A/N: Wow! Oh my gosh im so so, sorry I did not update sooner. And just in case your wondering, if its not that obvious, I am going to continue so if you dont like it, Stfu and gtfo of my story dumbass bitches.I mean if you clicked on the story you obviously wanted to read it, so yeah. If you do like, I WUV YOOO! XD Story time.
Alice pov I looked at everyone and made sure they were present."Next thing on the list..." I said and glanced at the list. "Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint" I read and looked up, trying to decide who would do this. I looked at Jasper who was currently backing up slightly, looking a little scared. I walked about ten feet away from Jasper and turned toward him. "JASPER! You do this one." I smiled with a you-will-do-this

-or-pay look. "Oh no Alice. I will not. Absolutely not. Anything but that." He begged trying to stand his ground, still looking scared. "Fine. you dont have to-" I started looking a bit put out. "JASPER YOU WILL DO THIS DAMN THING OR NO SEX FOR A FUCKING YEAR, BITCH! IF YOU DON'T I SWEAR I WILL MAKE YOU MY VERY OWN PERSONAL BARBIE FOR A YEAR! DO IT OR ELSE!"

I screeched and tackled him, pounding my small fists against his chest. "AH! ALRIGHT ILL DO IT! JUST GET OFF ME! PLEASE! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed and I got off him, handed him some clothes, and shoved him into the ladies bathroom.

No one ever refuses me and gets away with it.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo A few minutes later...
Jaspers pov

Crap. How did I get myself into this? I love my wife but she takes things too far sometimes. I looked at my self in the mirror, now fully clothed in a dress, pantyhose, high heels, a grey wig, a blue purse, and make up. I looked like the spawn of Betty White and Barney. I walked out of the bathroom, Emmet took one look at me and, well im pretty sure all of Forks heard his scream/laugh. "BWAHAHAHAHA! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING! HAHA! SAY CHEESE! THATS FUCKING HILARIOUS!"

He shouted, clutching his side, on the floor as he took a picture with his phone. I walked over and kicked him hard in the side. "MPHM!" Was the sound that came from him as I took his phone and snapped it in two. Dumbass. "Alright! Jasper, You go over to that woman and hit her with a purse and- well, you know the rest." Said my lovely (and quite possibly insane) wife. I walked over to the woman and hit her with my purse, not to hard, and she turned around and glared at me, pure anger and fury rolling off her in waves when I realized who it was. It was the girl Alice hit with the ham. "FUCK! I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOUR AN OLD LADY OR NOT, BITCH!" She screamed before taking the purse and hitting me with it. The last thing I saw before I

blacked out were stars, and a smug look of satifaction from the lady.
Alice pov

"Vampires shouldn't be able to black out... right?" I asked Edward, Who was currently dragging jaspers limp body. "Alice, I dont know and I dont care. Vampires are also not supposed to be beaten my little girls with Hannah Montannah wrapping paper either. Just read the next thing off the list." Said Edward while rubbing his temples. "Alright... the next thing is..."
A/N: AHAHA! I FINALLY UPDATED! YAAAAAAYYYYY! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! BIG THANK TO THE REVEIWERS AND MY BETA! REVEIW

PWEASE! BYEBYE!.