Chapter 2: The Woman in Me
The smoky scent of a barbeque filled Sam's nose as she finally got out of her car and walked around the house to the backyard. Jack was standing on the deck, pouring beer over the hunks of meat cooking on the grill. Smoke rose in plumes before him, but he ignored it as he turned the skewer to make sure the meat was cooked properly.Sam folded her arms over her chest. "Hi, Sir." Wow…that was lame
"Carter," Jack seemed surprised to see her, though not unhappy. "How'd you know I was here?""I saw the smoke." Sam walked over and stood on the grass, staring up at her CO and shifting her weight nervously from foot to foot.
"Ah, right," Jack grinned sheepishly, brushing ash off the front of his shirt with one hand.
"Look, is this ok? I could have called first, I'm sorry…"
"Nono, it's fine," Jack had turned back to his cooking. "I was supposed to have company, but an emergency came up and they had to ditch me. You eat yet?" He looked at Sam, his brown eyes sparkling slightly.
Sam shook her head, so Jack waved a hand towards the beer cooler and an empty deck chair.
"Thanks," Sam mumbled, sitting down and smoothing her hands self-consciously over her skirt.
"So what brings you to this neck of the woods?" Jack asked, forking the meat over onto a serving plate. "On such a fine day…in my backyard…"
"Well, actually…I've been sitting in your driveway for the past ten minutes trying to work up the nerve to come talk to you." Hurray for the queen of subtlety. What's gotten into you today?! You might as well throw your arms around his neck and start…"The truth is, I've been trying to work up the nerve for a lot longer than that."
Jack was giving her one of those looks. One of those 'Carter? Did you forget to have your coffee or did another goa'uld symbiote implant itself in your head?' looks. Sam could feel her cheeks going red."Oh?" Jack didn't seem to really know what to say.
Sam pursed her lips for a moment. "Pete put a down payment on a house." No, wait, that's not what I meant to say… "It's a nice place."
"Well, that's great!" Jack's voice was full of forced enthusiasm as he set the plate of food on the table and vanished into the house for a second, returning with a bowl of potato salad. He raised his eyebrows. "…But?"Just get to the point! "Th-the truth is I'm having second thoughts about the wedding."
Jack frowned slightly, pulling up a chair next to Sam's and sitting down. "Why?" he sounded concerned, and that one little word was so gentle that Sam almost lost her carefully molded composure. Almost, but she managed to hang on.
"Well, you see…the thing is…" She was stammering. She hated it when she stammered. "The thing is…I…I just feel like I'm making a big mistake."
"Look, Carter…" Jack sighed. "I don't know what-"
"Yeah," Sam laughed bitterly. "You're probably wondering why the hell I'm telling you this. But there's actually a very good reason. And I think if I don't tell you now that I'll never…" Sam's heart seemed to have forced its way into the back of her mouth and was pounding wildly. She could hear her breath shaking as it came out.
"Sam." Jack reached out and put a hand on her arm. "Relax, its just me."
Sam looked at him, her eyes full of raw emotion. "That's the problem." Her cell phone rang. Sam closed her eyes for a second, swearing quietly before answering it. "Colonel Carter….What? When?!…Ok, I'm on my way." She closed the phone, and when she looked at Jack the emotion in her eyes had changed to terror. "It's my dad…I have to get back to the base." She got to her feet and hurried down the steps.
"Carter?"
Sam stopped, turning.
"I'm always here, you know?" Jack called. "For you. If you need it."
Sam gave him the slightest smile and nod, then ran to her car.
Jacob was sitting up in bed when Sam got to his observation room. Aside from the fact that he had a couple wires and tubes connected to him, he didn't look half as bad as Sam had been imagining on the drive over. He even gave her an annoyed look as she walked in.
"Did they call you? I told them they didn't need to call you," he grumbled.
"Dad," Sam pulled a stool up next to the bed and sat down. "They said you collapsed…what happened?"
Her father sighed, shaking his head. "Selmak's getting old, Sam, he's not doing so well anymore."
"What do you mean?" Sam asked, frowning.
"He's just…" Jacob shook his head again, then squinted at Sam. "He wants to talk to you."
"Oh…ok."
Jacob looked down for a moment, then back up, his expression steadier.
"I'm dying, Samantha." Selmak said gravely. "If we don't make certain decisions soon, I'll be forced to take Jacob with me."
"Wh-wh-what? Dying?"
Selmak managed a weak smile. "I'm old. I have seen far too many centuries come and pass. Now it is my turn. I would much rather leave Jacob and let him live to see you married…something he greatly wants to do…but…" Selmak went silent for a minute, taking a shuddering breath. "But I must do it soon. I will not have the strength for much…much longer…"
Sam couldn't say anything. Tears stung the corners of her eyes.
"Sam…" It was her father again. Sam reached out and took his hand. Jacob looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."
"No…" Sam shook her head. "Dad, it's not your fault."
"I know," Jacob gave her hand a squeeze. "We just wanted to see you married." He closed his eyes, leaning back against the pillow. Sam almost thought he'd fallen asleep when his hand slipped from hers, then he asked, "how'd the flower picking go?"
"Oh…good, I suppose." Sam looked down, fidgeting with her engagement ring. "Pete bought a house."
Jacob opened one eye to look at her. "Really? Is it nice?"
"Yeah," Sam nodded. "It'll be…a nice…place to live…"
"So is that all you did?"
"I stopped by General O'Neill's house." Sam hadn't meant to tell her father this; it just slipped out.
Both of Jacob's eyes were open now, and he was watching his daughter intently. "Really now?"
"Uhuh…I just…" Sam shrugged. "I needed to talk to him."
"Ok." Jacob patted her hand, then changed the subject. "I want to try and stick around until you get married…But…I need a new symbiote." He looked upset. "I don't think Selmak's going to make it."
"Do you need me to contact the tok'ra?" Sam asked, her eyes widening. "They'll probably want to pay their respects to Selmak anyway."
Jacob nodded sadly, his eyes closing again as he drifted off to sleep. Sam leaned over, placing a kiss on her father's forehead before hurrying up to the control room.
Jack came in to work later, catching up with Sam just as she was leaving the control room. She almost walked right into him, as she was so preoccupied with thinking up a way to get out of this mess and save her father.
"Hey, Carter, how's your old man?"
"Not too good, Sir," Sam silently thanked Jack for not mentioning their conversation of earlier. Looking back on it, she just felt like an idiot. "Selmak's dying. I was just talking with a representative of the Tok'ra…he said they'd look for a new symbiote for my dad, but there aren't any available now…" her voice grew quiet. "The Tok'ra are dying out…and it doesn't help that the goa'uld are killing them left and right…"
Jack reached out and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"Thank you sir." Sam mumbled, staring down at her feet.
"Carter, if there's anything I can do…"
Sam looked up. "I know, Sir, but there isn't. All we can do is wait for the Tok'ra to come up with something."
One thing that made the SGC such a high stress place to work was the fact that it seemed to have a twenty-four hour schedule. As Walter had once observed, just because its night on earth doesn't mean it isn't daytime on another planet.
It wasn't until later that night that a couple Tok'ra came in to see Jacob. After talking with him for a while they held a meeting with Jack and Sam in the briefing room.
"We haven't been able to locate another symbiote yet," one of the Tok'ra, Moran, said. "There are none in the main hideout, though its possible there are some awaiting hosts in our other outposts."
"Why don't you contact them?" Sam asked.
"We do not have the time," Moran replied. "There are more pressing matters concerning Anubis and his fleet that we must attend to."
Sam stared at him disbelievingly. "More pressing matters?!"
"We understand that you are the host's daughter," Moran was regarding Sam rather flatly. "But you must understand that death is a common occurrence."
Sam looked desperately over at Jack, pleading for him to say something.
"Wait," Jack said after a moment. "Carter's snake…symbiote, sorry…left her and she's still ok. Why can't Jacob just…not be a host anymore?"
"We have spoken to Jacob on this matter," Moran said. "But if you have been blended as long as he has, it is often very difficult to adjust to life without a symbiote. He would prefer to have one."
"But you're saying you won't even look on the other outposts?" Sam was tired, and that only heightened the anger that was growing in her. Not just anger at the Tok'ra, but anger at every unfair turn her life seemed to be taking recently. "That's ridiculous, after everything my father's done for you…"
"Carter," Jack's voice was stern. He held up one hand in a placating gesture when Sam looked ready to leap out of her seat and strangle Moran. Speaking in a level tone, Jack added, "why don't you go get some rest? I'll call for you if we get any news."
"But, Sir – "
"Dismissed, Colonel." Jack scowled at her.
Sam sighed, standing up slowly and walking out of the room. She didn't want to rest. She wanted to do something to help her father. At the last minute she got off the elevator on the level of the infirmary, not of her sleeping quarters.
Jacob was beginning to look worse for the wear. Not just physically, but mentally as well. As Sam came in and sat down next to him he looked at her, and his eyes that in the past four years had seemed to develop a permanent joyful sparkle, now held a look of utter grief.
"How's Selmak?" Sam asked quietly.
Jacob shook his head. "Only barely hanging on. He doesn't want to leave, but he knows its his time." He looked over at Sam and put a hand to her cheek. "I don't think I could go on if they don't find me another symbiote…God, Sam, I'm sorry…I just wanted to see you happy."
"I am, Dad," Sam assured him.
"Don't let rules stand in your way."
A lump seemed to suddenly form in Sam's throat. It took her a moment to find her voice again. "Wh…What are you talking about?"
"Sam, you joined the air force because of me," Jacob said, chuckling quietly.
Sam rolled her eyes. "I love my job." She brought her hand up to cover her father's, which was still resting on her cheek. "What are you talking about?" she asked again.
"You can still have everything you want."
"I do."
Jacob looked at her disbelievingly. "Sam…I know this sounds corny, but just follow your heart. Don't let the officials in DC tell you who you love. Don't let them stop you from having the life you deserve."
"I have it, Dad, really."
Jacob sighed, letting his hand fall to the bed and looking at his daughter with an even sadder expression
Finally the two Tok'ra representatives left and Jack returned to his office. He sat down at his desk and rested his chin in his hand. Stacks of paperwork sat before him, waiting to be done, but his mind was on Sam. He wanted to be able to do something to help her, but…
Kerry appeared suddenly in the doorway. "How's Colonel Carter's father?"
"Doesn't look good." Jack sat up a little straighter. "The Tok'ra are looking for a new symbiote, but they haven't found one."
"That's too bad." Kerry stepped into the office, closing the door behind her.
Jack raised one eyebrow. He could guess what was coming next, but right now, he didn't give a damn. "Closing the door."
"Yeah," Kerry walked over to stand before the desk, bobbing nervously. "Deeply symbolic."
"Really."
"I really like you."
Jack groaned inwardly. Just get it over with, already! He slowly got to his feet. "But…?"
"You have issues."Yeah I do, she's five foot nine, blond, and her name is Samantha Carter.
"It's ok, we all do," Kerry added, noticing Jack's hesitation. "But, there's just one big one I don't think I can love with…" Jack raised both eyebrows at the slip up, and Kerry laughed nervously. "Live with. I need to get out…And I hope we'll still be able to work together because I'd hate to have to ask for a reassignment, this is important to me."Well, she can change tact faster than anything. Jack nodded, forcing himself to keep eye contact.
Kerry smiled tightly, then turned to the door. She paused however. "There's just one thing I don't understand…"You're doing better than me, Jack thought bitterly. I've got a whole mouthful of things that I don't understand…
"Just one?""Is the air force the only thing keeping you apart? Rules and regulations?" Kerry's eyes were wide as she turned around again. Jack's heart skipped a beat, obviously he wasn't as good at the whole 'hiding your emotions' thing as he thought he was. Kerry looked at him pointedly. "Because if it is, you're making a very big mistake."
Crap…I knew that… "And you know what I should do?"
"Retire." Simple as that.
"Again?"
"Yeah, the Pentagon finds you invaluable to this program," Kerry continued. "That's all the more reason they wouldn't think twice about hiring you as a civilian commander." She pursed her lips, waiting for a response. When all Jack did was look down at the floor, Kerry turned once again towards the door. Once again, she stopped, and Jack wondered if she was ever going to actually make it out the door. "If I were you…" she began, then stopped and shook her head, giving Jack one last meaningful look. "She isn't worth loosing over a couple regulations that you know you can bend. Just a thought." And then she was gone.
Jack sighed. It was a thought; a good one. But he still felt just as helpless and confused. He returned to his chair, resting his chin in his hands again. Give him battalions of soldiers to command and he'd do fine. Give him human emotions…and suddenly tough as nails Brigadier General Jack O'Neill had no idea what to do.
After speaking with her father Sam decided to take her CO's advice, so she headed back to her quarters to take a quick nap. She was awoken abruptly by the klaxons blaring, but ignored them and rolled over, her fatigue finally catching up with her.
An hour or two later, Sam got up and headed down the hallway, planning to go check on her father again.
"Apparently I'm making a big mistake."
Sam froze then turned around slowly to see Jack standing behind her, his hands in his pockets. "What?"
Jack shrugged. "Had a nice long talk with Kerry earlier. She told me I have some issues I need to work on so…fwsshhhhtt…" he made a flying motion with one hand. "That's the end of that."
"I'm sorry, sir."
"Nah, don't be, Carter." Jack said, shaking his head. His expression grew slightly more serious. "Actually, she did give me some advice that really hit home…"
Sam raised her eyebrows in a disinterested sort of way. Jack's heart sank a little, he should have known she'd have more important things to be worrying about.
"Anyway, that was the Tok'ra who just called," he said, changing the subject. "They've found a symbiote."
Sam's eyes widened. "What?! Really?"
"Yeah, the host is really sick, so the snake can't heal it and needs to get out. They're coming from another planet, but the host is in too delicate a condition to use t he gate, so they have to come by ship. It'll take a day or so."
Sam nodded, giving Jack a tight smile. "That's good. Thank you, sir."
"Yeah." Before Sam could walk away, he quickly added, "Carter, do you think we could –"
"I have to go check on my dad." Sam said, gesturing towards the infirmary.
"Right." Jack stuck his hands back in his pockets, looking down at his feet. "Go ahead."
Sam nodded and turned, walking quickly down the hall. She got in the elevator and leaned against the wall, closing her eyes and bringing her hands up to cover her face. Oh why me…why now?!
Two Tok'ra, presumably the ones Jack had been speaking with earlier, were sitting with Jacob when Sam arrived. She went to the observation bay, sitting at the table by the glass so she could watch her father. Jacob seemed even weaker, though he was able to still speak with the two Tok'ra.Sam looked up as Jack appeared suddenly, taking a seat next to her. She tried to feel annoyed that he was following her, but she couldn't. Truth be told, she was very glad he was there.
"You ok?" Jack didn't look at her; he was staring through the glass at Jacob.
"Yeah," Sam said, nodding. "Strangely enough. These two Tok'ra are going to stay with him until Selmak dies…they said it can be pretty hard…and remembering what it was like when Jollinar…" her voice trailed off and she let out a despairing sigh.
"C'mere." Jack reached out and put an arm around Sam's shoulders, pulling her closer. Sam took his hand in one of hers and held it to her cheek.
"Thank you, sir," she whispered.
Jack frowned slightly, turning his head. "What for?"
"For being here for me." Sam turned her head as well, both uncomfortably aware of how close their faces were.
"Always." Jack gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze. He cleared his throat, then said, "Sam, what Kerry was talking about…me having issues…she was right. Because there's someone I care about…no, that I love…more than anything in the universe…I just haven't been able to work up the nerve to tell her." Looking Sam straight in the eye, he brought his free hand up to gently touch her cheek.
Tears were welling unbidden in Sam's eyes, and she squeezed them shut, mumbling, "Jack…"
"Shhhh…don't say anything…it's alright…" Jack closed his eyes as well, pressing a kiss to Sam's forehead.
On the other side of the glass, Jacob managed to open his eyes and turn his head. He saw Jack put his arm around Sam's shoulders, and a faint smile crossed Jacob's face. Then the pain lanced through his skull once again, far worse than before. He gritted his teeth.
The last thing Jacob saw before all went dark was Jack tenderly kissing Sam's forehead...