Chasing the Rainbow

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form.

Author's Notes: surprisingly few reviews for the last chapter, but I admit that not much happened there and all the reviews I did get were positive, so that's alright. I hope that this chapter isn't too bad, but it turned out surprisingly difficult to translate this particular incident from animation to writing.
Borg rabbit, remember, the artifact's sole intended purpose is to show Ranma how things might go if he takes/took a specific course of action with another girl, it's not a general 'window into the future/alternate timelines' thing. If Ranma asked it to tell him how to fix things with Nodoka, not only would that be going against the warning from the epilogue of "Another Rainy Day" not to use it to try and chart his own future, it wouldn't function, as that's not what it was built for. When Ranma will be able to use it to help himself in certain situations, that will be a side-benefit and it'll mostly give him hints and glimpses of what not to do (like in the Hinako arc).
Bree R, what do you mean, 'tone the beatings down'? The last chapter was the first time Akane has hit anyone in this story, and it's really no different to canon – she doesn't blow her top and get violent over the least little thing, but when she does blow (and her cooking abilities are, canonically, one of the things that can make her violent), she's a real vicious Jerk Ass.

Chapter 5: Culinary Craziness, Part 2

As the wall surrounding the Tendo complex came into view, Ranma wondered, not for the first time, if this was really a good idea. However, the currently-female heir to the Saotome School couldn't think of any alternative and so had kept silent, even as the two girls who were battling for her (well, his) heart paced along beside her. With a surprising level of synchronicity, they easily leapt the wall and landed in the garden.

Like many traditional Japanese houses, the Tendo estate had an outside tap on a small concrete slab, at which Soun Tendo currently knelt, performing a purification ritual. As said ritual consisted of stripping down to a disturbingly small traditional loincloth and repeatedly pouring cold water over himself, it should be no surprise that what made Soun aware of their presence were two feminine cries of disgust and one sarcastic quote of "Now that's a sight I could have gone to my grave without." The patriarch of the Tendo family turned around, slipping across the slick concrete, to see three grimacing, shuddering girls, whereupon he had to bite back the urge to cry out in shock and attempt to cover himself with his arms. Instead, he mustered all of his dignity and tried to look as stoic and stern as possible while shivering with the cold, drenched all over and with mucus dribbling out of his nose.

"Ranma, what's the meaning of this? Why are they here?" He demanded, and then sneezed.

"Never mind that, what the hell are you doing?!" Ranma demanded in return.

"Purifying myself." Soun replied with what he personally considered remarkable aplomb.

"Then shouldn't stupid man be freezing ass off on a mountain somewhere and not scaring us?" Shampoo muttered.

Ukyo heard her rival, and privately agreed, but decided on a more diplomatic approach. "Why are you purifying yourself?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but Mrs. - I mean, a close friend of the family has offered to help Akane overcome her little difficulties with cooking." Soun replied.

Ranma's eyes went wide in fright; her mother, a gentle, normal woman, was alone in the kitchen with Akane? A cooking Akane? Who knew what sort of harm Akane might inflict on her! Panic radiating from her body language, the genderbent boy suddenly darted for the door into the house, the two girls startled, then giving chase, as behind them Soun's angry voice drifted after the three.

"Don't you dare ruin my little girl's cure! Don't you dare!"

Ranma barged in and slowed as she reached the kitchen, just in time to hear a gentle voice drift out the door, "Now Akane, I think it would be best if you used just a little bit of salt, not an entire tablespoon. Here, let me show you..." Breathing a sigh of relief, Ranma moved to the doorway in time to see her mother gently intercepting Akane from dumping a tablespoon of salt into a pot, taking a small pinch and adding it before directing Akane to return the rest of the spoonful before tasting it with a smile, "There, that's much better, try it."

Akane gingerly tasted from the pot as well, before nodding with a small blush on her face. "It's good! Sorry about that, guess I got a little carried away."

Nodoka nodded in satisfaction and then noticed a flash of red in the corner of her vision turning to face Ranma. "Ah, Ranko! How was your outing with Shampoo?"

Behind the older woman, Akane blinked and then scowled as Ranma scratched the back of her head. "It was fun. Oh, I brought Shampoo and another friend back, you don't mind do you?"

Nodoka shook her head. "Of course not, it's always a pleasure to meet your friends."

Unseen by Nodoka, Akane frowned angrily. What the hell was that idiot Ranma thinking? Bad enough that Shampoo had shown up and seen Auntie Saotome by coincidence, but to tell Ukyo as well? Had he had gone insane?! ...No, now that she thought about it, it did make a little sense; much as she hated the way Ranma constantly flirted with them, and the way they were always rubbing her nose in how much better they were at things like martial arts, she had to admit that they didn't want Ranma dead. If Ranma had left them ignorant of his mother, then what were the odds that they'd say something to her that she'd take as unmanly and cause her to force Ranma to commit seppuku? She could understand him telling them about it, particularly as Shampoo had just proven it was possible for them to bump into her by accident... but still... what the hell was he doing bringing them here?!

...Or had they forced themselves along so they could make fun of her? Those damn girls always loved to rub Akane's face in the fact she wasn't the most talented around, something they had in common with Ranma, and they'd mocked her cooking in the past... well, if that was what they planned, then they were going to be sorely disappointed! With mother's notebook and Auntie Saotome's help, Akane vowed she would make them beg for her forgiveness!

Ranma's grin took on a nervous edge as Akane's aura suddenly flared into life at her angrily determined vow. 'Oh great, she's started to boil over again...'

Blissfully ignorant of all this, Nodoka smiled at the new girls. They seemed nice enough, if a little strange; she didn't know that many Chinese people, but she'd never seen any with blue hair before, and she was sure that this 'Ukyo' girl was wearing boy's clothes... and was that a giant spatula on her back? Not a very lady-like weapon. Still, she should be polite. "So, how do you girls know each other?" She asked.

"Uh... we're just local martial artists. We see each other now and then, but we don't really hang out all that much. We mostly know each other through Ranko." Ukyo finally replied, thinking quickly.

Torn between admiration of Ukyo's ability to make things up under pressure and envy that she managed to think of something first, Shampoo hastened to add. "That right. Ranko go to same school as Ukyo, so when Ranko start learning from me, Ukyo start wanting to learn from Shampoo too."

'Why you sneaky little bitch...' Ukyo mentally spat at her rival. How dare she say something like that! And here was her future mother-in-law just eating it up blissfully.

"So, you're both friends of Ranko, are you? Tell me, Ukyo, do you by any chance know my son?"

"You mean Ranma?" Ukyo replied. "You could say that. We're best friends - we go way back." She grinned, paying no attention to either Shampoo's angry glower or Akane and "Ranko's" silent expressions of shocked dismay. Fortunately for everyone, Nodoka didn't see the expressions of the other three girls.

"Oh really? How did you meet my son?"

Ukyo shrugged casually. "Met him on the road while on my own training journey and we started trading letters, training together, generally hanging out. I meet up with him once in a while here in Nerima but the guy's always off on a new training session or something new."

Nodoka clapped her hands together, "Oh how wonderful, it's good to hear that he's so dedicated. Are you two close friends?" A twinkle grew in her eyes, "Is he manly?"

Ranma stifled the choked sound that would have come from her throat at that last question as Ukyo blushed slightly, "Uh, we're pretty good friends, we go to school together as well so I see him a fair bit and we help each other with schoolwork on occasion." Ranma again stifled another sound as Ukyo continued, "As for being manly. Well..."

Thankfully, Ukyo was interrupted by the arrival of a small black piglet that elicited a squeal of delight from Akane, "P-chan! Where have you been all this time?" She picked up the piglet and started hugging it to her chest while Ranma covertly rolled her eyes at the snide look it was sending her, before whipping her head around as Shampoo suddenly spoke up.

"Is okay if Shampoo help out in kitchen?"

Ukyo blinked and then nodded as well. "Yeah, how about we help you out? Should make everything go by a whole lot faster."

Akane dropped P-chan in shock before she snarled slightly, not even ten minutes and already these two were going to muscle in on her work! What's next? Ranma deciding to help cook as well?

She received a second shock as Ranma gently picked up the piglet and sunnily announced, "I'm going to go play with P-chan while you help Auntie Saotome out in the kitchen, wouldn't want him getting into a mess here. See ya!" With that she was gone, leaving a smiling Nodoka who looked pleased at the extra help and Akane with little choice but to play along.

As soon as she was out of the kitchen, Ranma dropped the friendly smile for a bitter scowl; why did things always seem to heat up and get worse whenever it looked like he was starting to get ahead of whatever trouble had arisen? First Shampoo showed up, and now Ryoga! ...Well, all right, the Eternally Lost Boy's presence was actually quite explainable - to be honest, it was a wonder he hadn't shown up around the same time as Nodoka Saotome before. That didn't stop her from squeezing the boy-turned-pig so hard that he squealed in dismay, thrashing about in an attempt to break free of Ranma's steely grip as she carried him to the bathroom. Filling the bathpail with hot water from the shower, she dropped P-chan on the floor and then drenched him with the hot water, eyes narrowed with bored displeasure as Ryoga looked up at her from his kneeling position.

"So what was that all about?" He complained.

"Are you gonna get dressed?" Ranma wondered, prompting a squeak of dismay from her terminally shy rival and a brief but amusing flurry as he pulled on a spare set of clothes. While Ryoga was restoring his dignity, Ranma's mind was racing: the last thing she wanted to tell Ryoga was the truth about her mother - the girls were one thing, they might hurt her when they got mad or out of control, but they did love her and want what they considered to be best for her. Ryoga was her bitter rival, one who had claimed several times that he wanted her dead; telling him about the seppuku pledge was as good as shoving the knife into her own heart. When Ryoga finally whirled back to her and repeated his demand, she made a decision.

"Oh, you wanna know who she is...?" Ranma teased. "Then come here..." She beckoned, the bandanna-wearing boy hesitantly bending close so Ranma could whisper in his ear... which was when Ranma promptly screamed at the top of her lungs and took off, laughing tauntingly as, behind her, Ryoga recovered and gave chase with an angry roar.

Out into the garden the two ran, and vanished over the wall, Ranma mocking Ryoga, Ryoga bellowing curses and threats. Genma Saotome, currently in his panda body, saw them leave and growled angrily. Just what was that foolish son of his thinking? If that nitwitted wanderer had found out their secret, then he'd tell Nodoka first chance he got, just to spite Ranma! And if Nodoka found out about Ranma, then she'd find out about Genma! And Genma didn't want to die! Roaring as best a panda could, which it must be said is not very well at all; Genma gave chase, unthinkingly and unknowingly leaving his wife alone with all three of his son's fiancées.

Ukyo quickly realized that she was treading on dangerous ground and with Akane looking ready to go into meltdown, she thought fast, "So, what are we going here?"

Nodoka indicated Akane, "I'm teaching Akane how to cook the recipes from her mother's cookbook."

Shampoo made an interested noise. "Can we help?"

Ukyo nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we know a little about cooking ourselves but we're always looking to improve." A massive understatement, but the girl's weren't about to say that they owned a restaurant and worked in one respectively; they could both easily see how sensitive Akane was about this whole cooking endeavor. Not that they particularly cared about the spoiled brat's feelings, but if she threw one of her temper tantrums, who knew what she might let slip?

The thoughts going through Ukyo and Shampoo's heads were essentially identical, as they then focused on their real target, the woman standing next to them. 'If I can show Ranma that I'm the better cook, then he'll pay more attention to me, plus I can get closer to this woman as a potential mother-in-law! This can't fail!"

Akane's thoughts? 'This isn't happening!'

"Ranma! How dare you do something like that! You'll pay for a petty trick like that!" Ryoga bellowed, lashing out in a right cross, then spinning in a kick, only for Ranma to catch onto his leg and use it as a ledge to somersault over her enraged rival's head, catching Ryoga with a left hook as the Eternally Lost Boy whirled to face her. It wasn't the most powerful of blows, but it still had enough force to make even Ryoga go cross-eyed for a split second. Shaking his head, even as Ranma backflipped to increase the distance between them, Ryoga glowered at her. "Damn it all, what brought that on, you lousy jerk? All I did was ask a measly question!" He complained, pulling off some of his bandannas and spinning them into a blur before unleashing them as razor discs.

They missed Ranma entirely, but Genma, who had chosen just that moment to poke his big furry head out of the shelter of a nearby air conditioner, received several close shaves, something that prompted him to hide again and leave it to Ranma. After all, the boy -er, girl- was close-lipped so far, and the Hibiki boy evidently didn't know about the connection between Ranma and Nodoka, otherwise he would be gloating about it. Yes, much better to leave this to Ranma. A fellow could get hurt getting mixed up in this!

While this battle of fists was going on in the streets of Nerima, a subtler yet no less vicious battle was about to be waged in the Tendo kitchen. Under Nodoka's patient eye and gentle instructions, each of the girls were working on their own separate dish for lunch, each with her own plans and schemes running through her head.

Shampoo was the first to have her thoughts take a particularly nasty turn. 'Lets see how that okonomiyaki chef deals with this.' Shifting position to where Ukyo was working, she waited until Ukyo turned away and quickly and deftly tossed in a goodly amount of tumeric. She was tempted to spit in it as well, but a sharp glace from Nodoka regarding her all too obvious scrutiny of Ukyo's work stayed her actions; the spice would have to be enough as she returned to her own work.

Unaware of the treachery that had transpired, Ukyo returned her attention to her current dish and automatically took a taste.

"Bleagh!" She cried in disgust.

"Oh, my, Ukyo? What's the matter?" Nodoka asked gently. She turned her head to Akane as a sudden snap of wood breaking was heard. "Oh, dear, Akane, you really should be more gentle with your tools." She chided softly.

"It's nothing, Mrs. Saotome, I must have used the wrong ingredient." Ukyo answered, adding a nervous, blatantly fake giggle to the end of her sentence. She glared hatefully at her rival; oh, that was it! How dare she ruin Ukyo's food like that! If the little Chinese witch thought she was going to get away with that, she had another think coming!

Shampoo met Ukyo's glare with level ease, making no secret of the smug smile on her face. Her dish already done, she picked it up and carried it over to the table, sauntering past Ukyo, a mistake which she quickly paid for when something hit her foot and she fell flat on the floor, her plate flying from her grasp and spilling its contents across the floor. She pushed herself up and her eyes widened in horror at the waste of her efforts, while above her Ukyo smirked.

"Oops, clumsy Shampoo, you should be more careful." She mocked.

Keeping her face down to avoid letting her future mother-in-law see her snarling, Shampoo hurriedly picked up all of the spilled food, now reduced to worthless garbage. Standing up, she hissed at her rival. "You do that on purpose!" She accused in a whisper.

"Now we're even, sugar." Ukyo whispered back, the endearment sickly-sweet as poisoned honey on her tongue. The two girls stared daggers into each other's eyes, each making the same vow. This wasn't over!

As the two were engaged in their own private war, Akane's nerves were steadily unraveling themselves as her mind went wild, 'Those two are trying to sabotage me, I know it! Look at those two, waiting for the moment to strike and ruin my work! Well, it won't work, I won't let down my guard!' So engrossed in her thoughts was Akane that she didn't notice that she was adding fish sauce instead of soy. Nodoka did manage to spot this and intercepted her, switching the sauces with a gentle reminder to pay more attention to what she doing, but the damage was already done. 'I knew it!'

Things settled down, but it wasn't long before Ukyo decided to fire another shot, this time she swapped some herbs around, earning a confused expression from Shampoo that she couldn't help but giggle at, earning a glare and a retaliation in the form of wasabi being covertly added to her next dish, burning her tongue. All while Akane was becoming increasingly paranoid, not noticing that she had accidentally boiled the soup instead of simmered it.

It could have gotten far worse when a feminine call of "I'm home!" rang out, signaling the return of Ranko to the dojo, appearing at the kitchen threshold dirty and smiling with a thoroughly worn out P-chan in her arms, and only Shampoo and Ukyo noticed the single twitch in the girl's eyes.

They probably would have thought that the twitch was due to dealing with Ryoga. As a matter of fact, it wasn't, though that wasn't to say that it hadn't been a stressful fight in its own way. Ranma was almost convinced that she had managed to make Ryoga forget about Nodoka, she had the Eternally Lost Boy on the ropes, and then what happened? Her stupid father came onto the scene, back in male form in his confidence that he was safe from his wife, and proceeded to blab the whole story while congratulating Ranma on hiding it from Ryoga. She had kicked him into Lower Earth Orbit and, caught redhanded (so to speak) had reluctantly admitted that Nodoka was her mother and she was, in deed, under a seppuku pledge with her. Ryoga, to her tremendous surprise, had vowed that he would keep the secret, explaining that he wanted to beat Ranma fair and square, so getting her killed by revealing the truth to Nodoka wouldn't be satisfying him. Of course, Ryoga being Ryoga, he hadn't taken Ranma's stunned disbelief about this very well and had attacked her again, resulting in a plunge into a canal. Ordinarily, Ranma would have just let P-chan be washed away and lied about it to Akane afterwards, but she was feeling in a good mood due to Ryoga's display of honor (she had no doubts that Mousse or Kuno would have no hesitation to slander her name to Nodoka and get her killed), so she had rescued him and brought him back to the Tendo complex... where she had found the kitchen a disaster zone.

"What's going here?" She demanded.

"Oh my, Ranko dear! How on earth did you get so dirty?" Ranma simply shrugged with a sunny smile while handing the piglet over to Akane to start mothering over.

"He's a lively one, had me running all over the place, but it was fun!" She cocked her head in apparent curiosity, "What happened here?" Her hand waved to indicate the kitchen as Nodoka's smile slipped slightly.

"Oh, the girls and I had such fun in the kitchen, and, well, we just got carried away. Although, I do think that at some point I'll need to stop by and give them a few more lessons; they have enthusiasm but they just seem to make so many little mistakes."

Ranma nodded in apparent understanding… and the girls somehow knew that it was both for Nodoka's sake and because Ranma knew the whole story. "Gee, too bad I missed it, I could have joined in on the fun. Listen, you look a little tired, how about you sit down and we'll get everything presentable for lunch?" As Nodoka agreed with a comment that she could do with a moment sitting down, Ranma flashed a cold look at Shampoo and Ukyo before she was all sun and smiles again, the brief moment sending a shiver down the spines of the two girls as the redhead started salvaging what was at least edible for the meal before they started helping out.

Lunch was brief, but pleasant. Akane chose to eat in Kasumi's room with her sister to give her some company, though Ranma privately wondered if maybe she wasn't just sulking over Ukyo and Shampoo's ruining her special hour – not that she could particularly blame her, if that was the case. When lunch was over, Nodoka reluctantly declared it was time for her to leave and asked for Soun to call her the next time that Ranma and Genma returned from their training trip, something that made Soun sweat nervously, but he managed to agree.

Ranma watched her mother leave, seeing the mask of pleasantry and happiness slip to reveal a glimpse of the disappointment of not being able to see her family yet again, and felt her own heart crack. Cursing Genma yet again, she turned to her other fiancées, dropping her own mask of pleasantry and revealing her anger and disappointment. "You two are gonna help me clean up the mess you made in the kitchen. And I've got a few things to say to you both before you go home…" She growled deep in her throat, her aura sparking to life around her and the two rivals for her hand gulping in unified dismay…

And thus this chapter closes. I apologize again for this two-parter; this story really works better in a graphic medium. Ah well, live and learn, eh? The other specials should work much better, and I'm particularly hoping you'll enjoy our unique rendition of "Big Trouble in Nekonron, China".

Anyway, just to remind people, feel free to vote for Kodachi, Shampoo, Ukyo, Natsume or Kurumi as 'the winner' in your reviews for this chapter and all subsequent chapters. We've a way to go yet before Ranma begins leaning in any one girl's direction, so if you want a girl to be the ultimate winner, then let us know who you'd prefer. There's also a poll in my profile that I intend to leave running until January 2010, so as to give folks an extra place to make their choices known while I take my Christmas leave. It's a multiple vote poll, so you can pick your two favorite girls, just in case one choice doesn't make it.

Just to reassure you all, the next chapter will be a return to our original flavor. Now then, seeing whether or not Tsubasa and Azusa will hit it off, or if Tsubasa will have more then he can handle on his date, or the first introduction of Kodachi Kuno to the "new Ranma"? Decisions, decisions…