Yesterday's gone

Chapter 5

'Hey Sawyer... where're you?'

'I'm outside... I had to get some fresh air... I'm... I'm sorry...'

'Nah, its alright babe, just that everyone's leaving. You ready to go now?'

Peyton gripped her handphone close to her ear. She bit her lip as she leaned her tired head against the concrete wall. How strange it was that she always seemed to end up like this, alone outside the back door of some successful party. Waiting for everyone to leave so that she could breathe again. She could hear the sound of the crowd draining out of the hall. Mouth and Rachel had already left in their limousine, ready to start their new life together. And here she was, at the back of some hall listening to the sound of her own breath coming out in short, worn out gasps against the fierce wind.

'Peyt?' Nathan's caring voice came through the phone line.

'Hey... erm I think I'll stay here awhile, that is if you don't mind... I just need awhile to think...I'll catch the bus home... that alright with you...' Peyton fumbled, coming up with some random excuse, her usual random excuse for that matter.

'Erm... okay no problem,' came his reply. 'You erm... need me to come by and pick you up later?'

It was almost like he knew what her reply would be.

'No I'll be alright, bye honey.'

'Bye, love you Peyt.'

Peyton waited for the dial tone indicating he'd hung up. She sat there, on the cold, hard steps, the rough wind biting against her pale face, her bare neck. She felt an unearthly desire to rip off her blue dress. She had wanted to wear the black one but Nathan had persuaded her out of it.

'You can't wear black to a wedding Sawyer, it's like you're in mourning.'

He laughed, but not unkindly.

He just didn't get it.

It wasn't his fault.

He just couldn't get it.

She didn't blame him, she blamed herself, if anything.

Everyday.

He'd just never get it.

'A black shawl alright then?'

She wrapped the black shawl around her shoulders, trying to protect herself from the icy air outside.

'Isn't it sad...' came the slow condescending speech. 'I get to wear black whenever I want.' The white haired menace played around with her short black dress, stepping lightly in front of Peyton. 'While you're the one in mourning!' She threw back her head and laughed. 'For the loss of dear Lukey... or was it...' She paused for dramatic effect.

'For the death of dear Peyton?'

'Shut up!' Peyton screamed bringing her hands to her ears, her voice cutting the stillness of the air like a knife.

'Peyton?' Luke came walking over through the big doors. 'You okay? I heard a scream... someone, someone's voice calling your name... something about death? What's going on Peyton...you alright?'

Peyton watched the blonde man stand in front of her, concerned, worried even. She ran over, dropping her black shawl. She held onto his arm for a second before grabbing him close, hugging him tightly her arms hanging over his neck.

'You can hear...you can hear it...' she whispered. 'I'm not going mad.'

'Of course you're not,' he soothed, stroking her hair. 'You're Peyton, my Peyton.'

Peyton let those tears, pent up from so many years flow out. She felt his arms around her, his cheek next to hers, she let her whole body lean into him. Letting him take care of her, protect her, save her from herself.

He was talking, about something, rambling on words, words, words. But it was his touch she felt. She let him lead her in the hall, into the warmth – for once without the fear that the warmth would show the coldness in her own soul.

He was talking, speaking to her, she let his words wash over her like foam.

'I'm sorry... just so many things were happening... Peyton... I love you still... I'm sorry... I needed to... It was complicated... but I love you... I love you... I love you Peyton.. I.. I still...'

She kissed him.

A deep kiss, pouring out all the pain and hurt and emptiness, letting his heart fill hers, letting go of everything, everyone, the voices in her head. A kiss filled with all her desire, longing, all her dead dreams. Pulling his head close to hers, feeling his shoulders in her hands, feeling his lips upon her lips.

She pulled off his jacket, his bare arms wrapped around her, her shoes kicked off, his tie falling to the ground.

Suddenly Lucas pulled away slightly, staring deep into her, a stare she knew and recognized 'Peyton, I...'

Putting her finger on his lips Peyton hushed him and stepped out of her dress.

'Less talking this time...'