AN—

Sorry for the wait. I really appreciate your patience!

Once again, I have to thank the wonderful people who help me along the way! My beta, Ginginlee, & my prereaders, lizzylillyrose, morethanmyself, & sammielynnsmom. I seriously love you guys!

I hope you know I read and cherish every review… I'm sorry I don't respond like I should. But my readers are why I continue to put hours into this story. You blow me away with your kind words and dedication!

And also to Illicitwriter, who makes the most beautiful chapter pic teases, thank you. I'm forever hanging onto you and your talents!

At last… the last 1987 chapter…

…

Edward,

Has it already been a week since I've gone, since you've started your new life? It seems impossible that I have gone seven whole days without feeling your hand in mine, your lips against my lips. Does it seem this way for you? I don't think my heart understands that it's no longer in North Carolina. My mother asked about you, who that boy was when she pulled up to the house earlier than expected. I wanted to tell her everything, but somehow I felt that I would be losing a part of you if I did. You're mine. The memories that we made are just ours. Will sharing those moments discredit them in any way? I'm still trying to figure that out. What are your thoughts?

Tell me about school, your classes, your new friends. Is it as grand as you expected? I'm sure you are doing great things.

I love you; I miss you. Write me back soon.

Yours always,

Bella.

…

Bella,

Great things, huh? I'm not too sure about that. I think the greatest thing I ever did was you. (Pun intended? Bad joke?) Oh well, this is in pen…can't erase.

But I miss you, too, baby. Things are so different here, ya know? It's no longer Clayton, which I haven't quite decided is a good or bad thing. Even though it has only been two weeks (yes, sorry it has taken me so long to write back to you), I feel that I've been here for so much longer. Classes are harder than I expected, but it's a good challenge. I finally feel like I'm worth something here, like I can be worth something. They keep telling us how important we are, about how the future is in the hands of this generation. I can actually make a difference, Bella! It's amazing! Back home life was so simple. Here, there are a whirlwind of possibilities. I have no limits.

Jasper, my new roommate, is okay. I'm still unsure about him. You would probably like him, though. This is why you will never meet…I don't want to risk the competition ;)

So you didn't tell your mother about me? I'm a secret for only you to keep? Not sure how I feel about that, baby. Don't you want to tell the world that you're in love with a true southern man? Those Yankees can't compare. You should tell them all, write it on your forehead. TAKEN. That's what you are. You are mine.

I love you. I miss you.

Sometimes I wake up, and it still feels like summer. Why aren't you here?

Edward

…

Edward,

Write it on my forehead? Are you kidding? Besides, you forgot that I'm a Yankee myself. No need for your unwarranted hostility! (Do you like my big words? I figured they were okay since you're in college now and all). But you are right, boys here don't compare. No one compares. But you knew that already. No sense in giving you a big head. Someone has to keep you humble!

I loved getting your letter yesterday. As you can tell, I'm clearly not as busy as you are since I don't take so long to write back! You can thank my mediocre (another big word!) education system. Right now I'm in math. Calculus, actually. Still unsure of why I will ever need to know this stuff. Don't we learn all of our important life lessons under a tree in a field down south? Or was that only me? You let me know…

I can't wait to be done with this year. I'm ready for next summer again. I'm impatient, but I miss you. I'm rethinking of spending it with my mother. Maybe she won't have that big of a panic attack if I tell her I want to go back. Besides, Uncle Charlie is basically my father. Maybe she'll understand.

So, are you going out and meeting a lot of people? I'm sure everybody just loves you, since you're always such the life of the party. Maybe you're the one that needs to write 'TAKEN' on their forehead. You can never trust girls, you know; trust me.

September isn't nearly as amazing as August, July, and June were. Maybe I'm biased, but fall just sucks. It's getting cold here, thanks to my awesome geographical location (Man, I'm on a roll today!). Just one more thing about the North that is lacking.

Okay, just got in trouble by my teacher…that's my cue to wrap it up.

I love you,

Bella.

…

Bella,

Geographical location; mediocre; unwarranted hostility. Maybe you're the one that needs to be in college. I'm impressed.

And yes, I have met a lot of new people. And yes, I've told them about you. We should get our matching 'Taken' tattoos when you come back down here. When is that again?

I'm waiting for you.

Sorry this is short…studying for my first exam.

Love you,

Edward.

…

Edward,

My mother is against tattoos. I'm willing to break the rules if you are. How did your first exam go? You sounded really busy when I tried to call the other night. I know it's too expensive to talk more than once a week, but I wish we could. Oh, and I'm kind of afraid for my mom to get the phone bill next month. If you don't hear from me, send the police.

I'm jealous that you're meeting new people. Everyone here is exactly the same. I just don't feel connected to any of them. Does that make sense? It's as if they don't know me anymore. I just feel so different…in a good way, of course.

I started crying in my science class because we were talking about rivers, which made me think of you. They thought I was crazy. Do you think I'm crazy? I still just can't believe I miss you this much. It's almost suffocating.

Too much to say in a letter? Does that freak you out? I don't think it will… besides, you know me. You know this. Right?

Tell me I'm not crazy.

Sincerely yours,

Crazy Lady

…

Crazy Lady,

You are crazy. But I love you, anyway. You can thank me later.

I do miss you, though. I don't cry about it like you do, but it's still there. I'm trying to figure out how to not miss you so much.

Today, in one of my history classes, we were learning about the Romans and their legislation system. It was fascinating. I still feel like I can do so much more than what I'm doing. Like, who am I in the grand scheme of things? Some kid? Someone who will never make a difference? I want to make a difference. I want to be important.

I want to do more than what I'm doing. However, I'm not sure how to go about that yet. I'm still thinking about law school. I want to be in a courtroom, defending people, helping people. Who knows, maybe I'll even become a prosecutor and get all the evil men off the streets. I'll start with the ones who hit on you. You should make a list.

I met someone really cool the other day. Her name is Emma. She's in my history class with me. You would really like her. She laughs like you do.

Have you told your mom about me yet? I hate being kept a secret.

I love you…

Edward.

…

Edward,

When will you see that you already make a difference in the lives of others by just being? Aren't I a good enough example? My life will never be the same because of you. If it ends up ruining me, and making me even crazier, I'll send you the bill for my therapy. You'd be able to afford it, right? Being a hot-shot lawyer and all.

Emma sounds…cool? I guess. She laughs like me? I have a stupid laugh. That's quite unfortunate for her, then. You can give her my condolences. Any new guy friends? I like those better. I don't think you realize the way girls look at you. And didn't we already cover that girls are not to be trusted? They'll suck you dry…okay, maybe that came out wrong. Damn pen. But you get what I mean.

So far October has sucked even more than September had. I didn't think that would be even possible. So, have you figured out how to miss me less? I would like to be clued into your secret. And if the secret is Emma, maybe you can send her up here. Just a thought.

I'm ready to see you again. I think you should come find me.

Yours,

Bella

…

Dearest Bella,

Is that jealousy I detect? You have no need to worry about Emma. At the rate I talk about you, I bet she knows you just as well as me. And also…your laugh doesn't suck. It's charming. (Yes, I'm laughing as I write this).

Oh, and I'm really sorry that your mom freaked out the other day. I wished I could have helped make you feel better on the phone. I know that was our last one in a while, but we'll figure out a way. I promise, that's not the last time you'll hear my voice.

My mom wants me to come home for our fall break. I don't think I'm going to go. It just feels empty there now, or, at least, that is how I think it would feel. I have yet to be back. Hmm, sounds like someone else I know. Have you talked to your mom about next summer yet? It just feels so far away… You feel so far away.

Love,

Edward

…

Edward,

I'm not that far away. I'm right here.

You know where to find me.

I love you,

Bella

…

Bella,

Sorry it has been so long…again. I know, I'm a terrible boyfriend. You should fire me.

Midterms suck, let me tell ya. There is so much expectation. Do you ever feel like you're drowning under the pressure? I just can't…think…about anything else. It's getting to be too much.

Emma says hi, by the way. She's sitting next to me in the library as I write this.

I saw Rachel on campus the other day. It was so weird. It was the first time I had seen her around. She seems to be settling in well, made a lot of new friends. She wants to meet up later this week, but I don't have time. I barely have time to sleep anymore. I spend more nights at the library here with our study group than I do in my own dorm. Trust me, enjoy the last year of high school while you can. Life after is just so different.

Priorities change. Views change.

Still miss me?

Edward

…

Edward,

I know college is hard, but don't lose yourself in the process.

Do you remember the night when you first snuck up to my room at Charlie's? For some reason, I thought about that today, and I couldn't remember something…I literally spent all day trying to remember a detail about that night. When that night happened, I remembered thinking that I could never forget it. It's like things are fading, the lines becoming more gray, less defined. I'm worried that someday I won't remember.

Tell me I won't forget. You'll remind me, won't you?

I don't want to forget you.

Bella

…

Bella,

I know what you mean. I was telling my buddy about you the other day, and it slipped my mind what color your eyes were. It was just stuck in my throat. Of course I know that they are brown…I looked into them enough times to know that.

But I get it…I do. Summer was so long ago. We were so long ago.

Edward

PS – my eyes are blue, in case you've forgotten.

…

Edward,

Your eyes are blue? I thought they were green…my mistake…

It's weird that the season-change is in full swing now. There are almost no leaves left on the tress. All the oranges, yellows, reds, all bled together to this ugly brown, falling, forgotten, to the ground, their beauty no longer admired.

That isn't symbolic to us, right?

Bella

…

Bella,

The memories are starting to not be enough anymore. Every day it gets harder. I feel that much farther away from you. I feel guilty for saying this…maybe this is why I haven't written in a couple weeks.

But after your last letter, you haven't written me, either. I think you know how I feel.

Tell me I'm crazy. Tell me that I know you, that I know what we are. Tell me that what I'm feeling will go away, that I'll see you again. We said we would work it out, figure out a way.

Bella, I just can't help but feel that this way isn't working. I've saved all the letters you've written…I've read them over and over again. We need to figure out a new way. We can do that, right? Aren't we worth it?

Aren't we worth fighting for?

Edward

…

Edward,

I don't really know how to respond to your last letter. When I first read it, I was so angry at you. How could you have said those things? But then I got it…I've been feeling that way, too. I just didn't know it yet. Sometimes, when I start thinking about you, I try to think of something else. It's easier that way.

I don't know what to do, Edward. I don't know how to make this be enough. I can't offer anymore of myself. I'm already feeling like I'm barely hanging onto my life.

I don't want you to be just a memory; I want you to be in my life. I don't have an answer for you; I don't have a way to fix this. I just know that I love you. Being 500 miles away doesn't change that for me. Did it change it for you? Don't walk away…not yet. Let me keep you for a little bit longer.

Bella

…

Bella,

I'm so sorry…I never meant our phone call to end that way, but after I was home for Thanksgiving, I just knew I couldn't do this anymore. We were fooling ourselves when we said we could make it work. I'm just sorry we kept it up for so long, stringing along each other into what…what is there for us?

I hope you can still figure out a way to come next summer…I want to see you again. This is hard for me, too, Bella. I loved you…I still love you…but we can't live like this anymore. You need to be a teenager, enjoy your life, love those around you, and honestly, I need to do the same.

I know you said I was walking away, and maybe that's what I'm doing, but I really do think this is the best thing for us. We can't continue to have a relationship where we can't see each other, talk to each other, just be with each other. I miss you…I still miss you, but this is my way of figuring out how to not miss you so much.

Every letter that you send just hurts now. You don't know how badly I want to be there with you…but I can't. You know that, don't you? That I wish things were different, that I wish we could change our situation. But maybe it's like this for a reason… Maybe you'll come back to me, after all.

But right now, for both of us, I need to end it. I need to walk away.

I'm so sorry, baby.

Edward

O.o

The late August sun shined through the windows, and when the knock sounded again, I left the kitchen where Uncle Charlie and I were standing to go over and answer it. I couldn't believe I was about to say goodbye to Edward...could I really leave him? Was the summer already over? My feet were heavy as I walked, and the pain from holding in my tears was almost unbearable. It was like someone was pulling at me with a string, unraveling me piece by piece. Was I really strong enough for this? I tried to think what tomorrow would feel like, a week from now, even a month from this moment. Would I be stronger? Would it hurt less?

Turing the brass doorknob, I pulled open the door and saw the top of Edward's head, his eyes turned down to watch his feet. He didn't lift his face when he heard me on the other side; he didn't motion for me to join him out on the porch; he didn't do anything.

I opened the screen door as much as I could and squeezed out of the small space as not to hit him.

"Edward," I started, and the cracking of my voice got him to lift his head. What I saw was almost worse than any of the pain I could feel next week…a month from now. This was worse. This would be the worst of it…it had to be. His eyes were red, strained, and there wasn't the littlest hint of a smile to be found.

This was what we had set ourselves up for. Hadn't we known this moment was coming all along?

Didn't we do this to ourselves?

"Are you going to talk to me?" I asked, playing with my hands that were resting in front of me as I rocked back and forth on my heels.

Without his face changing at all, he took a step forwards and wrapped his arms around me. "Why are we doing this again?" he said, even though I could barely hear him with my head tucked into his chest.

"The summer's over." I held onto him tighter.

He took a deep breath in and then released it slowly.

"I don't want to leave," I added on. "Can't we run away? Stay together? Forget about everything else?"

After kissing my forehead, he pulled back and said, "Charlie would kill me." Finally, I saw the corner of his mouth lift up, even if it was just the smallest amount.

"He would get over it, don't you think? He just wants me to be happy."

This time, he smiled at me sadly. "Just because you're leaving doesn't mean you'll never be happy again. This is just a bump in the road for us."

"You think so?"

"Sure," he said. "Besides, what's a little distance in the grand scheme of things?"

It was my turn to smile, and I nodded a few times, trying to find it within me to agree with me.

"So this isn't it for us?"

"Do you think I'd let you slip away that easily?"

I brought my face back to his chest and hugged him with all my strength. "Just don't forget about me."

"Come on," he said, stepping away and taking my hand, leading me off the porch.

"Where are we going?" I asked, knowing that he didn't have much time before he had to get back to his parents and leave for school.

"Just to the backyard… Maybe we can take one last ride." He looked back at me and winked, and if we were in any different situation, I would have said something smart back, but alas, we weren't, so I just smiled back and squeezed his hand.

I would miss his hands.

I would miss the weight of them against my palm, the rough skin against my own.

I shook my head out of my thoughts and tried to enjoy this last moment and not to worry too much about the future. We would make it work.

His deep voice called out to me, bringing me out of my thoughts as we reached the stables, and he helped me saddle up the horse and climb up, him climbing on behind me.

"You ready?" he asked, and I only nodded in response.

When we were lying beneath the tree on the far side of Charlie's land, I could hold in the tears no longer.

"Baby," he said, wiping them from my face. "Please, please stop. I can't…I can't see you like this."

I wanted to stop. I wanted to not feel the pain, not experience my heart cracking, feeling like it was no longer beating.

"Don't go…" I shot up from the ground and twisted around to look at him.

"What?" he started, shaking his head in confusion.

"I'm serious, Edward. We don't have to do this. We don't have to end like this." My voice was upbeat, definitely on board with this idea.

"Bella," he just said again.

"We can go somewhere, be together, start a life with one another. To me, that sounds like a hell of a lot better idea than leaving! Don't you think? Can't you see us together?"

He sat up along with me and grazed my cheek with the back of his fingertips. "We don't live in a fantasy world, baby…"

For some reason, in that moment, it really crashed down upon me when I looked at his face, which was still like a statue.

"Edward?" I whispered, pulling back a bit.

He just shook his head and moved to his knees, pulling me back. "No, we're not going there… This isn't about running away; it's not about giving up or changing the course of our lives. I love you, Bella, but that has to be enough for right now. I have to go to college, and you have to go back to Ohio. That's just the way it has to be right now. That doesn't mean that is how our lives are going to be forever. You just got to trust in us, baby. Do you trust me?"

I searched his blue eyes for meaning behind them, for something to hold onto.

"Yes," I finally said, because the truth was, I did.

He leaned in and kissed my lips, holding my face to his so tightly that it was almost painful.

"I love you," he said. "I love you. I love you."

The tears streamed down my cheeks, but it didn't stop him, and when I lifted my hands to his face, I could feel his tears, too.

"I love you," I said back, knowing I meant every word, and knowing, deep down, that the truth behind that statement was worth all the pain, all the tears, all the heartache.

Because, in the end, he was worth it.

We were worth it. And we would make it…we had to.

O.o

Edward,

Did you ever write a letter, knowing beforehand that you would never send it? Well, that is what this is for me right now. Not because I don't want you to see the words on the page or to even talk to you for that matter, but that's not the point. I just need to say this…and who knows, maybe one day I'll find it in my drawer, tucked away with all my other memories of that summer, and I'll send it to you on a whim. Wouldn't that be something?

Anyway, it's been a month since we've last talked, since you ended things, told me it was too hard. And I just wanted to say that I forgive you.

I understand why you did it. It was too hard for me, too. No matter how hard I wanted to hang onto you, I knew deep down that it wasn't working. But it doesn't mean that I've stopped loving you…I could never stop loving you…and I'm confident in the fact that is how you feel, too.

I got your last letter, and I've read it every night since then. I'm not sure how long I'll keep reading it, however long it takes, I suppose. Wasn't us "breaking up" supposed to give us closure, help us move on with our lives? Why is it that I still feel stagnant? I'm not any happier from the day we said goodbye…

I still miss you with every breath, with every memory that jumps into my mind. I hope you know how much you meant to me, how you changed my life irrevocably.

I just wish things could be different.

Today is December 31st…the last day of 1987. I'm almost wary of the clock reaching midnight. Are you going to be looking at it and thinking the same thing I am? That this really is it. Our year in the past, our lives moving forward without our consent.

As much as I want to hang on, I can't, so I guess this is it…my final goodbye. This is me letting go, moving on.

I'm sorry. I miss you.

I love you… always.

Yours,

Bella

…

END NOTES –

Phew, okay, now that that's done… happy times ahead.

Only the Epilogue left. I'm personally ready for their ending. Don't you agree?

Thanks as always for reading, and please review!