strong arms of his and kept her close, more importantly, kept her safe from her own nightmareish pain.

It was those arms that held her now.

'You alright, Sawyer?' he whispered into her ear.

Peyton nodded gingerly.

'Liar,' the angel cackled. 'Ooooh looks like Lukey's getting a whee bit drunk.'

'Honey why not you go have fun with your team?' Peyton mumbled.

'You sure?' he hesistated.

'Positive,' she urged. 'Go, go... they're calling for their coach.'

Nathan strode off happily, throwing aside his jacket and tie to join the group of youngsters in their tuxedos. They were laughing with him, joking with the couple, enjoying their youth. They adored Nathan, ever since he became Whitey's replacement as the coach of Tree Hill high.

'I suppose that's where we're different,' Peyton mumbled to herself. After Nathan tumbled into hurt and depression, broke his leg, lost basketball and almost everything else he mourned. But when he'd recovered, he recovered. He found back his love for basketball in a different form, he found back his love for life in different form, he found love, in a different woman, a different kind of love, but nonetheless love.

'And what do you do...' came the "drawler". 'You break your pencils, chuck out your paints, sell your record player and eat chocolate chip cookie dough all day.'

Peyton threw a rolled up napkin to the side and ignored the passing silly bridesmaids' stares.

Nathan threw her a questioning glance from across the hall where he was doing some group dance. "wanna join?" he mouthed.

'I'm fine,' she shouted over with a wave of her hand. 'Not much of a party-go-er.'

Nathan nods, understandingly. Why does he always have to be so understanding? Why can't he shout at me? Force me to join? Force me to... to do... something.

But the new Nathan was understanding, even more so than ever. He had even kissed her when she said that she didn't want kids yet. That she couldn't take it, not yet. Not ever, not like this.

'We'll wait till you're ready,' he had said.

What if I'm never ready?

What if I can't be?

Nathan couldn't understand, he never did. He couldn't pull her out of the pain she felt, he couldn't break down her walls and rescue her from where she was. He couldn't... he couldn't...

Save her.

Peyton forced her head to remain faced in front.

'He's behind...' she hissed.

He'd been there the whole time. She could see him faintly out of the corner of her eye, all the way at the back of the hall - at least twenty tables away from hers, but she was so aware of his actions it was as if he was sitting right next to her. Every inch he moved made the hairs on the back of her neck stand. He was watching, watching her. Calling the waiter over. Pouring himself another glass of wine. Usually he never touched liquor. Was that what this... she had done to him? But it was his fault, his fault!

But it didn't matter whose fault it was.

They had wanted it for so long and now...

Now they couldn't have it.

Ever.

She wanted to turn around.

To jump up.

To grab him.

To scream at him 'Save me Luke, save me...'

She called the waiter over.

'Red wine please.'

She downed one glass, then another, then another. It didn't help, she still felt as edgy and as agitated as ever.

He was watching her.

Standing up, staggering, his knees shaking.

He walked past her, swerved past her table, a hand's length away from her.

She breathed in as she felt him pass.

'Boy this is some party huh?' Nathan collapsed into the chair next to her.

She breathed out, watching Lucas approach the couple.

Her hands and fingers were twisting in her lap, pulling at a napkin, slowly tearing out the fibres, ripping it apart - shred by shred.

'And so,' Lucas said into the microphone. 'I guess it's time for the best man to give his speech. But first, a toast - to the happy couple. To Rachel and Marvin!'

'Rachel and Marvin!' the crowd echoed.

'Will you be my best man, Lucas?' Mouth had asked. 'For old times' sake.'

For old times' sake indeed.

Mouth squeezed Rachel as the crowd whistled and catcalled. She touched his cheek and kissed him gently, the blushing bride and the charming groom. Picturesque.

And there she was.

Beautiful.

Elegant.

Gorgeous.

He could reach out any moment to touch her pale skin, to kiss her red lips, to touch her eyelids, even with the memory of last week's conversation ringing in his ears.

He could run over there, sweep her in his arms and kiss her.

Only he couldn't.

He had a speech to give.

He took his speech out of his pocket, looked at it for a few minutes and looked up. Into her eyes. He saw something there...

Was it anger? Or hurt? Or resentment?

Regret.

He threw away his well-phrased speech and cleared his throat.

'Friends, today we are gathered here to commemorate Rachel and Mouth. But more importantly, we are here to commemorate true love. If I remember correctly, in high school Mouth and Rachel took some trouble in not showing each other how much they cared about each other. In other words, its taken some time for them to get where they are today.'

'It's about time!' yelled one of the basketball team boys. The crowd laughed.

'Exactly,' Lucas continued. 'See the thing is guys, sometimes true love takes awhile to get there. But people that believe in true love don't just settle, they fight for true love. They'll be like Mouth and Rachel - who'll take true love halfway, late, anything as long as they get true love in the end. Because true love's better half way, then settling for second best.'

He paused a moment, thinking about what he had just said.

'Taking true love halfway,' he continued at last with a sad laugh. He looked up smiling brightly. 'So to Mouth and Rachel, and to true love.' Lucas lifted up his glass shakily to the couple

'To true love,' the crowd echoed.

Lucas looked over to the blonde beauty at table 2.

But she was gone.