Sorry I took so long to update! I had terrible writer's block with this . . . ANYWAY, I also had to do some research for this chapter. Tattoo symbolism, no less! Of freedom, strength, rebirth etc. When I found one for rebirth I was like 'OMG I have an idea!' You'll see when you read the chapter.
ANYWAY AGAIN, I was gonna give Kendall a tattoo and piercing in another story I plan on doing (basically Kendall and James are best friends, one of them moves away then comes back a few years later. There will be romance, naturally! May or may not be rated M) and when I was writing the third chapter I decided to use it in this story too! Did you know that a broken chain means freedom but a closed chain means slavery?
ANYWAY FOR THE THIRD TIME, you may have noticed that I changed the summary of this. I got the idea from a review I received from TheTruthAboutForeverMore, so thanks for that review, and all the other reviews I received! Ok, this is one of the longest author's notes I've ever done, so I'm gonna end it now! Enjoy the chapter!
Four weeks passed since that day.
The first week, Kendall missed three days of school, and James noticed. Kendall told him he liked his hair, and James felt a surge of pride and joy. They went out twice that week. Kendall was quieter than usual, and James noticed.
When he came back James had got his hair cut, and Kendall noticed. He said he liked it because he did; it was that simple. James looked like he's won the lotto when he said that, and Kendall noticed.
The second week, he got his lip pierced, and James noticed. He said he liked it because he did; it was that simple. He had never had real, good friends before Kendall. He felt so energized now that he didn't even need to relieve the pain with cutting, because most of the pain had vanished. Whoever said being in love hurt was lying. Except for the fact that he couldn't tell Kendall. They went out four times that week. Kendall seemed a lot happier, and James noticed.
James's scars didn't disappear but new ones stopped appearing, and Kendall noticed. He was happy, because he wanted James to stop. But he couldn't say that. When James said he liked his new lip ring, Kendall felt even happier about getting it. Maybe it had hurt and his mom had yelled at him a lot, but it was worth it now. James was holding something back, and Kendall noticed.
The third week, he had a black chain inked around his forearm, and James noticed. It was broken at the ends. A broken chain symbolised freedom, and James noticed. Now that he felt he didn't need to cut anymore, he thought he should probably take better care hiding them. Maybe he could rebuild all the relationships that had trickled away, like his blood. Even if he couldn't, he had Kendall and that made it better. They went out every single day that week. Kendall was the happiest he'd ever been, and James noticed.
James started hiding the scars more carefully, and Kendall noticed. He didn't ask why, because he didn't think it was any of his business. James didn't comment on the tattoo, but he didn't mind. Everyone else who'd commented had just put him down. "Oh God, what did you do to yourself? Challen, you need to keep your children under control" . . . "dude, what you did?" . . . "Uh, it's—different, anyway" . . . James was happier, and Kendall noticed.
The fourth week, he came in with purple arms, and James noticed. He looked close to tears, and James noticed. He wanted to hold him in his arms and let him cry for as long as he wanted. He got a tattoo because he felt like a new person. His dad didn't know, and he hoped to keep it that way. Kendall understood why he wanted it. They went out every day that week too. Kendall let him wrap an arm around his shoulder because he felt more comfortable, and James noticed.
James got a tiny scarlet phoenix inked on the inside of his forearm, and Kendall noticed. He asked him why he got it, and he said it stood for rebirth. James seemed like a new person, and Kendall noticed. His dad had been angry at the weekend. He'd yelled that Kendall had ruined the family's image. Kendall said he was doing a good job of that himself, and shouldn't he quieten down in case the neighbours heard? It didn't end well for him. James was happy, and Kendall noticed.
Friday night was probably the best night of his life. He'd walked Kendall to the front door instead of just leaving when the house came into view. He was smiling, and he meant it. They just stood there for a few seconds, watching each other. Then James kissed him. It was just a small peck on the lips, but he felt a million fireworks going off inside his head. Kendall's eyes were wide, practically screaming, like the day they met. This time, he couldn't tell what they were saying. Then the blonde smiled up at him. And James felt those soft lips touch his again. This time the kiss was real, and Kendall was clinging to the front of his shirt like he never wanted to let go, and James noticed. James wrapped his arms around him, wanting to hold him there forever. But the need to breathe was becoming too much, and he was the first to pull back. He looked down at Kendall for one long moment. Kendall was blushing, and James noticed.
"Er . . . that was nice." All James could do was nod in agreement, grinning so wide he was sure his face would split in half. Kendall smiled back shyly. "I should probably go inside now. They'll be wondering where I am." James nodded in a daze. Kendall kissed him once more before going inside. James left, feeling his heart do summersaults.
The three weeks that passed after that were amazing. James walked around with a grin on his face, and Kendall noticed. He took the time to introduce him to Carlos, Jo and Camille. They were his friends, in a way, and James was his friend too. And more. Either way, he wanted them to meet. James was totally baffled by Carlos, and Kendall noticed. James didn't think much of Jo, and Kendall noticed. James liked Camille, and Kendall noticed. Then James decided to introduce Kendall to his own good friend, Logan. They lived next door to each other, and they'd been close when they were little, but they'd drifted apart during middle school. There was a reason for that, but he didn't explain it. He'd drifted away from everyone back then.
Kendall and James spent every weekday together, and James wished there could be more. But Kendall spent the weekends with his sister, and James didn't mind. He hadn't met Katie, but he'd heard a lot, all good. He still hadn't managed to step past the gigantic boundary that was Kendall's front door, because Kendall was hesitant about letting him in. And not just into his house either. James noticed this.
A problem rose the first time James invited Kendall home to watch the game that was on that afternoon. James didn't want Kendall to come unless everybody was out. He thought of his dad; a strict, no-nonsense businessman with an inflexible opinion of everything in James's life. Then Erica, who influenced every decision he made, usually not in James's favour. Then he thought of Kendall, with his long emo bangs, lip ring, dark clothes and tattoo, and knew what the outcome would be. Today, however, dad and Erica were out, so he invited Kendall home for a while. For once, he wasn't shy about asking him, and Kendall wasn't shy when he answered. James noticed this.
They were now on James's couch. James was stroking Kendall's hair, and Kendall was resting his head on James's lap. For once, the hockey game on the TV was ignored by the two boys. Kendall held one of James's hands, idly playing with his fingers. "James?"
"Yes?"
Kendall stroked the brunette's wrist. "Do you think you might be able to stop?" James looked down at him in shock. "I might be able to try," he answered slowly. "I haven't done it in a while." He smiled. "Because I haven't been unhappy."
"Why the sudden change of mood?" Kendall asked, kissing his boyfriend's hand.
"No reason," James smirked, taking Kendall's hand in his and pulling him into a sitting position. "I think it's because of the nice weather we've been having."
"You mean the fog and rain?" Kendall raised his eyebrows at him. James just nodded with a solemn expression, before kissing the blonde on the forehead. As Kendall's eyes strayed around the room, he saw the framed photo on the coffee table. He gave a small smile. "You and your sister look like twins."
James gave a small chuckle. "Everybody says that." He gazed wistfully at the picture. He'd missed Faye a lot since she started college, but he missed his mother even more. Faye was just like her; everyone said that too, more in personality than looks. Now Faye wasn't around, and James only had his ignorant father for company.
He hadn't realised there were tears in his eyes until he felt Kendall take his hand and give it a comforting squeeze. "You ok?" James looked at Kendall, who had a concerned look on his face. It was impossible to lie to those eyes. "No."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"A little." James put his feet up and leaned farther back against the couch. "I just . . . I miss her a lot, y'know?"
"Who?" James cast a sideways glance at him. How was it that this blonde boy seemed to know everything just by looking at him? James sighed. "My mom."
"Tell me."
It was a gentle request; he wasn't pushing him. James ran a hand through his hair, not caring that he messed his hair up. "She was sick. She . . . she had cancer. And she died when I was thirteen." He wished he could cry, but the tears seemed to have vanished.
He felt Kendall pull him into a hug and he didn't resist. He rested his head on top of Kendall's as he listened to his boyfriend's breathing. "I'm sorry," he mumbled into James's chest.
"Thank you." James pulled Kendall closer to him. "I've had a stepmother for a year now. Erica." He scowled at nothing. "I hate her. Dad always sides with her and they either ignore me or criticise everything I do." He felt Kendall's arms stiffen slightly, and he knew Kendall knew.
Kendall pulled back slightly so he could look James in the eyes. "Y'know, no matter how bad things get, there's always somebody else worse off."
"Is that what you tell yourself?" When Kendall didn't answer, James just kissed him softly. He didn't think he'd ever loved anybody so much, ever. Besides his family. But right now, he loved Kendall so desperately it felt like an ache in his chest. He caught the little silver ring between his teeth, tugging at it gently as his hands wandered everywhere. He felt Kendall's hands resting on his shoulders as his breathing sped up, whispering his name seconds before they kissed again. He used his arms to move Kendall until he was lying on his back, James leaning over him. "I love you," James said softly, tracing Kendall's cheekbones with his fingers. He saw how Kendall's eyes widened, how his lips parted slightly as he let out a long shaky breath. "James . . ."
Then James heard the door open, and leaped back from Kendall like he'd been electrocuted. He heard laughter and then Erica and his dad entered the room. James immediately saw the look in his father's eyes. And then he thought he might as well get it over with. If there was one thing he'd learned, it was that ignoring problems didn't make them go away. If anything, they made it worse. "Hey, Dad, Erica," he said, not bothering to fake a smile. "This is Kendall Myers. We're in a lot of classes together in school." They probably don't even remember what school I go to. I'm surprised they remember my name.
"Well . . . it's nice to meet you, Kendall," James's dad said, an unreadable expression on his face. At least he was making a bit of an effort.
"You too." Kendall smiled at them, though James could see it was a little strained. He could also tell that Kendall would rather be anywhere but there right now. He was proven right as he saw his boyfriend reach down and pick his backpack off the floor. "I should be getting home, so . . . yeah. Bye." He got up and headed past them towards the hallway, James getting up and following.
"You're not staying?" Erica called after him, and James could hear the sarcasm in her voice. He shut the front door after him and leaned against it. "Kendall, don't mind them. Really; they're always like this."
"It's fine, James," Kendall said quietly. "But, I'm still just gonna head home. I know they don't want me in there. They probably think I'll steal and/or damage property."
"They don't even know you!"
"They don't need to know me! Once they see this—," he waved his arms up and down his body to emphasise the point. "—nothing else matters. To adults, image means everything. 'Nuff said." He sighed. "See you in school." Then he turned and left.
James took a deep breath, composed himself, and opened the front door, storming back inside. He just folded his arms and glared at the both of them. James's dad sighed. "James, I don't mean to be a control freak, but . . . him? Really? I mean . . . c'mon, you can do better."
"What's that even supposed to mean? We're just friends." I'm lying.
Erica laughed; she actually threw her head back and laughed hysterically. "James Diamond, you're not fooling us. And your dad is right. People like him aren't worth your time. Or anybody's—"
"Erica—" James's dad began, but James beat him to it.
He managed to resist the urge to run up to Erica and start choking her. He yelled instead. "Don't ever talk about him like that! Who the hell do you think you are, judging him when you don't even know him! You have no idea what he's been through and he's not—"
"Ohhhh. This is a pity relationship, then?"
"Erica." Dad took a deep breath. "If James wants to be with . . . with that, it's his choice at the end of the day."
James didn't thank him; he turned and left the room. As he walked upstairs, he heard his dad say to Erica, "Where do you think he got all those bruises? Gang fights, maybe?"
James lay face down on his bed, gripping the sheets with his fingers. It wasn't a pity relationship. He loved Kendall. He didn't care what they thought. He didn't . . .
He was thinking this as he reached for the knife he kept hidden under the dresser. He kept repeating it as he went into his bathroom (one of his few privileges) and locked the door after him. Even as tears streamed down his cheeks when the blade slid across his tan skin, the thought still echoed through his mind. Blood dripped onto the tiled floor as he leaned against the wall for support.
He means everything to me.