Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer. I own a Prius that does NOT have brake or accelerator problems.
Playlist for Chapter Five – "Losing Your Memory" by Ryan Star, "Forgotten" by Wideawake
Chapter Five – Forgotten
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I no longer used childish ways.
- 1 Corinthians 13:11
September 1994
~Bella~
Life without Edward was misery. I was desolate from the moment my best friend had to leave Forks. Not a day had passed since I first met Edward that I didn't get to see him for at least a portion of it. Whether it was during my school recess, or in my room after Charlie had tucked me into bed for the night, Edward, my guardian Angel, had always been there to keep my nightmares at bay as he sat in the rocking chair and hummed a quiet lullaby for me.
I could hear his melodic voice in my mind, and I held on to this memory each night as I went to sleep. He was with me in my dreams, where I could feel warm and safe and loved. It was the light of each new day that was cold, empty, and gray. I would pretend that he was with me during the day just to keep from drowning in my loneliness.
School began, and I was now a first grader. I had always been ahead of the rest of the class in reading. It provided the perfect escape from reality for a quiet, lonely little girl. In books I could immerse myself in a completely new world, a world free from the teasing of girls like Lauren and Jessica.
Our first grade teacher had been told about my love of, and ability for, reading and brought several higher grade level books for me to read. Class hadn't started yet and I was happily absorbed in one of the new books when out of nowhere Mike Newton's grubby hands grabbed it from mine and ran across the room.
"Look here," he called, as he waved the book at me. "What a dumb book. It hardly even has any pictures. How boring is that?"
Suddenly, Mike was empty-handed and a dark-haired girl I had never seen before was bringing my book back to me.
"It's not a dumb book," she told him, looking back at him over her shoulder. "You're dumb for not wanting to learn how to read."
"Here's your book. It looks like a good one," the new girl said, smiling as she handed the book to me. "My name is Angela."
"Thanks Angela. I'm Bella." I grinned at her.
The new pastor of the Lutheran church and his family had just moved to town and our little school was abuzz with the excitement over a new addition. His daughter, Angela Weber, was in my class and the teacher had assigned Angela and me to sit together. This turned out to be a perfect arrangement. We were both quiet, so we never got in trouble for talking like Jessica and Lauren always did. Both of us loved to read, and were ahead of the rest of the class, so we would trade books with each other.
It felt good to have someone to play with during recess. I had missed my daily meeting with Edward. I wondered where he was, what he might be doing, and if he missed me as much as I missed him. I would have given anything to see him again.
One day I went to school and Angela was absent. I made it through the day with my nose buried in a book for company and called Angela's house as soon as I got home. Angela told me she had chicken pox and her mom was keeping her out of school for the rest of the week.
I was so lonely without Angela at my side during recess the following day. I remembered meeting Edward in the forest each day, and before I realized what I was doing, I found myself back in the woods across the field from the school. I tried to remember how to get to our treehouse, but wound up lost in the woods as the shadows grew longer. I sat down at the base of a tree and cried, wishing fiercely that Edward was here to rescue me.
Eventually I fell asleep. I awoke to the sound of voices shouting my name and echoing through the trees.
"I'm over here!" I called as I got up from the ground.
Several of the teachers ran toward me and one of them swept me up into her arms.
"Bella, we've been looking for you everywhere," she yelled frantically. "Don't ever leave the school again!"
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Berty. I promise I won't ever do it again," I said, my chin quivering from the effort to hold back tears.
"Why did you leave the school?" she asked.
"I was lonely without Angela and I wanted to see my friend again," I answered honestly.
"Angela would never go alone out into the forest, Bella. Now let's get you back to school. You need to promise that you will stay out of the woods from now on."
Mrs. Berty must have misunderstood and thought I was talking about Angela, but I meant Edward.
A month later, the fence surrounding the school playground was finished.
I never told Angela about Edward. For some reason I wanted to keep him to myself. Every time I tried to talk to Daddy about Edward, he would mumble something about my "imaginary friend." It had been so long since I had seen him, and Daddy knew everyone in town, that I started to wonder if he was right. Could Edward have been imaginary?
Angela and I became inseparable. She was my best friend and we did everything together. The only time I didn't spend with Angela was when Daddy took me with him to LaPush to visit with his friend Billy Black.
Billy Black had been best friends with Daddy all of their lives. They usually went fishing when they got together, so I was left with the twins, Rachel and Rebecca, who were a year older than me. Jacob, their brother, was two years younger than me. Their mom, Sarah, treated me like I was one of her own. She even called me her fourth child. I always felt at home in the little red house on the Quileute reservation.
Usually several other children would join us. Sam Uley was the oldest of our group and watched over the rest of us like a hawk. Leah Clearwater was the same age as Rachel and Rebecca. Embry Call and Quil Ateara were the same age as Jacob. Leah's baby brother, Seth, tried to tag along, but he was barely past being a toddler. Leah had enough to deal with the way Jake followed her around like a puppy. They were my extended family and we were thick as thieves.
We would play during the summers from dawn to dusk, finishing the days dirty, barefoot, and exhausted. Dinner, bath, and bed were a comfortable routine for us. Daddy would tuck me in to bed and I would be asleep before my head hit the pillow. I would dream of running through the forest, "flying" on Edward's back, and playing in our treehouse. I would wake in the morning with an ache in my heart, wishing he would come back soon.
I couldn't quite remember his face anymore, but I could remember his cold hands and messy hair blowing in the wind. Every now and then I would hear a sound that reminded me of his laughter but I couldn't be sure because his voice was becoming a distant memory.
August 1997
~Edward~
Three years after I joined the family in Syracuse, we were moving on to yet another town in the endless parade of deceit. I really didn't care where we ended up one way or another, the only thing that mattered was getting back to Bella. I had hoped that after Syracuse we would be able to relocate to Forks, but Alice had a vision that prevented it.
The Volturi were making another round of the Pacific Northwest, still searching for the rogue vampires who had created immortal children in Seattle. Apparently, one of the nomads had a talent for evasion. Alice made it perfectly clear that under no circumstances was I to venture anywhere near Forks. If I did, the path would result in the death of all of the Cullens.
Don't worry, Edward. Good things come to those who wait, she thought. You'll see her again. I know it will work out for you.
"God, Alice, I hope so. I don't know how much longer I can stand to be away from her. Minute by minute, it's killing me," I told her.
Left without the option of moving to the Olympic Peninsula, we settled for Elkins, West Virginia. Emmet had thrown a fit about never getting to live in the location of his choosing and had promised Rosalie another year-long honeymoon in Europe if she would "suck it up for a few years in the boonies" so he could feel at home for once. It was so isolated that even the Volturi would never have a reason to go there.
Emmet was downright giddy about moving to the rural mountain town. It reminded him of his hometown in Tennessee, where Rosalie had found him near death after being mauled by a bear nearly seventy years before.
Rosalie had worn an almost-permanent scowl since agreeing to the move, but had resigned herself to suffer for a few years for Emmett's sake. Thank God time passes quickly for us. I don't think I could handle several years of mortal time buried in the hills. Her thoughts almost made me smile.
Jasper was excited about his proximity to locations of genuine Civil War battles, and that his accent would actually fit in where we would be living.
"The first land skirmish of the Civil War took place in Philippi, only twenty miles from Elkins. I knew one of the guys in that so-called battle." Jasper drawled, grinning from ear to ear. "Yes sir, I'll definitely make a visit to the area."
Alice was happy to be wherever Jasper was and there were enough shopping opportunities within a 250-mile radius to meet her needs.
Carlisle, of course, saw an opportunity to truly help the local population with the quality of health care he could provide. He always made a positive difference in the lives of people everywhere we had lived.
Esme was looking forward to restoring the old house that we had purchased on a farm just outside the town.
I was surrounded with the thoughts of my family and had never felt so alone. As far as I was concerned, any place that didn't have Bella in it was just another storage location for my lifeless body. Without her I simply wasn't living.
Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice were all taking courses at Davis and Elkins College. Once again, I opted to sit this one out. I couldn't bring myself to plod through the monotony of classes I'd already taken numerous times in my current frame of mind, which was devoted entirely to thoughts of Bella anyway.
When I wasn't pouring my heart out on the piano, I spent my time sitting on an outcropping of rock on one of the mountainsides. I was taken by the beauty of the autumn scenery, the hills blazing with brilliant red, orange, and gold. How I wished Bella could be with me to enjoy the view.
I closed my eyes and imagined her sitting next to me on the huge rock, her little body nestled against my side and her tiny hand grasping mine. Moments or perhaps hours passed without me moving, and I could actually feel the sensation of her warmth. It seemed so real that I opened my eyes almost expecting to see her there. Instead, I saw that a shaft of sunlight was streaming down on my side where my phantom Bella was leaning on me.
I'd give anything to touch her now.
September 1999
~Bella~
Days blended one into the next, and suddenly we were no longer children. I had slowly been taking over the responsibilities of running the house, cleaning and learning to cook meals for me and Charlie that didn't come from a box. Charlie never insisted that I assume the role of homemaker, but he always provided whatever I needed and constantly let me know how much he appreciated everything that I did. Seeing his happiness made it all worthwhile.
At school, the boys started acting strangely toward the girls, who before had always been the ones with "cooties" but had now become objects of mystery and interest. The girls would giggle about this boy or that boy, stealing glances across the lunchroom, pointing and whispering. Handholding became a much bigger deal than it had been when we were younger.
Angela and I had reached our awkward, gangly pre-teen phase, while Jessica and Lauren had blossomed into sirens seemingly overnight. The boys took notice of their feminine wiles, while Angela and I just laughed at their attempts to impress the mean girls. It didn't matter to us that the boys didn't show an interest in either Angela or me. The very thought of my hand being held captive in Mike Newton's hot sweaty palm left me feeling nauseous.
Each night I had the craziest dream. I would dream I was flying through the forest, trying to find someone who was always just out of reach and out of my sight. I would wake feeling sad, knowing that I was missing something but not knowing what it was.
August 2001
~Bella~
"Bella, there's been a car accident near LaPush. It's Sarah, and she's hurt pretty bad. We need to get to the hospital now. Billy and Jacob are there waiting for us," Charlie shouted as he ran into the house. I had been in my room working on my homework when I heard his car pull into the driveway.
I grabbed my shoes and put them on in Charlie's Forks Police cruiser.
Charlie tore through the streets of Forks, lights flashing and sirens blaring as we sped to the hospital. Billy and Jake were already in the Emergency Room waiting area when we got there. Sue Clearwater had gone to pick Rachel and Rebecca up from their dance class.
Not long after Charlie and I arrived, Rachel and Rebecca ran to Billy's side, with Sue Clearwater walking in after them.
The waiting room was eerily quiet as we waited for news on Sarah Black's condition.
One of the nurses came out into the waiting room and spoke quietly to Billy, who followed her back into the ER. He cast a sad look in Charlie's direction as he passed. Charlie met his eyes and I could see the tears waiting to fall.
I hugged Jacob tightly as we waited to hear from Billy. We were both trembling.
Suddenly we heard a strangled cry from behind the door. Charlie ran over to catch Jacob and me before we fell to the ground. Rachel and Rebecca started wailing, and tears were streaming down Sue's cheeks.
Sarah Black had died.
Now Jacob and I were both left without our mothers. He clung to me as if he was drowning and I was the only lifeboat in sight. My heart broke for him as his gut-wrenching sobs filled the waiting room.
~Edward~
It was time to move to yet another town to begin anew the never-ending human charade. My high hopes that we would finally be able to return to Forks were dashed with another of Alice's visions. Instead, we were heading to Juneau, Alaska, for four years of high school. How fitting. An endlessly cold and gray environment to match my endlessly cold and gray existence.
Alice had kept her visions to herself, filling her head with nonsense whenever I tried to see if she had any news about Bella, but announced to the family, "Now is not the time for us to be in Forks."
I growled and took my frustration out on the dining table, which cracked under the strain as I shoved myself away from the table at the conclusion of our family meeting.
"Edward! That was an antique, you know," Esme scolded.
"I'm sorry, Esme. I'll buy another table to replace it," I offered, ashamed of my volatile behavior.
Everyone else watched me with sympathetic eyes. They knew the extent of my suffering through these years away from my reason for existing.
Esme walked over to me and enveloped me in a tight hug. "It will all work out, Edward. I know that you don't want to hear it, but you need to have patience. Alice promises that you will see her again when the time is right."
"But when will that be? I've waited over seven years to see her again. She is nearly fourteen years old now. She probably has no memory of me."
"Edward, we just have to trust that we are doing the right thing by waiting to return to Forks. In the meantime, I want you to go to school with your brothers and sisters. No sitting this one out," Esme ordered.
I looked to Carlisle for support, but he shook his head.
"Esme's right, son. You need to be around people again. You can't continue to isolate yourself and expect to be able to interact with humans safely," he said. Please hang in there, Edward. We'll be in Forks before you know it.
Emmett winked at me and said, "Plus we'll be a lot closer to Denali. Maybe Tanya can come visit and get your mind off of things." You of all people need to get laid, bro', and I know for a fact that she'd be happy to volunteer for the 'position'.
I shuddered at the thought of Tanya making another misguided attempt to win my affections. Nauseating. I pinched the bridge of my nose and counted to a thousand before I did something rash, like rip Emmett's arms off.
Rosalie stood beside Emmett, waiting to see if he needed her help.
"I do NOT want to associate myself with Tanya in any romantic OR physical capacity," I snarled at him.
Tanya lived in the Denali wilderness in Alaska with her sisters Kate and Irina. The three women were known for their fondness for the 'companionship' of human men, originating the stories of the succubus. Eventually, they found that they could keep their human lovers alive by consuming the blood of animals instead. They were joined by a mated couple, Eleazar and Carmen, who adopted their 'vegetarian' lifestyle. They were the only other vampires that we knew who followed our diet.
Tanya envisioned me as something of a conquest, since I had always politely declined her advances. She was beautiful, but like Rosalie, there was nothing about her that attracted me in any way.
"Besides, Emmett, you and Rosalie won't be there to witness Tanya in action, anyway, since you will be 'honeymooning' in Europe," I pointed out.
"He owes me after the last four years we spent in the sticks! It's the least he can do," Rosalie chided.
"Come on, babe, it's the first time since you found me mauled by that damn bear that I've asked you to do anything for me," Emmett whined. "What's four years out of almost seventy?"
"Three years too many," Rosalie snapped back.
"I'll make it up to you," he whispered in her ear. Let's get this honeymoon started…
On that note, I left the house to keep my sanity intact.
I wasn't far into the woods when I heard Alice's thoughts.
Edward, don't lose hope. You will be with Bella again when the time is right, and as I said before, now is not the time. It will be worth the wait, I promise. She is worth it.
"Alice, I just don't know how much more I can take. I thought it might get easier with time, but it's only getting harder to be away from her. Not a second goes by that she isn't in my thoughts. I need to know that she's okay, that she isn't being tormented by cruel children, or in danger from vampires, or wolves, or car accidents, or…"
"Stop it NOW, Edward," she commanded. "I don't see her being harmed in any way. She will be fine and she will be there when we move to Forks."
Another flash of a beautiful young woman with long brown hair passed through Alice's mind, and then she quickly started quoting the New Testament in the original Hebrew, Greek, and Latin.
"What was that, Alice? What are you keeping from me?"
"Nothing you need to be concerned about now, Edward," she answered with a grin. "When the time is right, you'll know."
Infuriating psychic pixie.
It will be worth the wait, Edward, I promise, she reassured me with her thoughts.
With nothing concrete to go on, I could only hope that I would see Bella sooner rather than later. I wished with all my very being that somehow I could get to her.
A/N: I know it isn't Thursday yet, but I thought I'd treat everybody to an early update this week! I'll be busy on Thursday packing my stuff for the Twilight Convention in Houston – woohoo! I'll be back on the regular schedule next week.
I want to thank each and every one of you who are reading my story, all who have left reviews, or added "My Imaginary Friend" to your Favorites list or Story Alert.
A big shout out to my beta and partner in crime, Christine (A Little Distracted) for letting me borrow some of her imagination to fill in the holes of this chapter! I couldn't have made it through my epic writer's block without you!
I have a request for my readers… If you are listening to the playlist for the story, please let me know. I'm just curious to see if anyone has checked it out. The link is on my profile, or here is the web address:
www(dot)playlist(dot)com(slash)playlist(slash)19366254859