Rather short, but this oneshot is for my lovely friend Max Uchiha who wanted some smexy HidanxItachi smut ;). So here you go my lovely! And welcome back from band camp :3. You were uuuberrrly missed. Thanks to everyone who reviewed/added this to their favs & alerts. I love you all (:

Warning: M for some boyxboy action. Involves our wonderful ChiChi ;DD! (For people who don't know who ChiChi is, this chapter should explain it... somewhat o.e Probably. Or you could just read ACC. Whatever floats your boat).

Disclaimer: Now seriously... I don't own Naruto no matter how much the pandas want me to v.v

Enjoy! You might get a nosebleed or too. Maybe ;o. Oops, that should have been a warning ;)

Chichi's a Tease

It was one of those days when Itachi got the random urge to smoke a cigarette. And with that urge, came the impulse to cross-dress!

"I'm going to take inventory." Which, the other members excluding Hidan, took it as Itachi actually wanting to take stock of how many dresses, gloves, lacy underwear, sex toys (well, you get the point) were in the closet. However, Hidan was able to pick up on a few key things that everyone else overlooked.

Translation: "I'm going to dress up and smoke a fag, so leave me alone." Being bilingual truly paid off, huh?

"Uh... I think I'll go help Weasel-san." Hidan pushed back his chair – the Cosplay Members were in participating in their annual Game Night, so they had a sleepover at the cafe – about to walk out on his friends when Deidara's question hit his ears.

"Why? It doesn't take two to do stock, un."

"Yeah. Unless you're about to fuck him silly," Sasori replied calmly. "Oh, by the way, do you have any eights?"

"No!" Hidan blurted out, though everyone's faces clearly read: 'Yeah right'. "I just think it'll go faster if I was there with him. And Go Fish."

"Damn," Sasori leaned forward to pick up another card.

"Mr. Snuggles says lying is a sin." Pein stated. "Naruto, do you have any threes?"

"Err... No?" Naruto let loose a nervous laugh; he was down to his last three cards, all of them stolen by Pein! Was this man psychic? A cheater? Well, whatever he was he was damn good at it! And Naruto was losing, badly.

Pein's blank stare told Naruto very plainly that he shouldn't lie or he would regret it.

"Alright, fine! Take my fucking three!" Naruto shoved the card in Pein's face, which the man accepted gratefully.

"Thank you," he smirked. Score one for Pein!

"I'm not lying!" Hidan stomped his foot in anger, though no one really paid attention to such a childish outburst. "Ugh! Whatever, I'm just going to go. Oh, and Blondie, Pein has four sevens, you should really take a look into that." and with that said, Hidan sauntered over to the Cosplay Closet where his lovely raven would be. A proud smirk found its way onto his lips when he heard Naruto scream "Pwned!" rather loudly at a trumping comeback.

+Conspiracy+

"Ah, Hidan, you came just in time." Chichi inclined his head slightly, a lazy grin plastered on his face. He was sitting on top of a counter with his legs crossed and a devilish aura surrounding him. "I'm reaaaally horny right now, and a blow job would be fucking amazing."

Today, Chichi felt like going a little rebellious. Torn up jeans that showed more skin than necessary adorned his legs, and his mesh top gave Hidan the perfect view of the dusty brown nipples that hid underneath the fabric. Hidan gulped audibly. Sometimes it was very hard not to believe Itachi cross-dressed simply to get Hidan horny... and it worked.

"If you really wanted a blow job, you should have worn something easier to take off." Hidan muttered huskily, running his hands up and down Itachi's legs and stopping to draw circles on his inner thighs.

Chichi chuckled breathlessly, his legs shaking ever-so-slightly whenever Hidan added pressure to his ministrations. "Where would the fun be in that?" he dragged Hidan up by the collar and leaned forward so he could whisper in his ear. "You have to work for it..."

Hidan didn't care to hold back a moan when Chichi's teeth gently nibbled on the outer shell of his ear. He could feel the front of his jeans tighten, and the pleasure buzzing through his system like a drug. Itachi could literally drive him insane with only one touch and he'd be putty in his hand. Especially when the man wanted to be a tease to the extreme. Passion buzzed through him, his need aching desperately to be touched... He pressed himself flush against Chichi, rubbing his clothed erection against the raven's thigh, the action produced groans from both men's mouths. Chichi – if he wasn't acting like an extreme tease at the moment – would have gladly continued their humping, but alas... he was determined to tease the hell out of Hidan today, and he was going to accomplish his goal with flying colors!

"Hmm," he hummed, "not so fast." he pushed Hidan back by the shoulders with a evil smirk on his face that sent Hidan shivering as if a cold wind had swept by. But obviously it was by the intense need of release slowly building up... Chichi barely brushed his fingers along Hidan's neck, up and down, side to side, until they finally entangled themselves in those silver locks he loved so much. He tilted the man's head upwards and licked Hidan's neck slooowly, feeling the man's steady pulse underneath his tongue.

"Oh God... yes..." Hidan moaned breathlessly, his eyelids were fighting to stay open so he could see his raven tease him mercilessly. What can he say? Hidan was a whipped dog when it came to Itachi pleasuring him.

"How much do you want it right now? To shove your cock deep inside me? To fuck me senseless?" with each dirty suggestion came a small bite on Hidan's pulse that had the man whimpering deliriously. Chichi's hands were roaming everywhere! Underneath his shirt to massage taut muscles, tease nipples, and simply tickle the man. They then went down south, teasing the man by bypassing his bulging need and massaging his thighs instead. "Tell me, Hidan... Do you want me?"

"Yeessss," the man groaned, ready to pounce Chichi and fuck him senseless. Sadly, the raven was done teasing him just yet.

Grabbing Hidan by the shoulders, Chichi pushed him down to stare face-to-face with his profound bulge. A wicked smile graced his lips as he bucked his hips and said, "You know I reaaaally want that blow job." Such a tease...

Hidan smiled slyly and rubbed his cheek against the raven's crotch before pressing a kiss against the clothed erection. "Your wish is my command..." he whispered, taking the zipper in his mouth that was key to the long awaited prize inside. Hidan could be a tease too, you know, and took his time dragging the zipper down until he had Chichi snarling and cursing that if he didn't hurry it up, he'd personally rip off the man's balls and pleasure himself. If Hidan was in his right mind, he would have found the threat disturbingly endearing. But in this situation... he just found it hot.

Zipper finally pulled down, Chichi's cock was freed and standing at full attention. Hidan cocked an amused eyebrow as he gripped the base of the man's cock gently. "No underwear this time?"

Chichi scoffed, bucking his hips in time to the man's slow strokes. "They... would have... ahh... been... Ohhh... ripped anyway—Mmm, yes lick it..." So even the stoic and smug Itachi can form incoherent sentences from time to time? Props to Hidan.

Hidan sucked languidly on the raven's balls, taking one into his mouth at a time. He pulled back, an audible pop sound following after, and reached up to lick the man's weeping tip. Beads of pre-cum fell on his tongue, making him even more eager to bring the raven to a earth shattering climax. Chichi had the best orgasm face after all, in Hidan's opinion. He dragged his tongue up and down the pulsing shaft, stopping every once in a while to nibble on a vein that was throbbing from the blood rushing to the shaft.

Chichi's cock was twitching, pre-cum flowing freely down his shaft. His face was flushed in a deep red and his mind was in a mush. He had reaaally wanted this blow job after all. And Hidan's mouth was just way too talented for him to not use it as his disposal, after all.

"Ahhh, fuck yes!" he moaned, head thrown back and eyes rolled into the back of his mouth as Hidan started to deep throat him. All form of self control and restraint were thrown out the window as he bucked his hips, hoping to get more of that pleasure, the heat that he loved so much.

"Mmm," Hidan hummed, knowing how much the raven loved it when he moaned while he sucked him off. The vibrations felt amazing dancing along his spine. Chichi was getting a little too feverish, though, so much that Hidan thought he was going to choke once or twice, so he firmly held by the hips to keep him steady. He knew how much Chichi hated to be forced down while in the middle of a blow job, so he made up for it by increasing his pace. A few minutes later and Chichi exploded into Hidan's mouth, moaning the man's names and rolling his hips along with the waves of his orgasm.

His breaths came out as pants, and his heartbeat was going out of control, but none of that matter. That was one of the best orgasms he had in a while. Chichi chuckled weakly as Hidan pulled down his trousers to his ankles, and started his way back up by kissing his legs and leaving little hickeys here and there. He kissed all the way up to the man's stomach, ripping the offending piece of mesh when he got to it. Chest finally exposed and waiting to be marked, Hidan leaned forward and attached his mouth to a perky nub, rolling it between his tip and nipping on it softly. The mewl that escaped the raven's lips went right to his cock, making his need ache painfully so. But his attention could come later. His top and only priority was to make his raven feel as much pleasure as possible.

His kisses trailed up Itachi's neck, behind his ear where he pleased a feather's kiss, along his jaw, and finally, his lips.

"Love you," he whispered before pressing his mouth against Itachi's parted ones. The first kiss was innocent, almost teasing, until the raven got bored and slipped his tongue in. Needless to say the kiss became more passionate afterward. When they finally broke apart, Hidan chuckled.

"So, how did I do?"

Itachi hummed as if he was pondering on the answer, trailing his fingers up and down the man's side until the reached the man's zipper and started to pull it down.

"You did very well. I say you deserve a reward..."

Hoped you enjoyed this Max :3! And to everyone else who read this expecting some SasuNaru... HA! You'll get some next chapter, possibly ;). I'm still taking requests, so do not be shy ;o!

Till next time! Review and save a baby panda 8D. Come onnn, do it. You know you want to ;)