Chapter 15 – '…for ever more'
Another long day, another day that I wished I could just have stayed in bed. I hadn't even been able to think about how excited I was for this evening; how much I was looking forward to just spending time with him. My lab ran late, stupid reactions taking way too long to finish. It was dark yet again as I left the building, the night chill as strong as ever. I pulled out my phone, ready to call Harry and apologise, yet again, for not calling him to let him know I was going to be late. Here comes the selfishness that I just can't escape. Note to self, work on letting people know where you are.
As I flipped open my phone, ready to dial Harry's all too familiar number, I had a missed call. Shit. I had messed up, yet again. I dialled the password, listening intently to his voice.
"Hey, I know you're in your lab now, but I just wanted to leave you a message saying I miss you. Call me when you're done, and don't worry about being late; I remember how long it took you last time I was here".
The message ended with him laughing into the other end. A small smile crept up on my face. Last time he came to visit me; I was in a lab that night. He wanted to surprise me, so he waited for me at my house. By the time I got home, poor guy had fallen asleep, and I ended up surprising him more than he did me. I welcomed those kinds of surprises; getting to see him was always a good thing. Just being able to think this way again was comforting, letting me know that maybe I was ready to forgive him completely.
I headed home, the walk seeming long; always the case when you're in a rush. The more I walked, the more exhausted I began to feel. These past couple of days were taking a toll on me, but I couldn't sleep now; I had to spend every extra moment I had with him. He was leaving soon, I didn't want to think about it, but it just crept up on me every once in while; in my quiet times, like now when I'm walking home, it would just pop into my head and it couldn't help but sadden me.
Finally reaching home, I made my way upstairs quickly to begin getting ready. I called him first. I was getting better, slightly, at remembering to call him.
"Hey, I'm home. Sorry that I'm late. Again. I just have to take a quick shower and get ready" I spoke into the phone
"Yeah sure no problem" he replied, in a flat tone, no excitement, no happiness, no sadness, just flat.
"What's wrong?" I asked concerned.
"Oh no nothing. Call me when you're ready ok?" he quickly changed the subject.
"Look, I'm sorry that I was late and that I didn't call you to let you know, but I couldn't. We're not allowed cell phones in the lab and I didn't realize what time it was…" I began to explain, worried that he was upset at my lateness again.
"No, it's ok, don't worry. Just call me when you're ready ok?" he interrupted me in the driest tone.
"Yeah ok. I'll see you soon. Bye," I replied quickly, wanting to hang up the phone. The conversation was going in a weird direction and I wasn't too keen on continuing it.
"Bye", was all he replied.
Thoughts started racing through my head; doubts of course were the first. What was wrong? Did he think about what was said between us and regret any of it? Most of it? Worst of all; all of it? Was he so dry to me because he was going to leave me tonight? What was I going to do when he said those fateful words?
My heart started to race, and I suddenly started to feel warm all over; not in a pleasurable way, but more of a suffocating way, my throat dry, not being able to take in enough air. I had to be logical right now, not jump to conclusions. He wouldn't have said all those things to me if he hadn't had meant them right? But why the change of mood all of a sudden?
I wasn't going to think about it anymore; I was going to take a shower, wash away all my doubts, get ready and go and see him. Maybe I would mention something to him when I saw him. Maybe. No. We were starting over, no more keeping things from each other, no more tip-toeing around each others thoughts; if I had doubts, I was going to voice them. I was going to confront him about what I thought and I was going to get some answers. I wasn't going to let my doubts run my life.
So I did exactly what I said. I got ready. I got in the shower, washing the staleness from the lab off of my body, letting the warm water engulf me. Getting ready, the exhaustion caught up with me. I could feel my eyes grow heavy, almost impossible to keep open. I got completely ready, hair dried, clothes on, make-up done; but I was just going to lie down, just for half an hour. I needed to sleep, needed to rest so that when I saw Harry, I could be my amazing, sarcastic and happy self. The lack of sleep was dampening my wonderfulness, so a small nap couldn't hurt.
I laid down on my bed, in my clothing, clutching my phone in my hand. I don't even remember falling asleep, the peacefulness washing over me instantaneously.
I felt soft lips place gentle kisses all over my face, slowly and lingering slightly. I began to smile, letting out a soft moan. I opened my eyes, seeing him staring back at me, and broke out into a full-out grin, from ear to ear. He still managed to make me so happy. He pulled back, kneeling at the side of my bed, and just smiled back at me; making my heart flutter lightly in my chest.
I sat up in my bed, and grabbed his face with my hands, pulling him in towards me. I didn't say a word; I just placed my lips on his. He responded immediately, massaging his lips with mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist, standing up and pulling me up with him in the process. I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting my fingers run through his hair, pulling him in even closer to me. Our breathing was speeding up, as the heat between us rose. Then my brain clicked and I pulled away quickly.
"Wait, what are you doing here? I was supposed to call you? Shit, what time is it?" I began to speak quickly, a little out of breath.
He just stood there, staring at me with a small smile on his lips. I frantically began to search for a clock, to see what time it was. Shit, I had fallen asleep and for too long.
"You must have fallen asleep" he finally responded, laughing to himself, placing light kisses on my face, trying to calm me down. "After waiting for an hour and a half, I got worried and a little restless. I tried calling you but you didn't answer, so I decided to just come over and get you," he explained.
"Oh shit, I'm so sorry Harry, I only wanted to take a short nap, so that I wouldn't be a drain when I went out with you tonight. I'm so sorry," I repeated, feeling the guilt wash over me.
"Sh, it's ok. Don't worry about it. Glad I had that key to get in, no one was home so I would have been shit out of luck," he laughed lowly.
"I really am sorry," I said again. I couldn't help it, I apologise a lot.
"It's ok, really. Do you still want to go out though? If you're tired, I understand," he began to say.
"No, I want to go. I'm ready. Let me just straighten up," I replied, looking down at my clothing, it being slightly wrinkled. "You know what, let me change, I kind of wrinkled these clothes with my stupid nap," I told him.
I grabbed some clean clothing and changed quickly, noticing Harry stealing glances of me as I changed. Every time he did that, I felt the heat rise to my face, uncontrollably blushing. I finally was ready to go.
I walked towards him and grabbed his hand to walk out of the house, but was instantaneously pulled back, slamming into his chest, our bodies so close to each other. His breathing was quick, shallow and I could feel it dance across my cheek. I just looked up at him and was met by his lips crashing down on mine almost immediately. He began to kiss me rough, his hunger for me coming through that one kiss. His hands began to wander quickly over my body, going from the back of my head, to my waist, my hips and then landing on my butt.
"What has gotten into you Harry?" I pulled away breathlessly, my lips numb from his touch.
He didn't even respond; he just pulled me in again, our lips on each other's once again, this time the heat almost too much to handle. He roughly ran his tongue across my lips, pushing his way into my mouth, as he pulled me in even closer to him. He was being aggressive and it turned me on, but it was so unexpected. Something inside him snapped, and he grabbed me by the hips and pulled me up, wrapping my legs around his waist.
I couldn't get enough of him, my arms wrapping tightly around his neck, pushing his head in towards mine. He began to stumble back towards my bed, and we landed hard against my mattress. The kiss never broke, our hands still wandering viciously as if on a mission. He was grasping at my clothing forcefully, pulling at my shirt, grabbing my belt, trying to undo the belt buckle.
"Didn't know you wanted me so badly Judd," I said breaking the kiss yet again, still out of breath, looking down at him with a cheeky smile.
His eyes were different, there was something there that scared me a little; but at the same time made me want to jump his bones.
"God, you're hot," he mumbled into my neck as he began to suck on the skin. He was still grabbing at my clothing, pulling at it as if he was about to rip it off me.
This was going a little fast for me. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't want him, it's just this was just a little fast that's all.
"Come on Harry, I still want to go out tonight" I said, trying to pull away from him.
"Fuck going out," he growled, grabbing the back of my head and pushing me into his lips once again.
I let my lips work for a few moments, the tingle from his touch running through my lips, down my neck and all the way down my spine. My body lay on top of his, as our bodies moved against each other, hands still wandering; under and over clothing, patches of bare skin being exposed.
"I still want to go out," I said pulling away again, hearing a frustrated moan escape his lips.
He pulled my face close to his, thinking I was in for another passionate embrace, but he passed my lips and went straight for my ear.
"I just want you," he purred into my ear, licking it quickly and working down to my neck.
My head rolled back instantly in pleasure, the sensation washing over me as he nuzzled further into my neck. I let him toil at my neck for a few moments, not wanting to break the contact of his skin against mine. But finally I did. I pulled back, not saying a word, and got up off the bed. I straightened my clothes again, smoothing my hair a little and wiped my mouth; trying to rid it of the bruising and numbness caused by his kisses. He just laid there, staring back at me, an almost blank expression on his face.
"Let's go," I said, staring straight at him.
"Why can't we just stay here, I just want to be with you," he said, getting up, walking over to me with pleading eyes. He placed his hands gently on my waist and lowered his mouth to my ear, "I want to ravish you all over again," he said with a low laugh.
The warmth and blood rushed immediately to my face, causing me to bury my head in his chest in embarrassment. I just stood there with my head against him, letting the warmth leave my face. I finally pulled it together, and stepped back from him and looked him straight in the eyes.
"We'll have plenty of time for that later," I said with a wink.
"But… we… yeah… plenty of time," he replied, getting progressively quieter with each word. He looked down, staring at his hands as he fiddled with his watch.
I walked up to him, grabbing his hands in mine and pulled them to my chest, "Don't worry, we have plenty of time," I whispered to him.
This was the lie that I was telling myself; and maybe he could believe it as much as I had forced myself to. He sighed heavily and looked up at me and gave me a weak smile.
"You're right," he said, kissing me tenderly on the forehead.
We were finally ready to go and we headed out the door. Harry looked amazing by the way; so damn sexy in simple jeans and a plain polo shirt. Wow, he made me all hot and bothered just by looking at him. So we went on our date, a simple, clichéd movie date; but it was something that he really couldn't do back at home in England, so I was perfectly happy going to see a movie. It was nice; just to be with him and do things together. Whenever he came, I had my things to do, he would have other things to keep busy and we would have to find time to be together. It was nice to have something to do together, to be like a normal couple, not one that is separated by the Atlantic Ocean.