A lot of people liked Anti-Blonda. It makes me happy!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Fairly OddParents or other relating characters.
Chapter Three: Card Night
Wanda pulled the fabric off the mirror, scattering the dust that had built up over the centuries. She never thought she would ever come here again.
It had been six thousand years since she had last set foot in this house.
It had been almost four thousand years into her marriage with Cosmo that the two of them had decided to give god parenting a try. Back then, you didn't have to sing for it, you just had to sign up, and that's exactly what they did. They got their first godchild and fell in love with the occupation, moving from one godchild to the next without ever stopping for a break.
Now here she was; no godchild and a house that had been uninhabited for so long. Still, it brought back memories.
She recalled first gazing in this mirror on her wedding day. She had looked so pretty in her wedding dress, and Cosmo so handsome in his tuxedo. The two of them had sat side by side in their formal regalia, reflecting on everything that had led them to that moment.
That was long ago. Now she had a child, she had responsibilities, she had all these ridiculous regulations to keep up with.
Wanda turned away from the mirror to open the curtains. The light poured in revealing the rest of the room.
This place was going to need a major cleaning.
She drifted into the living room, smiling at the sight of her two boys napping.
Poof had begun screaming, crying, and throwing a tantrum when she told him Timmy wasn't coming back. Nothing they did could calm him. Cosmo spent hours singing to him, rocking him back and forth, even trying to play some of his favorite games, but nothing could calm the baby.
In the end, Poof had cried himself to sleep. Cosmo fell asleep right after, and she couldn't blame him. Poof was really a handful when he wasn't happy.
That reminded her, she was going to have to set up a nursery for Poof. He couldn't very well sleep on the couch at his age.
The house was modest in size. Two stories with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. There was a small patch of lawn outside for a backyard and a smaller patch out front by the driveway.
Maybe she could set up a swing set for Poof. He would love that.
Wanda sighed, looking over the house once more.
This was it. Their careers as godparents were over.
With a yet another sigh, she picked up her sleeping son, gently cradling him as to allow him a more comfortable nap.
Anti-Cosmo dropped his pen and flexed his hand. All this writing was giving him a cramp, but it was to be expected with all the paper work he had to fill out.
You don't go to Magical Court without a huge mess to clean up afterwards.
He had gone through a good chunk of the stack. Time for tea!
Anti-Cosmo fished through the top drawer of his desk for the thermos his beloved had packed him earlier that morning. True, he could always conjure up tea, but he didn't want to waste his energy. And Anti-Wanda had put effort into making the tea; it only made it the more sweeter. Besides, He would need all of his energy to deal with the other anti-fairy council members, paparazzi, and the paperwork that was to come.
He poured the tea into a teacup and leaned back to enjoy it. There was nothing wrong with a little break here and there. He most certainly deserved it. His little accomplishment at the Olympics made two victories for the anti-fairies. One proving that they were the superior species, and two for giving them their first godchild.
His good image was going to skyrocket from this, a little fact which kept him smiling.
He had a godchild. Not just any godchild, he had Timothy Turner. The boy he had spent weeks watching, secretly taking care of him when his incompetent godparents could not be there.
As if they were of any good when they were there. It was trivial matter now. He had Timothy under his wing; no harm would come to the boy ever again.
He must really stop taking all these breaks. They were killing a lot of time.
The intercom buzzed on the telephone.
Anti-Cosmo held the button down. "Yes, what is it?"
"Anti-Binky is here." The receptionist responded.
"Let him in." Anti-Cosmo said grudgingly. He did not like that anti-fairy one bit.
"You taking a tea break again, you little limey?" Anti-Binky practically shouted as he almost broke the door down with his brute strength.
Anti-Binky was a very muscular anti-fairy, one of the toughest, leading him to be put in charge of the anti-fairy military force. He did of course have one fault in that he was all brawn, no brain.
It had been his downfall when he and Anti-Cosmo faced off for position of supreme anti-fairy millennia ago.
"Good morning to you too, Anti-Binky." Anti-Cosmo sarcastically replied. "What can I do for you on this fine morning?"
"I came to see your new brat. I read about it in the paper."
Anti-Cosmo resisted the urge to question his reading abilities; he thought for sure the brute had none. "He's not here right now. Even if he was, you think I would let you see him?"
"Excuse me?" The buff anti-fairy asked in a menacing tone. What was that statement supposed to mean anyways?
"Anti-Binky, I shall be frank. I do not mind your normal shenanigans with the new recruits and such, but avoid directing them at my godchild. There are millions of humans and fairies you can bully around, I'd prefer you stuck to them. You must keep in mind that this is the first step in inheriting all the godchildren."
Anti-Binky didn't respond. He simply continued glaring at Anti-Cosmo.
"Humans do not heal as fast as magical creatures." Anti-Cosmo tried dumbing it down for his nemesis. He had the feeling that he did not understand everything he had just said. "If you tear a limb off, it won't grow back."
"Yeah, yeah, I got it." Anti-Binky huffed.
"Is there any other particular reason for this visit?"
"Nah. Just bring the brat around some time so I can see him. I gotta head to the military school before the new recruits get too riled up." He left rather noisily, actually knocking the door down on his way out.
Anti-Cosmo sighed and buzzed his intercom once more.
"Yes?" The voice responded.
"Send the repairman up here. The brute took out another door."
So much for his relaxing tea break.
Over the course of a half hour, more anti-fairies arrived for Anti-Wanda's card night.
First to join them was the Anti-Tooth Fairy followed by, Anti-Jorgen, and lastly Anti-Juandissimo.
They all introduced themselves to Timmy, who wasn't really paying attention, but he kind of got the gist of each anti-fairy.
Anti-Tooth Fairy was responsible for cavities and was the one who taught humans how to make chocolate from cocoa beans. Anti-Jorgen was the complete opposite of Jorgen as he was soft all over and hard to take seriously. Anti-Juandissimo amused him the most because the fairy was still 'incredibly sexy' as he put it, but he wasn't in love with Anti-Wanda. He was in love with Anti-Blonda.
"Do you play poker, Timmy?" Anti-Mama Cosma asked.
"No, but it's okay. You guys go on and play without me. I'm just going to go eat something, I'm kind of hungry." He waved them on, not wanting to spend the evening in a room full of anti-fairies, more specifically Anti-Mama Cosma, who was just as bad as the fairy Mama Cosma.
Timmy sat at the kitchen's island eating…something. He found it sitting in the fridge; he wasn't quite sure what it was. Clearly, Anti-Wanda had concocted it on her own, but once you got past the fact it was moving, it wasn't too difficult to swallow.
His solitude was interrupted when Anti-Cosmo returned home. He had questioned about his new godchild's whereabouts, leading him to the kitchen. "Timothy!" He called out. "Timothy, what are you doing here?"
"Eating." Timmy responded nonchalantly. What did it look like he was doing? And Anti-Cosmo was supposed to be the smart one!
"Don't you want to come join us?" Anti-Cosmo pried. This would be a good opportunity for Timothy to get to meet the other anti-fairies without being bombarded by cameras.
"No thank you. I…" Timmy tried to quickly think up an excuse. "Don't know how to play."
"Oh, nonsense!" Anti-Cosmo slapped the boy on his back playfully. "You and I shall share a hand. Come along, we'll join in the next round." He waved his wand and the two of them were seated at the round table in the castle's game room.
"Hi, sweeties." Anti-Wanda stated without looking away from her cards. Should she fold? It was hard to tell who was bluffing, at least for her it was.
Anti-Cosmo drew five cards from the deck and displayed them for both he and Timothy to see. "Now my boy, the objective is to get a card combination which will win you the round. If you feel luck is not on your side, you may fold your cards and bet nothing, but if you feel otherwise, you may place a bet and exchange some of your cards.
Timmy saw two sevens, a five, a three, and an ace in Anti-Cosmo's hands.
"See here." Anti-Cosmo whispered to him, not wanting to hint the other anti-fairies as to what cards they had. "These two sevens are a good start. We can place them down as a double. Our best bet would be to drop and exchange the other three cards in hopes of getting another seven and turning that double into a triple."
Timmy took the three cards out of his hands and traded them in. "So how much are we betting?"
"Since it is your first game, let's go small. Put three coins in the center of the table."
Timmy picked up the gold coin, but noticed something strange. It was a chocolate coin! "Chocolate? You guys game with chocolate coins?"
"Of course, courtesy of Anti- Tooth Fairy. If we gambled with real money, the same anti-fairies would win over and over." That would usually be him or his mother.
Timmy placed three coins in the center of the table; unwrapping and eating one in the process.
"Timothy, if you eat all the coins, how are you supposed to make a bet?" Anti-Cosmo asked, pushing the remaining coins out of Timothy's reach.
"Oh, Anti-Cosmo." Anti-Tooth Fairy spoke up. "It's alright." She pulled few more coins out of her side pouch, handing them to Timmy. "I have plenty more where that came from."
Timmy happily unwrapped the coins, scarfing them down in record time.
Timmy literally bounced off the walls as he continued to ramble on incoherently. After an impossible number of chocolate coins, he had entered a full on sugar rush.
Anti-Cosmo seized the opportunity to get his godson talking. With his guard down he could pry into the boy's personal life and learn all about him. "So, Timothy, What would you consider a normal weekend?"
"Normal, normal, no normal! I usually go somewhere crazy, like space or something! Oh, Oh, Or I bust one of Crocker's crazy schemes!" Timmy ricocheted off the table and into a flip. "Or bust you! Yeah, you're crazy schemes never work!"
Anti-Cosmo shifted around nervously as he heard the other anti-fairies chuckle. "That's enough, Timothy!" He unsuccessfully tried to grab the fast-moving boy. It was impossible! Every time he blinked, the boy was somewhere else. He tried to lunge for the boy, but only managed to end up flat on his stomach.
Anti-Tooth Fairy laughed and held up her hand. She counted down from five, putting a finger down for each passing second.
When all the fingers were down, Timmy suddenly stopped moving.
"I feel…so tired…" he collapsed on the game table, fast asleep.
"Sugar crash. Just one little side effect of chocolate." Anti-Tooth Fairy laughed. She had a lot of experience with this kind of stuff. "He'll be out for the night."
"Right. Thank you." Anti-Cosmo said, all too relived to have stopped Timothy from sharing more embarrassing secrets. He picked the boy up and carried him up to his room.
The next morning, Anti-Cosmo drummed his fingers across the table as he waited for someone to answer his phone call. "Ah, yes, hello." He spoke clearly. "Anti-Binky, I'm afraid I cannot make it to work today. As much as I hate to say this, I need you to fill in for me today and brief me on what I missed tomorrow."
A few grunts came from the other end, not all too helpful to Anti-Cosmo.
"Well…" The supreme anti-fairy did not really know how to respond to that. "I'll take that as a yes. Good day!" He slammed the receiver down and disconnected the phone before anyone could call him back, or in.
He shot out of his office excitedly, flying up the stairs and into Timothy's bedroom.
"Timothy, Timothy, wake up!" He practically shook the boy awake.
"Anti-Cosmo? It's too early…and it's only Sunday." Timmy pulled the covers back over his head, trying his best to ignore the anti-fairy floating above him.
"But, Timothy! We're going on a picnic. Up and dressed, dear boy."
The covers completely vanished this time, leaving Timmy with no choice but to get up and start his day. "Do I have to?"
"Yes. It's a park in a rather obscure location, so we should be able to enjoy ourselves without those tedious paparazzi." Anti-Cosmo used magic to dress the boy, not wanting to waste time waiting for him. "Let's get going."
"Perfect, no one is here." Anti-Cosmo sounded relieved.
As soon as they arrived, Anti-Wanda began setting up. She pulled a blanket out of the picnic basket and laid it out on the grass at the edge of the dark forest.
How could this be considered a park? Timmy's eyes drifted over the scenery. There was the dark forest full of dead trees, with a tire swinging hanging off one of the trees. At the very end of the park was a cliff and the finishing touch had to be the volcano located right in the middle. It spewed smoke into the air, which was a little hard to see as the grey color nearly matched that on the sky's.
"Sweetie!" Anti-Wanda called out. "What would ya like?" She fished several sandwiches out of the basket.
Timmy grabbed the first sandwich she pulled out, not paying attention to what kind it was. "I'll just have this one." He began eating, watching his new godparents.
Anti-Wanda gorged herself and fell into a nap, while Anti-Cosmo conjured up a dark folder and began working on some paper work. This man was definitely a workaholic.
"I thought the point of this was to get away from work." Timmy commented, going through some of the papers Anti-Cosmo had set aside.
"With great power comes great amounts of paper work."
Timmy continued to look through the papers. Clearly they were about Pixie World as they listed the names of several pixies and their occupations. "So, are there only male pixies or something?"
Anti-Cosmo looked up from his work. "How did you reach that conclusion?"
"I've only ever seen male pixies and all the names on this list are of dudes."
"No, no, silly. There are female pixies, but HP likes to keep things old fashioned."
"As in?"
"They stay home, clean, cook, and raise baby pixies."
Wow, who would have guessed? It kind of explained why there were no girls in Pixie Inc. Where they one raising pixies to be gray and dull? "I don't suppose their as boring as male pixies, are they?"
"On the contrary, their quite colorful. It's their own personal way of rebelling against HP's policies."
"So the women don't really like him?"
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Anti-Cosmo chuckled at his own literary joke.
"Timothy, be careful!" Anti-Cosmo yelled out to the boy.
Timmy didn't acknowledge him, but continued to walk along the rim of the volcano. It had been a strenuous climb, he wasn't about to come down for no reason. He peered inside the volcano.
Maybe he could give Anti-Cosmo a run for his money.
Making sure Anti-Cosmo wasn't looking; he climbed into the volcano and stopped at the ledge. He listened intently, making sure he hadn't been spotted.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Timmy let out a scream as is he had actually fallen into the volcano.
In a flash, Anti-Cosmo was floating over the volcano opening, a look of horror spread over his face. That horror melded into irritation when he saw the boy laughing, completely unharmed. "I think that's enough of playing around the volcano." He used magic to pull the boy out and return him to their picnic site.
"Oh my baby!" Anti-Wanda immediately held Timmy close to her.
"Timothy, do not do anything like that ever again!" Anti-Cosmo demanded.
"Relax, I was only messing around."
Anti-Cosmo sighed. Timothy was still a child, there was no use getting angry over what he had done. Besides, it had probably been his former godfather's teachings that led him to believe something of that matter could be considered 'funny'. "Just do not try it again. I don't want to lose another hundred years off of my natural life span."
"I think they'll do that to you first." Timmy pointed to a group of fairies anti-approaching the trio. Within seconds, cameras were flashing everywhere.
Anti-Cosmo sighed and teleported the three of them out of the park and back to his mansion.
I've been watching Kim Possible, and I must say, it is rather hilarious.
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