AN—I can't thank you enough for your continued support of this story! I have put a poll on my ffnet profile page to vote for which EPOV outtake you would like!

Thank you for also respecting my request to keep the ex hidden. Even though I did get a lot of funny reviews of people asking about Mark.

Sorry this chapter is a few days late. I'm actually at home with my family for the next two weeks, and my 8-month-old niece is more distracting than a half-naked Rob. Okay, maybe not more distracting but pretty close. So I'm going to try to update as often as I can, but don't hate me if we don't keep the rigorous schedule I've had for the past two months.

I have the best set of ladies who give me such valuable advice and help to make this fic better. Ginginlee, my lovely beta, and my amazing prereaders: lizzylillyrose, sammielynnsmom, & morethanmyself.

This chapter takes off right from the end of the last 1987 one…

…

Chapter 25
1987

I willed my hands to stop shaking as I turned the key, unlocking the front door and walking inside. All the lights were off except for the single lamp in the living room, and I tried to contain my scream when I saw a body sitting on the edge of the couch.

"Bella," Uncle Charlie stated as he turned around, "are you okay, honey?" I was sure his question was in relation to my vocal outburst when I initially saw him, but when he took in my appearance, he shot off the couch and walked swiftly towards me. "What is it? What happened?"

I couldn't tell him; I couldn't possibly tell him, but I couldn't pretend that I was okay, either. So, still standing by the door, my shoulders slumped downwards, my head fell, and I brought my hands up to cover my face as I started to cry again.

Wrapping one arm around me, he led me to the couch and sat me down, sitting closely beside me as I tucked my head into his chest, his arms acting like a protective shield around me as he let me break down.

"Oh, baby," he tried to sooth. "Please tell me what happened."

I just shook my head, not being able to, not at all wanting to. Even if I were going to explain to Charlie what had happened tonight, I wouldn't have been able to find the words to say. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I couldn't process it all. If my mom were here, she would know what to do. I mentally counted the days until she was back…roughly four more weeks. I missed her even more in that moment than I had all summer.

"Did Edward hurt you? Did he break up with you or something?" I could tell by his tone of voice that he was just as confused as he was worried.

I shook my head again and shifted so I could wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He was the closest thing I had to a parent right then, and I just needed his support. I wanted to still feel like I had a part of my childhood left, and being here with my uncle provided that.

He hugged me back with just as much force, and when my cries lessened, he pulled back and wiped my tear-stained face. "If you need to talk about it, honey, I'm right here."

I nodded and looked down at my lap. I wanted a shower so badly. He kissed me on my forehead, and I headed upstairs and did just that. I didn't look at the dress as it fell to the floor; I didn't look at the dried blood left on the inside of my thighs. I didn't look in the mirror at myself.

I made the water as hot as I could stand, hoping to ease the pain both physically and mentally. I wish I knew why I was feeling like this. I wanted to know why I felt more alone now than I have ever had before. I just felt guilty, empty, like I did something so wrong, and there was no way to take it back. I didn't have any answers to give Edward. I knew he would want to know. I would want to know if I were him.

Hoping to ease some of my guilt, I reminded myself that Edward loved me. He loved me, and I loved him. It wasn't a huge crime we committed. We didn't do anything wrong. But why did it feel like we had?

I crawled into my bed that night, wishing that I just had somebody to talk to, someone that would tell me that it would be okay. I wanted someone to tell me that I wasn't wrong for feeling so emotional, that other girls went through this, too. I wanted someone to remind me that what I was feeling would pass, that I would be okay.

But I didn't have anyone.

And that only made it worse.

O.o

Part of me…well, most of me…wanted to avoid Edward at all costs. The other small baby part wanted to see him, talk to him, ask him what he was feeling, tell him how sorry I was for my reaction to something that I had led him to do. I wondered if he was mad at me; he would have every right to be.

Charlie was gone when I woke up the next morning, having left a note for me by the coffee machine that said he had to go to Raleigh and would be back by dinner time. That meant a day in the house alone…with no one to talk to…great.

It was around noon that I knew I wouldn't be completely alone, after all. I was putting some cleaning supplies back under the sink—my morning activity to keep my mind busy—when I saw his truck pull up. I watched from my protective wall, glad that I could stay unseen. I couldn't help my heart from skipping a beat. My heart still wanted Edward; it was my head that had me all over the place.

It hurt, though, when he didn't get out of his car right away. I couldn't see inside the cab, but he idled there for a good few minutes before slowly opening his door and climbing out. He was dressed for work—ripped jeans and a dirty old t-shirt—and I scolded myself for letting that fact slip my mind. He paused by the driver's side door, gripping the top of his hair in his hand as he spared a glance at the house. He was looking right at me and didn't even know it.

My breath caught in my chest when it looked like his eyes met mine, but the glare on the window surely would have kept him from seeing me. I took another step back just in case. I wanted to see his reaction, what he would do.

He looked almost pained, torn, as he looked at the house and then down at his feet, releasing the grip on his hair as he kicked at the dirt. I saw as a deep breath left his lungs, and he, with heavy feet, walked to the direction of the stables.

I stood there, frozen, as he vanished from my sight. I blinked the tears back and tried to regain my breathing. I knew he was a mess, too, but after seeing him first hand, how sad he looked, it made me feel that much guiltier. I had done this.

I knew I had a decision to make. I could either go upstairs, pretend that I didn't even see his truck pull into the drive, keep on going with my really bad plan of avoidance, or I could own up to the choices that I had made. I could try to be the adult that I thought I was before any of this happened. I was the one who wanted to take our relationship further. I was the one who pushed him and didn't really consider the consequences of both of our actions.

My heart sunk a little when I knew I had to stand up and take responsibility for this. He deserved for me to come to him. He deserved to be given the reassurance that I was sure he wanted. I loved him. I needed to find the courage to show him how much.

I felt that there were oceans separating us as I opened the back door, taking my first step into the hot sun. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach, my body reacting as if this was a stranger, not the boy who I had come to know so well. I willed my feet to take me to him, concentrating on each step so I didn't lose my nerve and turn back, running.

With a final deep breath, I turned the corner of the stables, coming into view.

Edward didn't look happy.

His back was towards me, and he was forceful with his movements, throwing the things around in haste when trying to perform whatever task he was after. I could faintly hear the murderous sounding mumble that was coming from him, low growls of frustration accompanying the hateful babble.

So maybe "not looking happy" was an understatement. He was angry. Definitely angry.

As if sensing someone else was in the barn with him, his head snapped around, hard blue eyes meeting mine. His body turned almost in slow motion the rest of the way so he was facing me, his arms dropping to the side and tossing the shovel that was in his hand to the wooden floor, making a harsh sound as it landed.

I knew how many emotions and feelings were racing in my head, so I had to understand that it was probably the same way for him. I just really didn't want my nerve to fail me.

I took a step forward, but he matched it with a step back. "Stop," he spat.

"Edward…" I tried, looking just as devastated as I was feeling.

I watched as a hint of softness covered his features, but he didn't come towards me; he didn't say anything.

"Please, just let me…"

"Bella, I don't…what happened…"

This had to be by far the most awkward, strained conversation I had ever been a part of. Seeing him made my chest hurt. I had a million things I wanted to say, but my words were swept from my throat, robbed away with one look from him.

"I was just…" I tried to start again, only to once again fail at my attempt to solve this situation.

"Bella, I just don't get it. What the hell happened? I thought you wanted that! And then…and then that!" he was on the verge of yelling. I knew I deserved it. He took a step closer, closing the distance between us by a few more inches. "Do you have any idea what that was like for me? To see you like that?"

"I know," I said as tears filled my eyes.

"No, you don't know," he answered back, the ice in his tone morphed into one of shaky conviction. "It was like I hurt you…like I forced myself on you." I heard how his voice shook, how he tried to compose himself.

"You didn't," I reassured, shaking my head.

"No, I DIDN'T! You asked me to! YOU wanted it!"

"Did you want it?" my quiet voice trembled.

It was as if he looked at me for an immeasurable amount of time, his eyes trying to say something that his lips couldn't. His right hand rubbed his cheek and the outline of his jaw as he debated his response. His silence was like knives, slicing me until nothing was left, until I was just a whisper.

He took another step forward, his eyes glancing down at his feet before he lifted them again to my face. "I've only ever wanted you, Bella. I want whatever you want to give me. You have to understand that seeing you last night, not being able to do anything, to say anything to make you feel better, was the most helpless I have ever felt.

"I wasn't pretending or lying when I told you that I was in love with you. I don't care that it's only been a couple months. I don't care that we're just some dumb kids who 'don't know what love is'. It's bullshit!"

He was all over the place, looking at me with sad eyes one moment and throwing his arms up in the air the next. I would have laughed if the heaviness wasn't so overbearing. But I didn't move, instead I waited for his rant to be over, for his words to be said.

"I don't know what to do to make this better," he admitted. "We can't take it back."

"I know that."

"I didn't sleep at all last night."

My eyes squeezed shut. "I'm sorry."

With a defeated sigh, he said, "I don't want you to be sorry, Bella. I want you to tell me what to do!"

Shaking my head, I looked up at him. "I don't know what to do."

He took another step forward. "What do you want from me?" he whispered.

"I was scared," I stated quietly, not answering his question.

"Why?" His exasperation was obvious.

"It was like everything hit me at once!" I yelled, my voice finally coming to the surface. "I just…I just want to move past this, okay? I want this to be over."

"If you're upset by this, Bella, it's not just going to go away," he tried to reason, and I knew he was right, even though my plan of avoidance sounded like a much better idea.

"Look, last night, I was so confused, and I didn't know how to deal with everything…I still don't know how to deal with anything, but I feel that we would just be talking in circles if we kept at it! I'm sorry I reacted the way I did; I'm sorry I put you through that. It wasn't fair, I get it!"

"I'm not mad at you…" He looked at me strangely, his eyebrows knitted together. "Is that what you think?"

I looked at him as if were obvious, not being able to keep the snark out of my tone. "Did you miss the conversation we just had? You are very clearly angry, Edward."

"Well, yeah, I'm angry, but at the fucked up situation we put ourselves in. I'm not mad because you freaked out! I was scared that I hurt you, that I ruined whatever this is." He motioned back and forth between us.

I narrowed my eyes in his direction. "You have every right to be mad."

He gave me the same challenging look, being just as stubborn as me. "And you aren't in the wrong for being upset."

"You're giving me a headache." I sighed, reaching for my head and holding it in my hands.

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Welcome to the club."

I rolled my eyes as a smirk came to my face. "You're impossible."

He took another step towards me with a look of contemplation. "I don't want to lose you over this. That's what I'm angry about, that last night was the end for us."

There was only a few feet separating us now, and I took another step, my head shaking back and forth. "I saw you from the kitchen," I admitted. "I saw when you looked at the house and then walked away. I was afraid that you didn't want this anymore, that you didn't want to deal with me."

"I hate to break it to you, baby, but that's not the brightest conclusion you've ever had."

I was close enough to him that I backhanded his chest, smiling when he came to wrap his arms around me, holding me with a determined strength.

"I'm serious, though, you scared the shit out of me."

I held him tighter. "I didn't mean to."

"I know." His hand stroked the back of my hair, and he leaned down to kiss the top of my forehead. "But I don't think we should do that again."

I shut my eyes as relief flooded my system. "Me neither."

O.o

When the initial shock and guilt subsided, I couldn't actually believe that I'd had sex with Edward. The night following our talk in the barn felt more relaxed, calm, as he and I sat in the living room with Charlie as we watched a baseball game on TV. He and I sat on opposite sides of the couch, but I was just glad that it felt like I could still breathe around him.

From my vantage point of the television, my eyes could wander to the left just enough to see Edward, and when he would catch me looking at him, he would smirk and wink at me in return.

Uncle Charlie, on the other hand, wasn't so playful. I would have been eternally mortified if he knew what had happened the night before, but he had to of known something happened. I would catch him glaring at Edward in between innings, and he didn't speak a word to him when he got back from Raleigh right before dinner.

However, there was no way I was going to bring up the big elephant in the room. I would like to avoid the funeral that surely would have been in order if confirmation was ever made. So instead, we ignored it. We all ignored it, pretending that it never happened.

That coping mechanism seemed to bleed into Edward's and my relationship, though, as well. It was like if we didn't talk about it, it didn't happen. But it did happen, and I secretly wondered when it was going to catch up with us.

The doorbell rang a few mornings later, and I raced down the stairs, tripping on the last step and falling smack into Uncle Charlie as he stood to answer the door.

"Whoa, there, child. Where's the fire?" he teased, helping me back to my feet.

"I got the door," I assured, stepping around him and waiting until he sat back down in the living room before I opened it.

"Did you fall down the steps?" A smirking Edward stood on the other side of the screen, giving me a knowing look.

"How did you…"

"I heard it." He smiled and waited for me to join him on the porch.

Rolling my eyes, I mumbled, "Great," earning a good chuckle from him.

"So you're all packed and ready to go?" I asked, looking down at my feet.

"Yeah," he breathed out. "Parents are in the car waiting." He shuffled back and forth, hands deep in his pockets.

"Are you going to miss me?" I looked up him with a side smile.

Shrugging his shoulders, he looked around. "You know…I guess."

I hit his arm in protest, and he used my movement to pull me to him, bringing me to his chest.

"Of course I'll miss you, baby," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. "But I'll be back in a couple days. It's just Freshmen Orientation."

"And Rachel's going with you?" I asked, my head still against his chest.

"She'll be there, too, yeah. I'm surprised she actually decided on UNC. Her parents are livid!"

"Isn't UNC supposed to be a great school, though?" I questioned when our hug broke apart.

"Yeah, it is, but they kind of had their hearts set on Wake Forest. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I don't really want to talk about Rachel." He gave me a smile, which I had claimed as my own, successfully diverting my attention back to him alone.

"Don't have too much fun without me," I teased, even though the insecure girlfriend part of me was serious.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he retorted, about to say something else when we heard the horn beeping from his parents' car. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I better go."

"Yeah," I said with a fake smile, "have fun!"

He leaned in and placed a single chaste kiss on my lips – the only thing that we had done in the four days since that night.

"I love you, Bella," he spoke as he started to head down the steps.

"I love you," I said back, placing my hand over my heart as I watched him walk away.

I waited until his car pulled out of Charlie's drive before going back into the house.

"So what are you going to do for three whole days all by your lonesome?" Uncle Charlie mocked as I sat down on the couch.

I spared him a look that clearly let him know I wasn't amused.

He just laughed and turned off the TV. "Come on, baby." He sighed as he reached his hand out for mine.

"What?" I asked as I stood.

"We have things to do today!" he answered cheerfully as he tucked me under his arm.

I groaned, really not wanting to work out by the horses, but my uncle just ruffled my hair and patted my cheek.

"Go get dressed, child."

"But I am dressed," I said, looking down at my shorts and t-shirt.

"I don't think so. Go put on some nice clothes. We're going out." His smile was brighter than I had ever seen before, and when I asked him where we were going, he just answered that it was about time he got to take his little girl out on a date around town.

The next few days passed by a lot faster when Charlie was around. He and I went all over the place. We even took a day trip to the mountains, and I was stunned with how beautiful it was in those small country towns. It was as if he knew the summer was winding down, and he was trying to fit in as much time with me as he could. But I didn't complain.

A lot of days I wished that Charlie was my father. He would have been the best dad, and I was crushed that I had to leave him in a couple weeks. Coming down to spend the past few months with him was the best decision I had made in a long time! I got to know a whole new side of him that I didn't know before, and I just adored how close we had become.

I never wanted to say goodbye.

"Are you going to eat that?" He motioned to the last dinner roll that sat in the basket between us.

I looked up from my plate at him with squinted eyes. "Maybe," I answered, putting my fork down.

He cracked his knuckles as he stared me down, arching an eyebrow. "But what if I wanted it?" he challenged.

"But what if I wanted it?" I asked back, not breaking eye contact.

"I'll fight ya for it."

"Psh!" I scoffed. "You're an old man; I wouldn't want to hurt ya."

"Oh yeah?" His eyes narrowed further. "Rock-paper-scissors!"

"You're on!"

We were both about to "shoot" when a knocking at the door brought us from our game. I looked at Uncle Charlie and shrugged, not having any idea who it could be. Edward wouldn't be coming home until the following day, and Charlie wasn't expecting anyone.

"I'll get it," I finally offered when Charlie didn't make any move to get up and another knock sounded.

"That a girl." He chuckled, and I saw him swipe the last roll.

"Cheater!" I yelled out right as I turned the knob and opened the door.

"Who's a cheater?" I turned my head and saw Riley standing on the porch.

"Oh, hey," I said, confused. "Um, nothing."

He gave me a nervous smile as he held up a drill in his hands. "I'm, um, just coming to return this to Mr. Swan."

"Oh," I responded. "Come on in."

Charlie had stood up and walked over to us by the time Riley walked through the door, and he passed me half of the dinner roll, winking at me as I took a bite.

"Here you go, Mr. Swan," Riley stated, looking down at his hands as he passed my uncle the drill.

"Ah, yes. I went and gone forgotten about this old thing. Thanks for returning it to me!" Charlie said with a smile, trying to make it less awkward. I wasn't sure why it was so strange to have Riley here, but we all just stood around, not having anything to say.

"So, uh," Riley stuttered, and Charlie shot me a knowing glance.

"So, Bella and I were just about to clean up the dishes and turn on the game. You want to stay over a bit?"

For a reason I wasn't sure of, blush appeared on Riley's cheeks, and he looked at me strangely before he shook his head. "No, that's okay. I need to get home, just wanted to pass that off." He pointed to the drill before stumbling over his feet on his way out the door. "See y'all later," he called out as he left.

Charlie just shrugged when I turned my head towards him. "Beats me," he answered my unasked question.

O.o

The next afternoon, I did nothing but fidget on the front porch, ignoring Uncle Charlie's snide comments and general mockery of how pathetic I was. Edward said before he left that he should be home around two, and it was going on three, and I still hadn't seen him.

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him. I missed him a lot, probably too much. I knew this was only just a taste of how it was going to be when the summer ended, but that was just one more thing that I refused to think about. I was going to enjoy these last three weeks and make as many memories as I could.

You only fell in love for the first time once.

I was looking down at my watch yet again as I heard the truck pull into the drive, and I was on my feet in a second, sprinting to towards the blue vehicle. He had just enough time to get out and close the door before I collided with him, wrapping my arms and legs around him as I squeezed him with as much strength as I could muster.

"Oh hey, you." He laughed as he wobbled from my attack.

"Where have you been? I've waited all day!" I said into his neck as he held onto me.

He put me down without a word and pressed my back into the side of his truck, leaning in and kissing me deeply right off the bat. To be honest, I was a bit taken aback from his kiss, but I wasn't going to question it. I kissed him back, showing him that I missed him, telling him without words.

But his kiss seemed off…like he was desperate for something, frantic and searching. It scared me a little.

"Are you okay?" I asked when he pulled back, and when our eyes met, it was like he wasn't even there.

"I'm fine," he answered, giving me a half smile that I wasn't used to.

"Okay," I took his words for face value, anyway. "So you had a good time?"

A real smile lit his face, and he nodded his head. "It was fantastic!"

I took a deep breath and tried to pretend that it didn't hurt that he didn't even seem to miss me while he was gone. "That's great!" I forced out.

"So, what about you? What have you been up to?"

I waved my hand in the air non-committedly. "Oh, you know…same old, same old."

He scoffed out a laugh and nodded. "Sounds about right for this little old town."

"You really are excited to get out, huh?" I asked as I played with my hands.

"Oh, Bella, you have no idea. UNC isn't that big, but there are so many people! It was amazing! I just cannot wait to start living my life! Getting out of this place and making it big!" He exaggerated his words by swinging his arms, the light evident in his eyes. "There is a whole other world outside of here!"

I smiled sadly. "You'll do great things."

He gave me a wink before he leaned back in to kiss me, this time a little bit of my Edward present in the kiss. "I hope so, baby. I really freaking hope so."

O.o

Edward said that he had things to do later that afternoon but had promised to come back by tonight. Was it weird of me to say that it felt like he was slipping away already? As if these past few days took part of him away, or maybe it was just my insecurities clouding my judgment.

Uncle Charlie told me not to worry about it, that he would come around. Yet, his words didn't keep the deflated feeling out of my chest.

Once nighttime fell, I headed outside, bringing a blanket as I lay out in the field to just look up at the sky. I felt a million miles away from home.

I heard the back door close a little while later, and I propped up on my elbows to see Edward looking for me and smiled at him when his eyes fell on mine.

"Hey, beautiful," he said as he lowered himself to the blanket next to me, resting on his side and propping his head up with his arm.

"Hi," I said back as I lay back down on the fleece.

"Sorry I had to leave earlier," he started, playing with my hair that rested on my shoulder.

"Oh, it's alright. I understand."

His eyes met mine, then, and he gave me a small smile. "Can I kiss you?" he asked, his voice soft as he studied my lips.

But instead of waiting for him to come to me, I propped myself up and kissed him instead. Holding my cheek with one of his hands, he kissed me deeper.

"I really did miss you," he whispered when he pulled away.

I sighed and laid my head down on his chest when rested on his back. "I missed you, too," I said, equally as quiet as I played with the bottom hem of his t-shirt.

"It scared me how much," he said with his lips pressed into my forehead. "I shouldn't miss you this much." It was like he was trying to convince himself of something, like we both knew what was coming, and that was only a fraction of what it was going to be like.

"We don't have to say goodbye yet," I reassured as I held him tighter, trying to memorize what it felt like to lay with him, knowing that I wouldn't have it forever.

He took a deep breath and sighed, stroking the top of my arm that lay across him. "I know."

"So did you make a lot of new friends?" I asked, trying to shift the subject back a bit.

I felt him shrug beneath me. "Yeah, I did."

"That's what college is for, I guess."

"I guess."

Silence wrapped between us, then, the only sounds coming from the crickets and the wind.

"I don't want to leave you," he finally voiced after what seemed like forever.

I waited a second before I responded, trying to get my words right. "I wish I could stop life for you, but we can't. It keeps moving without our consent." It hurt to speak the truth, but even though I wanted to change it, keep our goodbye from happening, it was inevitable. "But we'll figure it out, okay? We'll figure something out," I added on more quietly.

"Are you going to forget about me?" he questioned, his voice not at all joking.

"That would be impossible, Edward." I propped myself up on his chest so I could look at him. "Even in twenty years, I'll still remember this moment."

He smiled genuinely at me, then. "I can't imagine my life without you in it twenty years from now."

I chuckled and lay back down in the crook of his arms. "Who knows," I voiced out to the wind. "Maybe you won't have to."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Maybe."

…

End Notes—

If only in our real lives could we know what would happen in the future. Only 2 more 1987 chapters left after this one, folks!

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