It's okay to grieve

Eugenia switched on the basement lights as she pulled Shane by the hand excitedly down the stairs. Shane had been trying to slow her down the whole way to her house, she had been a few steps away from sprinting the whole way back.

'Relax Eugenia, we're here…'

He stopped speechless as he caught sight of that which was in front of him.

A simple wooden table had been set up in the centre of the room, it was her work table covered with a red and gold tablecloth. But the beauty of it was on the table itself. Right in the centre were three figurines, a man, a woman and a little girl. They were small, the man no taller than the length of your arm, but there were so intricate and beautiful that even Shane was amazed to see them. Anyone could see that their beauty stood head and shoulders above any of Eugenia's precious work.

'You… you did that?' he breathed.

'Yup,' she said proudly. 'Their my parents and me.'

Shane looked at her in utter amazement.

'It's 'cos of you,' she said smiling with tears in her eyes. 'I can do it 'cos of you… you've made me happy again…'

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That night the Scotts had a silent meal. Excluding Beth who chattered away about her day – her basketball, her swimming, her best friends Lucy and Pat, her spelling which she scored full marks, her new purple and yellow dress…

But even she in the end got bored listening to the sound of her own voice.

'Everyone's so quiet today!' she said, frustrated.

Nathan got up and went silently out of the room to his study.

'May I be excused?' Shane said gruffly standing up as well.

'You haven't finished eating…' Peyton said but Shane was already walking away.

'Shane Scott! You come back here!'

Peyton put down her hands in exasperation.

A silent sulking son and a silent mourning husband, what more could a woman want?

With a sigh she stood up and began to clear away the dishes, there was no point in pretending she had an appetite. As she placed by her quiet obedient daughter Beth reached out and grabbed her arm.

'No pudding Mums?' she asked softly.

Peyton smiled, how lovely to be at the age when chocolate pudding could solve most of life's problems.

'I'll get you your bowl honey,' Peyton said kissing her daughter on the forehead. 'And after that I'll help you with your spellings alright?'

'Okay Mums,' her daughter replied cheerfully.

It was late at night in an empty bed when Peyton woke up to hear her daughter's little feet padding past her room. Taking care not to make any noise she crept behind her little girl as she walked carefully down the stairs. Peyton couldn't help but suppress a chuckle as she watched Beth held tight to the banisters of the stairs just as she had always taught her. Finally they reached the bottom of the stairs, watching from a distance Peyton saw her daughter creep up to the study. Inside Nathan's record was still playing and his head was in his arms. Peyton walked up to her daughter took her into her arms.

'Daddy… daddy's sad Mums,' Beth whispered into her ear, pointing her little finger at Nathan. Nathan appeared to have fallen asleep with his head in his heads, but his head and hands were shaking and Peyton could hear his deep heavy sobs that came from the depths of his soul.

'What's the matter with daddy Mums…' Beth asked, her big brown eyes looking up into her mother's face, looking for answers, answers that Peyton hadn't yet figure out how to give.

'He's just sad baby…' Peyton hushed. 'He's just sad. He'll be alright soon.'

Peyton carried Beth in her arms and turned off the study's light. She took her daughter back up the stairs and into her room.

'He's just lost something he's lost baby, something that was very precious to him… that's why he's upset….'

'Why doesn't the person that took it return it to him?' Beth asked innocently.

Peyton paused as she tucked her little girl into bed.

'It's not as simple as that…' she said under her breath.

'What Mums?' Beth asked.

'It's "pardon" Beth.'

'Okay… pardon Mums?'

Peyton sighed. 'Too many questions for tonight baby, tomorrow okay?'

'Okay Mums!'

And with that she rolled over and promptly fell asleep. Peyton waited until her daughter's breathing was smooth before she left the room, closing the door behind her.

She walked slowly to her empty bedroom, pulled off the blankets off the bed and crawled into a tiny corner near the wardrobe. There, she closed her eyes and let the tears roll down her cheeks remembering what Brooke had said to her, so many years ago, back when she was only a little girl, when she had lost someone that was very precious to her – a few years older than Beth was now.

A few days after a funeral so grave and solemn that nobody had spoken a word. Where her father looked like a lost man, with eyes like Nathan's now, knowing that he had lost the love of his life forever. The day that Peyton realised the word 'Mum' would hurt her for the rest of her days until that blessed word was directed at her.

Back when she was a child her best friend and hugged her tight and whispered those words of comfort, that helped beyond anything else.

'It's okay to grieve P, it's okay to grieve, let it all out. It's okay to grieve.'