Ch 19 The Awakening

At half past seven in the evening, Harry opened his eyes. That was the only thing he moved, because as he became aware of himself and his surroundings he realized he could not move anything else. It felt as if the weight of a building lay on his limbs. He became aware that he was laying in a hospital bed in a ward at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

The second, and most startling realization was that he recognized the man who was standing at his bedside and what the implications of that were. It was Gilderoy Lockhart.

"Oh, I see you are awake!" Lockhart said grinning with his overly bright, white smile. "It's been ever so long and each day I come to see if you've awakened. Would you like a picture of me? The others already have one."

Harry couldn't speak, for some reason his vocal cords were rusty or unused. He opened his mouth but the words did not come out. He finally managed to roll his head slightly to the right and left at Lockhart who was anxiously anticipating an answer to his question. When it didn't come, he grimaced and wandered off down the ward.

Harry studied the door to the room as if expecting someone to come in who was more welcome. In the meantime, he began a slow progressive study of his condition. With some concentration his fingers began to move and he could more easily move his head. He found he could shift his upper torso a little and raise his chin up and down. Each motion caused some pain and discomfort and he rested between spurts of movement.

It was growing dark outside when he did finally have a visitor. It was a healer who stepped in to dispense potions and noticed Harry staring at her. She gasped, and immediately left the room.

Good, I've been noticed, he thought.

Twenty minutes later the room was literally flooded with people. Every Weasley of the entire Weasley family had crowded into the room which included one additional Weasley. Harry watched as Hermione stepped forward with an infant in her arms. She bent and kissed his cheek and then turned and handed the child to Ron.

"Can you speak, Harry?"

He rolled his head and squinted. His habit was to reach for his glasses when he woke. Now he found it impossible to move his arm and had no idea where his glasses were, since he had not been the last to take them off. There were a lot of people standing around the bed staring at him and he normally would have reached for them but hadn't accomplished the task of raising his arms.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked.

He nodded and licked his lips. The most that came out was a low grunt.

"It's all right. You'll get your speech back and everything else in time. The healers assured us." It was Ron standing over him and speaking.

Harry blinked and suddenly Hermione gasped and a moment later his glasses dropped onto his nose.

"Oh how stupid of me to have forgotten. There, is that better?"

He nodded and gazed at the people around him. Besides the Weasleys, there was Remus Lupin who had taken a position by the bed. Neville Longbottom was there with Professor McGonagall and Hagrid. There were other Hogwarts teachers and some students. He looked at Ron and the baby again and then at Hermione.

"Errr...mmmmm...i...neee," he growled with a great deal of effort, at last satisfied that his voice was going to work again. "Owwwwwww llllllonnnnggggggggg?" he asked.

She took his hand and smiled weakly. "Harry you've been unconscious for over two years. It's going to take some time for you to gain your strength."

He dropped his head back on the pillow in astonishment. Two years! I've been unconscious for two years! He stared at the baby who was also red-haired and who was chubby and barely a year old. She noticed his glance.

"This is my son, Harry," She sat on the edge of the bed and smiled. "Ron and I are married. This is little Harry Ronald Weasley." She took the little fist in her hand and kissed it, gazing up at Ron for a moment. "I know it's a lot to take in. We have plenty of time now that we know you're all right."

Harry rolled his head to look at Lupin who stood at his other side. "Did...did we doooo it?"

Lupin frowned slightly and then raised his eyebrows. "The cup? You're asking about the cup? Yes, Harry. You threw it through the veil and destroyed it. We can tell you all about it at another time when you're stronger. Harry..." his voice caught, I can't tell you... I am so glad to have you back."

Harry nodded slowly and searched the faces. People stepped up to the bed and took his hand and smiled down at him, wishing him well. He was mildly shocked to see Bill's face, now stripped with terrible scars. Fleour stood beside him and bent low to give Harry a kiss full on his mouth. He noticed she was also very pregnant. She saw his eyes travel to her stomach.

"They say the baby will be all right," she said and reached for Bill's hand. "Bill has not had any attacks during the full moon.'

Harry nodded. Each stepped back and then others stepped forward.

Hagrid lifted him almost bodily from the bed as he bent down to give him a hug.

Hermione gasped and tugged at him. "Hagrid, Harry is probably a little stiff and sore. Be careful!"

"Oh yeah," the man said and laid him back against the pillow.

"It's alri...'agrid, it's alrigh...," Harry mumbled although he felt he'd been bent double by the exertion and the words came out slurry and mispronounced. He couldn't seem to get a hold of his tongue and control it.

"We 'ave your place already for yer," Hagrid said happily. "Soon as we heard, we sent the house elves over to open your parents house and aired it out. In a few days it'll be all ready." Hagrid smiled and then big tears welled up and he sobbed, "We thought you was lost Harry; lost forever!"

"'anks, 'agrid," Harry managed to say and pat his friend's hand. "It'll be alri... now."

McGonagall patted his hand and squeezed it and then led Hagrid off to a corner of the room where his wails of relief and grief were mildly softened.

Little by little, people wandered out of the room until Ginny was able to make her way to the bedside. She smiled at him and took his hand. Everyone moved away talking excitedly.

Harry studied her face. She had grown older and looked more mature. She was even prettier then he remembered her and she was dressed in sophisticated rust and green colored robes.

"You still at 'ogwarts or done?" he asked.

"This Spring," she answered. "I took my N.E.W.T.S."

"Is it Spring?"

"Summer," she whispered. "Your birthday is just a few days away."

He nodded again afraid to ask the question that was stuck in his throat. "Do you... have you...found someone?" He looked over at Ron and Hermione with their son. They were talking to Gilderoy Lockhart; or more precisely he was talking to them.

She stared back at him and then said, "I've waited and will continue to wait for you, Harry. There was never a doubt in my mind that you wouldn't wake up some day. There's plenty of time to talk about it later. You need time to rest and to catch up."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment until he felt her hand slipping out of his. "No. Don't go. Not yet. I want to sleep. " He thought of the words he wanted to say before saying them. He wanted to be clear, "I need to see someone first. Is Snape here?"

She had leaned over him so that he didn't have to gasp out his words. Now, she sat upright and grasped his hand tighter. "Why do you want to see him?"

Harry frowned and looked around the room. Lupin had been standing to one side and was speaking to McGonagall. His gray eyes met Harry's and searched them for a moment before turning back to the older woman. Tonks had just come into the room followed by several others; members of the old Order of the Phoenix; including Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mad-eye Moody.

"Where is he?" Harry asked.

"He's usually away and hard to find, Harry," Ginny murmured as she saw the group coming their way. "He took on the job of hunting down the Death Eaters after the war; especially Lucius Malfoy and Draco.

"Draco?" Harry was trying to gather his thoughts and felt his mind grow fuzzy. "What's Draco got up to?"

"Later," she said and quickly kissed him on the cheek. "People want to say hello. Then you need to sleep. Mum's dying to get you home and feed you. Soon as you're ready, you're coming home with us, then later maybe to your house. Okay?"

He looked at her green eyes and squeezed her hand. "Okay."

Weeks later he was sitting on a bench in his own garden watching the garden gnomes run through the grass when a figure stepped through his garden gate and walked very slowly towards him. Harry sensed the presence almost immediately although he didn't turn to look.

When there was no longer movement he looked up into the face of his previous Potion's master.

"Good day, Mr. Potter," Snape said coolly.

"Hello, Mr. Snape," Harry responded. He waved his hand to a chair nearby. "Would you like something cool to drink?"

Snape shook his head and said, "I see that you are recovering."

Harry remained silent, thinking to himself. The man was changed. His look was not as dark or as grim. He wore different clothes and looked at him differently. Of course, we have all changed, Harry thought bitterly of the lost time. He also had to remind himself that the man who sat before him had literally saved his life and he needed to be careful of the inflection in his own voice. To Harry it may have been only yesterday that he saw the same old Snape, but to this man, it was two years in the past.

"I am feeling better, yes," Harry answered finally. "The hardest part is learning about what has taken place while I was...asleep."

Snape didn't say anything.

"However, Hermione comes by every day and leaves the Daily Prophet for me and tells me what she is doing at the Ministry. She told me weeks ago you have been hunting the old Death Eaters down."

Snape folded his longs legs over one another and his hands in his lap. "Yes. There was a breach of security that night in the tower and Lucius escaped. It is understandable, there was much going on."

"It was regrettable that some of the students were injured," Harry said conversationally. "I understand Draco joined his father."

Snape nodded. "The spell that bound him was released, as you know, when Voldemort was killed."

"There were aftereffects," Harry said.

"Yes, I'm afraid that there were. Also, I think the death of his mother and the torture of his father at our hands, forced him to make a decision. It was not a good decision." Snape's delicate white hands fluttered once as if to say, 'ah well, it couldn't be helped' and then dropped back into his lap.

"Professor?" Harry began and then waved his own hand in dismissal, "Sorry, I've not gotten used to some things. Mr. Snape. I won't keep you. I understand that you are busy."

"So we come to the point?" Snape said quietly.

Harry looked at him and waited a moment. He was not sure whether he still spoke to an enemy or to a friend; although he didn't think of Snape as a friend in the same way he thought of his true friends. He ventured his first question, the first one that came to mind, "I'd like to know where we stand with one another?"

Snape gazed at him with eyes that betrayed no emotion, no feeling. "Where we stand, Mr. Potter? Is this what has brought me here?"

Harry stood, wobbled weakly for a moment and began to walk the area around his garden. His legs, atrophied by two years of disuse, had caused him the most problems. He used a cane to maneuver and almost felt embarrassed to use it in front of the man. He stopped before a tree and grasped one of the lower limbs to steady himself. He turned and answered the question, "Yes, as a beginning. I want to know where we stand. I know you saved my life. And...and... I think only you can answer some of the questions I have about what happened." Harry bit at his lip and waited.

Snape stood and walked over to face him. "Proceed."

"You said there were after-affects with Draco. He was possessed by Voldemort. I was also possessed and for a moment...," Harry closed his eyes to fight the nausea that always surface when he recalled the memory, "...for a moment my body contained a piece of his soul."

"And you wonder if you have been contaminated?" Snape replied. He stared off across the garden and seemed to consider the question carefully. "I don't know. Only you can tell me. Us. In time, we may know more fully what the aftereffects are, if any. At this point I cannot tell." Snape turned to him again. "Have you not looked in a mirror since awakening?"

Harry frowned and shook his head. "No. Why?"

Snape raised an eyebrow and then pulled out his wand and in an instant produced a mirror. He handed it to Harry. "Look into it and tell me what you see."

Harry accepted the mirror reluctantly and leaning on the cane with one hand, he raised it up with the other and looked in. He studied the face that was slightly unfamiliar. There was the days growth of beard and the glasses, the green eyes- and then- he saw it. A clear forehead. No scar. He brushed at his forehead with the hand holding the mirror and turned the mirror to look again. It was gone!

"My scar, my scar is gone!" He looked at Snape in astonishment.

The man nodded and said, "Yes, it is gone. No one ever knew why you received it in the first place and no one knows why it has disappeared. Suffice it to say, that is probably a good sign."

Harry was still looking into the mirror. He caught his own eyes and the moment of joy was gone. "So how long will I be under suspicion? How long will you wonder if I have been...contaminated, as you say?'

Snape shrugged. They stood looking at one another for a long time before Snape turned and walked a few steps into the garden and seemed to be studying some herbs planted there by Dobby.

"I realize many things have changed," Harry began again and started up the path to walk alongside the man, "Many things at the Ministry and Hogwarts; in the wizarding world. Are the Malfoys going to give us trouble?"

Snape nodded slowly. "They have several others with them, Bellatrix Lestrange and others. Malfoy has come into his own. He has different goals then Voldemort did and different methods, shall we say, of reaching those goals. The Ministry has gone through an evolution or perhaps it would be better to say, a revolution. They are ill-equipped to deal with this new danger. That is hardly news. They have rarely been prepared to face such threats."

"I'd like to help," Harry said softly and Snape turned quickly and stopped. Harry hurried on, "I would. I don't know what I could do, but I don't have any immediate plans and I find myself at loose ends. I don't think I can sit in this garden forever and do nothing." He waited and Snape remained silent. "I know they don't have Aurors at the Ministry any longer. Madeye said there was this elite corps of wizards that were being trained. He said the Ministry will be very anxious to show they are on top of things. He said that I should try and join." Harry rushed the last, realizing he was confiding in the man he thought he would forever loath and hate. And yet, as he spoke he didn't feel hate or loathing. He felt a warm feeling as if they had made a connection only found with friends or family.

Snape snorted slightly and answered, "Time will go by and their passion will subside. Lucius will take advantage of it; knows it will happen. If you choose to join this group Moody talks about, you may find yourself without a job in a short time. The Ministry has a very short memory about such things."

Harry considered what he was saying, knowing Snape was right. He continued, "I understand you have also gathered some people together. That you are training them for this kind of special work."

Snape started walking again. "There are others, some that you trained... your friend, Weasley... that have asked for some assistance in pursuing a career in this field. They call themselves dark wizard hunters. They are wise to keep their work secret and to follow up on what was started so long ago." He stopped and waited for Harry to catch up and looked at him for a long time before continuing, "They take my orders and work for me. If you wish to do the same, you must return to Hogwarts for another year and obtain your N.E.W.T.S."

Harry stopped. He had known about the dark wizard hunters from Ron himself. It had been one of the reasons he had summoned Snape. He was not prepared for what Snape was now asking of him. He thought about it. He would be the oldest student there. Hogwarts would never be the same, not since they had abolished the sorting and the houses, not since Albus Dumbledore had died. He knew that he could not complain to Snape about not wanting to return to Hogwarts for additional education. There would be no sympathy for him there.

"All right," he managed.

Snape studied him. "It will not be as terrible as you think, Mr. Potter. McGonagal is retiring and would probably accept you as an assistant teacher while you studied. You would have to work very hard to catch up in certain areas."

Harry nodded and shrugged.

Snape turned to leave. "Very well. I will speak with her."

"Mr. Snape?" Harry called out quickly. Snape turned again. "There is one more thing."

Snape stopped and stood at the gate.

Harry knew he risked alienating the man if he pursued the subject. He felt that to go on- to take orders from the man- he needed to start with a clear slate.

"Why did you hate me so much?" Harry hobbled over to him. "What did I ever do? The moment I entered Hogwarts, you hated me. I was only eleven years old and I could feel it. Every day, you went out of your way to bully me. You were cruel. I think you know by now that I wasn't raised by wealthy, loving relatives. My life with the Dursleys was hell. I have never felt the need to prove myself to you...until now. I want to begin this life fresh. I don't think I can do that if I don't know the truth."

Snape looked down at him along his long aquiline nose and the eyes darkened. Harry remembered the look from his days of sitting behind his desk and feeling the stare as he struggled to mix potion ingredients. He was determined to not show fear or to cringe. He was no longer a child; he was now grown, and it angered him. He kept his feelings hidden and waited. He didn't think Snape would answer even though they had shared a near-death experience.

Snape folded his hands once again before him and seemed to focus inwardly. Harry was sure he was not going to get an answer.

Snape's rested against the gate and he stood stared out onto the lane over-shadowed by the foliage of summer trees. There was traffic on the road. A carriage went by and they heard voices of travelers. Since moving into the cottage the boundary of the wizarding world had extended itself to the Potter home on the Godric Gryffindor estate. Wizards and witches now moved freely around the estate and visited it as a tourist attraction.

In his heart, Harry knew they were more attracted to the small little house that housed 'the boy who killed the Dark Lord' then they were to the ancient manor. His attention was drawn to the road and to the voices and the summer sunshine and the smells of the new mown fields. It never failed to stir his emotions when he thought of his parents few short years living in peace and tranquility on the very spot where he stood. It had brought him tremendous relief to return to his home to heal.

He was patient and comforted by his surroundings as he stood waiting.

Snape turned and looked at Harry and then said clearly without malice, "It is not wise to try and understand me, Mr. Potter. These things are in the past and best left there."

"Is that it?" Harry breathed. "Is that all you will say?"

Snape took a deep breath as if coming to some kind of decision. "Your father tried to befriend me once. He was alone he wasn't with Black." He breathed again and looked away. "We had just started Hogwarts. Your father met me on the grounds and spoke to me. In spite of what later happened..." Snape glanced at him. Harry knew he was referring to the Pensieve and what he had seen. "...he attempted to make friends with me. I was raised by terrible... parents... and had little time for friendships. However, I was surprised and enjoyed the relationship your father and I had."

Harry arched his brow sympathetically and waited. He knew this was taking every ounce of strength Snape could muster to speak so openly.

"Your father abhorred the dark arts," Snape continued. "I, on the other hand, was bottle-fed them. My mother was adept and skillful in the field. There are some things that few people understand. If one is aware of the danger- the seductive, even addictive nature of magic- one can prepare themselves. Few have the ability to not be engulfed or consumed by the power that comes with practicing them."

"So why learn them? Why use them?" Harry almost whispered.

Snape turned to him to answer, "Every type of magic has its usefulness. Dark magic is no different. Potion-making is an example of that. It is a mixture of both; one can make a poison or use one to heal." He turned away again and studied the road. "Your father set up some rules, shall we say, in our friendship. He insisted that I not use the magic or discuss it. However, when it was convenient for him on one occasion, he came to me and asked me to use it."

Harry stood straighter preparing himself for what he knew would be a well-kept secret. "Go on."

Snape looked at him sharply. "Are you sure, Mr. Potter? Some things are better left forgotten. You have ever been ready to come to his defense. Are you sure you want to know?"

Harry remembered questioning Sirius after seeing the tricks they had pulled on Snape in the Pensieve. He felt he was old enough to acknowledge that his father had not been a perfect boy, or man and he said so. "My father was not perfect. I know he humiliated you. I know Sirius put him up to it many times. That was when you were children and I can understand there would be a lot of bitterness about it even when you were older. But I think by betraying them to Voldemort you got your revenge. That doesn't explain why you hated me."

"It was obvious almost from the beginning your father and I could not share a friendship," Snape said, ignoring what Harry had said. "There were too many differences and too many pressures to allow it." Harry thought he was talking about his Madam Prince, his mother. "But I was prepared to try until he asked something of me I knew would destroy it."

"I was hurt by the dissolution of it," Snape said so quietly that Harry found himself leaning forward to hear him. Snape continued, "He chose his friends; Lupin and Black and later became an enemy."

"What caused him to be so cruel towards you?" Harry asked swallowing hard.

Snape sniffed and paused for a moment. "He came to me and asked a favor. He wanted me to use dark magic to bring about an outcome. After all of the things he said about using it and how it degraded a person, he was suddenly very intrigued when it would serve his purpose. He wanted me to teach him, wanted to renew our friendship. However, that was a farce. As soon as he got what he wanted he abandoned our friendship."

Harry was growing almost frantic with impatience. "What did he want?"

"He was attracted to your mother, Lily Evans," Snape said quietly. "She found him to be self-important and arrogant and wanted nothing to do with him."

"So you made a love-potion? What?" Harry was now guessing in order to force the issue out into the open. "That's hardly dark magic. Half the school was doing it in our fifth year."

"Perhaps I haven't been clear, Mr. Potter," Snape was almost whispering. "Dark magic is a very difficult and precise discipline. Without skill one can get lost in it. It has the quality to disturb one's personality, to distort and twist, to consume the wizard. I was a boy and I nearly destroyed myself several times in performing magic that was better left to older, more skilled wizards."

Harry was now frowning. "Was this one of those times?"

Snape nodded slightly. "There was some residual effects from performing the spell that he wanted me to perform. Anytime you use dark magic, Mr. Potter you run the risk of losing a piece of yourself. You saw with your own eyes what misusing it did to Voldemort; he was hardly human. Over time any wizard who is not wise can succumb and degenerate to such a creature."

"Mr. Snape," Harry coaxed. "I don't understand. Please..."

"Your mother was a very kind person," Snape said, now looking at him directly. His face revealed a mixture of anger and great sadness. It was the first time Harry had seen him look like this. Snape continued talking, "She would often come to me and talk to me. What you saw in the Pensieve was a moment of embarrassment on my part. It was out of context. I called her a mudblood, but hardly felt that way about her. She was very intelligent and would help me with charm work. I insisted she keep our meetings a secret and she assumed it was because I did not want my mother to find out I was with a mixed blood wizard."

Snape walked away from the gate but turned slowly to face Harry. "Your father learned about our meetings. He came to me and wanted to trade places with me for one evening."

Harry was feeling nervous suddenly. "Trade places? Like he would show up when she was supposed to be meeting you?"

Snape remained silent.

"You mean literally trade places. You mean switch bodies?" Harry croaked. The evening was coming on and darkness was beginning to dim the light. Harry was afraid he wouldn't be able to see Snape's face and he desperately wanted to see it. He moved closer almost stumbling in his rush. "She met him instead of you... but you acted like him, talked like him... but it was you! And she never knew." Harry was very aware of the effects of polyjuice potion. He didn't think it was the same kind of magic since Snape mentioned the use of dark magic.

Snape nodded.

Harry grabbed for the fence and leaned against it for support and stared at the man in astonishment.

"We could not tolerate the sight of each other afterwards," he said finally. "I felt I had betrayed her trust in using the magic that made it possible and he regretted using dark magic to win her affections. He wanted to be upfront and tell her that the man she fell in love with was not as she believed him to be. He wanted to correct what was impossible to correct. I held sway and refused to allow it to happen feeling it would destroy her. Just as you experienced a connection with Voldemort following his possession of you, I also continued to feel a connection with James Potter," Snape almost spit out the name. "It was as if a half of the other resided in each of us. It stopped only when he no longer lived."

Harry's mouth dropped open and he was gasping like a fish on the bank, unable to draw in enough oxygen to form any words. "She fell in love with you?!"

Snape waited and walked towards him slowly. "I think it is safe to say that half of you is my son and the other half his. No one will ever know. We shared the same physical body that night. I wanted you to be my son and knew you weren't the first moment I laid eyes on you. I looked for something in you that was a part of me and saw nothing. That doesn't hold true any longer. I believe there is a part of me in you whether you wish it to be or not."

Harry dropped his head in total shock and felt the man walk by him and open the gate. He felt a faint brush of cloth against cloth as Snape walked by and a moment when he hesitated.

"I am sorry, Harry." The words were whispered. "I am truly sorry."

"Wait. Stop!" Harry grabbed at his arm and missed and almost fell. Snape's hand reached out and steadied him. "You can't tell me this and then leave." They stared at each other. Harry licked his lips desperately trying to find words. Finally, he gasped, "I'm not sorry. I think I knew all along."

Snape's eyes narrowed and he studied Harry's face.

"I have been in your mind and you in mine," Harry said. "There was something familiar there and I couldn't say what it was...would never have known what it was...until now." He reached for Snape's hand and grasped it. "Will you come back? After I have time to think this through?"

Snape continued to stare.

"I am not like my father Mr. Snape. When I make a friendship, I am loyal. I have never abandoned my friends."

Snape straightened and looked at their handshake. Harry had not let go. "Yes, Mr. Potter...Harry... I will come back."

Harry let go and watched as Snape opened the gate, stepped through and walked into the evening.