Chasing the Rainbow
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form.
Author's Notes: Sorry this chapter took a while. Still, it's good to see that folks like this work… I just wish it didn't feel so much like the only non-Ranma/Akane or non-FemRanma work on the site sometimes. I mean, surely Gideon020 and I can't be the only writers to think up ideas like "What if Shampoo was actually a part-time magical girl?", "What if Akane was forced to grow up after being stranded alone in a Land of the Lost?", What if Ranma became the leader of a vaguely Biker Mice From Mars-style biker gang?", "What if Ukyo discovered she was the heir to a long family line of crossdressing sorceresses?", and other such tales?
IOException; in both canons, Tofu has been flipping at over Kasumi for as long as Akane remembered, ever since she was a little girl of… maybe six or so? And Kasumi is only three years older than Akane, so take that into account… yeah. I don't like that pairing for a number of reasons, but the age thing is the icing on the cake.
Chapter 11: Ranma's Tricky Plan
Ranma stood in the doorway to his room and stared. He had been heading out, just to get some time out of the house, but had forgotten his money and come back to get it. He certainly hadn't expected to find this... "Just what the hell are you doing?" He snapped.
Nabiki froze, her hands still in one of the pockets of his pack, looking like a deer caught in a car's headlights, "Um...I was looking for something?" The middle Tendo daughter could have come up with a more snarky excuse, but the shock of Ranma coming back earlier than she expected had caught her off guard.
Ranma crossed his arms and leaned against the side of the doorway, drumming his fingers tersely on his upper arm. "What, exactly, could you be looking for that would be in my room? At the very least, my old man, or the old goat, are the ones who'd steal something from you."
Nabiki quickly managed to get her composure back. "Maybe so, but who's to say that they didn't hide it with your stuff? I'm just covering all my bases Saotome. No reason not to play it safe after all, not with those two."
"The last time I found my old man sticking his hands in my stuff," Ranma brought up in a conversational tone of voice, "I broke three of his fingers. Now, don't get me wrong, the old man's lazy, but he still knows how to heal stuff like that. Did your old man teach you how to do that?"
Nabiki's eyes narrowed at the implied threat. "You wouldn't break an untrained person's fingers would you Ranma?" Even so, her hands stilled and slowly removed slipped out of his pack; lately Ranma had been getting difficult to predict, who knew exactly what he could do if he were so inclined now.
Ranma shrugged. "Are you untrained, though? I've never seen you practice... but you could just be lazy, like my old man. Or maybe you're hiding how good you are because you think that's the clever thing to do... you do consider yourself the clever one here, don't you?"
Nabiki stiffened before she forced herself to relax. Refusing to reply to Ranma's insinuation, she made a show of dusting her hands. "Looks like I didn't find what I was looking for, I'll be going now." With that she planted a cheerful smile on her face and walked out, Ranma knowing it shifted to a snarl as she vanished into her own room.
Ranma slammed the door shut behind her, angrily stalking over towards his pack. The indignity! As uncouth and selfish as Genma could be, he had taught Ranma how to be a good guest (admittedly, there were quite a few times by being a negative example), but being a good guest also obligated the host to be a good host. There was nothing so rude as rifling through his belongings - worse, if he knew Nabiki, she was most likely going to steal anything that looked incriminating and then blackmail him to get it back. If that was her plan, she was out of luck: Ranma didn't have anything valuable... well, alright, technically there was the Eye, but Ranma had that far too well hidden for Nabiki to find.
Ranma had grown up with Genma as his sole companion, and Genma's thoughtlessness and greed meant that Ranma had learned from an early age to keep secrets and treasures alike hidden. Ranma had, naturally, never heard of the Spartan youth who stole a fox cub and refused to admit his guilt even as it gnawed its way into his guts and killed him, but he wasn't too far off from that level of dedication when it came to keeping things of his private. Finding his wallet untouched, Ranma put his stuff back where it belonged and, muttering about Nabiki's attitudes, leapt out of the window and then over the wall to resume his original goal beyond the Tendo household.
Thankfully, he wasn't too late to upset Shampoo, but it was a close thing as he smiled and waved to the Chinese girl who bounded over to give him a hug, "Hey Shampoo, ready to go?"
"Shampoo too-too ready!" Ranma chuckled and took the girl's hand as they headed out on their date, and promptly forgot all about Nabiki.
Fate on the other hand, had conspired to toss another annoyance in Ranma's way as half-way through the date, as the pair were simply enjoy the other's company, a loud cry of "Die Ranma!" prompted the two to dodge a barrage of knives and chains as Mousse landed from a nearby roof, "I won't let you steal Shampoo away from me!"
Ranma groaned as he landed and immediately pounced to attack.
Mousse was not a particularly potent threat for Ranma at the best of times. When Shampoo was right at his side, fighting with, if anything, even more fervor than he was, the Chinese boy went down like a sack of potatoes in no time at all. Muttering what sounded like Chinese swearwords under her breath, Shampoo straddled Mousse and began the Xi Fa Xiang Gao treatment.
"How does he keep showing up like this?" Ranma complained. "I don't think we've been on one date yet where this guy hasn't shown up. I mean, even with a memory wipe, you'd think he'd learn better."
"Wish he would - Shampoo sick of having to do this." The Chinese girl grumbled, washing off Mousse's hair and getting up, none-too-gently standing on him in the process. "Shampoo wish he would just find own girlfriend, stop bugging us."
Ranma nodded, "You're telling me, maybe we should find a girl for him since he's not going to stop chasing you any time soon." He grimaced, "Of course, then we'd have to find a girl who could stand being near the idiot."
Shampoo looked thoughtful... hmm... this wouldn't be the first time she had tried something like this, but this time she wouldn't be alone in doing so. "Ranma have ideas?" She asked. "Hmm... Akane is nice enough to boys what is not Ranma..."
"Nah, no way that would work." Ranma interjected. "Between Kuno, Ryoga, her dad, my dad, and pretty much all the boys at school, there's no way in hell he'd go for her. Even if, y'know, she doesn't hold the kidnapping thing against him." He elaborated.
"Ryoga play part in kidnapping her once, twice before, she not hold it against him." The Chinese Amazon pointed out.
"Oh yeah, forgot about Ryoga. We haven't seen him in a while have we?" Ranma shook his head. "Anyway, Akane ain't gonna work. No point trying Ukyo or Kodachi, those two would just bury him alive and keep going after me." Then the pigtailed martial artist remembered the incident that morning and suddenly developed an evil smile as he chuckled before shaking his head, "Hmm, nah there's no way that would work."
"What is it? What you thinking?" Shampoo asked, curiosity piqued.
"Well..." Ranma looked thoughtful, before shrugging with a smile, "I was thinking we could try and pair him up with Nabiki. Pretty crazy huh, I mean on one hand we have an obsessive loon and on the other we have a frigid mercenary. Match made in the underworld if we could pull it off."
Shampoo raised an eyebrow. "Nabiki? Why not nice girl Kasumi? She have much love to give and not get much love, so she just like Mousse."
Ranma looked at her strangely.
"What? Just because Shampoo not interested in him at all not mean that Shampoo not know Mousse's good points." She answered to the unspoken question, crossing her arms in annoyance.
Ranma shrugged, and shook his head. "A good point... but, really, it wouldn't work. Kasumi doesn't have any rival suitors, but Akane's convinced she and Dr. Tofu have a thing going on, and Mr. Tendo's really overprotective of her, and all in all they'd probably cause too much trouble if we tried to hook them up. On the other hand, they mostly ignore Nabiki..."
Shampoo snorted, "Is understatement, everyone ignore Nabiki unless Mercenary Girl want money."
Ranma looked thoughtful and tapped a finger against his lips. "Come to think of it, that could help us. I don't know how we'd convince Mousse to go along with it, but I think I have an idea on how to make Nabiki agree to the idea of going on at least one date with him..."
Shampoo blinked and then smiled, "Ranma have plan?"
Ranma nodded absently. "I think so... yeah, I really think so. Listen to this..."
Intrigued, Shampoo came closer, two accidental fiancées wandering away from where Mousse had been left lying unconscious as Ranma began to unveil his plan.
It took only a few minutes to go over every last detail and before long the pair were standing on the rooftop of a house opposite the Tendo Dojo as Ranma took a breath, "Okay, you good to go?" Shampoo nodded with a smile.
"Shampoo ready, Ranma better not forget lines or Shampoo be mad!" With that playful incentive, she quickly and stealthily made her way to the roof, sending a shiver down Ranma's spine at the catlike way she moved. With a simple hop of his own, Ranma landed on the front path and calmly walked inside the house.
As Ranma had hoped, his inquisitive investigation turned up only a single soul beside himself, in the form of Nabiki lounging in her room and eating a snack. "Where is everyone?" Ranma asked; they'd all been here before he'd left.
"Kasumi went out shopping, our fathers decided to have a night out and Akane's gone on a date with her new boyfriend." Nabiki replied before smirking slightly, "Why, are you lonely Ranma?"
Ranma tried to keep his face blank; truth be told, it still kind of hurt seeing or hearing Akane being friendly with Gelf, even if he was the one who'd set them up in the first place. Hey, he had been attracted to her for quite a while; that wasn't something that you just got over overnight. Then a thought struck; this was a perfect opportunity to make his play... "No... but are you jealous?"
Nabiki blinked, "Of what, my baby sister going out with an otherwordly being? She had you move in as her fiancé first; if that doesn't get you used to weird things, then nothing will."
Ranma rolled his eyes; did she have to go there? "No, of the fact your little sister has a date while you're sitting here on your bed eating rice crackers." He retorted.
Nabiki shrugged, "Why should I care? It's not like there's any guys in this area I would be interested in anyway."
"You're right. Besides, you couldn't get a date to save your life anyway." Ranma replied in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.
Nabiki paused, just long enough for Ranma to know that he had hit something. "I'll have you know I am perfectly capable of getting a date Ranma."
"Since when?" He pressed. "I've been here for... what, seven or eight months now? You've never gone on one date since I was here. And having Kuno feed you in order to get the rights to buy those pictures of yours doesn't count either."
Nabiki twitched, "Like I said Ranma, there's no guys here that I'm interested in. Besides, its not like they could appreciate me anyway."
"Admit it; nobody wants to ask you out because you don't know how to act even remotely like a girl. You can't even accept a guy's offer to grab lunch without treating it like a business meeting – that's why they don't bother asking you. You know you're jealous of the fact half the guys in school would take Akane out if they had the chance, and Kasumi can win a beauty contest without even entering, but nobody wants to give you the time of day." Ranma fought to keep a smile from forming; this was fun.
Nabiki snarled slightly, "That just goes to show how stupid that half really is, they hound after her and they ignore a body like mine?" She shifted slightly to prove her point that regardless what faults she did have, Nabiki possessed an attractive body and she knew it. "Like I said, they wouldn't know how to appreciate me, so they flock to my sisters, for all that neither of them are interested."
"You don't exactly make it easy to appreciate yourself, you know." Ranma pointed out.
Nabiki looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, come on: I've been on your idea of a 'date' before. I know exactly what your idea of acting like a real girl is." Ranma snarked, totally deadpan.
"Oh, and you're the expert then?" Nabiki shot back.
"I've been on dates with other girls and they've never complained. Ask Ukyo or Shampoo about what happened with that ladykiller bandaid: aside from the fact it made me chase after every girl in sight, they'll tell you that they were perfectly happy with the way I acted." Ranma replied, making a show of buffing his fingernails on his shirt.
Nabiki fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable with Ranma's words, but spared the need to answer when a rapping rang out from her window. Blinking in surprise, Ranma wandered over and slid open the curtains, revealing the upside down visage of a happy-looking Shampoo dangling from the roof, who rapped on the glass with her knuckles again to prompt Ranma to slide the window open.
Nabiki immediately latched onto the opportunity to escape the conversation, "Well, looks like someone wants your company Ranma, so why don't you make like a tree and leaf?"
Shampoo looked at Ranma quizzically... a very curious expression indeed, considering she was still upside down. "What airen doing?"
Ranma shrugged nonchalantly. "Just asking Nabiki how it feels to know that her sisters can get any man they want with a snap of their fingers and she doesn't know the first thing about dating."
If looks could kill, Nabiki's glare would have slain Ranma and turned the district into a wasteland.
Shampoo shot Ranma a secretive, sly look, an evil light glittering in her wine-colored eyes, and then looked contemplative. "Hmm... maybe is because Nabiki have... other tastes?" She insinuated.
Nabiki gaped in shock before sputtering incoherently. After a few seconds, she all but shrieked, "I do not like girls!"
Shampoo shrugged. "Never say that. Just mean Nabiki maybe not like men. Great-grandmother tell me story about girl she know who ran off to live with tigers rather than people... and there old story in tribe about man what care for mare so much he want to marry her..."
Nabiki looked like she was about to explode before she took in a deep breath to calm herself down and hissed out, "I like guys, and for your information, I would be more than capable of acting like a normal girl on a date the moment someone asked me out."
"Oh, really?" Ranma mused skeptically, struggling to suppress a grin of triumph - and looking at Shampoo showed she had caught on to the weakness Nabiki had just revealed. "Care to prove that...?"
Nabiki glared at Ranma, "Any day Ranma."
"Maybe you'll get the chance. Some day. I'll meet you outside, Shampoo." Ranma told her. The bluenette nodded and pulled her head up as she climbed back onto the roof, Ranma quickly walking out of Nabiki's door and heading for the garden - he thought he heard the angry Tendo girl throw something hard at the wall inside her bedroom, but he wasn't sure. Outside, he met Shampoo crouching impatiently on the wall, springing over it and joining her on the street.
"That was fun." Shampoo grinned.
"I know; it's nice to be the one nettling her for a change. You sure Mousse will be set up?" Ranma asked.
"Thanks to memory wipe, is sweeping floor at Nekohanten while we wait for next opening time; Ranma can talk to him now." She answered.
"Alright; I'll do the talking, you wait outside and listen in, alright? That'll give you a better idea of what to do to manipulate him." Ranma instructed her. Shampoo nodded and the two sprinted off towards the Nekohanten.
Mousse sighed softly as he went about his chores; every day, it seemed, was the same old thing. He would work for wages that he would spend on gifts for Shampoo, which she would always reject, he would make passionate declarations of his feelings for her and denouncements of Ranma, which usually got either ignored or earned him a punch in the face, and he made the occasional challenge against Ranma. Honestly, his life here was more monotonous than it had been back in the village!
"Hey there duck-boy!" Ranma walked in with a smile that would have made a person's hair stand on end.
"What do you want?" Mousse grumbled. Just what he didn't need right now. At least Shampoo wasn't here for this Casanova to practice his sleaze on.
"What? Can't I come and see how you're doing? I mean, you look pretty lonely in here so I figured I'd give you some company for a bit." Ranma immediately slid a chair out and took a seat to prove his point.
"Since when do you care whether I'm lonely?" Mousse snapped, a hunch in his shoulders physically betraying the weariness beneath his tone. "...Not that I am lonely, I mean! After all, I have Shampoo, and who could possibly be lonely with her around?" He quickly added.
"You're right, how could anyone be lonely if they're regarded as something only slightly higher than a bug in some girl's eyes? Next you'll be telling me that she hits you as a form of affection and really she longs after you even as she tries to find a way to bed me. Come on man, I know you got eye problems but I know you ain't that blind." Ranma calmly started leaning back on his seat, casual as casual can be.
Mousse tensed up, aura beginning to flicker around him and muscles visibly taut with tension. "Shut up! What would you know about it?"
Ranma held up his hands in a placating manner. "Hey, I'm on your side here! In case you've forgotten, I'd like it if Shampoo ran off with you and left me alone." He reminded the Chinese boy.
Mousse huffed, "I'd like that more than anyone! But it's a little hard to convince her of the seriousness of my intentions if she keeps hanging off you every time you show up!"
"That's not my fault." Ranma replied flatly. "She just thinks I'm more a man than you are, I can't help that."
"But I'm the one for her, I love her more than you ever could!" Mousse threw his arms into the air wildly for emphasis.
"You know, that may actually be the problem." Ranma said, looking thoughtful.
Mousse blinked, anger guttering out in place of confusion, "What do you mean by that?"
"Well, you've been chasing her and lying at her feet for... how long is it now?" Ranma asked.
Mousse looked thoughtful and then shrugged, "I can't remember." He frowned, "I still don't know what you're getting at."
"She's never had to live with the idea that you might not be chasing her - that could be the way to make her start appreciating you more." Ranma explained.
Mousse started, "I could never do that, it would be a betrayal of my affections for Shampoo!"
Ranma shrugged. "Well, you gotta admit, hanging around her all the time isn't making her any more fond of you. Is going on just one date with another girl really a greater evil than possibly losing Shampoo forever because she was never persuaded to think of you any different than she does now? This is your chance to prove her wrong to think that."
Mousse paused, and then nodded with a grimace, "As much as it pains me, you're right. I would do anything to get Shampoo's affections, and if I must date another girl to do so, then fine."
Ranma blinked in surprise; he'd expected... well, a lot more resistance than this. "...Are you feeling alright?" He queried.
The longhaired teen sighed, "What other option do I have? I've tried everything else, from the mundane to the magical. Nothing has convinced Shampoo of how serious I am, its always the same insults each and every time and, frankly, I'm starting to tire of it, Saotome."
Ranma wondered if maybe Mousse was subconsciously retaining some of the memories that Shampoo had wiped - maybe that was fuelling this unprecedented resignation. "...Okay. Anyway, so you're willing to be seen going out with another girl to make Shampoo realize that she may not always have you around?"
Mousse nodded soberly, "I can't see anything short of a miracle happening any other way. I never thought of this before, so why not?"
"Do you have any girls who might be hanging around here to see you? Anybody who you could ask out and have a good chance of getting a yes?" Ranma asked.
Mousse stared back like a blank canvas, "What are you talking about Saotome, why would a girl show up here to get a look at me?"
Ranma's lips tried to form into words, but in the end went slack. Shampoo had mentioned that there were a few girls who definitely were taken with the bishonen Chinese Amazon, but it looked like Mousse was totally clueless. "Well... nevermind. I guess you're open to suggestions?" He hesitantly asked.
Mousse shrugged. "Pretty much?"
"Well then..." Ranma began; here it was, the climax of his plan. "...What about Nabiki Tendo?"
Mousse blinked, "Who?"
At this, Ranma's head hit the floor. "Oh, come on! Surely you know who Akane's sister is!?" He cried as he pushed himself upright.
Mousse shook his head, "I've seen an older looking one in a dress and apron, is that her?"
Ranma stared at him incredulously. "...You really don't know about Akane's other sister?"
Mousse frowned as he folded his arms, "I think it's pretty clear I don't."
Ranma sighed; this was a wrinkle he hadn't anticipated. "You know, that girl who was with us when we all went to the Mushroom Temple? Remember? The one you, Ryoga and Kuno were invited on, where Akane and me ate those funky mushrooms?" Left silent was the part where Mousse tried to make sure he and Akane remained permanently affected by the love poison of said mushrooms.
Mousse looked thoughtful, "Brown hair, curves in all the right places, cold eyes?"
"That's her." Ranma admitted. Mousse could actually appreciate the looks of another girl besides Shampoo?
Mousse nodded his head in realization, "Oh, I didn't know she was Akane's sister. So I'm guessing she's the one you're suggesting I go on a date with?"
"Uh... yeah." Ranma said.
Mousse looked contemplative, then slumped in a rather dejected fashion. "Are you sure she'll say yes? If she says no, this plan goes out the window."
"Of course she will!" Ranma asserted quickly, then fought to keep his relief from showing; it looked like Mousse was willing to go along with it. "Shampoo knows Nabiki, and she knows she doesn't usually bother going on dates. If she sees that you can get even somebody like her to be interested in you, she's much more likely to start worrying about losing you permanently."
Mousse made a skeptical noise in the back of his throat. "What should I do?"
"Just show up the first time you get a day off and ask her - I mean, you should know how to take a girl on a date, seeing as how you've been trying to get Shampoo on one for so long." Ranma straightened and popped his shoulders, giving a soft laugh of relief. "Ya know, it's kind of surprising how well you're taking this."
Mousse's mouth set into a thin line. "I have no doubt you are getting something out of this, Saotome, but I'll go along with this. For now."
"Of course you would; if it helps you get what you want, what do you care what I get out of it?" Ranma smirked. Spinning on his heels, he flicked his hand in a negligent wave. "Later." He said, even as he walked out of the door and began walking back to the Tendo household, Shampoo secretly following him. He stopped at the corner and heaved a sigh of relief. "I can't believe it was that easy." He told her.
"You think this will work?" Shampoo asked.
"I can't say for sure, but they ought to go on at least one date with each other now. With any luck, now that he starts looking, he'll pick up that there are girls who want him, and he'll just move on to one of them after Nabiki dumps him." Ranma replied.
Shampoo nodded, "True, would be too-too much to ask that Nabiki and Mousse become couple." She shuddered for a moment, "Mercenary and duck, is too-too freaky image."
Ranma snorted, "You're telling me. Well, now comes the hard part, waiting. I'll see you later Shampoo." Shampoo waved farewell and with that the pair went their separate ways.
And thus ends this filler chapter. Our next chapter will, at last, be our adaptation of the famous "Big Trouble in Nekonron" story, as well as finally having Ranma's careful masquerade about his plans come tumbling down, so we hope you'll enjoy that. Sorry for not actually showing Mousse and Nabiki meeting in this chapter, but, as mentioned earlier, after that somewhat disastrous chapter with Tsubasa and Azusa, we've decided to keep "side romances" to off-screen. If folks are really interested enough, we might eventually write spin-offs showing their side of things during the course of this serial.
Speaking of side-stories… I'm afraid I must admit that I'm starting to wonder if we could believably pull off a Ranma/Natsume ending or a Ranma/Kurumi ending given all of the setup we've put into having Ranma get to know his canon fiancées. Should we try to squeeze in Ranma getting to know the "lost Tendo sisters", or have him decide to just settle for getting them to be part of the Tendo family and leave Ranma/Natsume or Ranma/Kurumi as the basis for a whole different story, connected to our "Storms in Nerima" duality or not?