Thank you for having the patience to wait for my longest update period for this fic. I apologize for putting this chapter off. The delay was a result of writer's block and laziness.
Edited because I am an unappreciative writer: Thanks to Zelinxia who helped me out while I was struggling with some dialogue, and who also listened to every one of my fic woes. *hugs* You've been so helpful and supportive, despite not knowing a lick about Avatar.
When Kurogane set out on his journey to retrieve the airbender, he wanted resolution. Prepared to smack the jerk that ran out on him, he did not actually expect to find him. Now that he had him, he was uncertain.
"Ashura killed those earthbenders without a thought; no, not like that. It was as if he already debated their deaths and came to the conclusion long before meeting them," Fai shared his past while absently staring at the river. Kurogane remained silent, staring into the same spot as Fai trying to imagine what he was seeing. His old master's face? Dead bodies?
"I ran from him," spoke Fai. He paused for a moment, and then increased his pace. "I flew as far as I could, north, until a storm destroyed my glider. You know the rest."
As he talked about his mistakes and Ashura, his voice faltered several times. It must have been unpleasant, like letting poison bleed from a wound. However, they both knew that the airbender needed to cleanse himself, and all Kurogane could do for him was let him bleed.
They continued to follow winding path of the river. Fai led, still limping, still broken. He carefully navigated around loose rocks and fallen logs. Aided by a sturdy stick he found, he traversed the terrain as best as he could. Kurogane stared at his back, watching every careful movement, doglike with his attention. Just by appearances, they looked as if they were on an afternoon stroll.
"I always thought it was my fault," he paused, again, "I should have realized sooner that something was wrong with Ashura and his lessons. His airbending was different. I felt the emptiness claw at my mind every time I used Ashura's technique. I felt as if I could lose my mind and not care. I am almost certain that was what happened to Ashura. But it doesn't matter now. I suppose I will never know why he changed." Fai let out a sigh every time he spoke his old master's name.
One word that he was beginning to hate was 'Ashura'. Kurogane had never met the airbender and already he wanted to punch him in the face. He felt the anger crash against his self-restraint, but he held this swelling maelstrom in, clenching his fists as if to physically contain his emotions. Jealousy was not an issue. He knew his feelings for the airbender, and he stubbornly committed to those. Even if Fai abandoned him for a past ghost, he would still stubbornly clench to those feelings.
"I can tell I am upsetting Master Kuro," Fai said with a smile. With those tearstained eyes, he was fooling no one.
"I am not angry at you." He grabbed Fai by his bony shoulders and was relieved when Fai held his gaze and didn't try to avoid Kurogane for once. "I don't like seeing you in so much pain because of that guy, that's all."
"You are just full of surprises. I didn't expect you to even follow me after you know…," he said, and Kurogane added, "Abandoning me?" Nudging Kurogane's hands off his shoulders, Fai continued, "I didn't think it would hurt you that much."
"Then you don't know me that well," he growled.
Fai looked at him in mild shock. He opened his mouth a few times, miming words. Then he just shook his head. A few more moments passed. A breeze rustled through his long blond hair. Water lapped at their feet. He took that time, that stagnate moment, to look at Fai. Worn like an old shirt, ten pounds less than what he remembered, his journey must have been harsh.
Kurogane wanted to know, "Did you ever find that guy?"
"No. I tried to search for Ashura. I found a couple leads, but I lost his trail around this area."
Kurogane pulled out the pendant hidden under his clothes, his last memento of Fai. Over the past year, the weight of the necklace had reminded him of his decision. "This is important to you right? You wore it all the time," he said. Remorse still edged his words, despite his best effort to hold those emotions at bay.
Fai stared in awe at the beaded necklace, thumbing the beads, counting each one. "Yeah..," Fai said, his voice trailing. He hid the pendant in his cloak and avoided Kurogane's eyes. He sensed a shift in Fai. Even as Fai stood, he leaned slightly in the waterbender's direction, as if he wanted to be swept away carelessly.
A flicker of a grin appeared on his lips as he said, "I cannot believe you picked up all the pieces."
oOo
Underneath the Water Tribe laid a catacomb made of ice and pools of frigid ocean water. The turtle-seals made their home in these caverns. In a way, the ice caverns served as a natural ranch. Where else could they find seal jerky? The groaning ocean echoed in this cavern, along with the howls of sea mammals, creating an eerie orchestra. Very few people would chance exploring the ice cavern just for fun. Fai was among the few.
"They're so cute! They bark like bear-wolves!" Turtle-seals surrounded Fai in an unorganized herd. They really were dumb aimless beasts. They knocked into each other with floppy flippers and tossed their head side from side, not caring if they bumped heads together or bumped Kurogane. He only liked them in jerky form.
"Are you done, yet? We saw the stupid turtle-seals, so let's go already."
"Kuro-wolfy barks like a bear-wolf too. You have so much in common," Fai said. Kurogane waded through whiskers and turtle shells to get to the monk and glare at him.
He told the him, "Either you get my name right or we are leaving this place right now." He waited for the monk's response. The airbender twirled the hair around his ear, a sign that he was pondering something devious and un-monk-like.
"I think we can stay here for a little while longer… Kurogane." The seals barked and clambered together as if applauding his twisted logic. Fai petted his audience, and Kurogane had to admit that it was an endearing scene, his knuckle head surrounded by other knuckle heads, as happy as children.
"Tch, fine. Whatever you want," he told Fai, trying to maintain an aura of apathy, failing as a baby turtle-seal poked him in the rear. He moved out of the way, and the little bugger followed, wobbling on flat flippers. Kurogane could never respect a creature that would cozy up to a man who would rather see it on a dinner plate. Turtle-seals had no self-preservation or sense.
He could say the same thing about his own idiot. Fai was a senseless, and often fanciful man, a difficult man to describe really. What the airbender meant to him, he did not know. He was always able to define a person's worth to him, but he never could settle on Fai. Tomoyo was his princess. His family was the tribe. And Fai was his something. Whatever Fai was to him, he was somehow capable of dragging him to do stupid things, like pet turtle-seals?
"I can't believe so many turtle-seals live down here. They just come right up to you," Fai said, whimsical like always.
Unlike Kurogane, he did not mind the marine mammal tide. He smiled, a look of fond wonder on his face, appreciating the simple aspects of nature. Fai hardly looked this soft. Even if Kurogane despised this icy pit of seal meat and blubber, at least he was able to see the monk look so natural and peaceful. Kurogane felt warmth in his gut, threatening to melt his icy exterior. However, when the little turtle-seal poked his leg, he shoved it away.
"Ah, Kuro-chu is so mean."
A crack resounded in the ice cavern. He only just began to protest that stupid name when the sound silenced him. Like bones shattering, the ice cracked again and again. Silence descended on the cavern, as they peered at the ceiling. An ugly scar spread across the icicle-laden dome. The smaller icicles pinged against the frozen floor as they fell, a few at first, but more fell as the ceiling continued to crack.
The waterbender turned to Fai and caught a glimpse of his blue gaze moments before the airbender swung around; a gust followed the movements of his arm. The solid force of the wind blew Kurogane away. He saw a blur of blue and white and heard the ground shatter as he slid across the ice. Dozens of turtle-seals cushioned him before he hit the wall. He climbed out of the seal avalanche.
He stared at the dark reservoir that was not there moments ago. The floor was gone. Fai was gone. The only reason he did not call Fai's name was that he feared another cave-in. Kurogane did not need to think about diving into the icy depths; his body just reacted. Water pressed against his beating heart. He felt the currents, the cold pressure. He knew that the water would squeeze the life out of Fai without hesitation. Fai, the idiot who just saved his life, he would not allow him to die like this, not for his sake.
Turtle-seals dived all around him. No longer waddling on flimsy flippers, they sliced through the waters around Kurogane, darting shadows in the inky pit. 'Why?' he asked himself. Fai was not chasing death, not doing anything wrong. 'Why now?' His heart pounded in his ears. He just wanted to pet the stupid turtle-seals! He could not believe death would be so frivolous. He struggled with the current and his thoughts. His fear felt like a battering ram against his chest, but he ignored that pain.
A body hit him, one that was not blubber. He felt the cool skin and hem of a shirt and put his arms around the torso to find that Fai would not budge. The pain in his own chest grew. He could not breathe until Fai was breathing. Feeling the skin, he felt the pendent that was biting into the airbender's neck, the beaded pendant he always wore, now tangled in seaweed. The water was silent as he snapped the choking thread. The hapless beads floated in a halo around them. He scattered them further as he kicked for the surface.
oOo
"You know, monk, you're lucky you're still alive," said Kurogane with a huff. Those were not the words he wanted to say, but how could he say what he felt? Inside, he was a whirlpool of relief, resentment, and disbelief. At least they could look each other in the eyes. They understood each other's choices, but understanding did not always lead to resolution. Kurogane just felt as if he was a little less closer to losing Fai.
Fai sighed, "It is possible to live without Master Kuro." Kurogane noticed how often he paused. Before, Fai would fill the silence with empty words, giving no one a chance to think. Now the airbender seemed to pause as much as he breathed. "But it is less enjoyable," he said at last, catching Kurogane off guard. He caught Fai's gaze briefly and saw something familiar. This was not what he would call a happy moment, but it was a moment.
They continued to trek through the woods. The waterbender did not know their destination, walking aimlessly as they were. Even if he did, his map was outdated, as it showed a town ahead, but he knew it was just a rocky cliff. He tried not to think about the shifty merchant that claimed to sell the best maps. He almost fell into the ocean because of the 'best maps in the Earth Kingdom!'
Fai stopped and kneeled, gripping his side. He turned his head, but Kurogane did not miss the grimace. "Don't worry. It's not that bad," he assured. Out of all Fai's little lies, this one was the worst.
"I thought monks were not supposed to lie," the waterbender said before kneeling with him. Pulling the water from his canteen, he wrapped his own hand in healing gauze. The life force of the water pulsed with his heart. He felt Fai's own energy flow through his veins and he searched for the disturbance. Kurogane's healing intuition was still fuzzy. It should feel like a dam blocking the chi. He was searching in the dark, fumbling through Fai's chi and bumped into it.
"Ah! So rough!"
"You used to like it."
"… A joke? Kuro-zuzu must be mad at me, and this healing session is punishment," Fai groaned Kurogane realigned his chi. The airbender really was a mess. Healing him was as difficult as undoing a tight knot. Kurogane, being a novice, could not heal the injuries as much as he liked.
"You'll need to visit a doctor," he said while guiding the water back into his canteen.
"According to your map, the nearest town is a day away," Fai said. His voice already sounded exhausted at the thought of more travel.
"The map is outdated," Kurogane replied quickly, "It marks a town just ahead, but there is only a cliff."
Fai shook his head. If Kurogane knew better, and he did, he would think that the airbender was amused. "There was a town there just a couple weeks ago. I'm surprised you didn't hear."
Kurogane huffed, thinking this whole discussion was a kettle of rotten fish, "A whole town just doesn't disappear! That makes no sense!"
"Well…, it did not disappear as much as it floated away. From what I heard, Shin the Conqueror, and his army tried to challenge Avatar Kyoshi to battle, but she broke off from the continent and took the town with her. I believe Shin fell off that cliff. To get to Kyoshi Island, you must take a ferry now." Kurogane knew he was being made fun of now.
"The town floated away?"
"Yes."
"Do you expect me to believe that?"
"You don't think that the master of all four elements is capable of creating an island?" He retorted, slightly in jest. Fai never did answer questions with answers.
"It doesn't really matter. So what if the Avatar created a whole damn island," he grumbled. If he considered the story true, then he had Kyoshi to blame for his three days of aimless wandering. This woman, that he didn't even know, inadvertently inconvenienced him by stealing a part of the continent. However, if he was not wandering, he might not have found Fai. The conundrum only added to his frustration.
He asked, "So is that why you're walking in this direction, to go to Kyoshi island? Do you believe she can really help?" The silence was his answer, but he already knew Fai had made up his mind. "Fine, we can catch a ferry in the next town," he said decisively, thinking this was the first time he volunteered to go with Fai. Then again, this was the first time he saw the airbender resolved.
"Can't get rid of you can I?" Fai said with a sigh. He swayed lightly to his feet, reminiscent of the carefree monk that dragged him to play with marine mammals.
"No. After all, I made a promise."
oOo
Sensing the impending night, the people of the water tribe tucked into their homes. One by one, the lanterns were lit, like stars, guiding any stragglers on their way home. Kurogane wandered that night, passing each home and hearing the quiet murmurs as his fellow clansmen settling in. He strode across a bridge, and walked down a few steps to reach the water channels. There, he found the straggler he was looking for.
"It's Kuro-zuzu," said Fai in greeting. The airbender was gazing into the water when Kurogane's reflection appeared right behind his.
"Are you coming home, or are you going to stay here all night?" Kurogane asked. The invitation was unspoken, but the monk should understand.
"That depends if you're cooking," remarked Fai. He grinned wider. Kurogane had no other choice than to glare at his reflection, as the other man did not turn around.
"You ate the bitter squid-root soup I made last night," he argued. He noticed that Fai was no longer looking at his reflection. Craning his neck back, Fai gazed at him. "That I did," he responded warmly; though, he did not say whether he liked Kurogane's cooking or not.
He could barely look at Fai when Fai looked him in the eyes. The only way to preserve his dignity was to look away and pretend as if his stomach did not flutter. He rejected the pile of mush he had become by hardening his expression and folding his arms. Grunting, Kurogane asked, "Why are you staying out so late anyway?"
"Just wanted some time to think," he said swiftly. He patted the patch of ice next to him. Kurogane obliged by crouching down. He stared at the same spot that held Fai's attention, the moon's reflection. He thought, oddly enough, and with some guilt, that it looked like a giant pendant underneath the water.
"So what's so important that you have me search all night for you?" If Kurogane was going to sit on the cold ground, he wanted to know why.
"Us," Fai answered lightly, "You… You saved my life three times."
"Well, the last time, you save my life first. Besides, you didn't ask for trouble," he said while ducking his head. When Fai actually put it into words, he did sound like a hero. At the time, he didn't feel like a hero, just an unlucky bastard who happened to be the only one who could help. Really, wasn't that what all heroes were?
"I was just wondering how long it will take before you get tired of it all and just let me die," the airbender joked. Before he met Fai, he never knew that a smile could be painful.
Kurogane was not the type of man to show his affection easily. Tomoyo always teased that bears were cuddlier; at least they gave hugs. How did a man like him show affection? He smacked Fai over the head, hoping to knock a little sense into him. "Idiot," he reproached, "If you're going to talk nonsense like that, you can sleep alone tonight."
Fai rubbed his head in astonishment. "Are you threatening to kick me out of bed?"
"I didn't save your life three times just so you can pity yourself," he growled in return.
"What if there is a fourth time?" said the airbender in the clumsiest attempt to throw Kurogane off. He did not fall for that old trick, though. After being with Fai for so long, he saw past his disarming attempts.
"If I have to save you a fourth time, you get another smack on the head, as many times as it takes. That is a promise," he said. Then it hit him; he just committed, in his own way, to the most frustrating man in existence. The shock was like ten slaps of cold water to the face.
One more chapter to go! Not bad for a supposed oneshot. It definitely doesn't count as a oneshot anymore, does it, but it still could be considered a short story.
I am trying my best to make this story accessible to readers who have not seen Avatar: the Last Airbender. However, I love adding bits and pieces from that world. I do not own the concept of turtle-seals, but I absolutely adore them on the show, and they are present at the North Pole, as well as seal jerky.