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Chapter 6

True to his own word, Elliot had 'cleared out' the spare room. By 'cleared out' he meant having just piled everything into closets and cupboards, in doing so clearing a path to the bed in the corner. He'd done this because Rachael had decided to stay. She'd even helped him out.

She'd decided to stay at Elliot's for now because she was confused. Not wanting to believe what she had remembered but knowing she had to, and he was the only one who could really help her remember.

There was too much about her life now that she couldn't remember and that's why she knew Elliot had been right all along. She was someone else. The thought scared the shit out of her.

Whilst Elliot was making coffee she had begun wandering around his apartment. There was no denying how familiar it all felt. She ended up in his bedroom, because most of what she was seeing in her head, the memories, as blurred as they was, were based in here, in the very room she stood.

She looked down at the bed and like a projector playing in her head could see images of her and Elliot in front of her. Elliot was running his hand up her leg, slowly, before resting it against her waist, gently holding her there as they moved together.

She closed her eyes and shook her head, not ready for all the memories just yet. More had to be explained to her before she could allow them to all flood back, if they would.

She looked around and spotted a picture next to Elliot's bed. She walked over to it and picked it up to study it. It was of Elliot and five children, they all looked like him, aspects of them anyway, mostly the big blue eyes. One in particular she recognized, he could have been no more than one or so in the picture. "Eli…" she thought out loud.

"You should remember him," Elliot said from behind her, making her spin round to face him. She was startled but calmed quickly. She felt at so safe around him. "You're the reason he's alive." he told her.

She tired to think of why Elliot would say that but it wasn't coming back. She rubbed her neck, suddenly feeling pain in it.

"You've had that twinge in your neck ever since that day. You always tried to hide it from me, but I noticed." Elliot said to her, willing the memories to come back to her.

She looked at him for a moment before looking back at the picture, concentrating on it, mostly on little Eli. She closed her eyes but quickly opened them as one minute she was looking out of a car window the next was being pushed across the street, the sound of crushing metal deafening her before pain hit her.

"It was a crash." she said to Elliot, who just simply nodded. "We were hit. It came out from nowhere." she said, suddenly and somehow remembering it like it had been yesterday. "Kathy…?" she questioned, the name repeating itself over and over in her head.

Elliot paused before saying anything. "She's my wife." he said.

Rachael looked at him, a sadness hitting the pit of her stomach for a reason she wasn't totally sure of but guessed had something to do with the way Olivia felt for Elliot. She felt like it was a familiar feeling Olivia got when Elliot mentioned his wife.

"Was…my wife," Elliot quickly added. "We separated before…well before I lost you. We officially got divorced whilst you were away. She and the kids moved away from here." he said taking the picture from her hands so he could look at his children, who all still amazed him and all who he couldn't be more proud of, especially Kathleen who had come full circle from the way she had gone. "I still see em' sometimes. When they're not busy doing there own things." he said, faking a smile.

Rachael could see right through it.

"Do you have any pictures of me…I mean…her…whoever it is I am?" she asked him a little sheepishly.

Elliot just smiled at her and nodded.

- - - - - -

It had taken Elliot all of five minutes to dig out the box of pictures he had that contained Olivia. There were a few other things of hers in it too, but he'd get to them eventually. Rachael was too fixed on the photos for the time being.

There weren't really that many pictures. The ones there were mostly of her in the SVU. She instantly recognized it from her recent visit to the place. There were a few other people on the pictures too, ones she recognized from having seen at the SVU when she had been there.

Then there was one of Elliot and her. She studied it for a moment, smiling at the smiles on both of their faces. They were sat on his desk in the squad room, hugging. She was nestled neatly against him.

"That was your birthday. You hoped we'd all forgotten about it, but when we surprised you with a cake and presents you didn't object. I hadn't seen you smile and laugh like you did that day in what had seemed like ages. It was really great to see." Elliot said, smiling to her. He really couldn't seem to stop smiling around her.

She smiled back and flipped to the next picture. It was of her and Elliot again, this time they were clearly on a date. They were in a restaurant, stood on a dance floor. He was behind her with his arms wrapped around her waist, his face nuzzled against hers, she was holding onto his arms. They looked perfect together.

"Our first date." he told her. "Our only date, actually." he said making her laugh as well as himself. "Every time we planned to go out somewhere something came up, work, my kids, just something… In the end we just gave up and would stay in at my place or your place. Mostly your place." he paused before saying, "It killed me clearing out your place. I probably kept practically al of your stuff. I had it for years then I knew you'd kick my ass so I gave most of it to a charity shop."

Rachael looked at him. She hated not knowing what had happened to her…how she'd 'died'…how she'd broke his heart. "How did I, you' know, die or whatever?" she asked, laughing nervously.

Elliot looked into her eyes as he thought of the best way to tell her. Realizing there was none he just came out with it. "You were working undercover. Your undercover alias was Rachael Cameron, you were a hooker. You were working for a man named Leon Morton. We suspected him of child rape, forcing them to be prostitutes as well as grown women."

Rachael looked at him, tears filling her eyes. "Son-of-a-bitch said he only employed women who wanted to work. If I'd have known he used kids and forced people." Rachael said, guilt stabbing at her.

"What's the last thing you remember?" he asked her.

She thought about it, hard, the last thing she remembered…

She woke up in a hospital room, not a nice one at that. It didn't smell clean, there were people around her, coughing, shouting at nurses, complaining about just about everything; their bed wasn't comfy, they needed more pain killers, they had to pee. She just wanted them all to shut up. Her head was killing her, pounding like someone was using it to play a drum on.

She reached up to hold it. She felt a bump on it the size of a goose egg. She groaned in pain, waking up the snoozing person in a chair next to her. "Rach, Rachael. Thank God you're okay. Thank god." he said as she watched him get up and take hold of her hand. "You really had me worried for a while there." he said to her.

"Leon?" she questioned.

"Yeah, baby. I'm here." He said, planting a hard kiss on her lips, which for some reason seemed to hurt. Her whole body ached. She felt like she'd been thrown from a moving train.

"Hey, baby, can you walk?" he asked her.

"I think so." she said.

"Good. Come on." he said, pulling her up.

"What, well, where are we going?" she asked him.

"Come on. We need to get outta here before the cops show up." he said, putting his jacket on her before grabbing her other clothes and pulling her right up off the bed.

Together they ran out of the hospital…

"After that we went to some motel. I slept for about two days. Then it was back to work." Rachael told Elliot.

Elliot nodded. "You'd hit your head?" he asked.

"Yeah, really, really hard. I still have a bump and a scar." she said, lifting his hand up to feel the evidence in her hair. "Feel it?"

"Yeah," he said. He was suddenly wondering if she'd actually hit her head hard enough somehow to make her forget everything. He wasn't totally sure if that could even happen but he was sure as hell going to check.

Rachael continued rummaging through the box. She found something that grabbed her attention. She pulled it out of the box to examine it closer. It looked like a wallet but when she flipped it open there was a gold badge and an ID card inside. She read the ID, Olivia Benson. It was her, on the picture.

She could just see herself holding it up to someone, saying "I'm a detective." It made her smile. She liked the sound of it. It's not like anyone would want to hold a badge up saying, 'hooker'.

She was really starting to hate the person she was now. She threw the badge back into the box and sighed. Then she noticed another picture and so pulled it out. This one was framed. She guessed the person in shades, with short dark hair, was her. She had no clue as to who the other woman stood next to her, their arm wrapped lovingly around her, was.

"You remember her?" Elliot asked.

"Should I?" she asked.

"That's your mom." he said to her.

She looked at him, shocked. She suddenly thought back to what he had said to her in the interrogation room. "So, I guess that there's not going to be many pictures of my father." she said, finding it a little sad, even if she did know the circumstances. "Were me and my mother close?" she asked him.

"Not quite. She had issues even before you came along. Your father ra…doing what he did just made them worse. She drank way too much…"

"Where is she now?" she asked interrupting him.

"She died." he told her.

She just nodded. "A while ago?" she asked.

"A pretty long time ago." he clarified.

Finding the trip down memory lane suddenly a little hard, she put the picture back down into the box and pushed it away. "So, I have no mother. My father's a rapist. What's my brother like?" she asked, remembering him mentioning she had one.

"You stopped speaking long before the accident." he told her, "I'm pretty sure we could find him if you wanted? I called to invite him to your funeral but he didn't show up. Last I heard he'd moved to Ireland."

She just nodded again, "And I don't see my father?" she questioned.

"He's dead too." he told her.

"Aunt's, Uncles? Any more brother or sisters…a cat?" she asked, suddenly crying.

Elliot just shook his head.

"So I'm still all alone." she said sadly.

"You always had me…have me, and everyone at the precinct. We were your family…are your family." he said, trying to cheer her up.

She just smiled at him. As he smiled back at her, his big blue eyes shining away, she was hit with feelings in the pit of her stomach, ones she knew she'd felt before but not as Rachael. The feelings made her want to get lost in his eyes and feel his touch, kiss his lips. So, she went with it. She leant forward and softly placed her lips on his, kissing them tenderly.

Elliot, unable to not kiss her back, reached up and placed his hand on her face, tangling his finger up in her hair and deepened the kiss. She immediately allowed his tongue access to her mouth and gladly let it explore before letting her own tongue massage his.

She was becoming lost in thoughts, realizing how much happier this life, as opposed to the one she had, was. She quickly realized that she didn't want to give it up, didn't want to go back to being Rachael, didn't care what happened to Leon, and didn't want to have some strange horrible guy all over her.

She just wanted this life…with Elliot, as Olivia.

TBC

Does that count as a cliff hanger???

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