Chapter 26 – 'I'll look after you…'

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

The sun broke the darkness, slowly but surely it rose, shining through the curtains and stinging my eyes. My stare remained locked on the glowing window, the sun mocking me with the arrival of another day; the one day that I never wanted to happen. I felt a shuffle beside me; a movement that stirred the trembles down my spine and awoke all my nerves, sending them into a buzzing frenzy. I broke my gaze from the radiant window to the outside world, and looked down. The face before me was breathtaking still, causing the same lump to lodge in my throat, the breathing to become shallower and my heart to speed up and run away with the love I felt.

He had managed to fall asleep, only an hour or two ago, the exhaustion filling him and draining both of us, but I resisted; I wanted the time to drag on forever, as long as possible and falling asleep would have just sped it up and wasted it in my opinion. After his eyes had closed and he fell into slumber, I caught myself laying there and watching him; inhale, exhale, his eyes fluttering slightly as I brushed his cheek with my fingertips, running down to his lips, so that my thumb grazed over them every once in a while, finding a need to feel the skin on mine. I stole kisses, soft ones, while he slept, my lips brushing his ever so gently just to calm my aching heart, to give it what it wanted.

Pulling me from my blissful daze, the soft beeping of my alarm clock sounded in the room, setting off an internal timer, telling me that we had 12 hours left together. Tick tock, the time was fading away with every click of the clock. I shifted back, unwillingly pulling from his embrace, my arm stretching from underneath the covers to silence the incessant beeping. With a soft click, silence fell upon the room once more, the only sound of air escaping my lungs heavily filling the room, feeling the weight of the day on my shoulders. I rolled back to my previous position, one that I could have happily resided in for the rest of my breathing days, but would nonetheless be ripped from sooner or later, to find a pair of eyes staring back into me, making me stop in my movements. Breathe.

"Hi," I whispered in a soft tone, my hand finding his, my body shuffling back into his arms.

"Hi," he responded, his hand brought to my hair and stroking it back lovingly as his eyes locked with mine, scanning for something; sadness, hurt, heartache possibly. He would find all of that locked away behind my eyes, but I didn't want him to see it, to know that deep down I was completely broken.

We remained silent again, not knowing what to say that could possibly fix this situation; what could we say that could offer us comfort in the fact we were going to be ripped apart? In my opinion, there was nothing, nothing that could possibly remove this permanent suffocating feeling from my chest. I don't know what I hated more; the silence that came with waiting for the world to fall, or for the actual action of him leaving? Both were unbearable and shot through me painfully with every passing minute.

"We should probably get up," I finally broke, my voice weak and wavering.

"Yeah," he said defeated.

I took in one final deep breath and pushed my body away from his, sliding across the bed to the edge to get on with this dreadful day. I felt his arms tighten around my waist and pull me back, a small smile breaking onto my lips at this simple action. I never wanted to leave either.

"Not yet," he whispered into my lips as I returned to me previous spot, back in his arms and where I really wanted to stay.

His lips pressed against mine and a soft sigh escaped my mouth as a smile cracked my lips. His arms tightened around my waist, pulling me in even closer if possible, every inch of our skin touching and buzzing with excitement. The familiar burn inside me was erupted; setting ablaze all the nerves in my body and making me want him more than ever. My arms wrapped to his neck, snaking my fingers into his hair and pushing his mouth even closer to mine, the need for his taste devouring me whole. Our lips remained lock, moving on each other as our tongues brushed softly; the only sound of soft moans and heavy breathing filling the room.

My legs wrapped around his hips, pulling me closer yet, our bodies connected from head to toe. We lay entangled under the sheets, our bodies melting from two to one, twisting and lacing the parts into a mess of flushed skin and trembling nerves. I rolled on top of him, and broke away slowly, only due to the lack of oxygen in my system, merely briefly forgetting about the amazing sensation that stirred inside of me. My legs straddled his hips, my arms bracing my weight on either side of his head, my head falling between my shoulders as I took in deep gusts of air to fill my deflated lungs. I could feel his chest rise and fall quickly underneath me, my hair falling down over my eyes, blocking my sight of him. I couldn't help the soft smile that broke onto my lips, unable to contain the happiness that he instilled in me with one simple kiss.

His hands parted the hanging hair from my face, revealing the goofy smile that has been glued to my face. My eyes caught his and the same smile curled onto his lips; the feeling contagious between us. I felt his stomach move quickly beneath me as a low laugh escaped his lips.

"Whoa," I managed to say breathlessly.

"Yeah," he responded still laughing slightly.

I leant down one last time, catching his lips in mine, pressing them firmly onto his, the pressure bruising the soft skin. My hands slowly came up to cup his face and his remained locked on to the small of my back, tracing small circles on the burning skin. His grip tightened, one arm coming up to my neck as he abruptly rolled me over to reverse the positions, his weight now pressing down on me. His pressed down on my lips one final time, his tongue brushing across my bottom lip quickly as he pulled away, the smile now wider than ever.

"God, I love you," he said, stroking my cheek softly with the back of his fingertips, as my hands remained firmly cupped around his face.

I lifted my lips only slightly, reaching his face that hovered only inches above mine. My lips grazed his, softly but tenderly, him responding immediately. He lowered onto me, building the kiss into a burning heat that was consuming once again, unable to control the electricity that flowed through us. I had never been this way with any other guy before; unable to control my actions around him or losing the ability to think reasonably. At first it scared the hell out of me; shutting myself off to him, not wanting to become vulnerable and possibly broken from this exposure. Now I was a whole different kind of broken, one that couldn't be fixed but left scars on my heart that would forever remind me of the stretching that it had to do when the overwhelming love had swelled my heart.

"I love you so much Harry," I mumbled into his lips, being unable to tear away, connected to them as if they had fused together.

The frenzy inside him erupted and his hands came to life; running up and down my skin as trembles shot through my body, rippling through me. Waves of sensation rolled through me as our bodies rocked back and forth, unable to control the urgency that was bursting at the seams. Erratic breathing, tangled bodies, soft, low moans filled the room, my love for him building up even more; savouring the final moments that we could share like this, just the two of us caught up in each other.

"No matter how much I would love to, we really can't stay here all day," I said jokingly, still gasping for air as I lay beside him; wanting to make this day a little lighter than it had started.

"And I can't persuade you in any way?" he asked smugly, his eyebrows raising at the dirty thoughts that raced through his mind.

"Tempting, very tempting, but you still have to pack," I said with a slightly heavy heart.

A low sigh left his lips, "Yeah, well that means we have to go to my hotel room, you know, I think there's a bed there as well," he said, re-wrapping his arms around me and planting soft kisses on my face.

"All you think about is sex don't you Judd?" I asked with a shocked tone in my voice, but no shock in my mind really, knowing that all boys were the same; some just a little more dear to my heart than others.

He paused to think for a second, pondering on how to answer this properly without receiving a smack from me, "well when you have such a hot girl laying in bed with you, how can any guy resist?" he finally said, satisfaction washing over his face, the all too familiar smug smile residing on his lips.

And there goes the color rushing to my cheeks, once again feeling all flushed from the inappropriate things he said. The sound of his voice as he uttered those words was what got to me; the low growl and husky undertone made the gut of my stomach erupt into soft tingles that ran up my body. He leant forward and kissed me again passionately, increasing the heat in my cheeks, the skin now a burning sensation.

"You're lucky," I said pulling away, our faces still close together, our noses just touching. "Lucky that you always manage to say the right thing."

With that, he smiled widely and looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Not lucky, just irresistible."

"I think we should go and see that bed you speak of that's located somewhere in your hotel room right?" I asked jokingly, my fingers tracing soft circles on his chest.

"I like the sound of that," he replied.

And with that, he shot up from the bed, clad in only his boxers, and made his way across the room hurriedly to the bathroom. I found myself watching him; his swagger, the light reflecting softly off his shoulders, the skin of his back. I was just smiling at the image before me and I heard the soft sigh escape my lips; a sigh of contentment. He stopped moving, looking back at me just before entering the bathroom.

"And what do you think you're doing?" he asked, walking back over to me.

"Uh, nothing, just…" I began to stammer, feeling slightly embarrassed that he had caught me staring.

"I don't think so," he said, reaching the bed finally.

His hands reached under the covers and found my hands, entwining quickly and pulling me up roughly from the bed and into his arms. I let out a little squeal from the shock of being ripped from my warm cocoon, but the feeling of being held up in his arms was so much better. With one arm firmly snaked around my middle, his other hand came up to my face, he brushed the strewn hair from my cheek, his face millimetres from mine.

"You're coming with me," he growled before kissing me roughly on the lips one more time and then carrying me off to the bathroom. I let out little squeals of pleasure; laughter filling the room as I experienced joy on a day I thought would be filled with grey and despair.

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know?
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

I sat in the car, driving along the road to Harry's hotel room. The music played from the speakers and somehow we managed to be laughing about something. This day was turning out to be a little less dismal than I originally had thought, but I think it was just self-preservation on both our parts; not wanting to spend our final day together, for a while, upset. We always wanted to remember each other as we were right now; laughing, carefree, and just happy.

Last night, we had voiced all our doubts, had our respective breakdowns, and comforted each other in the best way we knew how. That was last night, and it would stay in last night, not following us into today. So as we drove to Harry's hotel room, we made inappropriate comments, filled with sexual-innuendos and playful teasing, stealing touches here and there, his lips catching mine every few moments to reassure both him and myself that he was still here.

Waking up that morning and dreading the day, I was surprised at the calmness that had fallen over me, but I welcomed it with open arms, not really wanting to experience what I had intended. Harry had surprised me as well, he was slightly cheerful, but I'm not sure if this was of his own accord, or if he was just responding to my new found calmness and was secretly burying his sadness to protect me. Either way, I loved him for everything he did, and it broke my heart that he would put himself under the proverbial bus to protect me in a sense.

We had managed to have a pleasant breakfast, joined by my housemates amidst the wreckage that was now our kitchen and our entire ground floor. We ate loudly, reminiscing about last night and the party; the drunken antics that had taken place, the comical dancing that had been put on show in the living room, and all the new couples that had somehow managed to appear from my group of friends. It's amazing what alcohol can do eh? Harry, being the sweetheart that he is, helped with the clean up; after a little persuasion from me and a lot of protestation from him. I managed to win him over by reminding him of that almighty bed still locked away in his hotel room; the way he shot into 'cleaning mode' at that moment, I must say that sex is a great motivator.

Walking through the lobby of the hotel, my mind was flooded with memories of the terrible night we had our falling out; the first time my heart had completed ripped in two. Then I was reminded of the night we had come back here after our date, after we had both been drinking. We had stumbled our way up to his room, experienced great lust and desire as we had embraced passionately, but that was also the night that he told me he had to leave early, tearing at the muscles in my heart again. I suddenly came to the realization that I didn't particularly like this building, it being the home of some of my most painful moments. I walked through the lobby silently, taking in the marble floors, the red carpeting and the big brown leather couches where I had fallen asleep waiting up for Harry. Too many bad memories; strive for only happiness today, at least for now.

Reaching his room, unlocking the door, I walked in after him, quietly, my head hanging slightly, focusing on the carpet padding under my shoes. The door clicked behind me and I kept my focus down. The calm was escaping me; my heart starting to race, my hands starting to fidget and my chest tightening again. I felt his arms wrap around my middle and scoop me into his hold, the devilish grin peeking through on his lips. He had a look of determination in his eyes, and he proceeded to carry me over to the bed. While I was having a light crisis by the door with my nerves starting to turn to shambles, he couldn't keep his hands off me and was dragging me to the bed. I was a little grateful for the distraction; I could focus my mind on what was in front of me, what I had while I still had it, in a sense.

His lips were attached to mine, moving, caressing as our entangled bodies fell to the soft mattress, my body still wrapped tightly in his arms. I exhaled deeply, my hands running slowly up his chest under the material of his shirt, my fingertips tracing patterns on the hot skin. His hands found the hem of my shirt at my lower back, and mimicked mine and snaked under, sending a fury of tiny tingles all along the smouldering skin.

"Don't you have to pack?" I mumbled into his lips as he continued to kiss me passionately, his tongue brushing mine as I tried to speak.

"Later," was all he said, before he pulled me further up onto the bed.

"Now, now, now Harry, that's why we came here, so you could pack," I said, pulling away from him, feeling my lips tingle from numbness after leaving his touch. My cheeks were undoubtedly flushed as I struggled to catch my breath.

"I thought we came here to try out this bed remember?" he said, giving me a quick wink before crashing his lips on to mine again. The heat rose exponentially and the beating in my chest echoed loudly in my ears.

I gave into him, letting him have his way with me, enjoying every moment of it. Tangled limbs, clothes strewn across the floor, a mess of sheets and skin as panting filled the room. Soft moans echoed within the four walls, gentle whispers of love and how much we would miss each other were spoken, weak promises made of waiting forever; I meant every word that I said, I could wait for him, and I would. I laid beside him, tangled in his arms once again, our breaths calming, hearts starting to beat into rhythm. He stole soft kisses, each time leaving the patch of skin where his lips once were with a numb sensation, the nerves overwhelmed with feeling.

Time ticked away as we enjoyed each other's company, relishing in the calm moments, the normal moments that we longed to experience. He told me of his Christmas plans, the ones we had initially planned to spend together. He told more about what he had to do with his band, the promotional T.V. performances, the interviews, the appearances; it was all so hectic and I felt sympathetic for him. Everyone would be getting time off, and there he was, putting his life on display.

"So, I guess since you got to come down now, that your Christmas visit is out of the question huh?" I asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

He spoiled me with his visits, and I was just being greedy now, but I really wanted to see him over Christmas; now that I had managed to introduce him to everyone, we could have had a brilliant Christmas.

"I don't know, I didn't think about it," he answered quietly, fiddling with a strand of my hair between his fingertips.

"Oh," I exhaled. Maybe he had forgotten.

"Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that, I didn't forget, I'll just have to ask management that's all. I don't know exactly how long this new promotional stuff is going to take," he answered, locking his gaze with mine to reassure me. There he went again, as if he was just looking right into my insecurities that were buzzing around frantically, and he knew exactly what to say.

"Oh ok," I said, letting out a small laugh to mask my embarrassment.

"You didn't think I forgot did you?" he asked, pulling away from me only slightly.

"Oh, forget, no," I lied, quickly looking away knowing that I was a terrible liar, and that my face would give it away.

"You did, didn't you?" he asked laughing to himself.

"So, I did, a little. It wasn't necessarily 'forget' more like you would have been busy, and you already came down now, so it was selfish of me to even ask really, and I'm sure that you have other plans now that are more important…"

I was rudely interrupted in the middle of my rant about all my insecurities by the crashing of Harry's lips on to mine. I continued to mumble into them, but he just pressed harder against my own, the force making the kiss seem more intense. I wouldn't give in; I wanted to be heard, so I continued to speak, my voice coming out muffled and lower than usual.

"Will you just shut up and kiss me back already?" Harry asked rather loudly, pulling away from me, staring at me with a stern look on his face.

I let a small smile curl onto my lips, his eyes darting to my mouth as I did so, and the same smile being mirrored in his eyes.

"You can't just shut me up all the time by kissing me," I said firmly, but continuing to smile goofily. I had placed my hands defiantly on my hips for effect; to try and emphasize that I was being very serious. Not really though.

"Oh really? Well, what if I was to do this?" he asked coyly, leaning forward and placing his lips softly on my cheek, grazing slowly along the skin down to meet my lips in a soft and tender peck.

I felt the hairs on my neck raise, goose bumps erupt down my spine while my hands firmly grasped onto the sheets beneath me. My eyes closed heavily, basking in his gentle touch. He pulled away from me, and I quickly opened my eyes to hide the fact that I had thoroughly enjoyed that.

"Nope."

"Well, what about…" he asked again.

This time he brought his hand to my cheek and cradled the weight in his palm; bringing his face closer to mine. I braced my lips for another assault, but his lips passed right by mine, and just brushed my cheek in reaching my ear as his breath danced across my neck.

"…this?" he whispered huskily into my ear, as he proceeded to run his tongue slowly across the lobe of my ear, grabbing it gently between his teeth, biting down slightly.

My whole body went limp while he sucked away on my ear, his hand stroking my cheek gently, the trembles shooting through me. My eyes closed again, just soaking in his touch, uncontrollably letting out a weak sigh from my lips, admitting defeat; my weakness to him. He responded to the sound immediately pulling away, giving me a satisfied look; he had accomplished exactly what he wanted to. I just stared back at him, speechless, short of breath, heart pounding, grip tightening around the sheets.

"And this," he said again, his voice as low as ever.

He closed the gap between us and brought his lips to the skin of my neck. He placed hot, soft kisses along the skin, numbness following his touch, my legs weak and hands shaking under his lips. With a final flick of his tongue, he began to pull away from me, my hands flying up to his face and grabbing it roughly. His eyes locked with mine.

"Oh God Harry," managed to spill from my lips exasperatedly before they attached to his.

We shared another passionate kiss, one of the countless ones we had experienced today alone, each one more earth shattering and mind numbing than the last. I pulled away completely out of breath yet again, my lungs being devoid of air periodically all day, my need for Harry taking over my need to breathe.

"You really do need to pack," I said, some reason managing to sneak it's way back into my head, pushing aside only slightly my thoughts of Harry. "You only have," I began to speak, looking for the bedside table with the clock on it, "another 4 hours until your flight," I finished.

What? Only four hours? How did we manage to lose all that time? Where did it go? Oh my God he's leaving soon, only four hours and he'll be gone. Wait, it's four hours until his flight, but that means he'll have to go through customs and all that at least an hour before departure time, so we have only three hours! Shit! My breathing was quick and shallow, my heart pounding in my chest, but in a more rib-shattering way and not a fluttering way that Harry makes me feel. Just as I felt my head get dizzy and light-headed, Harry's hands reached for my face and pulled my gaze to his. He centered me, brought me back down from my sudden breakdown, and tried to calm me down. We shared a silent moment, eyes locked, breathing slowing to a calm. He brought his lips to mine, kissing me gently and slowly pulled away.

"Ok, let's start packing," he said flatly, pulling away and heading for the bathroom.

After taking a shower, and making ourselves presentable to the outside world, Harry began to pack up his things, while I sat silently on the bed, watching him as he moved slowly around the room. I sat fiddling with a pair of his drumsticks, leisurely rolling them through my fingers as he folded clothing and threw shoes and belongings into his suitcase. I would have helped him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bring myself to help in the leaving of the person I wanted to stay most; I wasn't going to help in my heartache.

It didn't take him long to pack really, less than an hour; he hadn't taken out much of his belongings from his suitcase, all of them fitting nicely back into their place. Turning back to me after doing up the zipper, he just stood there gazing at me as I absent-mindedly twirled the wooden sticks in between my fingers, my gaze focused on the sheets I was sitting on. I felt the gaze bore into the top of my head, and I brought my eyes up to be met by his. I saw his stare drop to the drumsticks still in my grasp.

"Sorry, you don't want to forget these," I said, getting up off the bed, extending my arm to give him back his drumsticks.

"Keep them," he said, pushing the sticks back in my direction, turning his back to check the room for anything he may have left behind.

"What?"

"Keep them," he repeated.

"Are you sure? Aren't these your favourite?" I asked unsure, not really wanting to take them if he didn't really mean what he said. I wanted them selfishly, something to have of his with me when he left.

"Yes, but I want you to have them, something to remind you of me," he said, keeping his back to me.

"It's not like I could forget," I mumbled under my breath, my eyes dropping to the sticks in my hands.

I looked down at the battered wooden sticks; they were worn, having been used countless times. They had small cracks in the wood, nicks all along the length, small chunks ripped out of them, mirroring the state of my heart. With tears and nicks running through it, I felt that this love I had with Harry would be one that would last, even with all its imperfections, it was there in full force.

"Thanks," I whispered quietly, gripping the sticks firmly in my hands.

"It looks like I have everything packed," he said half-heartedly, walking over to me and wrapping his arms around me.

He pulled me in closer, but I kept my eyes focused on the wooden sticks in my hands. My fingers tightened around them, suddenly feeling that same suffocating feeling in my chest. Tick tock, time was running now, speeding, every second blinking past me as I felt myself drowning. Stop it, pull it together!

"Maybe we should get going," I said, breaking the silence, "in case there's traffic."

"Yeah, I guess," he answered, resting his chin on the top of my head, his arms not loosening at all.

I rested my head against his chest and inhaled deeply; another moment to commit to memory. I felt him kiss the top of my head and then pull away slowly. A tiny tear escaped the corner of my eye and fell to my cheek, my hand rushing up to wipe it way before Harry could see. I had cried enough tears in front of him and I didn't want to cry any more.

He lifted his suitcase, it rolling behind him as I put on my jacket. We walked to the door, all belongings in tow, ready to leave. I looked back one last time; the strewn sheets on the bed, the room seeming bare, only tiny remnants exposing our existence here. Soon enough it would all be gone, cleaned up and cleared away; the space forgetting that we were ever here, that our love ever existed within these four walls. I took in one final breath, a final glance around the room, and turned my back to it, the soft click of the door closing off the room to us.

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

As the glass doors slid open, I felt a cold wind blow past me, an uncontrollable shiver shooting down my spine. Harry was in front of me, pulling his suitcase, me dragging a few steps behind. I didn't want to walk any faster, each step heavier and more tiresome as we got closer and closer to the gate. My hands were fidgeting uncontrollably with the sleeves of my jacket, creases pressed into the material from all the twisting and pulling my fingers had done. I had been fighting back tears since the morning, the pressure now stronger than ever, using ever fibre of my being to keep them from falling down my cheeks. I didn't want to cry.

Walking into the bright building, lights intense, the floor a light grey and all around me people bustling around to get to their destinations; I felt myself getting lost in the commotion. My head was no longer able to think clearly as I continued to walk in an automatic fashion; one foot in front of the other. This building was the home to some of my saddest yet most happy moments.

I could only compare this building to that of a rollercoaster; playing upwards and downwards with my emotions, making me sick to my stomach yet I always came back. When Harry arrived, I would be happy, excited for the time we would get to spend together; I would be waiting at the top of the rollercoaster, sitting atop the highest drop, just waiting. Then Harry would be here and the decent began; at first you're still excited and you feel the wind rush past you, not wanting to slow down. You continue plummeting down, not paying attention to the speeding ground coming towards you. You remain carefree, laughing, enjoying the ride for what it is; thrilling. Then the drop starts to go faster, the ground now approaching at a quickened pace and you start to panic; he has to leave me soon, he has to go home. Heart race quickens, breathing erratic, your hands clinging for life onto something that can brace you in this chaos; the bottom of the drop is almost here. You reach the bottom, returning to this god forsaken building; he's leaving now. As he walks away, you're left at the bottom of the drop, the wind now still, the only feeling remaining of your trip down is the sick sensation in the pit of your stomach. He walks out of your life for now, and you're left alone as you make the steep ascent back up the hill, on your own, waiting until you reach the top to feel the same excitement you did before. I felt all of that, and much more whenever Harry came to visit me. Throw in the breaking of my heart when he walked away from me, and you have the rollercoaster that I ride everyday.

The drive over here was awkward, as it always is when I drive him to the airport, silence filling the small space, as I focus my eyes on the road ahead of me while my mind races around. Harry had kept his hands placed in his lap for the entire ride, twisting his fingers, hands clasped, unclasped, fidgeting in his seat while my eyes caught glances of the movement. He was nervous, anyone could see it in his face, in his shaky eyes as they darted around. I steadied my nerves, the trembling of my hands on the steering wheel, gripping it.

We walked up to the ticket counter, Harry handing over his passport and ticket automatically; the reflex coming from travelling so much. I heard the conversation as background noise, the pounding of my heart drowning out the noise. Brief voices saying 'How are you today?', 'Please place you bag on the belt', and 'Have a safe trip' managed to perforate the echoing of the beating in my ears. I stood frozen to the spot, just staring ahead, at nothing in particular, but just staring.

"You ok?" I heard Harry ask, my gaze being ripped from its previous spot to focus on him.

"Hmm? Yeah I'm fine. You done?" I asked, looking behind him to see his suitcase ride down the belt, behind the counter and down the shoot.

"Yeah, I have to wait half an hour, the plane will be boarding then," he told me, clasping my hand in his and pulling me in the direction he started to walk.

"Do you want something to drink or something?" he asked nervously, trying to make casual conversation in an awkward situation.

We sat down in the back of the waiting area, a large window behind us, the cool from the outside coming through the glass. We sat side by side, hand in hand, just blank-faced, not really knowing what to say.

"No, I'm ok," I responded flatly, my stare still straight ahead.

"Ok," he answered, silence filling the air between once again.

"I just want to sit here with you," I spoke, finally turning to him and placing my hand gently to his cheek, stroking softly as I looked him in the eyes.

He didn't say anything; he just pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me, my body leaning into him and resting there, heavy, tired from all the emotions that rippled through it. I sighed heavily as he began to gently stroke my hair, pushing it from my face. I stared ahead and fell into a daze, my mind wandering over different things; all having to do with Harry.

When was I going to see him next? Where did we stand exactly now? I knew that we had progressed a lot as a couple in the last week or so, but nothing was defined again, and I felt like it was up in the air a little. It was the distance; it left things vague, left them spread open over a vast space. Was he coming back soon? Was he going to be too busy with promotional stuff now to keep in touch for a while? Was he going to keep all the promises he made to me? Was he going to be faithful now? Most of all, how was I going to cope with him leaving this time? This time was different from the rest, this time things were said that couldn't be taken back, and we were both separating with parts of ourselves invested in one another. How was I going to cope?

'Could all passengers for flight number 070 to London, England please proceed to gate A7, the plane is now boarding…'

I heard the announcement and I jumped in my seat, Harry's arms tightening around me to try and calm my nerves. My heart began to race again, my hands shaking and my mind spinning. It couldn't have been a half hour already? It felt like nothing; a small blip in the emptiness of space. How could I have just sat here thinking the whole time and not been talking to Harry in our final moments together? I had wasted the half hour. Damn it.

"I guess I better head over there," Harry broke the silence, sighing loudly.

My body turned to him abruptly, swivelling in my chair, still tightly locked in his arms. I looked at him and just leaned forward, catching his lips in mine. His lips were soft against my own, responding immediately as my arms wrapped instinctively around his neck, pulling me in closer to him. He drew me to his lap, my weight resting on his legs as we continued to kiss passionately, not caring about the on-lookers, just getting lost in each other. His tongue laced with mine, and they entangled, the heat being ignited once again. His hands cupped my face, a reflexive act that I loved the feeling of; the touch of his hands to my cheeks sending another heat wave through my body. My breath was escaping me, and I felt the need to pull away, but my heart protested; I had wasted so much time already, and I just wanted to savour this, I couldn't pull away. But my lungs overpowered my heart, and I pulled away slowly, taking in a deep breath as I did so, inhaling his scent. Our faces remained close, eyes locked, both breathing heavily. He stroked a hair from my cheek and kissed my lips again briefly, the numbness now taking over.

He stood up, with me in his arms, and placed my feet down gently. The floor seemed to suck me in, holding the soles of my feet firmly in place, not wanting to move from that spot. He reached down for his carry-on bag with one hand, and for my hand with the other. He loosely intertwined his hand with mine and locked his fingers to my own. We began to walk slowly to the gate, the image growing in size as we continued to walk. There was a small line of people, and I proceeded to it, my mind blank, afraid that if I let it fill with thoughts, I would just break because the only thing I would see is Harry leaving me.

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

I was pulled from my path, Harry's hand tugging on mine, pulling me to the side, away from the crowd of people.

"What are you doing?" I asked, searching his eyes for a reason.

He took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly and looking up to me as he finished.

"So, I hate this," he started.

"Me too," I interrupted.

"And I want you to know, that I didn't forget," he said, brushing my shoulder gently.

"Forget what? What are you talking about?" I asked truly confused.

He clasped my hands in his loosely, dropping them in front of us, hanging in the space between us. He took in another deep breath, and I knew he had something he wanted to tell me; he always got this slightly torn look on his face when he wanted to say something important, never really knowing how I was going to react.

"Before I tell you, I don't want you to get angry ok? And I want you to know that I did it because I love you so unbelievably much," he started to talk, making me more and more nervous. What the hell was he going to say to make me angry?

He reached into his carry-on and pulled out a glossy envelope; I recognized what it was immediately. It was a plane ticket. My eyes darted from the envelope and to his face frantically, wanting an explanation immediately. My mind was racing with possibilities, both good and bad, my heart now pounding so hard in my chest that I was afraid it was going to crack my ribs and jump out.

"I didn't forget about Christmas. And I bought you this; it's a plane ticket to London for December 20th. I want you to come and visit me and spend Christmas with me in England," he said, his voice dropping at the end of his sentence.

I remained speechless, only being able to spurt out half-worded 'but', 'what' and 'how'.

"When I found out that I had to leave early, I called and asked management if it was in any way possible for you to come down. They said that we had the promotional stuff, but if you came down near the end of the month, that it would be fine," he started explaining; me still at a loss for words. He really hadn't forgotten.

"So, I bought this for you, and before you start protesting about it being too much, and all that nonsense that you always preach to me, just know that I wanted to buy it for you. I want you to come down to England, I want to spend Christmas with you, I want to introduce you to my life over there, and I want to spend time with you. I know that your family is important to you and that this is last minute and all, but I really want you to come over, I want you with me. So please just accept it ok?" he finished, holding out the envelope for me to take.

I stared down at it. I was truly speechless, and my heart ached from how sweet he was being. He was perfect. He somehow managed to turn this terrible experience into one that was beginning to be my favourite. This could have been a scene from a movie. He wanted me to come and visit, he wanted me to come and be with him, most of all he wanted me to be part of his life over in England. I was squealing internally, jumping up and down like a little girl, pure joy coursing through my veins. But my body stood still on the outside, overcome by shock. Move damn it and kiss him!

This time, my body listened to my brain and heart screaming at it, as I flung my arms around his neck and crashed my lips to is, moving frantically over them, wanting to show him just how much this gesture meant to me. I loved him so much and I just couldn't believe everything he did for me. We remained locked in the embrace for what felt like mere moments, never long enough. The trembles that shot through my spine could shatter the foundation, radiating heat as they traveled, my skin rippling with goose bumps and electricity that coursed though every vein and artery in my body. His tongue swept across my bottom lip, mine mimicking the action, our hands starting to wander as we began to get carried away.

I pulled away slowly, the lack of oxygen limiting me once again, but I stood on tiptoe to remain close to him as our faces just touched.

"Is that yes then?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes," I answered.

A wave of relief washed over his face as I said that single word. I gave in completely, not wanting to protest for the first time in my life. I was just so overcome with pure joy that I didn't care about my pride. I wanted to be with him, and he had taken a chance in doing this, so I accepted. I whole-heartedly accepted it.

He kissed me again, his lips pressing firmly against mine. He lifted me into his arms, my feet leaving the floor and my arms tightly around his neck. We pulled away from each other, me still up in his arms, as he planted soft kisses all over my face, a wide grin positioned on his lips.

"You have no idea how happy you have made me," he said in between kisses.

"Harry, I love you so much, and you're the one that has made me so happy, unbelievably happy, and agh… God I just love you so much," I exclaimed, a little louder than I had hoped.

We managed to draw the attention of some people close by. My cheeks brightened at the realisation, but I ignored it, not caring because I was in the arms of the man I wanted to be with. We kissed again, the heat building, passion slowly rising between us as our lips collided.

"But it really is too much," I mumbled into his lips, a smirk playing on my mouth.

"Oh shut up and kiss me already," he said, tightening his hold around me and pressing his lips even more firmly against mine.

This scene could have been the closing shot of romantic movie; the guy and girl hopelessly in love, sharing a passionate embrace as cheesy music began to play in the background, the ending credits scrolling down the screen, leaving the audience in a blissful happiness, knowing that there was hope and a future for this pair of individuals. It was perfect.

'Final call for all passengers boarding flight number 070 for London, England. This is your final boarding call; please make you way to gate A7 to board the plane.'

The overhead speaker brought us back to earth, ripping us from our embrace, and reminding us that in spite of all our happiness, Harry still had to leave today, right now to be precise, and it was going to be terrible. He lowered me down, my feet touching the floor and my knees feeling weak all of a sudden. He kissed me one final time, firmly on the lips, his hand cupping my face. He pulled away slowly, and bent down to pick up his bag. I let a small tear roll down my cheek, one mixed with joy and sadness, and as he stood back up, he caught sight of it, and brushed it away, kissing the spot where it was, and then moving down to kiss my lips again.

"I love you so much," he whispered, looking down on me.

"I love you too," I said, reaching back to up kiss him again; the thought unbearable to think of as a last kiss.

He stroked my cheek one final time, placing his lips on mine and lingering as he pulled away. He smiled, a genuine smile, as we had something to look forward to.

"I'll see you in three weeks," he said happily.

"Yeah, three weeks," I replied, looking down at the envelope in my hands.

"I'm so glad you said yes."

"Me too."

And with that, he looked at me one final time and walked towards the gate, his back now facing me. I pivoted in my spot, my gaze following him as he walked slowly towards the airline employee. He spoke quietly to her, handing over his ticket and waiting for her to let him through. She handed it back to him, and he turned back to me, catching my stare immediately. He gave me a smile, a half-hearted one appearing on my lips as my heart began to tremble, cracks splintering through it, and then he turned around and walked down the tunnel to the plane.

My hand rose weakly in an attempt at a wave, but he had already turned around. I stood rooted to the spot, silent tears cascading down my cheeks as his figure got smaller and smaller, as he walked further and further away from me. My heart shattered at that moment, but somehow managed to sew itself together quickly as I remembered what I was holding. I tightened my grip around the envelope, my other hand flying to brush my mouth; savouring the tingling feeling his lips had left. I focused on the envelope and what it meant; I was going to see him soon. We would experience all this joy and heartache again as I arrived in England and then had to leave, but it was worth it. All of this was worth it. He was worth it. I had fallen for him hard, and all this heartache and strife was worth the happiness that I felt when I was with him. Everything was worth it just to be loved by him.

Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you