She tries to clear her mind, of the plague of thoughts that swirls around, like a tempest. She lies in her bed, wide awake. How was she supposed to sleep? She had this secret that she had kept, for so long, and now it was out. Now she had to deal with the consequences of her actions. There was no more denying the truth.
The truth? She isn't entirely what the truth is, or was. It was just a mess, that is all she knows. A mess. She had been duped. She was young, and had gotten caught up in the job, and then... she shakes the thought from her head. She never loved him, she had just been doing her job. That, of course was not going to be a good enough answer for the little boy sleeping on her couch. Her son. How is she supposed to explain to him, how they got here, how he got here.
She had never expected this to happen. She never expected to end up pregnant. But she had. She had a son. A son, whom she had chosen to give up. The hardest decision of her life. One followed by many sleepless nights. A decision she had never been proud of, or even sure of. From the moment she made it, it had felt like a mistake. Now she had him back, at least for the moment. This was going to take a lot of explaining, on her part.
She fights the urge to wander into the living room, and watch him as he sleeps. She rolls over, and puts a pillow over her head. This proves futile, as the noises are coming from inside her head. She rolls back over, when she hears footsteps. She looks up, and finds a small figure standing in her doorway.
"I thought that you were asleep," she comments.
"I woke up."
"Do you need something?"
"I have a lot of questions."
"Can they wait until morning?"
"Were you asleep?"
"No," she admits.
"So..."
Jane pats the bed, next to her, "Come on," she motions.
He climbs into the bed next to her. He lies on top of the covers, on his side, facing Jane.
"What questions do you have, Owen?"
"Why did she do it?"
"It's complicated."
"I know. I just don't understand. Wasn't there another way?"
"Maybe."
"She didn't have to kill anyone," he comments.
"No. She didn't. That wasn't the right way to do things."
"Why didn't you want me?"
"Is that what you think?"
"Yes," he nods.
"I did want you."
"Then why didn't you keep me?"
"I wanted to."
"Then why didn't you?"
"Because..." she tries to come up with a tactful way to explain the truth to him.
"Because?"
"Nick..."
"The guy who was a drug dealer?"
"Yes, him."
"He's my..."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Why, what?"
"Why is he my biological father? Why did you pick him?"
"I should have chosen more wisely. I made some bad choices."
"Like having me?"
"No. Like getting involved with someone like Nick."
"Why did you give me up?"
"I moved away, after I found out that I was pregnant with you. I didn't want anyone to find out, because then he would find out. So, I left Boston. I thought that I was safe. Then, one night he called and said that he could see me. I thought he followed me. I didn't know how else to keep you safe. I knew that wherever I went, he would have someone follow me. I thought that if I gave you to someone else, he would give up. I didn't think that he could track you."
"Jane?"
"Hm?"
"I thought that you were supposed to put bad guys in jail."
"That is how it is supposed to work, but it's just not that simple, Owen. Things don't always go according to plan."
"Like me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I wasn't part of the plan."
"No, but I wouldn't change it."
"Am I going to stay with you, forever?"
"I don't know."
"That's what she wanted."
"I know."
"That's what I want."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Is that all of your questions?"
"Why is it that sometimes the bad guys win?"
"Lots of reason. The bottom line is, that cops have to follows rules, and laws, and bad guys choose not to."
"So it makes them harder to catch?"
"Exactly."
"Oh, I meant to tell you, I'm allergic to dogs."
"So am I."
"I saw him before, you know."
"Who?"
"Nick."
"When?"
"He came to my little league games."
"When?"
"For as long as I can remember. I thought it was weird that he was always there, cause he didn't have any kids on the team."
"Did he ever say anything to you?"
"No. He just watched. I think that I saw him at my soccer games too."
"Yeah?"
"He had some other guy with him. I saw the other guy all the time. When I got out of school. In the grocery store. Outside our house."
"I know."
"Why were they following me?"
"Because Nick wanted to keep tabs on you."
"If you didn't tell him about me, then how did he find out?"
"That's a very good question. I don't know."
"Jane?"
"Yeah?"
"I think that you were set-up."
"For Nick's murder?"
"No," he shakes his head.
"What do you mean?"
"My mom said that she knew I was supposed to be hers, the second she saw me."
"You thought that was weird?"
"She said the first time she saw me, at the hospital. I wasn't in the hospital, was I?"
"When you were born."
"Jane, do you know what her job was?"
"No."
"She was a nurse."