Chapter 16 – 'the distance is…'
Our date was great. We watched a movie, a comedy of course; even though he insisted on a horror movie, telling me that way he could hold me when I got scared. I do not do horror movies. So he settled, letting me have my way, which I appreciated. We ended up sitting at the back; instantly regretting it, remembering how frisky he was when we were in the back of a lecture hall with the lights on and 200 people around. So you can only imagine how heated things got in the back of that theatre with the lights out and a practically empty showing, being Monday night and all.
"Stop Harry, we're going to get caught" I whispered, pulling away from him once again.
"We won't, I'll be VERY discreet," he mumbled against the skin of my neck, continuing to lick and suck as he made his way lower to my collar.
I couldn't help myself. We were basically alone in this theatre and it was so dark, a little passion couldn't hurt right? I turned to him, grabbing his lips with mine, him responding immediately. He drew me into a strong embrace, pulling me into his seat, but I resisted, not wanting to draw too much attention to us. His hands remained around my neck as our breathing shortened and we continued into our kiss. My hands began to wander, finding his thigh and running my hand up slowly, digging my nails in gently as it slid across his jeans. He moaned deeply into the kiss, sending tingles up and down every inch of my body. I took my hand and slid it under his shirt, feeling his skin hot against my touch. I began to caress his chest slowly, feeling him tense under my touch. He mimicked my actions; placing his hand under my shirt as well, but not being quite as gentle as I was. He groped me roughly, not being able to touch me enough, all the while never breaking the kiss.
"Now, back to the movie," I said in a low whisper, pulling out of the kiss short of breath.
His breathing was shallow, and I could see his face was slightly flushed even in the dark. He just stared at me and gave me a small pout. He leaned in closer to me, but I stopped him and put my hand on his chest.
"Later," was all I said.
He pulled away and sat back in his chair, sulking a little. I looked over and couldn't help but laugh at the image sitting before me. Here was a grown man, sulking in the back of a theatre, with his arms crossed and a small pout on his lips. I leaned across him and placed a soft, but lingering kiss on his lips, pulling away slowly.
"Don't pout, later. Promise," I said.
I was about to sit back in my chair when he pulled me back in front of him.
"You better believe it," he stated, pecking me on the lips again and then letting me go.
So I sat back in my chair, smiling the whole time. The movie was hilarious, even though I missed the first quarter of it being distracted by a certain someone. We laughed loudly; holding our stomachs in stitches as the movie progressed.
Somehow after the movie, we ended up making our way to a pub, and how we ended up drinking that night was beyond me. It was a Monday night, normally I would be at home, or the library, studying or doing some form of work. But not this Monday. This Monday I was sitting at a pub at midnight, getting completely plastered with my boyfriend. Wow, it felt good to say that; my boyfriend.
Harry was astonished at how much alcohol I could hold; I had kept up with him the entire night. He had initially ordered me some fancy, girly drink and when he handed it to me, I just looked at him, giving him the 'what the fuck' look.
"Didn't know what you liked, so I figured I couldn't go wrong with a girly drink," he stated while taking a drink from his beer.
"Well, you definitely figured wrong", I said while laughing.
"What?" he asked.
"Thanks for the thought Harry, but I'll be right back," I said, placing down the girly drink and walking over to the bar.
I came back moments later, holding a pitcher and a couple of glasses.
"Here," I said, placing down the heavy pitcher and handing him a glass.
"Oh, sorry, forgot you don't drink like a girl," he laughed while pouring me a glass.
"Damn right I don't," I said, taking a huge gulp of my beer.
After only an hour, we had finished our pitcher and ordered another one; me doing much more damage to those pitchers than he did. I figured that two were enough, and that we should make our way back home; it was almost 1 in the morning, and I had yet another early class the next day. I pulled him out of the bar and out into the night. I went to call for a taxi, when he stopped me, grabbing my outstretched arm and pulling me into him.
"My hotel is closer," he whispered into my ear.
"Is it now?" I replied cheekily.
"Come on, let's go," he said, pulling me in that direction.
"Harry, I can't. I have another early class tomorrow, and I doubt my drinking tonight will help me get up in the morning," I told him.
"But you promised," he pouted at me, lowering to my eye level.
I rolled my eyes and smiled.
"I did promise didn't I? Well I guess I can't go back on a promise then can I?" I said sarcastically.
"Exactly," he said, grinning from ear to ear.
We had decided to walk to the hotel, it only being about a 5 minute walk from the pub. Bad idea. It was freezing outside and I couldn't feel my face. The numbness from the cold burned my cheeks slightly and Harry looked just as cold as I felt. He kept grabbing me in inappropriate places as we walked down the street, me swatting his hands away, giggling uncontrollably.
We walked into the hotel lobby and I was hit by a flashback of that fateful night immediately. I stumbled slightly in my step and Harry noticed, looking back at me.
"What is it?" he asked
"Nothing. Now where is this fancy room Judd?" I asked, giving him a quick wink.
He didn't answer; he just pulled me in the direction of the elevators. We waited for what seemed like ages for the elevator. It was 1:30am on a Monday, well Tuesday now, who else was using these elevators? Harry couldn't stop groping me again, wrapping his arms around my waist and planting hot kisses all over my face and neck. He would try and grab my lips in a kiss, but I kept turning away, telling him to 'keep it in his pants' until we weren't in public like this. He ignored me; continuing to kiss me and feel me with his wandering hands. I couldn't help but giggle while he did this; maybe that's why he didn't take me so seriously, ignoring my pleas for him to stop.
The elevator finally came, and we staggered in. As soon as the doors closed, Harry launched on me and crashed his lips on mine. We stumbled, still locked together, towards the back of the elevator. He pushed me up against the wall, and started unzipping my jacket immediately. The heat in the elevator rose quickly as our bodies pressed up against each other; hands still wandering over each other's skin. His hand grabbed my face roughly, cupping my cheek, as his other arm wrapped around my hips and lifted me towards him, bringing our bodies into closer contact. I wrapped my legs around his waist and did the same with my arms around his neck. We continued in this embrace for the trip up, but the elevator suddenly stopped.
I broke away from his lips and looked towards the slow-opening doors. Thinking it was his floor; I lowered my head to his ear and bit it gently, my breathing heavy against his cheek.
"Take me now", I whispered seductively.
As I whispered this, Harry quickly lifted me up and turned around abruptly, his hand firmly placed on my ass. As we turned around in each other's arms, Harry froze. It wasn't his floor, and an employee of the hotel walked into the elevator, clearing his throat loudly. I began to squirm in Harry's hold, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. He put me down gently, grabbing my hand at his side. The remainder of the ride was awkward to say the least. It was silent and I could feel the employee stealing glances as I stood with my head hanging. I was blushing furiously, and was trying everything in my power to get rid of it. I heard Harry laugh quietly to himself, and I smiled. This actually was a funny situation; I was mortified of being caught in a compromising position, but all I could really do was laugh. I'm sure the employees of this hotel had seen much more action in an elevator than that.
Finally Harry's floor arrived and we got off rather quickly. He never let go of my hand and pulled me in the direction of his room at the end of the hall. He almost ran to that door, it seeming further and further away, wanting to get to it so we could burst inside. We reached the door, and Harry was fumbling for the card in his back pocket. I just leaned against the wall beside the door and gazed at him. His perfect features, his blue eyes, the color of his skin; he was devastatingly gorgeous, and again, I could feel myself go warm in the face.
He was struggling with the door, unable to put the card in the slot. This was time for payback now. I ducked beneath his arms, and stood between him and the door, as he tried to work on the lock device behind me. I ran my hands slowly up his chest, bringing my face close to his. I nuzzled into his neck and placed soft kisses on his skin. I ran my tongue slowly across his jaw line, and up to his ear, having to stand on tip-toe to reach it. My hands were now under his shirt and wrapped around to his back. As I continued to work my way around his neck with my mouth, my hands smoothed up and down the hot skin of his back. I heard a low moan of frustration escape his mouth and I giggled quietly against his skin.
"Fuck," he growled, and I giggled again. I loved having this effect on him.
"Now who's having trouble opening the door?" I said cheekily, pulling only away slightly as I spoke.
He wrapped one arm around my back and pulled me into him, the other still working on the door. He broke his gaze from the door and looked straight into my eyes.
"Just wait 'til we get inside," he said seductively, raising his eyebrows as he spoke.
He finally was able to unlock the door to his hotel room and he let out a triumphant 'HA' as he pushed the door open. Never removing his arm from around my side, he pulled me up and carried me in into the room. Closing the door behind him with his foot, he put me down and collided into me immediately, his lips on mine in an instant. He swept his tongue over my lips and into my mouth and I responded without delay. He began to fumble with the zipper of my jacket and undid it swiftly, the jacket dropping to the floor within moments. I mimicked his actions on his own jacket, shedding him of unnecessary clothing; which all seemed unnecessary at the moment. I wanted to be as close to him as humanly possible, and all this clothing was getting in the way. He pushed me back towards the bed, both of us stumbling back locked in a passionate embrace. We fell onto the bed, him on top of me. He pulled away from me and sat up straddling my hips. He began to undo the buttons of my sweater slowly, in a teasing manner.
My mind began to wander. The chill of the night from the walk over here had sobered me up quite a bit; I was being irresponsible, going back to my boyfriend's hotel room when I had commitments for the next morning. This wasn't me, but again, it was Harry, how could I resist?
"I can't stay here," I said quietly as he continued to work on my sweater.
"What? Why?" he asked, stopping his actions, staring down at me. "You're not regretting this are you?" he asked lowering his voice.
"Oh no, God no," I responded, "It's just that I have another 8:30 a.m. class tomorrow and I don't think my hangover is going to be helpful in the morning."
I saw a wave of relief wash over him and he let out a small laugh. I sat up slightly, propping myself on my elbows, still pinned under him, and grabbed his collar, pulling him closer to me. His face was centimetres away from mine, and our eyes were locked together; I wanted him to know how serious I was about what I was about to say.
"I have never regretted being with you. Ever. You are amazing and I want to be with you; even if it means you have to be thousands of miles away for long periods of time. I want to make this work, and I have never felt this way about someone; I lo…"
I was cut off in the middle of my sentence by Harry's lips meeting mine. He lowered me back onto the bed, his hand placed protectively at the back of my head. My arms instinctively wrapped themselves around his neck and he continued to kiss me. The kiss was gentle though this time, not rough and lust-filled like before. It was full of emotion and I had never felt this close to Harry. I smiled into the kiss, happiness washing over me. He pulled away slowly, his lips remaining in contact with mine for a moment longer. He kept his face close to mine, and stared intently into my eyes.
"Whoa," was all that escaped my lips.
He smiled down at me, his eyes sparkling lightly. The smile was contagious, a similar one creeping up on my lips as well.
"Now where were we before all this talking interrupted us," he smirked while leaning back down towards me.
"All this talking was me telling you I couldn't stay tonight," I said, placing my hand gently on his chest, stopping him from lowering onto me any further.
"Aw, but it was just getting good," he whined.
"I know, believe me, but I really do have to go, I have class," I said, struggling to free myself from beneath him
"No, I don't want you to leave, stay with me," he begged, grabbing hold of one of my hands in his, while his other hand stroked up and down my bare arm.
"I would love to, but I can't," I responded, kissing him quickly, wiggling underneath him, and trying to get up.
"Can't you just skip your class tomorrow?" he asked me.
"No, I can't. You know school is important to me," I replied, finally breaking free from his hold, standing up and redoing the buttons on my sweater with my back to him.
"I guess more important than me," he mumbled under his breath, but I caught every word.
"Harry, don't say that. It's not more important, just different that's all," I told him, walking over to the bed and sitting down beside him.
"Well it seems like that. I always have to work myself around YOUR schedule, your school, your work; always YOUR things," he said getting a little more forceful.
I was taken back by this sudden outburst of anger from him. I knew that when he came he was always so accommodating to me, to the things in my life; but I thought he understood. I did my best to change things so I could spend as much time with him as possible when he came, but not everything could be changed. I would do the same for him if I went to visit him, but it was circumstances that limited it to only him coming here.
"I know," I whispered, "and I appreciate it so much, you have no idea."
"So, why can't you just change something for ME, this one time," he pleaded. "Just stay with me tonight; stay here and be with me, and just skip your class tomorrow morning."
"Harry you know I can't," I answered.
"Why?"
"Because," was all I said, the anger rising in me.
"You CAN skip, you just won't," he spat back at me.
"Harry, you know how important school is to me, and how much I value my education; in the beginning you said it was something you admired about me," I told him, raising my voice gradually as I spoke. The more I spoke, the angrier I got.
"I know, and I still do, but I want to spend time with you. I want to be with you, and I want you to stay tonight. Please," he begged again, his voice now as loud as mine as he got up from the bed.
"If you really did understand and admire that about me, then you wouldn't be asking me to skip," I yelled at him.
"But I just want to spend time with you, I just want to BE with you, before I have to leave," he said lowering his voice at the last words that left his mouth, stepping closer to me.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. He was thinking about when he had to leave, and I wasn't the only one starting to panic, realizing time was running out. It broke my heart.
"I know you do, and I want to as well, but we still have some time; we have at least a week left. Don't worry; I'll come over right after my class, I have the rest of the day free," I said, picking up my bag, kissing him one last time on the lips and heading for the door.
"We don't have a week," I heard him whisper under his breath.
I froze immediately in my tracks. What did he just say? I must have heard him wrong. I couldn't move from my spot, my feet attached to the floor. I remembered to breath, taking in a deep, sharp breath, the sound of the air moving into my lungs breaking the complete silence that fell upon the room. My hands felt cold immediately, and trembles shot through my veins. I gathered myself together, turning slowly, keeping my head down, stare focused intently on the carpet.
"What," escaped my mouth.
"We don't have a week" he repeated; I could hear him shuffling closer to me, but I still kept my gaze down.
"Why?" I asked, my voice fragile in my throat, shaking slightly as I spoke.
"Because plans changed back home. They need me for some last minute Christmas promotional stuff," he said in a lowered tone.
"When?" I asked.
This was the most important question of all; how much more time did I have with him?
"I have to leave on Friday, so that gives us four days," he whispered, catching me in his arms, wrapping them around me, pulling me into his chest.
I was glad he had held me; my whole body went weak at those words and if he hadn't been there, I would have collapsed to the floor. Silent tears escaped my eyes, streaking my cheeks and dampening his shirt. He tightened his grip on me and rubbed my back gently with his hand, trying to calm me down.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered into my ear.
He shouldn't be apologizing, this wasn't his fault. It was inevitable that he had to leave; it was just coming sooner than expected. I felt like such a jerk for making him feel guilty. He really couldn't stop it; it was his life, and he couldn't just abandon it all to stay with me. It would be way too selfish of me to even fathom something like that.
"I don't want you to leave me," I whispered quietly into his chest.
"My my, how the tables have turned," he replied with a small laugh.
I couldn't help but smile at his comment. He was trying to lighten the atmosphere; trying not to dampen the little time we had left together. I appreciated that about him; the caring he showed towards me.
"Well I do think it's a little different, I was planning on coming back," I replied sarcastically, not really realizing how much implications my words carried with them.
"I WILL be back," he simply replied.
I didn't say anything; I just raised my head and began to kiss him. I was sad and happy at the same time. I was devastated that he had to leave early, but also so pleased that he had shown how committed he was; telling me he would be back. He would be back for me.
I continued to kiss him, our hands frantically grabbing at each other's clothing. My thoughts of leaving tonight had flown out of my head when he uttered those fateful words. I was going to stay with him, miss my class; I was just going to be with him and spend the little precious time we had together. We stumbled back over to the bed, recreating what happened just moments ago; falling onto the bed, still in each other's hold. He put his hands on my face gently, pulling me away from him, creating space between us.
"I thought you had to go," he said looking at me smugly with his eyebrows raised.
"Shut up, I don't want to leave you," I said, placing my lips firmly on his, just wanting to be close to him, and fell his touch; burning this into my memory.
"I never want to leave you either, believe me," he mumbles against my lips, not breaking contact.
"I do," I said pulling away, straddling him as I sat up.
I began to pull off my sweater, undoing the buttons slowly, seeing his eyes widen at the sight before him. I threw the sweater across the room, and hurtled into him. My lips wrestled with his, my hips against his as we rolled over each other. The fervour between us was at an all time high. The news of him leaving early had given me the push I needed in realizing just how much I felt for him. I loved him. I really did. It had taken me this long to finally stop denying it. I had fallen in love with Harry. He is my first love.
"I love you so much Harry," I mumbled into the skin of his neck.
My voice was so low, that I thought he hadn't heard me. I don't know if I could say it again; it had taken me this long just to say it once. He continued to kiss my bare shoulder gently as he moved his way up to my neck, my jaw, my cheek and then to my lips. I just laid there limp, unable to move from fear of what I had just said. My head was starting to panic and race with fear. I don't know if I even responded into the kiss, but he pulled away slowly and moved his mouth to my ear. He paused, his breathing slightly quickened and brushing against my ear, and then cupped my face with his hand.
"You have no idea how much I love you," he whispered softly.
The grin that spread on my face must have been miles long; such a feeling of joy lifting me up that I never wanted to come back down. But my reality was that Harry loved me, and I loved him. It felt so good to have this, to just have my feelings confirmed and out in the open. I pulled his face from my ear, and brought it to meet my eyes. His eyes were shining, full of emotion and happiness. He smiled back at me and went to kiss me again.
"I have waited so long to tell you this," he mumbled against my lips.
"I'm sorry it took me so long," I apologized.
"I would have waited forever," he replied.
My heart fluttered in my chest. I had truly forgiven Harry and now he knew exactly how I felt about him. The best thing was that he felt exactly the same way about me. Tonight, I would stay with Harry and put him first in my life; even if only for a short time.