Chasing the Rainbow

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form.

Author's Notes: fun fact; the last chapter was actually the longest one this story had received at the time. I do admit that was rather abrupt with the ending, and for that I apologize. I hope folks aren't too disappointed that we left what happened on Ranma and Ukyo's date to your imagination, but we don't want to get in a rut, now do we? And I guess I did make it a little easy to guess who Tsubasa will be set up on a date with- as to how that's going to go, well, you'll see soon enough.
Biftec1523; the Eye will get referenced now and then, but we don't want to use it too often, lest we make life too easy for Ranma.
Artful Lounger; actually, in canon, Ukyo has never been shown fighting without her spatulas, so the implication is pretty strong that, similar to Kuno, her bare-hands capabilities are virtually nil- hence why she carries that battle spatula of hers around everywhere she goes.
Just to set the record straight; no matter which girl Ranma ends up with, don't expect a Ryoga/Ukyo or Shampoo/Mousse from me. I'd feel I was slacking off if I went with such a cliché, to say nothing of the fact I don't consider them any more believable couples then I do Ranma/Akane- if anything, they're worse. Neither girl likes their "partner", Ryoga dislikes Ukyo right back, and in the Ryoga/Ukyo case, would Ukyo really want to hitch up with somebody who's been trying to kill her old friend/love interest? Would Ryoga really want to be "sloppy seconds" to Ranma? I personally doubt it.

Chapter 4: Culinary Craziness, Part 1

It was a peaceful afternoon in the Tendo Dojo. Kasumi was hanging out the washing, Nabiki was in her room reading and enjoying a late-afternoon snack, Soun and Genma were at yet another of their interminable board games, and Ranma was doing pushups nearby. It was quiet and calm and perfectly ordinary… until a scream suddenly broke out, startling all concerned. Once he recovered from smacking his face into the floor, Ranma joined the others in racing to investigate the source, discovering Akane kneeling in front of an open closet on the upper level, staring at something they couldn't see.

"Akane, what's the matter?" Soun asked in concern.

Hearing her father's voice, Akane shuffled around and presented her find to them, a rather worn notebook. "It's this." She said, as though that would explain everything.

"Ah, geeze, it's just a crummy notebook- you had us scared to death over that?" Ranma complained. He blinked as Kasumi suddenly pushed past him and knelt down in front of Akane, gently taking the book from her.

"I was just doing some cleaning, and I found it tucked away in the back of this closet- Kasumi, isn't this…?" Akane asked.

The eldest Tendo daughter didn't respond at first, instead flipping through the pages of the booklet, and then closed it before nodding reverently. "It is. It's mother's recipe book." She said quietly.

"Mother's…? You mean, your mom's cooking book?" Ranma asked quietly.

Kasumi nodded again. "A list of all the meals she used to enjoy cooking, and the explanations of how to cook them- down to the last detail. I remember watching her using it, writing it, when I was a little girl and started learning to cook. I was a disaster at first- I couldn't even boil water. It was really more like make-pretend, but with real food. I kept at it though, especially after mother passed on, and eventually I was able to cook dishes just like the ones she used to make. But, by the time I finally managed to master most of the basic recipes in the notebook, it vanished… and here it is, after all this time."

As she finished this, Ranma abstractly noted he was feeling two things. The first was a complicated tangle of emotions as he was brought to mind of the mother he had never known and could never know while he bore this stupid curse. The second was a strange feeling of déjà vu, which rather confused him, as he had no idea why this scene would be familiar.

"Kasumi… could I… have the notebook?" Akane asked shyly, hesitantly.

"I don't see why not. I've learned all I can from it, and she would have wanted you to have it." Kasumi replied mildly, passing the precious family relic to her youngest sister.

'Uh oh…' Resounded Ranma's mind. Now he knew why he had a feeling of déjà vu; he'd have bet money that this was the start of that vague image he'd seen in the Eye of Zygyg, that cooking contest between "Ranko" and Akane underneath his mother's watchful eye. He didn't really know what, exactly, was going to happen, but he just knew that trouble was on the way… at the very least, it was likely Akane would muscle her way into dominating the kitchen until she got bored of constant failures, just like every other time a particular recipe book caught her eye.

As everyone else was drifting away, the drama being over, Ranma promptly called upon his capacity for stealth and slipped away unseen, leaping over the wall and heading stealthily for Ucchan's Okonomiyaki; it had been a couple of days since he took her to the movies and he wanted to see her anyway- this business with Akane was just an extra excuse. Part of the reason why he was still taking pains to not be seen was because he didn't want to risk being seen by Shampoo just yet; while he was going to keep his word, it would be inconvenient to be seen by her right now. But Ranma was quick and agile and good at avoiding being seen unless he wanted to, and so he reached Ucchan's Okonomiyaki without incident, pausing to scope out that, yes, there were no customers there before pushing through the door.

Ukyo looked up and, after an expression of curiosity flashed across her face, beamed widely at the sight of her fiancé. "Hello, Ranchan, what brings you here?" She asked enthusiastically, making no secrets of her happiness at seeing him.

"What, I can't just drop by?" Ranma joked, smiling back at her. He was pleased on several levels (one of them admittedly rather selfish) that she was so happy, but also a little sad; that she could get so hyped up as a result of one trip to the movies just highlighted what an asshole he was to her beforehand. "Was I that much of a problem at the theater?" He added.

"Of course not, Ranchan! It was the most fun I've had in weeks!" Ukyo insisted. Then, her happy expression wavered. "By the way, have you had a chance to talk to a girl for you-know-who…?" She asked quietly, trying to look around as if expecting to see Tsubasa pop out of nowhere again.

"I've got a girl lined up for him, I just need to get a chance to talk to her- she goes to a different High School and I haven't seen her yet." Ranma replied casually.

Ukyo nodded in relief; the last thing she wanted was for someone to find out about Ranma actually having gone on a date with her- even if he survived the fallout, he might never be able to go on another one. "So, what brings you here? Looking for something to eat?"

"Nah, but tomorrow and for the rest of the week, probably. Akane found a new recipe book this afternoon, and that means she'll try and take over the kitchen again until she gets bored with it." Ranma replied, shuddering in nauseated horror at the idea of being forced to eat Akane's cooking for multiple days in a row. Again.

Ukyo cocked her head to the side quizzically. "Is she really that bad?" She asked, having heard many terrible rumors about Akane's lack of cooking prowess, but never having actually seen any of her supposed culinary disasters. "She didn't do too bad in that cooking contest Kodachi arranged- she needed patience and a lot more finesse, but it was edible, if poor quality." She added, for emphasis.

"Yeah, that really threw me for a loop- s'why I couldn't name a winner, I was too confused over that. I finally figured it must have been because there were only the minimal ingredients, so she couldn't get mixed up and she didn't have anything to 'experiment' with." Ranma replied.

"Experiment?"

"Akane seems to have this thing against following recipes. Give her the chance, she'll throw in anything that she thinks might make it taste good, even if it's obviously wrong. She doesn't pay attention to what she's doing, either, so she ends up putting stuff in that she didn't mean to add in the first place." He explained. "Let me put it like this; would you add white wine to curry?" He asked.

"Certainly not." Ukyo answered immediately, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"If you did, and then discovered you'd added vinegar because you weren't looking, would you then add mayonnaise, horseradish and pineapple chunks to the vinegar-curry in an attempt to salvage it?" Ranma went on.

"Bleugh!" Ukyo spat in disgust.

"She can't eat it, nobody but Ryoga's dumb enough to choke that slop down, but she still tries to force it on me whenever she feels like making it. And, of course, the old men are right there at her side to ram it down my throat." Ranma complained. "Cruelty to the ingredients, that's what I call it…" He muttered to himself.

"Well, don't you worry, Ranchan; you won't have to put up with that while I'm here." Ukyo promised.

"Thanks, Ucchan- but you know you're more then just a cook, right?" Ranma told her, not quite sure what prompted that, but feeling that it was the right thing to say.

Ukyo promptly stared at him, blushing fiercely. "R-Ranma…" She began.

Ranma shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He stood up, ready to leave. "I better get back; who knows how they'll react if they realize I'm gone."

Ukyo nodded. "Alright, Ranchan, but… can I ask a question?"

"Go ahead." Ranma replied absently, mildly curious.

"It's not that I don't appreciate the view… but what's with the outfit? Or lack thereof?"

Ranma stared at her, blinked slowly, then looked at himself to discover that, yes, in his hastiness and absent-mindedness, he had had come to Ukyo's wearing his 'work out clothes'- his usual Chinese pants, bare feet, and undershirt.

Ukyo fought against the urge to laugh at Ranma's expression and the way the color vanished from his skin, and failed miserably. She was so busy laughing that she didn't even notice when the embarrassed heir to the Saotome School fled her shop as fast as he was able, cursing a blue streak as he made for the Tendo Dojo with all available speed.

Despite what Ranma (and quiet likely everyone else) had been dreading, Akane did not ask to cook that night. Though she did her best to ignore it, as was her usual tendency, Akane had picked up the unease of her family and the guests, and had kept quiet about the possibility of her cooking. Mentally, however, she swore a vow that she would study her mother's notebook and make them all sorry that they had doubted her! That night, she went to bed with many dreams in her head, all of which in some way revolved around her mastering cooking; from dreams of her mother's spirit praising her for finally learning to cook, to dreams of her rivals cast down at her feet, weeping bitterly as they admitted that her culinary skills were beyond their reach. Yes, this night's sleep was a pleasant one for Akane…

When she woke the next morning, Akane was filled with eager anticipation; today was the day that she would begin to study her mother's recipes. She got out of bed, but any thoughts about taking up the notebook were scattered when she heard her father's distressed cries emanating from Kasumi's room. At once she ran to her eldest sister's bedchambers, flinging open the door in her concern.

"What's wrong with Kasumi?" She blurted. Then she blinked as she took in the tableau; her father kneeling beside Kasumi's bed, his head on her sheets, weeping audibly, Ranma digging through an old and ratty backpack and pulling out something she vaguely recognized (was that the same packet of medicine he'd given her when she'd caught that cold after falling into the sewer?), Genma staring at Soun with an unreadable (save for vague overtones of pity) expression, and Nabiki sitting at the head of Kasumi's bed and placing a damp cloth on her sister's forehead.

"It's nothing- she just has a slight fever." Nabiki remarked calmly.

Kasumi promptly nodded, then coughed slightly. "Yes, I'm alright, father's just overreacting. I- I should get up; I have chores to do…" She began pushing herself upright with her arms, only for Soun to pull himself to his feet and gently but firmly push her back down.

"Kasumi, no! We appreciate your sacrifice, but you need your rest!"

"But…" Kasumi began, only to be cut off by Soun again.

"But nothing; you stay in bed and get better. We can handle things until you get better." He insisted.

Akane, motivated equally by genuine concern and by the fact she realized a golden opportunity, chose that moment to dive into the conversation. "That's right! Don't worry Kasumi, I'll take care of all the cooking until you're back to normal!" She vowed.

Kasumi stared at her youngest sister with unblinking eyes, even as Soun flinched away, fighting to keep her thoughts from altering her expression. As much as she loved her little sister, she was aware of Akane's culinary faults, and the idea of leaving her family to live off of Akane's food (to say nothing of the terrifying possibility that Akane might make her eat some- Kasumi occasionally had nightmares about that "healing potion" Akane had force-fed her at the end of that incident where grandfather Happosai took to his bed) was not a welcome one. Reluctantly, she turned her head to try and direct a pleading expression at Ranma; she felt guilty about revealing his secret, but he was the only one she could turn to in this desperate situation. But he was gone, she realized. Instead, she had a perfect view as Genma suddenly grabbed the backpack that Ranma had brought into her room and hefted onto his shoulders.

"Ranma! Come on, it's time to go! …Where'd you go? How dare you abandon your father to Akane's cooking like this!"

Genma quailed and turned a shade of off-white that, frankly, rather matched his worn old gi as Akane spun on her heel and glared at him. Despite the death gaze, she let him get away with a comment she would have struck his son for (as was usually the case, much to Genma's relief), striding angrily from Kasumi's room in search of her traitorous fiancé.

"You know, that might be the smartest thing Ranma's done since he came here." Nabiki commented idly. Kasumi did her best to give her sister a disapproving stare, but as she had no practice at it, it frankly wouldn't have intimidated a puppy.

Ranma quietly and stealthily made his way to the front door, his goal and escape from the nightmare that was sure to occur once Akane reached the kitchen. Sure he was leaving the other Tendos and Genma to suffer poor food and even worse cooking skill, but like he learned from Pops during the training trip, when in trouble its every man for himself!

Ranma continued inching towards the door and his fingers were just about to brush the doorknob when something slammed into the back of his head as Akane hefted a frying pan, "Honestly, Ranma! Every time I say I'm going to cook you act like I'm going to poison you! I'm not that bad!"

"How can you say that with a straight face?" Ranma commented dazedly; martial artist or not, a blow to the back of the head hurt, particularly when it was done with one of those old-fashioned cast iron skillets and Akane was on the other end of it.

WHAM! "Stop acting so high and mighty Ranma! Unless you know how to cook, than stop acting like a baby about my cooking!"

Ranma didn't answer immediately, too busy recovering from having his head knocked into the wall. When he did regain his senses, he couldn't help but glare at her, despite knowing in the back of his mind it was a bad move. "How am I acting like a baby? You can't eat that stuff either!" He pointed out angrily.

Akane's face reddened at the accusation and the fact that she had no retort to that, except to lift the skillet once more. KERRACKO! Akane sniffed as she turned away, "I'll show you, I'll cook the best meal anyone's ever seen and you'll be sorry you teased me about my cooking."

Ranma didn't answer. He was out cold, with his head currently rammed into a small hole in the floor. His last conscious thought was speculation that maybe it would be best not to recover too quickly; it would at least give him the opportunity to avoid breakfast. And so it was that he remained where he was for a few hours before he finally stirred and pulled himself to his feet. His stomach growling in hunger, he snuck towards the kitchen, hoping that Akane would be elsewhere and he could fill up at the source, so to speak. Instead, he was forced to slink away disappointed, as Akane was there, messing around at the sink as she cleaned off the tools and utensils from that morning. As he passed by the porch overlooking the koi pond, he found Genma sitting there, groaning with either hunger or stomach upset. Bitter and looking to take his bad mood out on somebody, Ranma walked up behind him.

"Enjoy your breakfast?" He sneered.

Genma groaned particularly loudly, but otherwise said nothing. Feeling his irritation spike, Ranma decided to stick a real knife in Genma's back, so to speak.

"And you know what the best part is? If, by some miracle, this harebrained scheme of yours actually goes through, you'll be eating Akane's food every day for the rest of your life!"

The heartrending sob that Genma promptly released almost made Ranma feel guilty for stooping that low. Almost. Before either Saotome could say anything else, Nabiki chose that moment to poke her head in from the corridor leading to the front door.

"Hey, you guys, Mrs. Saotome's here."

With perfect synchronicity and not a wasted moment the two male Saotomes dove into the much-abused pond, reverting again to their 'disguises' of "Ranko Tendo, and her pet panda". No sooner was the change complete then Ranma jumped out of the pond; last thing she needed was for her mother to get suspicious about why "Ranko Tendo" would be sitting in the koi pond. Shaking off the worst of the water, her eyes lit up as Nodoka Saotome made her way onto the porch.

"Oh, it's Auntie Saotome!" Ranma cried, with exaggerated sweetness and genuine enthusiasm.

"Hello, Ranko." Nodoka said gently, smiling at Akane's strange cousin. "Oh, my, I see Mr. Panda likes to play in the water."

Ranma blinked and turned to the pond to affirm that, yes, her father was still sitting there and holding aloft his dumb "Hello, somebody else's wife!" sign. She gritted her teeth at his stupidity; could this possible get any worse?

…And that was when Shampoo came leaping over the wall.

"Nihao!" Shampoo called happily. Today was a good day, so far; she had persuaded her great-grandmother to give her the day off, and she was going to ask for another date from Ranma, certain down to her bones that Ranma would agree again. She blinked as she took in the tableau before her; Genma, in panda-form, sitting in the koi pond and bearing a sign aloft, Ranma, in female-form, staring at her with an expression of shock, and a strange, attractive woman who was looking at her curiously.

"Ranko? Who is this girl?" She asked, staring at Ranma. Before Shampoo could even think to wonder why the strange woman was calling Ranma by a different name, much less to answer that question herself, Ranma suddenly did something very out of character.

"Oh, Shampoo! Where have you been, it's been so long!" She cried, latching onto the startled Chinese Amazon in an amateurish, but vice-like, glomp. Shampoo couldn't speak, too caught up in trying to figure out what had prompted this weird behavior… and also in trying to get free of the unintentional chokehold that her fiancé had put her in.

"You know this girl, Ranko?" The strange woman asked, and Ranma spun around to be able to look at her, though her grip never slackened from around Shampoo's neck, despite the Chinese Amazon's struggles.

"Shampoo and I are good friends- she's teaching me martial arts!" Ranma explained, causing Shampoo to stop struggling due to the sheer shock. Ranma, describing herself as an amateur martial artist? And claiming Shampoo was his, er, her, teacher? Had she stumbled into some kind of parallel world or something? Yes, that didn't make much sense, but weirder things had happened here!

"So, does she know Ranma too?" The strange woman asked, sounding interested… and maybe a little hopeful? But why was she talking as though Ranma wasn't Ranma?

"Yeah, but not in a good way- she's a martial artist come to study in Japan from China, and, well, you know how martial artists can be. They're rivals." Ranma replied.

Shampoo's legs promptly gave out from shock, forcing Ranma to have to shift her grip in order to keep her from falling. Just what the hell was going on here?! In a stroke of luck (whether good or bad, she couldn't tell), Soun Tendo promptly arrived on the scene, not looking too happy to see her. He looked from Ranma, whose face Shampoo couldn't see, to the strange woman, then visibly composed himself and coughed to draw the stranger's attention.

"It's been some time, Mrs. Saotome. Please, won't you have some tea? Ranko, why don't you go off and play with your little friend?"

"Okay, Uncle Soun!" Ranma chirped brightly, knocking the wind right out of Shampoo's sails again as she began to muster herself to protest being called Ranma's "little friend"- it made them sound like children! The boy-turned-girl literally dragged Shampoo over to the wall, adjusting her arms so that she could carry Shampoo with her as she leapt over the wall and into the street beyond. Once they were on the other side, and Shampoo seemed to be able to stand up again, Ranma let her go, flinching as the wild-eyed Chinese girl whirled to face her.

"What the hells that all about!?" Shampoo demanded.

"It's a long story, and one that Ukyo needs to hear too. Come on." Ranma said sullenly, before turning and heading in the direction of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. Shampoo protested and argued, but the shapeshifted redhead refused to say anything more and so Shampoo was forced to follow her to the business/home of her main rival, if only to avoid being left behind. The crossdressing martial artist looked up with a smile at the sight of Ranma, then frowned as she saw Shampoo.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"That what Shampoo want to know." Her rival said honestly. Silently, the two newcomers took up seats in front of Ukyo's grill. "Shampoo go to Tendos to ask Ranma for date," She began, wondering if maybe she should let Ukyo know that Ranma had already taken her on a real date, then decided against it; she knew that the crossdresser would start a fight if she spilled that juicy tidbit, she was already twitching from the information Shampoo had already given, and Shampoo wanted to find out what was going on. So she continued, "But find Ranma in girl-form, stupid old man in panda-form, and strange woman there. Ranma act really weird, Shampoo demand explanation, but he says he won't say anything until we here. So, we here." Shampoo shrugged. Then she turned to her partner. "You tell what going on now, please." She stated.

Ranma sighed, grimaced as her stomach suddenly groaned loudly, then began to speak. "You probably didn't hear him, but do you remember what Mr. Tendo called her?"

Shampoo thought hard, then blinked as she managed to recall it. "He called her Mrs. Saotome… she is relative of yours, airen?"

"She's my mother." Ranma answered glumly, staring into space as the girls' jaws dropped in shock.

"Y-Your mother?" Ukyo stammered. "You never told me about your mom." She declared, making no effort to hide the hurt in her tone. Shampoo nodded agreement, looking just as upset as her rival.

"I didn't know I had one, not until recently," was Ranma's gloomy response. "My earliest memories have always been of walking some dusty road with the old man. About two weeks ago, I found out why that was. I'd always figured, when I bothered to wonder why other kids had a mom and I didn't, that she must have died, or run off and left me with pop- I didn't blame her. Then she steps through the Tendo door and I find out the whole ugly truth…" She trailed off. The other girls stared at her, wordlessly prompting her to continue, but unwilling to disturb their gender-bending fiancé from whatever s/he was thinking about. Finally, Ranma began to speak again.

"I've been on one single training journey all my life, so far. Pop took me away from mom because he was afraid she'd 'coddle' me, spoil me, make me 'weak'." She grimaced in disdain, and both of the girls scowled and swore to give Genma some pain the next time they managed to get their hands on him. "The old man was desperate to get me on the road- I don't know if he was fixated on me 'carrying on the school' or on that stupid promise to make me marry a Tendo girl or what, but he finally offered to make a promise to mom. He vowed to make me a man among men – and if he failed, the two of us would commit hara-kiri." She concluded grimly, using the vulgar term for seppuku to make her feelings clear.

Ukyo and Shampoo both recoiled. "You've gotta be joking, Ranma-honey!" Ukyo yelped.

"That right! Mother no could accept promise like that!" Shampoo insisted.

Ranma stared at her for a moment, and Shampoo couldn't repress a shiver at the look in Ranma's eyes. It was strangely sad, and somewhat pitying too, but not for herself; for Shampoo. Then Ranma looked away and began to speak again. "But my mother did. Pop put his thumbprint on it, then put it on the floor so I could make some handprints on it. I had no idea what I was doing – how could I? I was only two or three years old…"

Ukyo and Shampoo were torn between their disgust at Genma, their horror at what Ranma was telling them, and the urge to go into daydreams as they tried to picture their love interest as a cute little boy. Ukyo was the first to snap back to the real world. "Is she serious about it?"

"The old man thinks she is, and she does carry that damn sword everywhere she goes- that's why we're hiding. He's convinced that this curse of mine is an automatic failure of the vow, and I'm inclined to agree with him. He's not too bright sometimes, but when it comes to saving his own skin, well…"

"There's none better." Shampoo concluded icily. "Wonder how long he last if Shampoo try to make panda-skin rug…?" She murmured, eyes glittering wickedly. Ukyo nodded thoughtfully and began to draw her battle spatula.

"Now cut that out." Ranma protested in a tired tone. "It's not helping. Look, my mom doesn't know… well, anything about my life here- the curse, the engagements to you girls, nothing. And if she does find out, my life's at stake." She cut off there and gave them a hopeless look.

"Don't worry, Ranma-honey, we'll keep our mouths shut." Ukyo promised, clasping onto the startled boy-turned-girl's hands, much to Shampoo's displeasure, as the Chinese girl promptly flung her arms around her fiancé's shoulders.

"That right! We help Ranma get out of this somehow. Even if stupid old man have to die trying!"

Ukyo nodded eagerly. "Alright, just give me a moment to close up and we can get going."

"Going where?" The other two asked in surprise.

"She's at the Tendo dojo, isn't she? We've got to go and see her." Ukyo answered, already beginning the brief cleanup.

"Ucchan!" Ranma protested, getting an unhappy glance from Shampoo at the use of the name.

"Now, now, Ranma-honey, how do you expect us to know to keep our mouths shut around your mom if neither of us knows what she looks like? Besides, if we talk to her, maybe we can start figuring a way to get you out of this mess." Ukyo calmly pointed out.

"That right!" Shampoo agreed; while it galled her to do so, her rival had a good idea and Shampoo had no intention of allowing her to poison her future mother-in-law's mind against her! Bad enough that Ranma had already portrayed her as one of his rivals, though she knew that was just because s/he had to make something up on the spot.

Ranma opened and closed her mouth a few times, then sighed. "I guess you two have a point." She admitted, then pushed herself to her feet. Once the restaurant was closed, the three began heading in the direction of the Tendo household, and Ranma's mysterious mother.