Chapter 3: Air Nomad's Lament
Fai's spirit remained anchored to his mistakes. He still felt the iron of his past, even as he added new weights and new concerns to his already dense spirit. The human spirit was supposed to be light, but regret and desire tied the spirit down. He could not escape it, he found out, even as far north as the water tribe; he carried his mistakes everywhere, tucked into the back of his mind like an ugly memento.
Fai balanced on the precipice of another decision, another possible mistake. He took a deep breath, spirit sinking as he knocked on Kurogane's door. He just did not have the conviction to detach himself from the waterbender.
No sound came from the hut. Of course, Master Kuro's home was on the training course. He smiled at the thought of the waterbender training, swaying his body with practiced motions, shifting from one position to the next as smoothly as an eel. "Kuro-eel is dedicated," he said to himself.
"What did I tell you about my name?" Fai turned around to be greeted by a snowball and another snowball after he wiped of the sludge off from the first. After the third cold hit to his head, his face stung. "Okay, I get it now, Kuro-tan…," he said, leaning out of the way of another snowball and ducking from the next, grinning as if he just understood the joke.
"What do you want?" Kurogane said with a snarl. He stood across from Fai as if they were going to duel, which would be very difficult with a bucket full of water in his hand. The airbender could not deny the steely determination in his eyes or the expressive way his forehead crinkled when he looked at Fai. If he did not explain himself soon, he would feel the sting of another snowball and the sting of Kuro-min's anger.
"Just a visit." They both knew that was a lie, but not because Fai wouldn't disturb his life for no discernable cause other than his amusement. After three weeks of silence, avoidance, and festering resentment, Fai could not simply pay him a visit.
"Get inside," he said at last. Fai could not feel his presence as he brushed by him. Following him inside the hut, was like walking inside a cage of his own making, trapped by the man before him, the man who detested anything frivolous in his life, who avoided games and tricks, and who didn't lie – who was more alluring to Fai than Fai was to him.
He watched him set his bucket near a big belly-shaped cauldron, which Fai had used to cook with before. Nothing changed in Kurogane's hut since Fai last visited. The waterbender's home was still a den of functionality. Every item had a purpose and a place, more of a storeroom than a home really. The airbender had the urge to hang bells somewhere to liven up the place.
"I'm sorry if I caused you to worry about me, Master Kuro. I've been pretty busy."
"You're never been too busy to annoy me before." He stated this in his usual low growl. "So what do you want this time?"
"Just wondering why you left to get a bucket of water. Hasn't Kuro-chi realized that everything here is made of water?" Fai sidestepped the answer to his question. If he was to be honest with himself, he did not know why he visited.
He sat across from the cauldron, and still could not feel the waterbender's presence. By now, he should have exuded some sort of force from the teasing, but Kurogane ignored his existence, or perhaps he was trying to ignore something specific about Fai's existence. After all, he still acknowledged him. "I didn't leave to get water," he said as he lifted the liquid out of the bucket and into the pot. It sizzled as it hit the hot base, steam rising and dancing to the ceiling.
"So Master Kuro is earthbending now?"
"No! It's squid-root okay! I have squid-root in the bucket! It has to be kept in water so it won't shrivel!" He ducked his head and concentrated on swirling the hot water, concentrating a little too much, as the water splashed over the rim.
"I thought you hated bitter squid-root soup," Fai said, barely containing his bubbling amusement. If he had a silver piece for every time Kurogane complained about his foul food, well he would not be much of a humble monk because he would be rich.
"Well, you get used to the sour, soggy, rubbery flavor," he said, ducking his head; the steam did nothing to hide his blush. "I just can't make it right…. I was going to actually ask someone to show me, but no one else knows how to make your weird meals." Fai translated his gruff speech to mean, "Help me please," and since Master Kuro was so polite, he decided to offer his advice.
"Oh," Fai said, jubilantly clapping his hands, "You're just missing the secret ingredient…, love." Fai was splashed with water, but Kurogane showed he cared by not bending the water from the cauldron. "Okay, I'll help you, but I want a favor in return. I want to train with Master Kuro."
"Fine."
"Really?" The request was nothing more than bait. Fai did not expect any answer. The training ground was something he always thought of as personally Kurogane. Somehow, it felt more private than invading his body. He expected a solid objection to the suggestion, just a little niggle. He didn't even wonder why Fai would want to learn waterbending moves he could not use.
"I'll train you. It's probably the most productive thing you've suggested. Besides, I could use a sparring partner," he said with a grin, and his presence was stronger, full of himself. Perhaps, volunteering to be under the man's command, in his own element, would be more interesting than Fai thought, like poking a platypus-bear.
"Are you going to help me with the meal, or what?"
"Right! Kuro-chi's spices are on the top shelf." He hopped over to the shelf, thankful that Kurogane organized everything. Oddly, the spices were ordered by color, placing hot spices next to sweet. He would have to explain how problematic that could be later.
"Hey."
"I know, I'm taking too long," he said, sounding more amused as he realized that Kurogane also organized the jars by size and shape.
"That's not it." Fai turned towards Kurogane, watching his hands shake with the effort of holding in his emotions. "If you ever do something as stupid as fly into a storm again, I will drag you back and ground your dumbass."
"I didn't know Kuro-tan could fly." He shook with laughter, imagining the waterbender growing a pair of fluffy wings, soaring high in the clouds… and falling, just like him. Like a thunderclap, the memory flashed: cold winds, a dark sky, and a desperate voice calling for him. He stared blankly at the wall of Kurogane's hut, reminding himself that he was still on Earth. "Don't worry about it, Master Kuro… I think I learned my lesson."
oOo
Clouds blanketed the sky, keeping its secrets locked from Fai's prying eyes. Today, the air was cool and mild, nothing like that night. The sky had moods, personality, and he knew what it looked like angry, but now, it was distant with Fai.
"The sky's not going to provide an answer for you, young pupil," said Ashura while he placed a delicate hand on the boy's shoulder. His new mentor was a non-intrusive sort of man, often like a guardian spirit rather than a mentor.
"I know." He walked away from the little comfort he had. Teacher and student had journeyed into the ruins of an abandoned temple. Walls and pillars, with no ceiling to support, marked the forgotten past. Fai sat on the base of a broken pillar, watching his own hands on his lap and feeling as worn as the vine-covered rubble all around him.
Master Ashura glided next to him with his pristine white robes billowing in the wind, "Are you ready to move on?" The student's brows crinkled in confusion as he tried to guess what question his mentor was really asking. As he wondered, a quick pain whacked against his skull with a thud.
"Ow!" He rubbed his head, more shocked than hurt.
"Your reflexes could use some work." Master Ashura held his staff lightly with a mildly impish smile. No matter what shenanigans the man was up to, he always looked regal. Unlike most airbenders, he had long black hair that trailed behind him like a cape; Fai thought it was beautiful. As distant and lost as he was, he still admired the gorgeous and talented master with a forlorn smile.
Ashura's master airbender arrow peeked from his dark bangs. He was respected among airbenders, creating two of the techniques that were now a necessary requirement in order to receive the master's arrow. Fai had not mastered all thirty-two techniques, but Yuui had. His brother was more diligent, more mastered, and more missed than Fai ever could be. "I keep wondering, why Yuui and not me?" Fai said, baring his soul to a man he knew for two weeks.
"I cannot provide the answers either. Your mental block will continue unless you accept the outcome of that night," said Ashura.
"I know what you're going to tell me, that I can't find balance until I accept death as a part of life, but I do accept death. Yuui is dead, and nothing can change that! If he wasn't dead, I wouldn't feel so guilty!" The energy that coursed through his body as he yelled left him just as quickly and he collapsed back on the pillar, cradling his head. "I don't care about ever airbending again. I told the monks that. I told them everything."
"That wasn't what I was going to say." He placed a cool hand on the boy's shoulder. His master's calming life energy permeated through the stale temple air. "I know how you place the blame on yourself. It was your idea to fly in the storm. It was your idea to coax your brother into flying, even though you are the more skilled flier." As Ashura talked, Fai ducked his head, unable and unwilling to defend his mistakes.
"It was in that storm that he was struck by lightning. All those are facts." He continued, not giving the words any weight or consideration, "However, guilt is an illusion brought on by the greater illusion of control. You still struggle with this misplaced notion that you could have controlled those events."
"If I knew…."
"You couldn't have, and you share this particular weakness with the rest of us. To access your own strength, you must first acknowledge this weakness – that is balance. You were weak in the presence of a powerful force, and you will find yourself in that position many times, but you cannot blame yourself for being a witness to a tragic event. We are not in control of destiny." Ashura's talked with Fai, but his voice resonated as if he was sharing a deeper pain. His master looked older in that moment, withered, just like the stone monuments.
"Are you telling me to be weak?"
"I am telling you to accept that you can be weak." Ashura was not the kind of man who would offer physical comfort, so Fai expected that he would not receive a hug. Still, the words were welcomed comfort.
"I-I still don't know if I could bend again." The tears dried, but the sting remained in his eyes.
"Maybe you will." Without warning, his staff cracked against Fai's head. "Ow!" As he rubbed his lump, his master said, "But first we need to work on your reflexes." From that day forward, Fai looked towards Ashura for answers instead of the sky.
oOo
He sidestepped out of the way of Kurogane's strike, twisting around the waterbender and placing his foot in front of his opponent's next step. Instead of tripping, he snatched Fai's arm and used the momentum of his own body to twist him into a locked embrace. "Why do you keep sidestepping? You have to attack sometime." Trapped in Kurogane's iron grip, Fai relaxed against his chest.
Somehow, it did not seem much like a loss when the waterbender was forced to hold him so securely. Kurogane's hot breath grazed his cheek. He exerted a lot of energy trying to catch the slippery airbender. Fai knew he was not an easy catch. He pitied any fool who tried to gasp someone as wispy as him.
"I showed you the moves, and you imitated them perfectly. At least resolve to follow through with the lesson." Kurogane's chest rumbled as he spoke, reverberating with conviction. "You wanted to learn waterbending moves, but you keep playing around."
"But you're such a fun playmate."
"And you're a lazy monk," said Kurogane, though the comment lacked the heat of his usual insults. He sounded blissfully resigned to Fai's nature, and Fai realized that it was because they were on the training ground. Master Kuro was defined on the battlefield, and Fai felt it was easier for him to analyze the airbender in terms he was accustomed with as a warrior. In battle, Fai's usual unpredictable method challenged the waterbending master to redefine his own fighting style, and he thrived with the challenge. Then again, that was just a guess on Fai's part. Kurogane just seemed happy to fight.
Not wanting to disappoint the fighter, Fai surprised him by falling deliberately, pulling the waterbender down with him. Before hitting the ground, the airbender secured his footing and deliberately scooted backwards, ducking under Kurogane's legs and breaking the grip. In a split second, he had pulled the waterbender down and slipped behind him, all without moving his arms.
"That was cheap!" On all fours, Kuro-min blushed. If he were a firebender, the ice probably would have melted from the heat of his embarrassment. With the dignity of a warrior who had not just had his ass in the air, he stood up and reprimanded Fai. "If you're just going to pull pranks instead of letting the lesson sink in, then we should just quit now. It's no use teaching you if you keep dodging the lessons."
"I'm sorry, Master Kuro-chi. Old habits. After all, I am an airbender. I can't help but to avoid confrontation." He bowed modestly, being less modest with his impish grin.
"Yeah, well, if you want to learn waterbending moves as easily you learned airbending, you should at least pretend to give a shit."
"In all honesty, it took a while for me to learn the basics of airbending. I was only ever naturally good at flying. It took me years to master all my techniques. I suppose I'm just a slow learner." He laughed, the sound echoed against the icy fortress, sounding hollow even to Fai's ears. The little bit of truth in his statement tainted the lie and made it seem more unnatural.
Kurogane said, "You really take me for an idiot, don't you?" Fai could not recognize the growl in his voice. Was it an angry growl or a tired growl, or was it a, "Fai, I just don't understand you," growl?
"Okay, okay, I will follow Master Kuro-pan's orders." Taking his stance, he faced the waterbending master, who adapted a natural pose. Kurogane was an odd one, able to relax on the battlefield but stiffening up in social situations. Fai admitted that was part of the reason he found him so endearing. Not only that, he could be quite considerate in his own gruff way. He treated people as he treated his katas, careful and focused. Fai saw these traits easily because they were the compliment of his own flaws.
In training, one barely had time to talk or plan. Fai's style was quick and light, lending him to twist around and avoid an attack at a moment's notice. Hands outstretched, palms up in a position that looked as if he was measuring his opponent, he shuffled around his swipes. Realizing he was falling into old airbender habits, he shifted his stance to resemble Kurogane's smooth posture.
"Your stance is too wide," Master Kuro said. They continued to spar despite Fai's wide stance.
"Stop moving so much and wasting energy."
"You'll break your ankle doing that!"
Fai sighed, thinking that Kurogane was a little too in his element. Kurogane really did fight like a quick current now that Fai thought about it, so fluid and overwhelming. Every strike flowed with the next, never losing momentum. Dodging his blows, he tried to be a current himself. Fai realized that he was anticipating Kurogane's moves as if they were his own. Reflexively, he shielded a blow, feeling the force of his opponent's strike and redirecting that force away from him with a shove of his arm. Kurogane twisted around and smirked. "That is more like it."
The training continued, with Master Kuro determined to wear done Fai until he was a lump of liquefied muscle. Fai didn't think that feeling liquefied qualified as being like a waterbender, but evidently that was what Kurogane's aim was, as the training wore on until dusk.
"See, you are capable of learning."
Fai smiled in return, even though he was out of breath. "When my life's on the line maybe."
"I wouldn't put your life in danger," said Kurogane with an indiscernible frown as he offered his hand. Feeling deflated, he appreciated the steady arm that helped lift him up. He did not let go as Fai found balance. Still steady, still intense, his grasp was surprising tender, and the airbender realized how much he misjudged Kurogane's effect on him.
Many things in the world could be explained as just natural occurrences. The sun set in the west because it did. People died because they could. People loved because they couldn't stop loving. The world was what it was. It happened that Kurogane kissed him that night, and it happened that he returned the kiss. Fai wouldn't call it natural, though it was in Kurogane's nature to find romance right after sparring. He would say it was something that just happened. Fai would rather believe this was a wanton act of need and convenience rather than an honest expression of emotions.
oOo
"The element of air opens all different possibilities. Abandon your constraints and choose your path with an open mind."
"Master Ashura, I'm just choosing what to have for lunch." Student and master laughed as the vendor looked at them in puzzlement.
They had wandered into a small earth village near the outskirts of Omashu. The place seemed to be a crossroads for travellers; more unusual folk other than the airbenders crowded near the various benders. Luckily, for the two vegetarians, they happened to stumble upon a merchant that sold something other than meat; it also happened to be the smallest stall.
"Hey, you two are master airbenders aren't you?" said the old merchant, smiling pleasantly, "Don't know why I didn't notice it before. Been a while since I've seen an arrow on someone's head."
"Yes, we are both masters," said Ashura, placing a hand on Fai's back encouragingly. At the age of seventeen, the young airbender had finally mastered all thirty-two techniques and received his arrow. The mark still did not feel like a part of him, and when people stared at it, he felt as if he had something crawling on his head. However, Ashura treated the mark as if it was just another part of Fai, instead of an addition. It was a stretch to say that Ashura was proud, and Fai did not feel as if he was, but he did acknowledge the effort of his student's work.
"I knew it. Monks are always the best customers." Both airbenders smiled benignly, recognizing the hopeful tone in the man's voice.
After they had bought their daily bread, they continued their aimless journey. A thought troubled the student, as his feet trailed in the dirt. "What is it Fai?"
"I just-I am a master airbender aren't I?"
"You are." Simple affirmation.
"That means I have no more need for a master."
"No, you don't." The words were enough to halt the student where he stood. All those years with Ashura, training, learning…, he was just preparing his student to leave him. Fai should have been prepared for the departure, but he did not feel like detaching himself to the only person he had left in the world. Ashura was his anchor. "You shouldn't call me master anymore now that we are equals." Fai did not want that. Being equals meant that Ashura had no responsibility to stay with him, nothing to hold him to Fai.
"Ashura?" Fai felt the pressure in the air shift suddenly, and he ducked from the staff that swung at his head.
"You reflexes have improved as well. Just because you're a master doesn't mean you don't have more to learn. Our lessons are not finished," said Ashura. Fai nodded his head, feeling light enough to fly without airbending.
"What more can I learn?"
"Airbending is keeping an open mind to the possibilities. There isn't a limit to what you can learn," he said as he handed Fai his staff. "For example." Ashura held his hand, straight as a blade, to his shoulder. Taking a calming breath, he sliced the air. Fai thought he recognized the move, but the pocket of air that flew from his hand felt different from other airbending, like a pocket of nothing honed to a fine point. It sliced through rock with the ease of a sword through bamboo.
"That's amazing…, but," Fai said this, dispiriting as he imagined flesh being torn open instead of rock, "what would you use it for?"
"Knowledge for knowledge's sake is its own reward, but it is still useful for making a quick salad." Ashura's modest smile belayed no hostility, even with Fai's hidden accusation.
"Oh." Doubting Ashura went against the fiber of his being. For the past few years, Ashura had done everything for him; he gave him no reason to doubt his integrity. The feeling was bitter to Fai, who would rather trust his giving mentor unconditionally than cast him in a dark, remote shadow.
The hardest decision to make was the direction of this chapter. To make a long story short, I rewrote it, in Fai's POV.
Using airbending to create a vacuum is speculation in the A:TLA fandom. A very neat idea, and I figured Ashura would be the type man to be creative and push the limits of his own abilities.
As always, don't go easy on me with feedback. If I made a mistake, I would like to know.