Chasing the Rainbow
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form.
Author's Notes: Sorry for the delays in getting this up, but real life intervened and this was kind of a tricky chapter. I'm glad that everyone liked the last chapter… alright, there was one flame, but it was so utterly incomprehensible that they might as well have been insulting the last queen of Scotland, for all I could tell. Something I have to get off my chest, though. I don't want to say this, but I feel that I must.
The curse is not that vital to me. Unless I can think of a really, really good reason not to have Ranma or some of the others not get cured during the story, seeing as how I'm not relying on dragging out the "will he get cured this time?" query like canon does, it'll happen. I'm just not certain when. This story has already told the canon where to go and (censored) itself, how to do so, and with what to do so. In light of that, I feel no obligation to leave Ranma and/or anyone else cursed "for the sake of canon". I'm already going to give it closure by having Ranma choose a girl, so why not go the whole hog and let him solve his other immediate goal of Ranma ½? As for the matter of curses mixing… there's no way in hell I believe that's the case. Seriously, when we're repeatedly told in series that Nanniichuan can cure Ranma, and failure only happens because he never manages to get his hands on the stuff… coupled with the fact we've actually seen a temporary version of Nanniichuan actually cure Ranma and Genma … that's pretty damn good evidence that Jusenkyo's the cure, it's just the series can't let them get cured because it messes up the joke the whole story is built on.
What about Taro? Let's say I've got my counter-arguments for him (just because curses can mix doesn't mean they will mix, etc) and leave it at that, this is a fanfic, not an essay.
Chapter 14: The Battle Royale
Ranma looked at the girls standing before him with as much aplomb as he could muster, given he was currently cocooned in rope and hanging upside down from a tree branch. "You didn't need to go quite this far, girls." He pointed out.
"Ranma just be thankful we think to take this to Kuno estate." Shampoo retorted.
The three girls had been all for just interrogating Ranma right then and there at the Tendo dojo, having already tied him up with some convenient rope, before Kasumi had placidly walked into the room and asked if anyone had wanted something to eat, causing them to freeze up in embarrassment. Later, the trio would wonder why Ranma hadn't slipped his bonds and fled while they were distracted and how he had managed to think to point out, once Kasumi was out of the room, that if they interrogated him here, they may attract much more unwelcome attention from Akane, Genma and Soun. Kodachi's suggestion that they do so at her estate had been reluctantly accepted after she pointed out that privacy was guaranteed there, and so they had promptly grabbed Ranma and hightailed it across the roofs to the Kuno estate.
Ranma ignored her to stare inquisitively at Kodachi, his attitude making them wonder if they really were scaring him like they should be. "So, what's your angle here?" He asked her.
"W-What do you mean? Just what are you implying?" Kodachi retorted, shifting her weight to a different foot.
"Well, I'm just wondering why you're going to the trouble of hiding the fact you knew what was going on all along, that's all." Ranma replied.
Now Kodachi visibly flinched, Ukyo turning to her with an angrily thoughtful expression on her face.
"Come to think of it…" She rasped, cracking her knuckles, only to flinch back as a dao suddenly thrust itself through the air at eye height. "Do you mind?" She indignantly told Shampoo.
"We no have time for this. Other matters more important – Ranma, you tell us why. Why you betray us?" She cried passionately, much to the disapproving looks of her fellows.
"Betray?" Ranma spluttered indignantly. "I never betrayed anybody!"
"I gotta agree; that's laying it on a bit thick, don't ya think?" Ukyo concurred.
"That easy for you to say; he double-time me!" Shampoo cried.
"Hey, he double-timed me with you too, kitty-cat." Ukyo pointed out, feeling a little proud at coming up with a suitably mocking 'pet name' on the fly.
Kodachi sniffed disdainfully. "At least you've both been on an actual date with him; mine was a complete ruin."
"Weren't you girls just wondering why I've been dating you?" Ranma asked. He hadn't wanted it to come to this, but now that it was out of his hands, he'd prefer to get this mess over and done with before things got ugly.
Fighting to keep a sheepish blush off of her face, Ukyo scowled theatrically at her fiancé. "That's right. So, are you gonna talk? Or are we gonna make you talk?"
Ranma wiggled unconsciously, half-heartedly straining against his bonds, then sighed. "I'll talk."
"Oh no, we're not letting you cheat us out of-" Ukyo continued, apparently caught up in what she was doing.
"He already say he explain, stupid!" Shampoo interjected.
Ukyo gave Shampoo a glare that could have bored through a diamond and reached for her battle spatula … However, even as Shampoo withdrew a chúi to ward off her assault, Ukyo visibly forced herself to back off, taking a deep breath before directing that intense stare at Ranma. "Well, Ranma?"
Ranma sighed softly. This went against every grain of his soul to do… and yet, in so many of those other timelines he'd seen, he'd watched his counterpart share his secrets with this girl or that, actually daring to let them know something about him. Ranma had been brought up, partially unintentionally, to never let anyone know what he was thinking. If somebody knew you, they could use that against you. How many times had he eavesdropped on his classmates talking about something that bothered them or made them happy and been dumbstruck that they would make themselves so vulnerable? It was so hard for him to imagine being able to so casually talk to somebody about stuff like that. Still, it was something he needed to learn to do, and in a way he did owe the girls an explanation.
"You remember what happened after that… incident… with the Reversal Jewel?" He began.
Ukyo and Shampoo nodded, Kodachi trying to look like she was paying attention; after all, she already knew what Ranma was going to say.
"Well, when they let me out, I wandered into town – I was ticked, wanted to blow off some steam. Big ass storm comes rolling in, so I take shelter in this shop – turns out, it's a Wandering Shop. Anyway, he's got this item in his shop that he lets me use while I wait for the storm to blow over."
"What sort of item? And what's this got to do with what's been going on?" Ukyo demanded.
"Everything." Ranma replied. "Before I go on… you girls gotta promise not to hit me."
To say the girls were confused (and a little insulted) would be something of an understatement.
Ranma was quivering under his bonds; a normal person wouldn't have picked it up but trained martial artists would have and it would have told everyone just how badly Ranma's nerves were frayed as he forced himself to look the girls in the eye and speak calmly, "I mean it you three. This isn't gonna be easy for you all to hear, and if you blow up while I'm telling it, I'm writing you three off and taking my chances with someone else, anyone else."
"You wouldn't!" The three girls shot back, outrage and a trace of fear in each unified voice.
Ranma nodded seriously, thankful he had managed to regain some initiative. "I would, and damned if I'll let you screw that up for me. Now, are you going to listen, or do I start treating you like Ryoga?"
The girls fell silent, each thinking hard and fast. Ranma had never spoken to them like that or threatened them before... but they had to admit that didn't mean it was impossible for him to start. Shampoo could no more help remembering how Ranma had unemotionally kicked her in the face on the challenge log than Kodachi could help recalling how Ranma had warned her to leave the ring while she was still in one piece during the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics tournament. The risk mightn't be very high, but it was there. Each girl nodded her head in turn, all coming to the same conclusion: curiosity and explanations held precedence over righteous fury this time.
Ranma sighed softly and began elaborating… this would make them or break them. "You've gotta believe me when I say that I ain't telling you this to hurt ya… but, before that day, I had never thought of any of you in a romantic light."
"What!" Came the tripartite squawk.
"I didn't hate you girls or anything like that!" Ranma hastened to add. "I just… I never really thought about you girls the way you wanted me to think about you. I tried not to think about marriage or romance at all, really."
"So, what made you change your mind?" Kodachi asked.
Ranma's eyes went blank as he turned the majority of his attention inwards, towards his memories. "The thing he showed me was… well, it was like a time window. It let me see all sorts of alternate realities that spun off when a choice was made differently here and there."
"Such as?" The girls asked, unable to keep the hint of intrigue from their voices.
Ranma shrugged, which wasn't easy to do. "Like… what might have happened if I'd run off that night after Shampoo returned to China instead of staying around and letting those idiots beat me into forgoing a cure."
Despite themselves, Shampoo and Ukyo looked angry, if maybe for different reasons, while Kodachi looked first confused, then thoughtful, then finally embarrassed.
"But, anyway, I saw a lot of other versions of me, with other versions of you three, and it made me start thinking. I've tried not to think about getting married ever since the old man made us settle here – I'm too young ta get hitched – but, seeing the stuff I did, made me realize something. I'm gonna get married eventually. I can at least make sure when I do get married, it's to a girl I love."
Silence reigned over the quartet. Several long seconds ticked slowly by, and then Shampoo spoke. "So… why that make you date all of us?"
"And what about Akane?" Ukyo asked; jealousy unhidden in her tone.
"You girls need to understand, I saw a lot of other timelines while I was there. Lots and lots of them. And, in general, whenever I looked in on a timeline where I gave one of you girls a chance, it usually turned out for the best. I'm not saying that they were all wine and roses, but usually it was a happy enough ending. When it came to Akane, though…"
"Bad marriage?" Shampoo said, an unconscious smirk on her lips.
"If we ever even got that far." Was Ranma's gloomy response. "About the only times it lasted, it was either held together by pity – like in this one timeline where I never got over the old goat's moxa burn – or one or both of us were smashed out of our minds by magic." He sighed, long and loud. "I had it hammered into me well and good that me and Akane just wouldn't work, not without one of us changing so that we weren't who we are. I just… rolled with the punches from there."
Silence again. This time, it was Ukyo's turn to break it. "So… you tried to date us all in secret because…?"
"Like I just said, I'd never thought of any of you girls like that before. Just because I knew I could be happy with any of you didn't mean I knew which of you I wanted." Ranma explained softly. "…So, I felt the only thing to do was to give you all a chance."
"I guess you're more like a typical guy than I thought." Ukyo declared, more out of instinct than anything; she was currently trying to handle everything Ranma had just told them.
"Hey, it's not like this is my fault!" Ranma snapped defensively. "I didn't ask to have two girls engaged to me by my stupid old man, I didn't ask to accidentally engage myself to a third, and I certainly didn't ask to have a fourth fall for me! What do you expect me to do, huh? Ignoring it didn't work, and I can't really solve it besides picking one of you and sticking with it – what do you expect me to do, draw straws? You oughta be grateful that I actually decided to give you all a fair chance!" He ranted.
"Well, uh…" Kodachi began.
"Don't start!" Ranma snapped. "It would have been so easy for me to just pick one of you at random, slip into your place at night, tell you that I'll be yours and yours alone if you got us out of Nerima and then trust that we'd make it work once we were out of this loony bin! Instead, I chose to do the decent thing and give you all a fair chance at trying to win my love for real, instead of ignoring you like I used to." In his angry struggles, Ranma began to swing back and forth from the branch he was suspended on, not that he seemed to notice this. "What more could I do? You girls want me, well; I've been giving a chance to get me. It isn't like I wasn't technically cheating on all of you even when I ran away from you all."
The girls fell into a deep silence, clearly uncertain what to make of all that they had heard. They looked thoughtful, directing their attention first at him, then at each other, before finally seeming to come to a set of individual decisions. Kodachi stepped forward and untied the rope holding Ranma up… accidentally dropping him on his head, but it wasn't like that was any great deal to him. As Ranma pushed himself up and made a show of dusting himself off, Kodachi gave him her best, most disarming, smile.
"Well said, Ranma-darling." Turning to the other girls, she continued. "Well, there you have it. What this ultimately boils down to is a case of the best girl winning… which means, that now that Ranma is taking it seriously, it's time we did the same."
"You mean is time to sort out problems once and for all?" Shampoo smirked, cracking her knuckles by squeezing either fist in turn. "Shampoo all for that."
"Winner takes Ranma's heart and soul? Count me in." Ukyo grinned viciously.
'Well, this wasn't unexpected. Still, this is better than I figured they'd take it. By their standards, this is mature, reasonable and sensible.' Ranma thought. He still began to surreptuously sidle out of the fighting range. As it turned out, though, he really needn't have bothered… though they all got into threat postures, none of the girls moved for a good five minutes. Tapping his foot impatiently, Ranma cleared his throat. "You know, maybe it would be best to go and prepare yourself if you're going to fight like this?"
"Airen make good suggestion." Shampoo agreed. "You regret interfere with Chinese Amazon!" She added.
"Alright, you girls are both gonna be sorry you ever messed with me!" Ukyo threatened.
"You may as well admit defeat if you seek to challenge the Black Rose of St. Hebereke!" Kodachi boasted.
'Big talk, given you're all backing away and trying not to look like it.' Ranma thought. It was true; each of the girls was, for all her boasting, quite eagerly getting out of combat range. Ranma figured they must have not really wanted to tangle right here and now, given that they couldn't be certain that the two other girls wouldn't gang up on her and then handle each other when weakened. Such shaky alliances were, honestly, somewhat endemic to the martial artists he hung out with. Once the three girls were out of the way, he released a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. 'Guess I should go and get ready, too…'
Kodachi strode authoritatively through the front doors of the Kuno mansion. "Sasuke!" She ordered. "Sasuke, where are you? Attend to me!"
"What ails you, my twisted sister?" Kuno boomed, walking through a nearby door. "What need have you for my manservant?"
"I have enemies to crush, and for that I will need Sasuke's services." Kodachi declared without hesitation.
"If you think to turn him against my beloved pigtailed girl, then methinks you had best think again, twisted sister!" Kuno said, eyes narrowing and hand going to his ever-present bokken. "It is a grievous enough sin that you would slander her by claiming she is in fact an evil sorceress who has been assuming the guise of Ranma Saotome in an effort to humiliate and discredit me! I warn you, if you seek to compound your misdeeds by attacking her…"
It was at that point that Kodachi had reached her limits and hurled one of her newest creations, a black rose poison bomb, at him. Though smaller than her usual bouquet bombs, it still proved potent enough that the sleeping powder rendered him instantly unconscious. Shaking her head in disgust, she set off to find Sasuke.
At the Nekohanten, meanwhile, Cologne looked up as her great-granddaughter came storming through the doors. "Whatever is the matter, child?" She asked.
Shampoo didn't answer, instead looking around. "Where Mousse?" She questioned.
"He's out on a date." Cologne replied.
Shampoo blinked in shock. "He what…?" She blurted unthinkingly. Then, either casting her mind back and recalling the situation, or just dismissing it, she waved a hand. "Never mind, not matter. Shampoo need your help, great-grandmother. Is time to show other girls that Shampoo is only girl for Ranma…"
Ukyo, also, was taking steps for the upcoming "war". Hers, however, were much less elaborate. She was carefully going through a thick book, containing secret techniques and advice passed down through her family. The Kuonji family school of Martial Arts Okonomiyaki was something of a puzzle to outsiders, though the more adept ones realized that the usage of the combat spatula was an adaptation of naginata forms. It was surprising how many failed to see the underlying style of her art, the ninjitsu elements carefully trained and shielded from detection by the usage of cooking implements and ingredients. She grinned a cold grin as she poured over the lore in her hands: her rivals wouldn't know what hit them!
Ranma, meanwhile, was undertaking his own preparations: he was getting out of town until things cooled off. Last thing he needed was to either get caught in the fighting or be accused of unfairness. He'd let them sort it out amongst themselves, and just hope they didn't get too carried away. He shivered as he clung to the top of a speeding train; there was an icy tingling running down his spine, and it wasn't just the wind blowing down the back of his shirt either.
Despite what many may have thought, the girls did not go to war that very day. They needed time to plan and prepare, and though each was working feverishly in her goal to be the first to strike, each of them knew, in the back of her mind, that her rivals would be doing the same thing. They did not begin their efforts to drive each other away until the next day…
…Which was much to Ukyo's annoyance, as the next day was a school day. The health inspectors might be a necessary evil when you were running a culinary business, but that didn't mean they were a welcome sight. The inspection took several hours as the civil servant ruthlessly and exhaustively examined her property and questioned Ukyo on her methods of cleaning, preparing food, and buying fresh ingredients. The whole procedure was, in its own way, as nerve-wracking as any martial arts duel. Ukyo had been closing up her shop and getting ready to go to school when the man had appeared, small and fussy and oh so officious, waving away her disbelief that he would show up at just this moment to inspect her and insisting that he be allowed to do his job. Ukyo hadn't dared to refuse him, or even to protest overmuch; that could be seen as her having something to hide, and if her license to sell okonomiyaki was taken from her… that was her economic lifeblood on the line.
The end result was that when she finally walked through the doors of homeroom 1-F, she was hours late for school. She opened her mouth to try and explain her actions, only for words to fail her at the angry look on the child-like teacher's face… a look that preceded the phrase "Happo Five-Yen Satsu!" by barely a heartbeat. She groaned pitifully as the strength was sucked from her limbs and she collapsed onto the floor, barely able to hear Hinako's angry scolding, her attention focused on two things. Firstly, figuring out who was responsible… Shampoo? No, as Chinese, she and her great-grandmother would already have enough problems from the health inspectors, far too many to risk trying to sic them on her. No, the only one who could possibly be responsible was… Kodachi. Ukyo growled to herself, a menacing rumble from the back of her throat. She was going to get her for this!
Shampoo fought to keep some semblance of a smile on her place. Having been a Warrior back in Nyuchiehzu, having to be a delivery girl was something of a trial at the best of times. The job had its share of problems and irritations, big and small. What she was currently facing was not unusual, but irritating all the same.
The man scowled at her like thunder, his expression black enough to frighten off anyone who couldn't break his spine like a dry noodle. "How many times do I gotta say this? I didn't order anythin' from you people!"
Shampoo twitched, but just managed to keep control of herself. "This is address Shampoo told to bring order to. You pay for food now." She insisted.
"Fuhgedaboutit! I ain't giving you nothin', 'cause I didn't order nothin'! Now get!" He screamed, and slammed the door in her face.
At that, Shampoo lost control. This made six times today, or was it seven? She had been forced to cycle from one end of Nerima to the next, and even made a couple of trips out of the ward, and every time the customer had denied ordering and sent her back without her payment! She was not going to be sent home without money again! Furiously, she lashed out with her free hand, the splayed fingers punching into the solid wood of the door as though it were wet tissue paper, then she tightened her grip and heaved, ripping it clean from its hinges and absently throwing it across the street.
"You buy this, you pay for this!" She screamed, aura flaring and the customer cowering back from her in fear. Yes, she was going to cop it from Cologne when she got home, but right now she was too pissed off to care. If she ever got her hands on the people who had been prank-calling the Nekohanten today…
Kodachi hummed happily to herself as she walked up to the gates of her lavish estate. Today, she judged, had been a good day. Not only had her classes all gone well, but also she was certain that her rivals had been given a painful lesson in not crossing her. After all, with her wealth and connections, it was easy to arrange for a surprise health inspection of "Ucchan's Okonomiyaki", and her many ninja servants could easily continue to place false orders at the Nekohanten to ensure that Shampoo was sent racing madly all over the city. She laughed in delight as she flung the gates open… and promptly screamed in equal parts shock and horror at what she saw.
Her gardens, her beautiful, lovingly maintained gardens, were a nightmarish landscape of foul-smelling flowers, snapping pods, and writhing, squirming, tumorous roots (or perhaps creepers) that visibly crawled across the lawn and undulated like a vile ocean of greenery. Around its steadily increasing periphery, her loyal legion of ninja groundskeepers battled valiantly, attacking the abominable flora with secateurs, loppers, saws, scythes, even power tools and lawnmowers.
"What is going on here!" She shrieked.
"I'm sorry, milady, but we don't know!" Cried one of the nearest ninja. "There was a delivery made earlier today while you were at school, and when we tried to plant it, this is what happened!"
"Ukyo! Shampoo! You're going to regret this! Nobody messes with my garden!" Kodachi vowed, shaking her fist at the sky.
It took hours, and some makeshift flamethrowers, but Kodachi and her servants finally manage to clear off most of the monster-plant, with what little remaining proving too stubborn for the exhausted gardeners to finish dispatching. Tired and worn out, Kodachi had told them to simply keep it penned up where it was and staggered off wearily to bed. Her revenge could wait until the next day.
The next morning…
Sasuke looked over the menacing form of Kodachi's newest, least-wanted plant, and sighed softly. "How in the world are we going to get rid of this thing?" He asked rhetorically. He almost leapt out of his skin at the scream that suddenly split the air, a feminine shriek of pain and outrage. "I'm coming mistress!" He cried, racing off with his remarkable, even by Nerima, top speed. Flinging open the doors, he burst into Kodachi's personal chambers. "What's wrong?"
"Wrong? Are you blind!" Kodachi wailed, spinning angrily around to face him, tears in her eyes and her hair unbound – like most girls who wore ponytails, she tended to let her hair loose at night and restyle it in the morning.
Now, it must be noted that Kodachi took great pride in her hair, even if mere black wasn't that unusual a color. In the morning light, Sasuke could see quite clearly the reason for his mistress' distress. Someone had taken the time to dye Kodachi's hair from root to tip in an eye-catching shade of royal purple, shifting to a light pink where the light caught it directly. Sasuke was impressed despite himself; not many people could pull off using a pearlescent hair-dye, and it actually looked rather good on his mistress.
That feeling didn't last long before he remembered just why finding her hair dyed without her knowing had set her off. Though she did not seem to consciously remember it, Kodachi had also been the victim of her father's obsession with trimming hair when she was young, and so harming her hair had become a rage trigger with her even after blocking out the painful memories. Sasuke promptly stopped thinking about that, though, being far more focused on Kodachi painfully hoisting him up by the front of his shirt.
"How!" She ranted. "How could somebody slip through our defenses and defile my beautiful hair like this?" She cried.
"I don't know, mistress!" Sasuke stammered in a high-pitched wail.
Kodachi snarled and threw him bodily across the floor. "It must have been that Chinese bitch!" She snapped. "I knew that hair color of hers had to come out of a bottle! She's not going to get away with this! She's not!"
As a matter of fact, Shampoo's hair color was very much natural; her grandmother had very similar hair in her youth. Not that Kodachi knew this, nor would it have mattered to her all that much. She was totally fixated on revenge, and smiled evilly as the perfect idea came to her…
Shampoo's day was looking to be a good one; the sun was shining and she had so far apparently avoided any sort of 'enemy action' by her two rivals as she hummed happily to herself, punctuating her wordless tune with the occasional ring of her bike's bell, when she spotted something that made her screech to a halt. There on the wall was a poster with her photo on it and it was not a very flattering one either. The proclamation plastered across it, even less so, as Shampoo grabbed the poster and furiously tore it to tiny shreds.
The day got steadily worse from there as Shampoo continued riding and continued finding more and more posters plastered wherever the eye could see. A shadow fell across her face and Shampoo snatched a flyer out of the air, snarling as she crumpled it, before getting to work; whoever was doing this was going to regret slandering her. Eyes narrowed, she got to work tearing up the posters and searching for any others.
It took hours of searching, and Shampoo knew that Cologne was not going to be happy with her being gone for so long, but she finally managed to destroy the last poster. Nodding to herself in satisfaction, Shampoo turned to get back on her bike and head back to the Nekohanten when she heard it. Immediately the girl ducked as chain flew over where her head would have been and struck a light post, denting it at an extreme angle before it whipped back, nearly clipping Shampoo as she dodged. Looking up to follow the retreating chain, Shampoo grimaced at the sight before her.
Ninja, lots of ninja, were standing on the surrounding rooftops and Shampoo smiled slightly; at least she knew who to blame now…
"Kodachi."
When Cologne saw Shampoo return battered and bruised, with not just a few cuts, she wisely decided not to ask where her great-granddaughter had been for so long.
Ukyo whistled merrily to herself as she strolled through the streets, heading home after a day at school. On her way to school that morning, she'd stumbled across one of those mysterious flyers that had shown up around town proclaiming scandalous "facts" about her Chinese rival and it had been quite a mood lifter. While not her doing, she found it quite amusing all the same. Actually, she was in such a good mood (and fairly confident in the relative safety of Nerima) that she didn't realize she was being surrounded until she literally ran into the first of them, startling her back to full awareness.
"Hey, buddy, watch where yer goin'!" The guy, a typical-looking street punk, snapped at her.
'Did he just…?' Ukyo thought to herself angrily, then forced the anger from her mind. "Sorry about that, won't happen again." She replied; she didn't really make a habit of kicking people's heads in just because they bugged her. She tried to go around him, only to be blocked off.
"Not so fast, pal. You gotta pay the toll for coming through our street!" A second wanna-be tough guy rasped.
She blinked. "You boys are new to Nerima, ain't ya?" Ukyo asked, slinging her battle spatula off of her back. "In light o' that, I'll give ya a warning; back off, or regret it."
"Ooh, tough little bitch, ain't you?" One of them crowed – their final mistake.
"Just what did you call me?" Ukyo snarled, exploding into motion in the direction that luckless fool, her faithful (if unorthodox) weapon hurtling down upon his head like an iron meteorite, smashing him unconscious into the pavement. The other street punks tried to react to Ukyo's assault, but they may as well have been moving through molasses for all the good it did them. Like lightning, Ukyo lashed out and smote them down, sending her opponents flying into walls or crashing onto the pavement. Within moments, the gangers had learned just why Nerima had such a low rate of crime outside occasional bouts of property destruction, Ukyo standing over the first thug she had bumped into with her spatula held menacingly to his throat.
"Alright, I know you clowns are too dumb to have thought of this yourself. Spill it! Who sent you?"
"S-Some crazy chick with purple hair!" He blurted.
Ukyo promptly knocked him out cold and stormed off, fuming indignantly. "Ooh, Shampoo, this time you've gone too far! If you think you're going to get away with that…"
She was still fuming when she finally made it back to her home, but froze outside the door. Something felt wrong here…Drawing her battle spatula, she tugged on the door, which slid open smoothly. That was wrong – she had locked it before heading to school that morning, as she always did. Cautiously, she crept into the restaurant, watchful for the slightest sign of danger. Finding nothing in the restaurant, she began slinking up the stairs, feeling like a character in a horror movie. It was when she approached her bedroom that she discovered the door slightly ajar, which she was certain was not how she had left it. A grimly triumphant expression on her face, she kicked open the door. "Found you!" She thundered… then screamed in equal parts shock and fury.
Her room was an utter disaster; a disgusting mash of okonomiyaki batter and sundry ingredients was smeared on the walls into mocking words and barbs – queries about her sexual identity and appetites, insults of her appearance, dismissals of her femininity, deprecations of her skill. Her belongings had been strewn about, her underwear (both her bras & panties and the bandages she used for sarashi) torn to shreds and left in pride of place on her bed. Taking in the shambles of her room, Ukyo was speechless with rage, panting and snorting like some mad beast before she finally managed to scream again. "She's not getting away with this!"
Shampoo sighed in relief as the deliciously hot water cascaded over her, soothing aching muscles; today had been a long, grueling, unpleasant day. Her rivals were really getting good, but she would be the victor! Even beyond what honor demanded, Ranma was the man of her dreams – she would sooner die than give him up! Forcefully, she turned off the taps and began roughly drying herself off, stalking angrily into the bedroom she shared with Cologne to pull on some clothes. Now dressed, she stormed back downstairs; it was time to discuss her next plan of attack with Cologne…
As she walked, though, her rage began to ebb. Not because she was any less angry, but because she was starting to focus on the really bad itch that was starting to tingle on her chest. Annoying prickles danced and skittered across her sensitive flesh, intensifying until even she couldn't resist the urge to scratch herself – it wasn't considered proper for a lady, even a Joketsuzoku, but it was just that irritating. The problem was, scratching it through her shirt just made it worse. As she started clawing at her breasts with both hands, she became aware of an identical sensation starting to emerge from even lower down her body…
"Great-grandmother!" She wailed helplessly, something she hadn't done since she'd hit puberty.
About half an hour later, Shampoo was sitting in front of Cologne at their personal dining table, dressed in nothing but a towel and literally glowing with rage, steam wafting from her even though she'd gotten out of the shower five minutes ago. "Itching powder? That bitch Kodachi put itching powder in Shampoo's underwear?"
Cologne nodded her head gravely. "I found a very powerful herbal irritant had been rubbed thoroughly into each bra and set of panties you own. I've put Mousse onto laundry detail."
"You what?" Shampoo screeched.
"Look at it this way, child. Would you rather have him washing your underwear? Or would you rather he be here while you are naked, which would probably be far too much excitement for him to resist?"
Sitting across from the growling washing machine, Mousse drummed his fingers on the floor in irritation. Why did he need to sit here and watch them go around and around like this? Even beyond the fact his vision really didn't make him very good at it, what was the point of him watching the washing being done? He sneezed suddenly, and wiped his nose on a handkerchief from inside his sleeve. "Are they insulting me again?" He grumbled.
Shampoo shuddered at the thought. "Mousse grabby enough at best of times. But what Shampoo do? No can go around naked!"
"Especially seeing as how your beloved Ranma isn't here to see you, hmm?" Cologne observed, cackling softly as Shampoo's face turned a rich cherry red. "Ah, young love. Well, I can make a sarashi for you," she declared, referring to the wound cloth arrangement useful for both resisting injury and supporting breasts, "and as for underwear… well, I guess there is nothing else for it. You'll need to wear that pair of Ranma's boxers you stole from the Tendo Dojo."
Shampoo froze, then began waving her arms and babbling in frantic denial, so busy trying to insist that she had done no such thing and would never do such a thing that she failed to realize her towel had come undone and she was now standing in front of her great-grandmother stark naked. When that happened, she burst out in a full-body blush that Ryoga would have been proud of (Cologne half expected steam to come whistling out of her ears) and hastily rewrapped herself.
"So, where is it?" Cologne asked politely.
"…Shampoo go get it." The Chinese bluenette conceded. "But Kodachi pay for this! This go too far!"
"I agree. It was pure luck that none of my clothing was contaminated, and it took half an hour to clean it from the dresser. We cannot allow her to think she can get away with this unpunished. Bring that grimoire of mine, would you?" Cologne called after her.
At that, Shampoo froze, icy beads of sweat dotting her face. "You no is serious!" She breathed in disbelief. "You tell Shampoo all time to never touch!"
"I believe this is one occasion where it would be prudent to remind our foes that we are familiar with more lore that the modern world has forgotten than just martial arts." Cologne stated.
Shampoo still felt somewhat awestruck, but slipped into their bedroom to retrieve what was needed.
About one hour later…
"Sister!" Kuno shouted. "Why are we being besieged by flying monkeys? Is this the work of that evil sorcerer you've been so foolishly courting?" He asked, lashing out with his bokken and striking five of his assailants from the air with a single blow. He smirked with pride, though it faded when fifteen more of them threw themselves at him with strangely dog-like sounds.
"This has nothing to do with Ranma-darling!" Kodachi thundered in outraged, angrily swatting aside the clawing bat-winged barking baboons that tried to grab her. "Besides, why would Ranma sic a horde of aerial primates on me, his beloved?"
"Perhaps because he's been asking things of you that even you are too pure to surrender?" Kuno suggested, now fencing with one particularly large baboon that had gotten its hands on two of Kuno's bokkens and was dual-wielding them. He had to admit that it was pretty good for a mutated African primate.
"Bite your tongue!" Kodachi squealed, even as she did a leaping split kick to knock out two of her assailants. "My beloved Ranma is a perfect gentleman, he would never ask such vulgar things of me! …Besides, I want him to be my first." She admitted.
Kuno's bokken clashed against those of his enemy, holding back the twin overhead strike. Even as he struggled for dominance, he likewise struggled to find a reply to that, but found himself with a (somewhat welcome) distraction.
"Master Kuno! Mistress Kodachi! Save meeee!" Sasuke pleaded.
The whole battlefield came to a halt to watch as the diminutive representative of Sarugakure Village came pelting across the lawn, being pursued by a happily hooting and unambiguously amorous female bat-winged baboon. As the duet vanished out of sight, the Kunos stared at the remaining bat-winged baboons. As one, the primates looked embarrassed and shrugged sheepishly. And then the battle resumed.
"I'll get those gaijin for this!" Kodachi howled, her voice loud enough to be heard from several blocks away.
That was what she planned. However, the next day saw her heading to a certain vacant lot in Nerima, where she encountered the hostile duo of Ukyo and Shampoo, both disheveled and looking ready to fall on each other in their fury. She wasn't certain how to feel when she realized that some of the hostility faded away upon them catching sight of her new hair color – Sasuke had declared the only way to be rid of it was to allow it to fade from exposure. Kodachi stopped several meters away from both of her rivals, roughly forming a triangle several meters across. "Well? Why have you called me here?" She snapped.
"It's time we had a talk – we need to settle this once and for all." Ukyo growled.
"Isn't that what we've been doing?" Kodachi jeered back.
"I mean for real." The Osakan snarled, cracking her knuckles. When a harsh laugh burst from Shampoo's throat, she turned her anger towards the girl she had always thought of as her real rival, until now. "What's so funny?" She demanded.
"As if you really attack her now." Shampoo mocked. "You not trust her and Shampoo not to team up to take you down, then fight each other. And she not attack you for fear Shampoo and you team up. And neither of you attack Shampoo, because you sure other girl will side with Shampoo to beat you down. We at stalemate."
Though it took a few moments to comprehend Shampoo's broken speech, both of the girls got it quite clearly.
"So what are you suggesting? We call a truce?" Kodachi snarked.
"You have better idea?" Shampoo replied flatly.
"A truce? With you? Forget it!" Ukyo snapped. "There's no way I'm going to forgive you for what you did!"
"What did Shampoo do?" The Chinese girl asked, half serious, half sarcastic.
"You know what you did! You broke into my place, you ruined my bedroom, you shredded my belongings, and you smeared food all over my walls! Do you have any idea how much time and money you cost me?" Ukyo snarled.
Shampoo looked confused. "Shampoo not do that." She stated simply.
"Oh, yeah, like I'm gonna believe that!" Ukyo mocked in return.
"Shampoo serious! Shampoo just switch all ingredients with super-sour and super-spicy ingredients." The Chinese Amazon protested.
"Anyway, if that solves your problem…" Kodachi changed the subject. "I still have issues with you, gaijin!" She then declared, pointing dramatically at Shampoo.
"What?" Shampoo snapped back.
"Before I even consider calling a truce with you, I demand that you apologize for that monster plant that you sent to my estate!" Kodachi demanded.
Now Shampoo looked sincerely confused. "Shampoo honestly not know what you talking about. Shampoo admit to sending swarm of flying monkeys, but that because you put too-too nasty itching powder in all Shampoo's underwear! If great-grandmother not have special ointments, Shampoo be so sore and swollen down there that Shampoo no could walk!"
"…Flying monkeys?" Ukyo asked in disbelief, ignored by both of her rivals.
"Itching powder?" Kodachi repeated incredulously. "That wasn't my doing. I would never demean my talents by using them for something so tacky."
"So you have little ninja man sneak it into Shampoo's clothes, big difference." The Chinese Amazon snapped.
"No, you don't understand; I swore off making itching powder of any kind when I was ten and I accidentally made a dose that had me itching all over for a week." The female heir to the Kuno family explained.
"But if you not do it… ooh, sneaky spatula girl!" Shampoo hissed, wheeling to face the now nervous Ukyo Kuonji.
"Now, now, girls, weren't we going to discuss a truce?" She asked hesitantly.
"Yes, I believe that was why you called us all here?" Kodachi added, still staring daggers at Shampoo.
"Oh, yes, Shampoo forget… As Shampoo was about to say, this getting us nowhere. We keep fighting, we keep hurting each other, nobody wins. With three of us to fight, and no one we can trust, is just big cycle of retaliation. Getting us no closer to winning Ranma – worse, what if Ranma leave us because of it?"
"Ranma would never!" Ukyo declared.
"You so sure of that?" Shampoo needled. "Ranma say to us that he only just start thinking of us in way that we think of him; if we keep fighting like this, who to say he not grow tired and just find new girl?" At the skeptical looks she was receiving, she went on. "Think about it! Ranma already say he get over Akane because she prove she not love him – what keep him thinking same thing if we keep fighting each other? If we keep ignoring him, even hurting him? Ranma only just start love us back – if he can leave Akane, abandoning us not bother him at all!"
Both Ukyo and Kodachi looked aghast at the thought. Kodachi found her voice first. "So, what exactly are you suggesting?" She demanded.
"We stop fighting each other over Ranma. At least, stop fighting like before." Shampoo amended. "We make promise; we stop try poison Ranma against each other, we no attack each other, we no interfere with each other dates. We just go out with Ranma, let others go out with Ranma, and try him decide what girl make him happy."
"…That's it?" Kodachi and Ukyo asked as one, identically incredulous.
"That best we can do." Shampoo snapped. "Unless one of you know way we can become one girl?" She added in mockery.
"…And what is that supposed to mean?" Kodachi demanded at last.
"She was being sarcastic, rich kid, suggesting we could all marry Ranma if we somehow found some magic item that merged us into a single person." Ukyo explained.
"I'd sooner throttle myself."
"You're telling me!"
"If you two quite finished?" Shampoo interjected. "So, we have deal or not?"
"I… guess we've got no choice." Ukyo conceded, reluctantly.
"It certainly would be better than continuing as we have." Kodachi admitted. "By the way, do you know how to get those pernicious parasitical primates to leave my property?"
Shampoo looked embarrassed, "No, Shampoo only know how to call evil flying monkeys, not send them away. Could look up ritual, but not sure if it exists."
Kodachi merely waved her hand and sighed softly. "Very well, it makes no difference. My brother seems to have taken a shine to them anyway… he insists they make more capable kendo students than any of his fellows at Furinkan High."
Ukyo and Shampoo stared at her, blinked, and then Ukyo turned to her Chinese rival. "You just gave Tatewaki Kuno access to an army of flying monkeys?"
"Not on purpose!"
"Anyway…" Kodachi interjected. "We should go and tell Ranma about this. Where is he?" She asked.
Blank stares met her at this declaration.
"I ain't seen him in school since that day we started fighting… he's skipped town on us." Ukyo realized.
"That… that actually pretty smart thing to do." Shampoo noted.
"What?" Kodachi retorted in disbelief.
"It mean he no can get hurt because we get carried away… or you forget about how you start choking him during mess with Ranma's fake mom?" Shampoo pointed out, making Kodachi blush with embarrassment.
"Yeah, it's best that Ranchan's out of here and staying out of trouble." Ukyo agreed.
Meanwhile, in Yokohama…
"How do I get into these messes?" Ranma-chan screamed as she raced frantically across the beach, people scattering in her wake… which may have had something to do with the crab the size of a station wagon that was in hot pursuit.
The scantily clad woman standing atop the mammoth arthropod laughed, a chittering cackle worse than anything Kodachi had ever given voice to. "After her, my pet! We'll teach her to have bigger breasts than I do!"
"Why me?" She sobbed.
And so the girls have been clued in as to Ranma's decision, even if he hasn't trusted them with all of the details yet, and made a choice on how to deal with this. Will this honestly be any less troublesome than if they were actively trying to kill each other over him? Can they all keep this secret from Genma and Soun, who are certain to notice the changes accumulating now? And what will happen when Natsume and Kurumi arrive, as they due to do? For the curious, Kodachi's hair color is based off of one of the manga cover art depictions of her, which can be seen on her page at the Ranma 1/2 Wikia.