Chapter 17: Anything for You

I took in a big gulp of the strong Boston air as soon as I stepped out of the plane. I couldn't believe that it was just around two months since I was last here; getting my diploma I worked four years for. In a sense I was glad to be back. I can just relax, consider this as a vacation, that will determine if I will have a future or not. And if it's the 'not,' keep looking until I find what I'm looking for.

I took the steps slowly one at a time, and as soon as my feet touched the floor, I felt like I was at a home I had gone too long without visiting, almost to the point of abandonment. Entering the airport and listening to the side conversations were adding to that sense of nostalgia. I never thought I would miss Boston this much. The place seemed so humble, almost as if it was welcoming me back into it. Forgiving me for being away for so long. I couldn't help but smile somberly. I was happy to be back, to have an opportunity and actually going through with it. My life was going, for once in a long time (it felt like), exactly as I hoped it would, minus one little detail. It's true because the only regret I have is the fact that she didn't want to come with me.

What was Sam's problem? Why couldn't she just do this one thing for me? I replayed that question over and over in my head. As I was quickly packing to catch the six A.M. flight, the drive to the airport in silence, saying goodbye to my mom; it was infiltrating my mind more than the fact that I was going for my dream job. And since the plane pulled into the sky, more and more questions began going through my mind. Much more personal and deep questions that I couldn't answer, and didn't want to answer. For example, out of all the things she had to bring up that she sacrificed she had to mention him? I could name a million more things she has sacrificed before he even stepped in our life. And I have been more of a martyr than she ever could be. I would sacrifice something before she could even think about making a sacrificing for me.

Because Sam was a ton of things, but being selfish was the top of her list. She was always thinking about herself. Never wanting anything to go wrong with her life, when she lived a pretty fucked up one. And after all we've been through; I just assumed it would have been the next best thing for the both of us. It wouldn't hurt her to figure it out over here with me. She was acting like such a baby about this whole situation. If she loved me she wouldn't have acted like she did. She would sacrifice comfort for our well being and for me. That's the whole point of loving someone: sacrificing for the one you love. Isn't it? And that it was my entire fault? Fuck that. It was all hers to begin with. If she never went out in search of another one's arms she never would have to have made this decision. We could have avoided this dilemma entirely. I would not have wasted all this time of being depressed and moping, I would be happy. I would be happy because I would have Sam. And now I wasn't so sure I wanted that, with the way she was acting.

Ugh, this could not be healthy. Especially since I was going to an interview tomorrow. Being this angry and disappointed has to be in the backburner of things right now. In other words, it should be the least of my problems. What I needed right now is a taxi to take me to my hotel. That and a good old drink to relax me for tomorrow.

"Freddie! Freddie over here!" I heard a voice before the flailing of arms went up in the air. I couldn't believe she was here in the airport too. My god, she was still as short as ever. But I knew that voice from anywhere, let alone the "overexcitedness" in her persona. She pushed her way through the crowd, glared at a passerby that shoved her and continued waving maniacally in my direction.

"Annabelle!" I was surprised to see her there, making my way through the crowd to greet her. I didn't know that any of my old Boston gang knew I was on my way over here. Sure I mentioned it on my splashface, but I didn't expect anyone to be at the airport waiting for me when I didn't even say what time I would be arriving. It was probably just a coincidence. Either way it was nice to see an old face again. Especially one that was as crazy as she was.

That was Annabelle; she was a crazy chick, but there was a reason behind her insanity I guess. She always knew everything about everyone that mattered to her. She had to. She was studying journalism, wanting to become a gossip columnist or something like that. So it was safe to say she knew my life inside and out when she took a general education class with me, taking the seat next to me and staring intently as if she was studying me like I was studying my class notes. She was a bit short, shorter than the rest of us, but what she lacked in height, she held in curiosity. Her big brown eyes always saw something worthwhile in people that she wanted to find out. And she did. She was the first to know the gossip, and when she didn't, she sniffed it out, very carefully. She was never caught with her ways of 'persuasion' as she liked to call them. She was strong for being so small, and held her own when girls would try picking fights with her. And her style was always what baffled me. She would change it almost as often as she would in her attitude. But she was still someone worth knowing, or in other words, she would know you to the point you had to know her in return.

I'm not saying she was a bad person. She was a great person. A little too friendly in my opinion but she was a good friend once people got to know her. She made friends on a simple hello that she would give you accompanied with her great big smile. She met new students and filled them in, giving them tours of the campus, telling them the lenient professors versus the harsh grading ones. And when she met me, she let me know everything about myself. She was contagious to be around, because you never had a dull or sad moment with her. She held enough happiness in her petite body that it was overflowing within her; spreading to every person she came in contact with.

She asked me every question (both personal and non-personal), and before I knew it, she knew everything about me. My overbearing mother, my relationship that was Sam, why I wanted to major in computer engineering, she knew it all after a few minutes of my time, by force on other occasions. And the funny thing about it was that I would find myself going back to talk to her, finding out if I couldn't say anything to Sam or to Carly, I could say it to her. Sometimes face-to-face confessions were better than talking. And since I couldn't say anything to Carly about my problems with Sam, Annabelle would always advise me about them.

She was, in a sense, my best friend from Boston. She was a Carly that wasn't a Carly. If that made any sense.

I grabbed her in a big bear hug, to which she was more than enthusiastic, holding onto me after I let her go, like she always did. But she took a step back after, and took one big look at me. Her smile never fading from her face.

"Wow Benson, you look the same." She stated, smiling from ear to ear.

"It's only been a few months." I retorted, throwing my bag over my head. "You expected me to get buff or something?" I laughed.

"Of course, I expected you to get body builder buff, so big that I would not be able to wrap my arms around you." She said, tickling my abdomen. She was always playful. "Well, I'll go get the car and bring it around, just wait for me here."

"What? You're giving me a ride?" I asked. She turned and gave me one of her perfect smiles.

"I'm taking you to the hotel. Under the boss's orders." She said, giving me a salute and walked out the double doors. I didn't have much of a choice but to wait right outside the terminal, until I would see her yellow mini cooper would come down to pick me up.

Good thing I didn't have to wait for a taxi to take me to the hotel. Free rides I can never say no to.

I saw her mini cooper run up the terminal. She was always one to waste no time. She pulled up to me and I motioned for her to pop the trunk. She gave me a thumbs up and I heard the pop come from the back of her tiny car. We would all joke with her, telling her the only reason her parents gave her this car was because it was small enough for her to reach the pedals and steering wheel without a phone book. After pulling my bags over and shutting the trunk I took a seat down the passenger seat. My hand accidently brushed hers, making me recoil a bit and smile sheepishly. She simply grinned.

"Shall we?" she asked, pulling away from the point that connects me to Seattle. I turned and gave it a last look before carrying on my reunion with Annabelle.

"I can't help but ask how-"

"I told you, the boss's orders." She winked at me, taking a sharp left, avoiding the oncoming traffic. I was surprised. She found herself a placement at Technology United?

"You work as an-"

"A temp." She finished my sentence. "Just doing it for a year while my blog takes off as the best gossip column in Boston. Either that or the Juicy Bitz Magazine calls me for a job." She explained her future to me. Simple, not exaggerated. That's why I loved talking to her. She always went straight to the point. When I was talking to her about Sam, she did exactly that: she told me straight up what I should be told. Just like Sam. I started feeling bad. Thinking about Sam wasn't something I should be thinking about because she was making me go through this alone, when I would have loved her here with me to share this experience. But now I was starting to care less and less and I just wanted to see her.

"Freddie? You okay? You're staring off into space instead of sharing your thoughts." Annabelle said, swerving a bit to see if it would get me back into talking. I pushed thought of Sam (which was harder than I thought) in the back of my mind again as I turned to talk to Annabelle again.

"Sorry, I guess I was thinking about stuff." I needed to change the subject. "But to get a job there is so hard, even a temp job is difficult to come by there. How did you manage to land one?"

"Had an inside mouse working for me." She said. "I told him to keep me updated when they would have openings and I applied as soon as he informed me. So there I am. If you end up working there I could try to get a position as your assistant maybe." She said. I laughed.

"That's probably going to take a little longer than you think. Your dream job would probably call you before that happens." I reassured her. She simply nodded, keeping whatever it is she wanted to say to herself. Then, when she stopped at a stop sign she sighed and turned to look at me.

"I sure hope so."

I woke up to the heat that is known as the Seattle heat. I have lived here all my life, and I liked it that way. I took in its scent, opened my eyes and exposing them to the blinding sun. Not something I was ever going to be used to, because anything that bothered was just irritating. Sunlight bothered me, hence it was irritating. But it was a sunlight that I have always seen, that always woke me up, getting me ready for the day.

I left before my mom woke up, not wanting to deal with her grilling of me for leaving Jesse. She still wouldn't let that go. Of course it was only days after our break up, but to be constantly reminded of it was just going to put me in a crappier mood. I figure the less I need to deal with relationship troubles the better. I could tell by the heat it was going to be a heat-filled day, full of unplanned surprises (I hope). The only thing I knew I was going to regret today was the fact that he wasn't here. He got up and left like he said he would. Again leaving me here all alone and for God knows how long. For a few days, maybe a few weeks, possibly a couple months, dreadfully many years.

What the fuck was Freddie thinking? Why would he possibly think that I would want to leave this place? I grew up here. I made friends here. And if I wanted to leave I would have joined the army or something and actually take in some sights along with shooting some stuff. It's a win-win situation, not just living in Boston for the rest of my life. Fuck that. I like the normal lifestyle that I have here. I had my first job, my first crush and love, first kisses that lead to the said love and crush and most importantly, this was where iCarly started. This was where I found out that I was in love with that nub. And he wanted to let all those precious moments go to waste.

But there was that constant annoyance that told me I was missing him already and he had only been gone for a few hours. Even if just thinking about him made me get mad all over again.

Out of all the reasons he would ask me to go with him is because I have never done anything for him? How can possibly believe that I never did anything else for him? I had to leave Jesse because I love him. No, I don't love him. Love doesn't make you decide. They take you for who you are, the good or bad, and leave everything else in the open. For example: I love Seattle; these city lights can't be seen anywhere else. This summer breeze can't be as strong anywhere else. Why would I want to get up and leave it? There's no fucking way I am going to do that.

And I'm not saying I would never give up on things. I sacrificed plenty to be where I am today. I gave up being such a bad influence (such as the cheating, the getting into trouble, etc.) because I wanted to be a good influence to Carly and to Freddie. I wanted to prove that to them. And it was hard to do that at first. Real fucking hard. But I tried. That's all anyone could ever ask of me. I tried the college thing and stopped after realizing I hated school. I tried eating without my favorite fork and ended up buying a new fork. I tried everything they wanted me to try, to "make me a better person" and stopped after seeing that it was changing me into something I wasn't.

And no, I am not being stubborn or defensive or any of those other psychological mumbo jumbo that I used to be told while I was in high school. I wasn't afraid. Sam Puckett isn't afraid of anything, much less moving into some town I never heard of with the guy that supposedly loved me. The complete opposite. I was angry with the guy that supposedly loved me. I wanted him to hate me back, so that can give me reason enough to have permission to punch him when he came back. And that's if he ever came back with his brand new life he was getting over there. Why would he want to come back? Just so he can try to convince me again to go? Well, he'll know what my answer will be.

I found myself walking around the city, taking in its sights but not really paying attention to the buildings, and then I found myself at the front doors of the Bushwell Plaza. I sighed deeply. I always knew my way here no matter which route I would take, as if it was implanted in my head since birth. But what was the point in going here anymore? Carly left Sunday like she planned and Freddie was off to find his life in Boston. The only one left was Spencer. I opened the doors and went in. It's not like I was going to be doing anything worthwhile anyways.

I haven't gone to Spencer for anything since the one time I had nightmares about a monster eating my soup, and he helped me out of the situation quickly. So maybe, just maybe, he can help me out with this little dilemma (or speedbump as Carly liked to call it) that I was having. I say that I don't want to move (and that's true) but I don't want to lose that idiot that is Fredbag. And I am at a loss as to what to do. Leave Seattle, my friends that are still here, my drunken mom, Mel, and Spencer? Just to begin a life with Freddie? Okay out of anything that I have been saying, that is what truly scares me. Okay, yeah I admit it. I am scared because this is a future I can see. I can almost grasp it. But I can't if it's all the way in Boston. Because of that little setback, I would rather have Freddie think that I am angry with him than scared. I always am the tough girl, not the girl that runs away screaming in fear. And even though I never stepped foot in that state, I don't want to start now. Maybe Spencer can make better sense of things, because I don't know what to do with this.

I walked inside like it was still my second home. And the minute I did I stopped in my tracks. All I saw was numerous sculptures. Made of every normal medium used or not. I saw a sculpture made out of nothing but Tupperware, and another made of tube socks, that I think moved but that could have just been my imagination. I saw that he was remaking one he made out of Yo-yo's and there was one made out of a substance I could not name, because I had no idea what it was. Needless to say, with Carly finally gone, Spencer had all the time in the world to focus on his art works. I was happy that he was doing something with his time instead of just moping around his apartment.

"Hey Spencer! You home?" I called out. When I didn't hear an answer, I felt like I came to an empty house. Much like I was feeling right now. Without him, I always knew I would feel empty, just never really gave it much thought as to how empty I would feel. Now I was starting to get the picture.

"Who's out there?" a voice rang from somewhere but I couldn't make out where. It made me jump. "Please help! I'm stuck in the tube socks sculpture." I looked at the sculpture made out of socks closer and sure enough I saw Spencer there, looking straight at me. "Sam! O thank gosh. Help me pull off the socks before the super sticky starch and glue combination gets dry!"

I wasted no time as I began pulling off the socks from his body. I felt very sticky after I was done, making me go wash my hands. He on the other hand gave a big breath of thanks and plopped down on the couch. I hoped his butt wasn't sticky.

"I'll tackle that bad boy again later." He said, as he began channel surfing. When he didn't find anything, he turned it off and turned to me. "So what's new? Missing Carly already?"

"Ain't that the truth?" I said. "Plus the idiot across the hall left yesterday, so now I'm stuck here in Seattle again." He gave a sigh as he went to the kitchen to grab some drinks. "Can you believe that he wanted me to go to Boston with him? I mean that's ridiculous, asking me to leave you! And mom and Mel too I guess."

"Surely you didn't stay here because you didn't want to leave the grownups alone." He said, making me stare at him disbelief.

"Of course. What would make you think I would leave you alone? That's Carly's department. But I won't abandon anybody, no matter how badly I should be away from them." I said, meaning that last part to my mother. Spencer just shook his head.

"You made the wrong choice there Sam because you abandoned Freddie." I looked at him, surprised that he said I made a mistake. I think I made the right choice. Sure it was costing me a life that Freddie painted for us, but he would be back and everything would go back to normal. "Look," he handed me my drink and I slowly began to sip, ready to listen to his all mighty wisdom, "When Carly told me she was going to leave I was sad. You never saw me here because it was horrible memories that would haunt me when you guys were young and always around. I didn't want to deal with the fact that you were all growing up and doing something with your lives. At least that's the way I saw it." He gave a pause, making me nod to assure him that I was with him so far. "So, after a while, I noticed they were possibly the funnest times I ever had here in this apartment. But times have to come and go in order for bigger and better ones to come along later in life."

"But Freddie's asking me to-"

"To start something new. With him. And if you love someone, truly do love someone…then, it isn't a sacrifice. It's a privilege to want to do what they are asking you to do. That's the way love works. Not thinking about oneself, but of other's first."

I didn't notice it but my eyes were getting all watery. And that feeling of having a harsh throat because you were fighting back tears was happening to me. I didn't want to admit it, but Spencer had a point. I did love that nub, and maybe, maybe I was being too selfish about this whole thing. It's not like I couldn't try the whole Boston thing, and that was even if he got the job, which I know he would because it was Fredbag. My idiot was a smart nerd. And I loved him.

"So it's safe to say that I am selfish?" I admitted. Spencer nodded and I turned my head away, wiping away my tears that were practically falling down by now. I found myself smiling, hating that Spencer was smart for only completing three days of law school. "Well, I can't help that you know. It's just the way I am, and if he doesn't like it-"

"What makes you think he doesn't?" he asked me. I couldn't answer that. I knew that Freddie knew that I was a selfish and self-centered person. And he was never one to point it out, even when I was making everything about me when I told him I didn't want to leave. He didn't point out my selfish ways, he just called me difficult. I smiled.

"So what do you think you should do?" he asked me after a long silence between us. I looked at him, hoping the answer was all over my face. He grabbed the keys and opened the door for me. I didn't know it but I was actually running down the hallway to reach the elevator. I packed quickly, taking only what I deemed as needed and rushed Spencer to take me to the airport. I walked right up to the counter, the money in hand from Spencer (I'll pay him back someday) and said four simple words.

"One ticket to Boston."

A/N: Yay for Sam's revelation! Sorry for the late update guys. Hope you enjoyed. And review. But more enjoyed. Until next time :)