Sorry for such a long time to update! But it's done! Possibly another chapter by Sunday so stay tuned! Enjoy!
Chapter 11: Secrets and Lies
Today was such a calm day. I felt the summer heat infiltrate my room, making me sweaty, and awakening me. I looked over my shoulder to find my alarm blinking nine in the morning. I shrugged off the sleepiness and got up from my bed, heading towards the bathroom.
As soon as I got out of the shower (shampooing twice, rinsing and conditioning with my mom's anti-tick shampoo) and brushed my hair, my teeth, flossed, q-tipped my ears, rinsed with mouthwash and checked to see if I had any chest hairs growing, I went to my dresser, finding my loose shirt that Sam would always like to wear when she would stay the night, only to leave early in the morning in case my mom decided to come in unannounced. I loved her in that, and I thought if I wore it now, it would still smell like her. I pulled it over my head and the faint smell of lavenders with a hint of bacon grease raced through my nostrils. Yup, that was Sam for you. Dirty and yet delicious.
I didn't feel like wearing jeans so early in the morning so I decided on wearing the same pajamas that I slept with and went outside into the living room. I was attacked by such a euphoric smell that it lured me into the kitchen. Mom was cooking up something that can only be described as mouth-watering.
"What are you making?" I said, my eyes closed as I tried being surprised. I could smell eggs, pancake batter, cinnamon, and the most perfect smell of bacon. I opened my eyes, expecting Sam to be here, but she wasn't. I don't think I can ever be around bacon without thinking that she's here too.
"A heartwarming breakfast. Oh Freddie." My mom said, and I saw her staring at my pajamas. "You know how I don't like you wearing the same thing that you slept in after you showered! It's filled with all your germs from last night, making the shower in the morning pointless." I rolled my eyes, not even surprised that she said that.
"There's nothing wrong with wearing what I wore last night." I told her. Her look of disapproval almost tempted me into changing, but I stood my ground as I unconsciously reached for some bacon and eggs. As I was about to reach for the pancakes, she swatted my hand. "Ow."
"You know I don't like you eating from the same plate two things that have two different condiments." She said. "Ketchup with honey is not good for the tummy." She recited. I hated when she would do that, especially when I was younger, embarrassing me in front of Carly, and mortifying me in front of Sam. More ammo for her to have made fun of me when we were younger. I should have known she was bound to hit me with something like that, so instead I topped the bacon and eggs with some tater tots, just served. I ran to the fridge to pull out the ketchup bottle before my mom would come up with another of her catchy jingles and sat down with my fresh and delicious looking breakfast on the countertop. Mom pulled up a plate of pancakes beside me and handed me the syrup. As I poured some syrup and reached for the butter, watching it as it melted on top, I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at the fact that she was fine with me pouring my own syrup, but always denied me the ketchup. I turned my attention to the ketchup-drowned plate of bacon and eggs with taters and grabbed a forkful, jamming it into my gullet.
"Oh Freddie." My mom said disapprovingly. "You are starting to eat like Sam." She said turning away to finish her cooking. I coughed a bit as I heard that I was getting Sam's eating habits, and then I was wondering if I should take that as a compliment or an insult. Because as much as I was somewhat flattered that I reminded her of Sam, I was also a bit embarrassed that I developed such eating habits. When she sat down beside me with her plate of cereal, we continued our feast in silence. Normally, she would be chastising me for having my elbows on the table, or because I was slouching while I was eating, but ever since I took off to college, her worries about my posture died down, but she still liked telling me what to do, whenever she had the chance.
"So, what are your plans for the day?" I knew we couldn't go in silence for long. We both hated that.
"I don't know, maybe go help Carly with some last minute packing." I told her, although I figured by now Carly would be all packed. She always did three to four days in advance.
"Wasn't Sam helping her with that?" she asked.
"She was, but she went over to Melanie's yesterday." I said, a smile on my face as I was talking about her. She just did that to me, even though right now at the moment she wasn't making me feel all to giddy because of what was happening.
"I don't see why you never harbored any feelings for that girl Freddie. She looks exactly like Sam. She just lacks the criminal record." She said, all too right about her insight. Melanie did look exactly like Sam, but that didn't mean that she was anything like her. Sam was an original, that's the way I see her. But wait, why bring something like that up?
"Why do you think that I ever liked Sam that way?" I asked. I know my mother's instincts, her ways of inserting a seed into my mind. She was truly gifted in making me talk without me ever knowing it. And honestly, I never knew that she would have ever caught on. Sam and I were always careful. If Sam stayed too long, I would pretend I was in the shower so my mom would know not to come inside, giving her the chance to sneak out the window. She knew something that she would never admit because that would mean she was sneaking around to find that kind of information. She was a strong woman, but she was very poor at keeping her know-it-all look from her son. I know this because I inherited it. And she was showing it right down to the arched eyebrows. I was catching her in her own trap.
"Oh, okay then, we are going to do it that way." She said, playing with the ball that I thought was in my court. She finished the last of her cereal, picked up her plate, placed it in the sink, and turned around. I put my fork down. God I was either going to enjoy this or cringe at the fact alone that she knew all along about Sam and me. Our long nights, sweet embraces, strong kisses. Everything.
Suddenly, that look of 'I knew it all' that was cleverly etched on my face turned into 'oh chizz.'
"The first night Sam stayed the night. At least I think it was who knows." She began. I think I knew the night she was referring to. Around two years ago I think. It was Sam's eighth night that she stayed, but the other times she was always up and out before any light came out. As soon as it turned to morning, I would lightly touch her face and she would just leave as quietly as she came, going back into Carly's room. That time however as I was lightly waking her up, she ended up punching me square in the face. I fell off the bed and tried my hardest not to groan out in pain. She mouthed sorry and began changing while I ran to the bathroom. That's when I thought of the whole shower thing. "I heard you fall and cry out, so I rushed to see what was wrong." I shrunk a little in my seat, a little bit mortified that she knew this after so long. "When I got in there, I saw blonde curls escaping out the window. I thought I was imagining it so I left. But it didn't take me long to find out about it, because she was coming here once in a while, even though you two never got along. Even though you thought that I didn't know she was here, but I snuck a peek in one night and saw her. How long did you think you were going to get away with it?" She said, admitting that she indeed knew all along of what Sam and me were doing. Then it all started to make more sense than what I thought could make such sense.
She was becoming so lenient about everything. She didn't care much about what I was doing, only inspected me once a week, and instead of cleaning out my ears every third Friday like she did, she would hand me a q-tip, allowing me to do it myself. I thought it was because I was in college, I was growing up, I was becoming a man. But know I realized it was because she didn't want to anymore. Because of Sam she was making me get in control of my life?
"Is that why you don't give me my check ups anymore?" I couldn't help but ask it.
"Yes and no. I still would like to, but that girl would probably still pick on you like she used to back in high school. I just thought it would be better this way, little by little let you go. Plus, I didn't want to find marks that I shouldn't have found in the first place" She said, a little smile creeping up on her face. I couldn't help but smile a little bit too. She didn't want to accept the fact that I had a relationship. Either that or she didn't want to see the love bites Sam would give me. "The thing I have always been trying to understand is, how did this all happen?" she asked.
"I am honestly just as clueless as you are." I admitted. I didn't want to tell her how and when it happened. I was already a bit uncomfortable that I have admitted to a relationship that I didn't know if she approved about or not.
"I always thought you liked Carly. Was it because she found Griffin, and you just thought you lost any chance of being with her?" I looked at her with a questionable look. She walked toward me her arms folded against her chest, as if she didn't want to ask this question. "Did you get with Sam, because Carly started dating someone else?" I put the fork down.
"You think that the reason I started showing interest in Sam was because Carly had a boyfriend?" I repeated her question, to which she nodded. I scoffed at that, and ran my fingers through my hair. "No!" I said getting up, thinking of how I could defend this, us. "I stopped liking Carly a long time ago. And Sam and me, we just happened. I don't know how, but we did. And I'm happy that we have." I didn't notice it but I was raising my voice, as if that would convince her. But why would I need to convince her? I did love Sam, whether she would like it or not. "Why would you think that mom? You think you raised a guy that just wants-"
"Please Freddie don't say it." My mom had her hands in front of me, her eyes closed. "I guess I was a bit out of line when I said that, but I just don't understand how out of all the girls that you have met, the one that makes you miserable is the one-"
"Sam doesn't make my life miserable, she just likes teasing, and I don't have a problem with it. Why can't you be happy for me? I actually found someone that I can see myself with. I love her." I told her. I figured since it was out in the open, I might as well come to grips with her about my feelings for the blonde headed demon that I couldn't get enough of.
"…And that's the one thing I can never control." She admitted. I saw her approach me and then just walk away a little bit. "I can do a lot of things for you Freddie," She proceeded to the living room, and I followed, a little curious as to what she meant by that. Yeah, there were a ton of things she does for me. "But out of all the things I do for you, I can't do this for you."
"Do what for me?"
"I can't make you love who I want you to love." She told me, taking a seat on the couch. She patted the side on her left and I plopped down, suddenly taking an interest into this. "I never told you this, but your father and I were not supposed to be married. Around the same time I met your dad I was introduced to man that told my parents he wanted to marry me. He was rich, very attractive, everything a woman would practically want in a man." I tried imagining this man. Long, dark and handsome, with wads of cash. Then I tried thinking of my mom, pretty enough to catch the eyes of such a dude. I thought it better not to. It was just too creepy thinking of my mom hot. She was my mom! I was grossed out enough that Lewbert thought her attractive. "Well anyways, he wanted to marry me, and I slowly grew to love him, but I didn't love him enough to want to marry him, even if he was the prince of England, because I was already in love with your father." She said patting my hand. "So in the end I chose love over protection and security. And then your dad, well he left off to Mexico for missionary work and well you know the rest."
I did. She told me what happened. While he was away, helping out, drug bandits came and shot him dead on the spot. He never did anything wrong, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. At the time mom already had me, I was around two, and his insurance money took care of everything, setting my mom and me up for life. It was hard at first though. She didn't want to move out of the house that they shared their first years together, sell anything that belonged to my dad, but we both knew we had to to make the money last. The payments for the rent was ridiculous to begin with. So in the end, as heartbreaking as it was to sell some of his clothes, the house that he lived in, the couch he loved sitting in, we had to leave, and years later, we settled in Bushwell Plaza where I fell in love with Carly, only to have later fallen even deeper in love with Sam. It was the best decision my mom ever made for me.
"Every time I looked at you I would see your father's face. And it was so hard, believe me, to raise you and you look every bit of your father, because I really did love him. But then it didn't seem so hard, and now, I am just as worried for you as I was back then for your dad. In a motherly way though." She said, her eyes looking on the verge of tears. But she held them back. What a trooper. By now I would have been bawling if I were talking about my wife the way she was talking about her husband. Maybe dad was the emotional one. "And I just want to make sure… you aren't pulling her along. I know what it's like to do that to a person, and trust me it is not at all good." I wanted to tell her it didn't feel good to do that, nor have that be done to you, but I thought against it. Little pieces at a time would be better than throwing a relationship that was supposed to be a secret out in the open.
"I know mom." I reassured her. "I don't think I'll ever do that to anyone." She just nodded, knowing that I was being serious. After a minute of just sitting down I felt the sudden urge to get up. "Well I'm gonna go change and see what Carly's doing." I told her, to which she just smiled, nodding in assurance. I walked up to her, kissed her cheek and thanked her for breakfast. I rummaged through my drawers and pulled out some pants, changed my shirt and headed over to Carly's apartment.
I knocked the door three times, but no one answered.
"Carly? It's Freddie, you home?" All of a sudden I heard a thud, and I opened the door to find Carly on the floor.
"Carly!" I yelled, picking her up from the floor. She came to in about a few minutes of shaking her.
"…Freddie?" she wrapped her hands around my shoulders "Oh my gosh Freddie!" she started sobbing uncontrollably, and I was at a loss for words. What just happened?
"Carly, what is it? What happened?"
Through hiccupped cries, she told me everything. She told me about Jesse coming by, his suspicions, his change of face, the fake party she was going to plan, and I felt my anger rising.
"He wants me to spy on Sam for him. To make sure nothing is happening between you two. He is not at all convinced you two are done." She looked at me while she said that. I was just processing everything she just told me. He had every right to suspect it. We were nowhere near finished, even if he was trying his hardest to stop it. I couldn't stop from thinking that it was his idea, that he convinced her to take him to the airport. And all along I was blaming Sam for that. I felt like such an idiot as well as an asshole for even considering that. "Freddie," I looked up from my thoughts, "nothing is happening between you two is there?" I looked at her worried face, and couldn't say anything. If I told her, she would be more distraught about the whole thing that just happened, because Jesse's suspicions about Sam would be right on target. If I told her nothing happened, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it when that mock party she was planning on throwing to save Sam's (and my own) skin. The question resulted in: who did I want to protect more?
I found myself shaking my head. Right now, at this moment, the one that needed the protection was Carly. Sam was safe for the moment.
"Nothing is going on Carly. But we do have to make Sam see this Jesse that was just here." I explained. Carly did not look convinced at all, but I had to keep it hidden. Until time came to put it out in the open. "I'll help you with the party preparations in case Sam doesn't. We'll just invite a few people, like you said." I picked her up and sat her down on the sofa. "But enough in order for him to believe it Carly. It all revolves around the party. We can expose him there." Carly nodded.
"Yeah you're right Freddie." She turned away and sighed heavily, as if she felt good for sharing this burden. I was glad she told me. "We'll do it together. Before anything happens." She told me. I nodded in approval. "He makes her sound like if she's some sort of property. I've never seen anything like that Freddie." She said, a little bit scared. "How does Sam not see that?" She questioned. I shrugged my shoulders, just as lost as she was. Then I thought about a quote I found in a book, every bit of it truthful at the moment.
"Love can blind us from the reality it gilds." I didn't even look at Carly to know that she understood. Sam was so fucking blind that even I was starting to worry for her.
Can she really be this blind? And if that was the case, why wasn't she ever like that with me?
A/N: Freddie finds out! And is starting to question a few things of his own. This cannot end well... Or can it? Review telling me what you thought about the chapter as well what you think might happen! It's that little gesture that makes me love writing for you guys!