Lisa Miller vs. The Red Carpet

A month before the release of Faraway, the biggest buzz surrounding the movie, both in and out of Hollywood, was–

"Who the hell is he!"

Elwood Chase

Founder and Editor in Chief

RTO - Gossip Magazine

"I want answers people," Elwood shouted to the busy newsroom, "Now!"

A voice sounded from one of the cubicles: "He's a stuntman. Been in L.A. for over 5 months."

"Keep it comin'!" Elwood boomed.

Another shouted over the din, "He's canadian, and is a real up-and-comer, just like Lisa!"

"Name: I want a name!"

"SCOTT PILGRIM!" The entire room burst forth at once.

Scott Pilgrim

Stuntman

Status: Pee Bar [- ]

Dancing as discretely as possible, Scott was paining himself to stand by while Lisa was attempting to introduce him to another employer. But the female producer wouldn't stop talking long enough for Lisa to seg-way into her introduction.

Scott had been going with Lisa to public appearances, interviews, parties, and meetings for nearly three months now. The premier of Faraway was exactly one month away, Lisa had told him, and the red carpet openings in the U.S., Canada, and Japan were the crowning moments of this four month long publicity tour. The U.S. premier would come first, and it would also mark the end of Scott's obligation to accompany Lisa. The day after that premier, Scott was booked on a huge project that would employ him solidly for at least three months. In fact, this woman, whom Lisa was speaking to, and whom Scott had never met in person, was the one who got the contract with her studio that led to this upcoming job.

Kelly Bruck

Producer/Executive

Fact: Everything she touches explodes with success

"–It's going to be your High Fidelity. Oh. . ." Kelly smiled deviously. "And is this him?"

'Finally,' Lisa thought. "Meet Scott Pilgrim: stuntman extraordinaire."

"So," Kelly, at last, addressed Scott. She wore the look of a cat who was in the process of playing with a mouse before eating it. "Are you excited for the biggest job you'll ever have?"

"Be nice, Kelly," Lisa chided her.

"You've been spending too much time with Nick," she turned to Lisa. "Hollywood isn't 'nice'. I bet even Scott here knows that."

Again, before Scott could respond, Lisa cut in. "I can't believe they cast Winifred Hailey. What idiot thought she could pull off the lead action role in an actual, big-budget action film!"

"I cast her," Kelly said plainly. She looked at Lisa' fiercely, but Lisa showed no signs of wavering under the pressure of Kelly's gaze.

"I stand by what I said." Lisa crossed her arms.

"Whatever, dear," Kelly put up her hand, as if waving away an irksome fly. "You're just jealous of the younger, hotter version of 'Lisa Miller'."

"Not even!" Lisa defended herself, seriously. "I'm way hotter than that flat chested, tom-boy. Scott!"

"Yyeeesss?" Scott had followed the conversation, but was overtly preoccupied with any chance to slip away and relieve his bladder.

"See that blonde girl in the denim dress?" Lisa pointed across the promenade of the estate, where this party was being held. "Right there, see?"

"Yeah," Scott glanced. He saw the girl, but nothing about her registered in his mind.

"Well?" Lisa prodded him.

"Well. . .what?" Scott was getting desperate for an exit.

"Is she hotter than me?" Lisa asked again. 'Better get this one right, Pilgrim,' Lisa and Kelly thought in unison.

"Uuhhh. . ." Due to Scott's preoccupation with peeing, his mind shifted back and forth between responding "I gotta pee", and "who her?" His mouth settled by blurting out, "I gotta pee on her." But before Lisa or Kelly could process what he had said, Scott corrected himself. "I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time." He tossed his drink in the trash nearby, and walked away.

After the party, which ended at roughly 2 a.m., per usual, Lisa's driver picked both Scott and her up, dropping Scott off first then heading to Lisa's apartment.

"Later, Corey!" She called to her driver as she exited the car and headed through the doors. "*Phew*" It had been a long day.

Lisa Miller

Actress

Fact: Hasn't gone 8 hours without seeing or texting Scott for the last three months

Lisa pulled out her phone and hit send twice. He would be the last number she had called. The phone rang the full eight times, and Lisa thought Scott must had already fallen into a deep sleep. Then–

"Hi, Lisa."

"Hey, you dead yet?" Lisa bit her bottom lip.

"Not quite. I think I'm a little drunk."

"Hehehe," she giggled. "Am I a bad influence? You definitely didn't drink this much when you first came to Hollywood."

"Glow-y drinks are fun!"

"Oh, man," Lisa hit her forehead, "I'll have to keep an eye on you. You're still an impressionable, little boy, caught up in the big city by your movie star friend."

"Dammit Lisa, I'm a man."

"Anyway," Lisa cut to the chase. "I forgot to tell you about tomorrow's interview. It's in New York, and since you had the weekend off I was hoping you'd come with– but now I'm thinking you should stay in and recover."

"I'll come. . .I can handle it. . .I can handle enything." Scott's words were becoming more and more slurred, and Lisa could tell he was falling asleep.

"No, just stay in. But promise me you'll watch me on TV tomorrow. Eight o'clock on channel 42, ok?"

"Mmm-hmm. . .ok."

"Night, Scott."

"nnmmmiiid. . .Liissaaa"

" *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*" Scott slept through the next day.

"*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*" He had set his alarm for seven, and not in the a.m., like he had meant.

"*Wake* *Up* *Beep* *Scott*"

"Ok, Ok!" Scott grabbed his phone and dismissed his alarm. " *Ughk*. . .food time." But before he even made it to his kitchen, Scott remembered Lisa's interview. "Mmmm. . .just enough time to make 'it'."

Scott never did come up with a name for "it". But it was a baked pasta thing, and it had asparagus and a little too much cheese, and it was kind of lemony. Sure, it wasn't the best tasting of the dishes in Scott's repertoire, but it reminded him of a time where he was successfully rebuilding his life– much like now.

Unfortunately, it took a little over an hour to make and cool the dish. Scott set himself comfortably on the couch and tune in to channel 42, the interview already in progress.

E! News

(Apparently the only celebrity news station I know)

Actress: Lisa Miller

"Alright, you're here with E! News. And once again, we welcome the lovely Lisa Miller."

Lisa smiled and laughed softly, "Hi, everyone."

Scott had gone to most of Lisa's interviews in L.A., but he never watched them. This would be the first interview of Lisa's he had seen since she had given it to that reporter who had tried to corner her about that sex scene.

'And look!' Scott almost shouted out loud. 'It's the same guy.'

"Before the break we went over the pleasantries and plugged the movie, and now its time to get to the question on every one's mind. . ."

"Oh no," Lisa said, half-joking, "What is it now?"

"This one has got all of us going in circles– especially Elwood Chase, over at RTO."

" *Argh*," Lisa grunted. "The suspense is killing me."

"Ok, ok, ok. Here it is: who is the mysterious Scott Pilgrim?"

Lisa's face was completely blank. Then she burst into a short fit of giggles, before saying, "SCOTT!" Lisa collected herself in *huffs*. "Scott is a lot of great things, but mysterious is not one of them."

Scott frowned, and he seriously considered changing the channel.

"So you two have been going out for how long?"

"He's been escorting me on my publicity rampage for the last three months."

"But. . .you two are dating, right?"

"Like, boyfriend and girlfriend?" The interviewer nodded her affirmation. "Sorry, but Scott and I aren't dating, yet."

"YET!" The interviewer pounced on the leading end.

"You never know," Lisa said evasively. "We reunited a few months ago after I wrapped up Faraway, and he agreed to be my date. I've never been good at this publicity stuff. Anyways, yeah– But we've been friends since high school."

"We know," the interviewer opened her eyes wide.

"You know! Man, you guys leave no stone unturned, huh?"

"For our fans who don't know, Lisa Miller didn't start as an actor. She was a musician."

"Oh, no!" Lisa hid in her hands, and her face was going red from embarrassment. "I'm gonna die!"

But the interviewer refused to relent. "With her very own best friend, Scott Pilgrim, Lisa Miller started a high school band called Sonic & Knuckles!"

Lisa wore a mortified smile. "It's true. All of it's true! Please, can we move on?" She pleaded, her hands together in prayer.

"Not a chance! Bring out the guitar!" Out of no where, before anyone could see how it had happened, Lisa Miller was holding a guitar.

"No. no. no. no. NO WAY!" Lisa was holding the guitar away from her like it was something extremely unpleasant, hoping someone would come and take it away from her.

"Remember any songs, Lisa? We'd love to hear one," the interviewer was enjoying himself, even more than usual now. "Isn't that right, everyone?" Random shouts of assent issued forth from off camera.

"Nick, save me!" For a second, nothing happened on camera. Both the interviewer and Lisa were staring over somewhere on the left side, behind the cameras. "Don't take their side!"

"YYEEESSS! Get a shot of this," the interviewer pointed toward that point off camera, and the scene changed to a shot of backstage. There Nick was standing, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a electronic device, mouthing the words, "Be nice and just do it."

"Lisa...Lisa...Lisa," became the chant issuing from the TV.

"FINE!" Lisa conceded. "But don't expect this to be any good." Scott wondered if this was all planned. "Here's a song I wrote recently. And I'm warning you, it's VERY Canadian– and Indie."

"We are ready." Lisa cleared her throat and began to play a psuedo-punk rift, that Scott didn't even remotely recognize. It sounded slightly off on the acoustic guitar, but Scott was tapping his foot.

"I've liked you for a thousand years– a thousand years. I've liked you for a thousand years – a thousand years."

Then there was a musical interlude, much like the intro, and Lisa began to sing again.

"And I can't wait till I see you– I can't wait till I see you. I can't wait till I see you– till I see you.

"You can't stand to see me that way: no matter what I do, no matter what I say. You can't stand to see me that way. Yeah-oh-yeah!"

There was the intro again, which ended with a change to a descending scale– ending the song.

Lisa looked up and smile wide at the camera, and a large outbreak of clapping was heard from all off camera. "Thank you, thank you so much. *Whew*, it's been a while."

"Hopefully your next performance won't be in another ten years. Can we expect an album in the future?"

"Haha, not anytime soon. I'm still a rising actor, and I attend to ride my fame to the top, for however long it lasts."

"Well, here at E!, you'll always be welcomed."

Scott turned off the TV, and went to go wash his dishes. He had a lot to think about, but right now he was in impressed-shock. 'Did Lisa always sing that well?' He was truly impressed. 'I think I'll go back to bed.' The surprise caused by Lisa's voice was wearing off, and Scott wanted to put off thinking about his growing relationship with Lisa, and the meaning of that song, for at least another night.

Nearly another month past, while Scott successfully avoided dealing with his feelings for Lisa. He supposed that things were the same after that interview, and Lisa wasn't acted any different. But now he was noticing things he had never gave much thought to.

Like the way Lisa held his hand when the were in a crowd; or how he was always tense when Lisa would let go. He started to notice how much attention she paid him. When it seemed like everyone at every party waited hours to get a few minutes with Lisa Miller, he had instant access to her at all times– and Lisa would often pull him away, saying stuff like, "I think some alone time would be nice, c'mon." But she never spent time alone, Scott was always there being 'alone' with her.

He started to notice how Lisa smiled when he looked at her, and how she really listened to everything he said. More than that, he noticed that he smiled at and listened to her, just because it was fun. She wasn't always the easiest to be with. Scott had been beaten and abused by Lisa's panic attacks, frustration, mood swings, and general in-comprehensiveness– but he never for a moment considered that it wasn't worth it. Now that Lisa was in his life again, he was slowly realizing that he'd do almost anything to keep her there.

But that didn't mean he wanted things to change. He didn't know if being her friend was enough, but it was a hell of a lot better than the prospect of being her boyfriend, then her ex-boyfriend, then never seeing her again. . .'never seeing her again, like Ramona.'

"Hey, Scott. You look out of it, man," Lisa placed her hand and his shoulder and shook him a bit.

"Ah. . .Out of what?" Scott looked around. "Are we home?"

"I'm home," Lisa answered.

Lisa Miller's Apartment

(There's not much else to say)

"You're at my apartment," the night was slowly coming back to him. "C'mon Scott, you haven't had a drink tonight– I made sure!"

"No, yeah," Scott rubbed his head. "I was just thinking."

"Not your strong suit," Lisa took off her heels, hung up her purse, and sat down on her couch. Scott followed suit, sitting at the lounge chair. "So what're thinking about?"

"You," Scott said without thinking.

This phased Lisa for a moment, but she recovered– luckily Scott was looking up at the ceiling, and not at her. "I'm not that interesting," Lisa supplied, trying to fill the silence. Scott said nothing. "I think," Lisa said grabbing her remote, "it's music time." She hit a few buttons and her stereo turned on.

"Is this The Tragically Hip?" Scott asked. Lisa nodded. Now, Scott was looking at Lisa, and Lisa looked back. Without realizing what was happening, the two stared blankly at each other for a long time. "Hey, Lisa."

"Yeah?" Lisa mouth was dry, and there was expectation in her voice.

"When we were first hanging out. . .when we met again here, in L.A., I mean." Lisa didn't see where Scott was going with this. "Was the sex scene the reason you were upset?"

"It took you this long to figure that out?" Lisa said before she could stop herself. She was half kidding, but the other half was pissed at how clueless Scott was sometimes.

There was silence for what seemed like more than a minute. "You wanna know why, don't you?" Lisa addressed the elephant in the room. Scott nodded. Lisa sighed, and ran her fingers thought her hair. "Do we have to talk about this?"

"No," he said honestly. Scott looked down, then into her eyes. "Not if you don't want to." Lisa was reminded of how she had persuaded Scott to talk about Ramona.

"I just thought you might want– you might need– to talk about it. . .Have you talked about it with anyone?"

Lisa didn't think Scott was doing this on purpose, but it still annoyed her. "Ok, Scott," she conceded. "But you have to PROMISE never to tell anyone as long as you live!"

"I'm not sure I want to know anymore," Scott said, scared in earnest. Lisa hit him hard. "Kidding! I won't– promise."

"SWEAR ON YOUR LIFE, SCOTT!"

"I SWEAR!" Scott put his hand on his heart, hoping to avoid being hit again.

Lisa lowered her fist. She took a breathe. "I didn't want to have sex with an actor. . ." Lisa's eyes were closed, and it didn't seem like she was going to continue. But Scott's sense, when it came to Lisa, told him she had more to say. Keeping her eyes closed, Lisa continued, "because. . .it's been a rreeaaallyyyy long time."

Without thinking– hating himself afterwards– Scott immediately asked, "How long?" Scott covered his mouth, and crouched in fear of being hit again.

When Scott opened his eyes, Lisa hadn't moved. She was sitting with her hands in her lap, looking down at Scott's feet. ". . .I've only had sex with one guy."

"Who?" Scott absolutely couldn't help himself. He was staring at Lisa, transfixed by the complete shattering of his perception of Lisa Miller.

"It was after you left St. Joel's," Lisa explained. "You were my best friend, and you were gone– leaving me with a heart-broken Kim. She wouldn't talk to me for a month after that. And even then, things were never the same between us. When I came to stay at my sister's in Toronto, we kinda gotta closure– y'know, reconciled and stuff. Anyway, that's when I met this guy. He told me he had been are band's biggest fan, and that he had never talked to me before because he figured I was your girlfriend."

Scott remembered that Lisa and him had all the same classes together, while him and Kim only ever really hung out after school and on weekends. Kim being who she is, they never advertised their relationship to anyone. But had he really been that close with Lisa?

"He was flattering, and handsome, and just–" Lisa rubbed her eyes, trying to continue without being too emotional. "–there. He was there when I needed somebody. After only a month or two of dating, he started– um– 'advancing' our relationship. It wasn't long after that we had sex. . .I found out the next week that he had made a bet with his friends that he could make me put out by the end of the school year."

"Lisa," Scott said, trying to empathize, "that's horrible."

"Since then, I haven't really trusted any guys that try to get close to me in that way. I guess that's why I could understand why you thought Nick and I were together. He was the first guy I met that wanted to use me for my talent– not just use ME."

"Wait," something dawned on Scott. "So. . .you've only had sex once?"

Lisa knew this had been coming, and, in retrospect, she might have over reacted. She yelled at Scott. "It's not like I haven't been with a few guys! I've done everything BUT sex!"

"Butt sex!" Scott looked horrified.

"–EXCEPT SEX!" Lisa launched off the couch and hit Scott several times across his arm and side. She backed off to catch her breathe.

But Scott couldn't shut up. "But you've always seemed so. . .I thought you were–"

"–A TRAMP!" Lisa supplied angrily.

"Don't put words into my mouth!" Scott curled up in defense of another beating.

"Whatever!" Lisa paced back to her seat. "Like I said: there was a few guys in college, but we never had sex. And since I've come to L.A. I haven't been in anything resembling a romantic relationship. I've been a career girl." Lisa paused a moment to look Scott dead in the eyes. "Not everyone thinks sex is essential to living, Scott. . .just cause you and your Toronto friends were promiscuous as hell."

"But– BUT–" Scott had stood up and pointed accusingly at Lisa. "Double Standard!" Lisa raised an eyebrow. "You– when– with me, in Toronto." Scott didn't wanted to say, 'you were rarin' to go,' but he couldn't think of how else to put it.

Lisa cut in, "You really are an idiot Scott."

"Huh?" Lisa got up and walked over to where Scott was now standing. She placed her hand on his outstretched arm and lowered it. Then, moving closer, she kissed him on the lips.

"That wasn't about wanting sex," Lisa said softly. "That was about wanting you." Scott looked down into Lisa's eyes. The were filled with expectant tears, but she wasn't crying. "Scott. . .I still want you. I always have." Lisa backed up, walking a few paces away. She turned and said, "I have a confession."

"You mean," Scott swallowed, unsure of what happens now, "another confession."

Lisa nodded. "I asked you to be my date to all this stuff because I wanted you to know what it'd be like to be in a relationship with me." Lisa crossed her arms behind her back, and readied herself to say this next. "You and Ramona broke up because you found out you wanted different things. Well, I know what I want. . .But you saw how it is: spending barely any time together, being in the public's eye, playing up to people who control your future. Hollywood, Scott. Do you want this life?"

Scott said nothing, so Lisa continued. "After the premier next week, I won't see you for a while. No," Lisa explained, knowing that Scott thought she was talking about the foreign premiers, "I mean I'm going to do research for my next movie– in France. Then I'll be shooting all over Europe for the next year. . .So, I guess what I'm saying is," Lisa finished, "that I'm giving you a week to decide for yourself, if you want to make a relationship work."

Scott still couldn't speak or move, while Lisa moved closer to him. She kissed him again on the lips, and again on both his cheeks. "Whatever you decide," she added, "I'd like to make one last memory with you after the premier."

Lisa walked off toward her bedroom, but Scott called after her. "Lisa!" She turned, and waited for him to speak again. ". . . . .Promise– promise that whatever happens– that no matter what happens– we'll always, always be friends."

Lisa smiled. "I promise, Scott." Then, making the motion with her hand, added, "Cross my heart, and hope to die."