I wasn't seeing straight… and I knew it too.

But I didn't plan on doing anything about it.

I turned on the radio and blasted it, just as an attempt to clear my jumbled and crazy head. Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain" pounded in my ears. I was driving a hell of lot faster than I should've been… and I didn't give a crap.

I saw a liquor store on the side of the road. I promptly pulled over. I'd gone to a party once and I'd gotten pretty wasted… thank God for AJ, seeing as he'd covered for me and made sure I didn't get myself killed on the way home.

He's saved my life on more than one occasion, now that I think about it…

And I didn't say goodbye to him.

When I got out of the car, I stumbled.

There was this pretty damn shady looking guy sitting on the ground outside.

"Hey, kid!" He hissed.

Looking at him, I realized that they weren't going to sell me anything inside.

He pulled out a little bottle of whiskey.

"I sell it way cheaper than inside." His voice sounded like that of a smoker.

"How much?"

I kept my distance.

"Fifteen."

I stumbled back over to the car and pulled a couple bucks out of the glove compartment. I threw them at the dude, who handed me the bottle.

I mumbled a thank you and got back into the car.

I started it up and sped out.

"Lose Yourself" by Eminem was blasting.

And I had lost myself.

But I didn't want to focus on that.

I just drove.

I opened the bottle of whiskey and took a swig. I felt the alcohol burn the back of my throat.

I pounded my fist against the steering wheel as I cried.

"WHY?"

I screamed angrily and slammed my hand on the steering wheel.

Why my father?

Why not me?

I took another swig.

Then, I reached my new forbidden place:

Miller Falls.

I swerved in, the world almost looking sideways to me.

I got out of the car, holding my whiskey, a pack of matches, and my mother's pack of emergency cigarettes.

My throat was burning and I sat down on the cold ground.

I remembered something… you're not supposed to drink when you're on as much medication as I was…

Once again, didn't give a crap.

I think that was the reason why I did it.

"Stupid Miller Falls."

I muttered curses, stomping my left foot on the ground with everything I had.

"Damn Vanessa Cortlandt."

I took another swig of that whiskey.

"Why would you lie to me, Mom?"

I was angry, drunk, and delirious.

I cried, sobbed, and slammed my foot into the ground.

I hated Miller Falls.

I hated Vanessa Cortlandt.

I hated my mother.

I hated my life.

After taking one final swig of the very disgusting whiskey, I threw the bottle at the car.

It shattered, pieces of glass flying everywhere.

I sobbed.

I screamed.

The dark sky opened up, and it started to pour.

"Great!"

I screamed at the sky.

"Thanks, God! Thanks for giving me this life! Thanks for taking my freaking father away from me!"

I stood up and almost fell back onto the ground.

I stumbled over to the car and kicked the tire, killing my toes.

Then, I sat on the hood of the car and let out a sob. I hadn't even realized that it was caught in the back of my throat.

I slammed my fist on the car, and I grunted and screamed again.

Never once in my life had I been angrier.

I punched the windshield.

I lit a match.

There had never been a time when I had been so violent.

There had never been a time when I had hated life so much.

There had never been a time when I wanted to see my father so badly.

There had never been a time where I really, truly wanted to die…

Until that night.

That was the worst night of my life.

But… it was also a very important night.

It was the night I stole by mom's car… for the second time in a 2 weeks.

It was the night I bought whiskey from and incredibly shady man.

It was the night I missed my father more than I ever thought possible.

It was the night I wanted to die.

And it was the night I set a car on fire.

Reviews!

-Emma