One review so far from my lovely Chaos 8D! Lmfao, A review pumps me up than NO reviews after all ;)! I was going to post this chapter next week, and it's 11:11 at night (MAKING A WISH FOR REVIEWS! 8D), I was planning up updating MMBD but I got distracted from finishing that chapter sooo I went "Screw it" and decided to post this as well. This Oneshot is a two parter (obviously o.o) and is dedicated Yaoiloverrr because she wanted this sort of situation ;D. Who am I to say know to my dear friend who loves Yaoi as much as I do 8D?
Warning: M for some foul language and some possible SasuNaru stuff-fa-fa ;D
Background Information: Yaoiloverrr wanted SasuNaru to have a kid. I wasn't too comfortable writing MPREG so she got this instead... ;). I think you'll all love it! I hope you like it too, Yaoiloverrr! This is set a few years into the future, and you don't have to read ACC for any other info, but that shouldn't stop you from checking it out -wink wink-.
Disclaimer: Takes deep breath- I don't own Naruto. Never have, never will. But I do own my own copy of The Sims 2 Double Deluxe. Fun game ;D.
I'm still accepting requests 8D. Lay it on me! Like butterrrrr. Ew, okay no, not like butter. But don't hesitate to share a request(:! I'd be so honored to write them.
Enjoy!
Ankle Biters Part One
Sasuke and Naruto, perfectly in love after six years of being together – okay, that was a lie. Let's restart that, shall we?
Even after six years of being together, Sasuke and Naruto would have thought they knew all the quirks, all the things that made their partner tick, drove them crazy – in the literal sense and in the kinky sense – and then some. But it seemed that when one quirk was discovered, another one came to take its place and wreak some havoc of its own. For example, Naruto's famous quirk that was only discovered yesterday was that got very cuddly whenever he watched a Lifetime movie. So say Sasuke wasn't in the mood to be cuddly, and Naruto was, but the raven denied him of such a gesture, then Sasuke would be banned from the bedroom for a whole week.
Sasuke's new found quirk was that he absolutely loved Nutella, but he loved it the best on Naruto. Now that was one hell of a Saturday night… but anyways. Even after six years, there's still so much more you can learn about your partner which will make your relationship grow for the better. And for awhile, Naruto was content with it being just the three of them; him, Sasuke, and their little bundle of demonic joy, Beebo. Until one day they were walking through the park together, enjoying the nice, Spring day and Naruto spotted a couple pushing a baby stroller…
'A child would be nice,' he thought absentmindedly. And after that thought, a whole new one started to transpire in that wacky asylum Naruto called his mind. 'I bet Sasuke would be a great father too…' and then one more thought came after that, 'I want to have a baby.'
Weird, huh? Remember when Naruto was adamantly against getting the sex change? Well, that still hasn't changed. And nope, he's never going to get one. But… well, life does have a funny way of putting people in the right places at the right time.
"Hey, Sasuke…?" Naruto asked casually, resting his head on his partner's shoulder?
"Hmm?" he hummed, eyebrow proudly arched. His hand was currently stroking through Naruto's long blonde locks – they had grown to touch his shoulder now. Very sexy – and he hadn't missed the slight tone of wanting that came around whenever Naruto was trying to inconspicuously voice an idea.
"What do you think about... having a kid?"
There was a profound silence between the pair that seemed to last an eternity in the blonde's mind, when in reality it was only five seconds. But really, we all know how overly dramatic our little Naruto is, right?
Finally, Sasuke answered with a big, fat, and flat: "No."
"But! But!" Naruto sputtered, flailing his arms around in hopes that he could grab onto the right word to voice his disbelief. "I never asked if we could have one! I was just asking for your opinion!"
"Don't give me that bull, Dobe." Sasuke deadpanned. "I know you better than that. When you use that tone of voice to "ask an opinion" there's normally an innuendo or two laced in it. Besides, since when have you wanted a kid? If I remember correctly you didn't want Itachi buying the operation to mess with your insides."
Naruto scowled deeply, "Trust me. That hasn't changed at all! I still like my man parts very much."
"I like them too." Sasuke nodded, a sly grin on his face.
"Perv," Naruto mumbled. "But seriously. Why not have a kid? We could always adopt one."
"Do you really think an adoption agency would give us, a homosexual couple, a child?" though the words stung both of them a little, Sasuke did have a point. Not everyone was as open minded as the people that visited the cafe. So realistically speaking the chances of adoption for them were rather low. "And I hate kids."
"What? Since when do you hate kids?"
"Since my mother thought it was a wonderful idea for me to start babysitting when I turned fourteen."
"Ohh... bummer..." Naruto sighed, though he somewhat understood Sasuke's feelings.
The raven had a short temper for anyone other than Naruto. Okay, well, Naruto made him snap on more than one occasion, but he tolerated him out of love. Now ankle biters – as Sasuke liked to call them when he was being moderately nice – they were a different story. More than on one occasion Sasuke had tried to murder them – in his mind of course, he needed the money after all – because in his opinion they were the most annoying, obnoxious, messy, and simple minded species he had ever met.
"So... no kid?" Naruto asked in a hopeful tone.
"No kid." Sasuke shot him right back down. Then, a devilish grin took over his face and before Naruto could say: 'what the fuck?' Sasuke had him pinned down to the park bench, ravaging his neck like a vampire in heat. "But we could always have sex... and hope that you'd somehow get pregnant."
"You know something, Teme? It's only when you're horny that you stop making sense."
+Conspiracy+
You know, Life has a funny way of putting people in the right place at the right time. Having a very twisted author weaving the fates of certain characters also helps Life along.
Naruto and Sasuke were walking down the familiar strip of street on a very busy Saturday morning towards the cafe, holding hands and exchanging witty and perverted banter from time-to-time. The walk wasn't too long, normally ten to fifteen minutes depending on the flow of traffic, and if Naruto and Sasuke weren't too caught up in public displays of affection. It's amazing how always putting on a show for customers could turn you into a flaming exhibitionist.
They were just about to reach the cafe when Naruto spotted a child sitting by the cafe's door with a stern expression on its face. Shaggy, brown locks covered the kid's eyes and there were dirty splotches on its cheeks. The only thing the kid had on was an over-sized t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts. From Naruto's view point, the kid looked both alone, cute, and looking for someone. To Sasuke, the only thing that was going on in his mind about the kid was: 'It needs a bath.' He turned his gaze towards his blonde, noticing that intrigued sparkle in those blue orbs that always meant the blonde was about to do something Sasuke didn't like one bit.
"Naruto..." he said apprehensively, reaching for the blonde's arm to tug him into the cafe but only came up with air. Naruto was already doing something that was sure to get Sasuke's blood pressure up the roof. Oh joy!
"Hey there." Naruto squatted to eye level with the kid. The kid looked up, showing big, round eyes; one blue and one green. 'Pretty...' Naruto thought in awe as he gazed into those eyes before flashing the child a smile. "My name's Naruto! What's yours?"
The kid blinked up towards the gigantic ball of sunshine known as Naruto and scowled deeply. "Fuck off," the voice was scratchy, but still held that child-like tone in its voice that puberty hasn't taken care of yet.
"That's a weird name—Wait, what?" Naruto was finally catching on it seemed, and flashed the child a look of disbelief. "Where the heck did you learn that from?"
"I said fuck off! I gots important business here if yah don't mind!"
Sasuke couldn't help but chuckle out of sheer amusement. Naruto was making the effort to be nice and the kid shot him down time and time again. Oh the irony of it all... Still chuckling, Sasuke wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulder and started to direct him towards the front door.
"Come on, Dobe. I think you've bothered the kid enough. Besides, if we're any later Itachi's going to deduct it from your pay... again."
Naruto mumbled something ugly under his breath, shooting another look towards the shaggy brunette only to find out that the kid wasn't there anymore. 'Weird... where did he go?' It's funny how Naruto automatically thinks the kid is a boy, eh? When he turned back, the kid was standing between them and the door with a hopeful look gleaming in those mix-matched eyes.
"Oi, yah work here?" Little Mix-Matched asked.
"Uh... yeah, I do." Naruto asked a little stupefied at how fast Little Mix-Matched could move from one place to another like a ninja.
Little Mix-Matched shot Naruto a glare and shook her head furiously. "Not you!" 'he' exclaimed and pointed her chubby finger towards the raven who looked just as surprised, and annoyed, as Naruto. "Him."
"Your finger's dirty." Sasuke stated plainly. Normally he had more tact when dealing with people but as stated before, Sasuke hated children. So his tact more or less took a suicide jump out the window and left the scowling, crude, raven in its wake.
Little Mix-Matched looked at the finger Sasuke had so plainly called dirty for a few seconds before shrugging and licking it clean. Once thoroughly licked, Little Mix-Matched shoved the finger back in Sasuke's face with a triumphant grin.
"Better?"
"Gross..." Sasuke scowled and swatted the finger away. See! This is why he hated children. They were lippy and had no shame whatsoever.
Naruto, on the other hand, found himself liking this kid more and more although Little Mix-Matched was so mean to him. He tried to keep a stoic mask on though, if only to please Sasuke, but a smile was trying to wriggle through to the surface and you could see the delight dancing in his eyes at the shaggy brunette's antics. Sasuke swiftly turned around and shot Naruto a glare that clearly stated: "Laugh and you die". Naruto simply shrugged off the glare and smiled anyways. Sasuke was all bark and no bite in his mind.
"So do yah work here or not?" Little Mix-Matched asked a little impatiently, flicking the hair out of 'his' eyes every time they started to get out of the way.
"What does it matter to you?" Sasuke shot back, a little impatient himself. He could feel eyes staring at him. The eyes that promised a long and painful death if he didn't hurry the fuck up and get to work. Those eyes could only belong to know one other than Mr. Snuggles, of course, since the bunny was Itachi's personal hit man.
"I gots important stuff to do here." Little Mix-Matched declared. "So yah gotta help me out."
"Oh really?" are you seriously trying to taunt the kid, Sasuke? Wow... new low. The raven leaned forward and cocked an eyebrow at the defiant child before him. "And how are you going to make me do that, huh?"
For a few seconds... the world was deathly silent.
Then Little Mix-Matched opened 'his' mouth and wailed; loudly.
+Conspiracy+
"That child is the devil." Sasuke mumbled as he slipped on his costume for the day. The theme for the week was pirates and he was portraying a first mate. What fun, eh?
Naruto had to nod his head in agreement to that. Not only had the kid managed to draw in a crowd, the brunette had started to go on and on about how they were about to kidnap 'him' away from 'his' family. Naruto had did his best to try and calm down the kid's wails but every time he tried to reach out for 'him' the wails increased ten-fold. Soon, cameras were being whipped out and people were staring to talk, which wouldn't be good publicity for the cafe if their workers were known for kidnapping little kids. Needless to say, Little Mix-Matched got 'his' way and was now being pampered by Deidara as we speak.
"The kid's clever, though. You have to admit to that." Naruto said as he slipped his pants on, though a hand shot out and tugged his pants down again. "Sasuke! Can't you see I'm trying to put on my clothes not take them off?"
Sasuke chuckled and pushed Naruto against a wall, a sly smirk danced on his lips. "It's your fault for trying to hide that cute, little, ass from me." he pressed himself up against Naruto, hoping the blonde would be able to feel his erection and understand his little problem loud and clear.
Naruto moaned quietly, his eyes squeezed tight and his lips screwed up in pleasure as Sasuke started to rub his erection against his thigh dangerously close to his slowly forming one. He let out a strangled sigh as the motion increased and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's lower back, digging his nails into the fabric.
"Why do you always get horny at the most random times?"
The raven shrugged and leaned forward to press a sweet kiss on the blonde's exposed collar bone. Thankful that Itachi had opted for Naruto's shirt a cowl neck with two strings you tied together. It made attacking Naruto's delicious skin all the more easier for the raven after all.
"Because I'm always thinking about you?"
Aww, how adorable...
Naruto sighed, admitting defeat just this once as he slipped deeper and deeper into the sea of pleasure Sasuke had no trouble dragging him into. He hooked a leg around Sasuke's waist and started to hump back with vigor. Soon, the two had found their own, steady, rhythm that sent them towards the brink of insanity over and over again. Their moans and breaths intermingled in the air, creating a music their hips danced to obediently.
Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist, lifting up the blonde's shirt half way so he could tease, touch, and massage the blonde's lower back before he dipped down and grabbed an ass cheek. He squeezed and massaged it mercilessly until he had Naruto grinding hysterically against him, moaning his name over and over again until he finally came in a silent scream. Naruto's erotic face: flushed cheeks, glassy eyes, and parted lips that were just screaming to be ravaged sent Sasuke over the edge, screaming out Naruto's name as he came. He dropped his head on Naruto's shoulder and placed a kiss on the burning skin, trailing the gesture up to Naruto's lips. When the two broke apart, lazy smile adorned both their faces as they were still caught up in their orgasm-induced high.
"Itachi's going to kill us for messing up his pants... again." Naruto chuckled, stripping out of his underwear and digging into his duffel bag for the extra pair he always kept just in case Sasuke decided to hump the hell out of him in the locker room. So far, he had five extra pairs stuffed in there.
Sasuke chuckled as well, ripping off the soiled pants for another pair that was exactly the same. He thanked Itachi for these moments when his ingenuity kicked in. It was always a smart move to keep extra pairs of clothing when most of your staff were horny all the time.
"Probably... but it's not like we're the only ones who have jizzed in his pants before."
Laughing at how dirty and just plain wrong Sasuke had managed to make their situation sound, Naruto slipped on his pants and started to put the rest of his costume on. He was halfway with the finishing touches, putting his sword into his hilt and slipping on his bandana when he heard a annoyingly familiar voice hit his ear drums.
"And that, my little friend, was dry humping." Deidara explained all-knowingly as he held onto the shaggy brunette 's hand.
"Ohhhh!" Little Mix-Matched nodded enthusiastically. "Is that some sort of dance or somethin?"
"Nope! It's actually—"
"Deidara stop! The kid's not ready for the birds and the bees yet!"
Well, in their case it would be the bees and the bees but you all get the point. After Naruto's little outburst, Deidara had to finish his explanation of what dry humping was after being so rudely interrupted and teach his little student all about the birds and the bees (though he changed birds to bees) in front of two, very awkward, people.
+Conspiracy+
Itachi stared at the shaggy brunette for what seemed like hours before he gave a simple nod towards Deidara.
"Yes!" Deidara shouted and ran over to grab Little Mix-Matched hands. "Come on, sugar drop, it's time to dress you up!" he sang, dragging a willingly brunette along with him.
"I can't believe you gave Deidara permission to dress up that kid..." Naruto shook his head in wonder as he sat upon a stool eating lunch. Tobi had whipped up his favorite: Snicker doodles, and he currently had ten of them stacked on a plate waiting to be devoured.
"Why wouldn't I?" Itachi asked curiously, though he knew where Naruto was going with this to an extent.
"Um, hello? Have you forgotten what type of person Deidara is?" Naruto chomped into a Snicker Doodle angrily before swallowing. "The man knows nothing about the word 'shame' and will probably scar him for life!"
Itachi simply cocked an eyebrow, wondering why Naruto was referring to Deidara's new play toy (Little Mix-Matched) as a him when it was obvious that... Itachi inwardly smirked. 'He still hasn't caught on... well, I can use this for some fun.' Shrugging his shoulders carelessly, Itachi said, "Deidara would never fuck up a kid that badly. Though I can't say for certainty that the child won't leave here mentally unscathed..."
Naruto nearly choked on his lunch.
The next thirty minutes were pure Hell for the blonde until he finally saw Little Mix-Matched step out with Deidara grinning from ear to ear, obviously proud of his work. The child was dressed in a light pink sundress with 'his' hair finally combed out, washed, and curled in loose ringlets that framed 'his' face perfectly. For a finishing touch, Deidara added a big sundress and a picnic basket for that Summery feel.
"Sooo..." Deidara placed his hands on the child's shoulder. "What do you think? I do pretty good, huh?"
"Why did you put him in a dress?" Naruto asked, confusion laced in his words. He looked over at Itachi accusingly. "I told you he would scar him!"
Little Mix-Matched stared up at the blonde quizzically, though Itachi could perfectly see the gleam of the devil shining brightly in those mix-matched eyes. The raven had to admit, the child was impressive, and conniving. 'I'd love to take that child under my wings...'
Deidara shot the blonde a 'WTF are you talking about' look, ready to open his mouth when Itachi silently shook his head and mouthed the word no 'No', placing a finger to his lips. Deidara instantly got the message and inwardly grinned wickedly. Oh, so it was tease Naruto day, huh? Deidara loved teasing the smaller blonde! This is going to be fun! "You're right." Deidara shrugged, "You can't blame a guy for wanting to dress a kid up nicely!" he was about to pull Little Mix-Matched away again to change when the child wiggled out of his grip for the younger raven that was finally making an appearance.
"How do I look?" Little Mix-Matched asked, eyes even wider than they were before.
Sasuke barely gave the child a glance and snorted. "You really don't want my honest opinion." the raven was just about to turn on his heel and walk away when he heard the sound of a whimper hit his ears. Oh no... His eyes widened and he whipped his head around just in time to see the waterworks start.
"Y-You don't like it?" Little Mix-Matched cried, desperately trying to wipe back the tears that refused to stop running. "B-But, I wanted t-to wear this for you! Why don't you like it? Do you hate me? Don't hate me!"
By now a crowd was forming around, women shooting the younger raven dirty looks and the men shaking their heads in sympathy. Itachi stood by the sidelines though, with a groaning Naruto and a cackling Deidara, once again very impressed by the devilish child his little brother happened to pick up. Not only could the child draw a crowd, it had brilliant acting skills. It was like staring at the spitting image of his mini-me!
Sasuke pinched the the bridge of his nose, trying to ignoring the annoying wailing and the murmurs of the people around him. He would not snap. He would not snap. He... would... not...
He snapped.
"Alright, fine! You look really pretty, okay?" Sasuke huffed in irritation, wishing he could smack off that smirk that quickly came and went on the child's face.
"Thank you." Little Mix-Matched stated simply and walked back over to Deidara so she could get another outfit.
Itachi stood there, smile firmly in place as Sasuke came to stand beside Naruto for a much needed hug and rant.
"You've just been played, Otouto."
+Conspiracy+
Finally Deidara came back with Little Mix-Matched wearing a more "appropriate" outfit. A pair of overalls over a long sleeve blue shirt with Little Mix-Matched hair straightened and pulled into two pigtails. For shoes, Deidara had decided that Converse was the way to go, so Little Mix-Matched wore black ones.
" 'M hungry." the child mumbled and walked over to empty chair in hopes to get some of those delicious cookies Naruto had earlier.
"Hey, now that I've thought about it... you never told us your name." Naruto said, handing over a cookie which Little Mix-Matched happily accepted. It seemed that whatever personal vendetta the child had against Naruto instantly disappeared when he was offering 'him' cookies, so that was a start right?
After swallowing, Little Mix-Matched finally answered. "It's Etsu." though the answer was directed towards Sasuke.
"I never asked for your name." Sasuke deadpanned, his words were like ice, though the kid simply shrugged off the venom like it was nothing.
"I told you anyways." and that was that really.
Itachi cocked an eyebrow and asked the next question that was on everyone's mind. "So Etsu, right? Pretty name. What exactly are you doing here?"
"... Eating a cookie?" Etsu replied, looking at the man as if he just asked a dumb question.
"I know that but, what exactly brought you to the cafe. You must have a reason, correct?"
Etsu kicked her feet back and forth and started to chew on 'his' fingernail. Obviously the answer was a hard thing for Etsu to voice, so Itachi felt a little pity when he saw the conflicting emotions shine brightly on the child's innocent face. He almost listened to his heart and was about to call it off when Etsu's soft voice filled the air.
"I'm looking for a daddy..."
"What happened to your father?" Naruto asked. His heart went out for this child because he knew what it was like to grow up without a father around.
Etsu shrugged and nibbled on a cookie halfheartedly. "Don't know."
"Your mother...?"
"Dead." Etsu's voice was quiet, laced with the sadness that had an affect on everybody, even Sasuke the prick against children. Though a child's attention span can never last for too long without snapping. Just then Pein walked in with Mr. Snuggles ready to start Tea Time and Etsu's eyes instantly locked on the stuffed bunny of joy. "Is that yours?" 'he' asked in wonder.
Pein nodded slightly, a small smile found its way onto his lips. Though he did notice that the air was slightly heavier here than on the other side of the cafe. "His name is Mr. Snuggles."
"He's cute."
"Mr. Snuggles says he knows."
Etsu chewed on 'his' fingernail again, nervously darting back and forth between the plate of cookies and Mr. Snuggles before finally making up 'his' mind. Slipping of the chair with the plate in hand, Etsu walked over and offered the cookies up as a sacrifice. "Would Mr. Snuggles like to eat these with me?" One blue and one green eye peered up over the plate expectantly and Pein didn't have the heart to say no. Besides, the girl was offering cookies. Pein's breakfast, lunch, dinner, and occasional brunch.
A wider smile found its way to his face this time as he nodded to the child. "Mr. Snuggles says he thinks this is a start of a beautiful friendship."
Etsu beamed like a child on their birthday.
+Conspiracy+
"You know... he looks really cute when he's sleeping." Naruto said, brushing a few strands of brown hair away from the sleeping child's face.
Sasuke snorted but said nothing more, choosing to stare at the child who had decided it was suddenly okay to sleep in his lap when Naruto, Deidara, and Pein were more than willing to let 'him' sleep on their laps. But Sasuke had to admit that the little devil did look cute when it slept. Then, a thought struck him and he turned to give Naruto a questioning.
"Wait... did you just call Etsu 'he'?"
Naruto gave him an incredulous look. "Umm, yeah. It would be kind of weird to call Etsu a 'she' you know."
Sasuke simply stared at the blonde for a few seconds, trying to remind himself that he chose Naruto because of his charming personality, bubbly spirit, and good looks and not because of his naivety that was really shining through at the moment. Shaking his head, Sasuke said, "Naruto, I know this might be a lot to ask of you, but think very carefully for a minute, alright? Etsu is a girl's name."
"So...?" Naruto asked, slowly connecting the dots one by one.
"Think a little. It's not that hard, even for you, Dobe."
"... Holy shit! Y-You mean... Etsu's a girl!"
Well, duh...
BAHAHAHAHAH! Everyone knew BUT Naruto! You think the name 'Etsu' would have tipped him off, huh? ;) I'll give major props to the first people who actually google the meaning of the name 'Etsu' because I think you'll all get a good laugh or a smile out of it. I know I did (:! And yeah, the age of Etsu was never revealed. Will it be next chapter? Eh, nah, it's not. I'll leave that up to your imagination ;).
I hope you enjoyed Part One of your Two Part oneshot, Yaoiloverrr!
Do you guys like pandas? If you do, leave a review. Do you guys not like pandas? If you do, leave a review. Don't have a fanfiction but you like/don't like Pandas? Then leave a review ;D. Either way you can't get out of it. Mwahahaha! Till next time!
You all must check out ReiYumi's fanart for ACC Universe! You will LOVE IT! The links will be on my profile for your clicking pleasure! You must all see it, I command thee! She is so freaking talented 8D. And soon Yaoiloverrr will have drawn some fanart for me too 8D. Gaaah, I'm so excited!
Till Next Time! :D