As many of you probably know, the last few weeks of school are insanely busy with exams, homework, last minute projects, etc. So I'm really sorry I haven't had the time to write or even think about BTLM for a few weeks. It's probably going to be another week or two until I update again, so I apologize in advance for the wait. But for now, here's another chapter. :D I hope you enjoy it, and thanks for sticking around to see what happens next. I promise that no matter how long it takes, I WILL finish this story!

Chapter Eleven

Rilian's first birthday party was quite a celebration. The monarchs from the neighboring countries and other nobles visited Cair Paravel to see the prince of Narnia. On the night of his birthday, September 21, we had a feast with some of the nobility in the Great Hall. Rilian sat in his highchair, mashing his birthday cake into one big mess before eating it.

One by one, our guests stood to make toasts to the prince, wishing him good health, long life, and a peaceful reign. When the last one had finally taken his seat again, Caspian raised his newly refilled wine-glass to me and said simply, "To our son."

It was as if a knife of ice had pierced my body, and I faltered for a moment. I forced my lips to form a smile and tapped my glass to his before sipping my own wine. I couldn't meet his eyes. Our son, our son, our son… The words echoed in my head long after they were uttered. I had to tell him. I swallowed, but told myself that I would tell Caspian the truth after we went to bed.

Once the party had ended, Caspian and I bid everyone farewell and goodnight before making our way upstairs. Rilian was already asleep in my arms, his long dark lashes resting lightly on his cheeks.

I carefully put him in his crib so as not to wake him, placing a kiss upon his forehead and covering him lightly with a blanket.

I did not dress for bed myself. Instead, I waited in my evening dress for Caspian to come to bed, my heart pounding and restless as I prepared myself to tell him Rilian was not his son.

When he finally emerged from his dressing room ready for some sleep, I stood.

"Rose? Why aren't you undressed yet?" he asked, but in a careless way, not knowing anything was wrong.

I took a breath. "Caspian, I—I have to tell you something."

Caspian was preoccupied with going about the room, putting out the lamps. "Yes?" he asked, unworried.

I closed my eyes. "It's… it's about Rilian." Come Rose, just say it. Quit dragging it out.

Caspian turned to me now, his attention finally fully focused on me. "Is he all right?" He looked mildly concerned. "He didn't seem to be coming down with something at dinner, did he?"

"No, no, nothing like that. He's… Rilian's fine."

He looked relieved. "Good. Then what did you want to tell me?"

"I—He's… Well, I—" I stammered, opening and closing my mouth and trying to get the words out. But I couldn't. What would he think of me? Passing Rilian off as his son, when he was Edmund's. And how would that affect Rilian's future? How would Caspian treat Rilian after that?

I could only stand there, mouth trying to form a sentence, looking from my husband to my baby sleeping peacefully in his cradle. Caspian slowly took a few steps closer, something unreadable forming behind his eyes.

"Rose…" he said softly, taking my hands gently.

I could no longer meet his eyes; my gaze dropped to the floor.

"Rose, what is it? What is wrong?" he asked again, slightly more insistently. I looked up at him again, meeting his gaze unwillingly. His almost-black eyes were staring at me intently, searchingly.

I blinked a few times, and then said, "I'm... I'm afraid Rilian will be lonely." The lie came so much more easily than the truth. My voice was smoother and strong, and the words slipped from my tongue unwaveringly.

Caspian seemed to notice the subtle changes; he blinked suddenly, and lowered our hands. His dark eyes searched my face intently for a few more seconds, and then they changed, became flat and distant and, if I wasn't imagining it, cooler. He dropped my hands and took a step away from me, looking towards Rilian.

"Oh." He looked into the cradle at the sleeping boy and said, "He won't be lonely, Rose. He will have you, and me, and other children of the castle to play with, and if that's not enough, he will have all the ponies and dogs he shall ever want. And hawks and falcons to go hunting with, and all the toys in the world if he wants them, and he shall have everything he needs..." Caspian's voice took on a softer tone as he went on, looking down at Rilian's sleeping form.

I continued to stand still, watching them, frozen into place. I was afraid to make a move.

Caspian looked back up at me suddenly and smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, which looked almost sad. "Don't worry, Rose. He shall be happy, no matter what." Caspian smiled again, fleetingly, and then said, "And now it's very late, and I think we should get some rest."

He made his way to his side of the huge bed and got in, blowing out his lamp as he did so. After a moment, I took mine and went to my closet to undress, and then climbed into bed beside him.

I lay still on my back, holding my breath. Caspian's back was to me, and his breaths came even and slow; he was already asleep. I waited stiffly for a little while longer, and then with a quiet sigh, turned over on my side, my back to him as well.

Though I tried, I could not fall asleep right away, tired though I was. I could only silently hate myself for this awful secret I couldn't tell, and for the lies that surrounded me. Why was it so hard for me to tell Caspian the truth? But I knew that answer already, and it was useless to keep on thinking about that.

Also, I reflected on Caspian's behavior. He had seemed... off after I had nearly told him the truth. He had seemed to distance himself from me, instead focusing on Rilian. Perhaps he suspected that I was hiding something from him.