Stephenie Meyer is the Queen of this kingdom and we are her loyal subjects.
Playlist for Chapter Six – "Am I Missing" by Dashboard Confessional, "Long Division" by Death Cab for Cutie
Chapter Six – Am I Missing
September 2005
~Edward~
After more than eleven years away from Bella, Alice gave us the go-ahead to move to Forks. It had been such a long time, the most agonizing days of my life, being separated from the precious little girl who had captured my heart, but the wait was worth every minute if it kept her from harm. I would rather be burned to ashes a thousand times than let anyone or anything hurt my Bella. Now we were moving back across the country to the only place I felt that I belonged since I began my life as a vampire, almost ninety years ago.
For once in the fifty-plus years that I had known Alice, I was actually more excited than she was about something. I was so thrilled to be going back and actually having the chance to see her again that I was having difficulty concentrating on anything else. Even the usually intrusive thoughts of those around me didn't register as I envisioned meeting Bella for the second time around. I only had a fuzzy image of her in my mind since Alice would immediately block her visions whenever Bella was involved.
The Quillayute Valley School District database was easily breached and in no time I had arranged my schedule to have all of my classes for our senior year at Forks High School with Bella. It would not have been possible for me to attend the same school and not be able to see her with my own eyes for the entire day.
The night before our first day of school found me experiencing an emotional rollercoaster of excitement and apprehension. Alice was not helping to soothe my anxiety by providing a glimpse of my reunion with Bella. She was mentally belting out songs from the musical "Cats", which made me cringe, so I tuned her out.
"Sorry Edward, I'm not letting you cheat this time," she said with a smile. "You'll just have to deal with this on your own."
I nervously fingered the tape-covered piece of paper between my fingers like a talisman. After I had filled the last of several journals with my thoughts for Bella, I removed the picture of us that she had drawn for me and carried it folded in my pocket. I pulled it out to study again, wondering what Bella looked like now, realizing that I would see for myself in just a few hours.
I knew just the place to go so I could collect my thoughts and settle my nerves before facing Bella. Although I hadn't been there since the day I had to leave Forks, I headed to our treehouse, where my most cherished memories were made. It was the house that I had built with love, for my little Bella. Home.
~Bella~
I was dreaming again. I was flying through the forest and it was exhilarating not touching the ground. I could feel the wind on my face and my hair blowing out around me. I landed in a beautiful circular meadow full of wildflowers. A little stream flowed nearby. I turned slowly to take in the sight and my breath caught. At the edge of the meadow a treehouse had been built that was unlike any I had ever seen.
I climbed up the stairs to explore the inside. It was amazing. The floors were polished hardwood with area rugs. The countertops were beautiful granite. There was a living room with a fireplace, a small but fully-equipped kitchen, and a dining room. The second level had a bedroom with a huge canopy bed, dresser, and a full-length mirror. There was even a spacious walk-in closet and a bathroom off of the bedroom. It was a treehouse you could live in!
I knew for certain at this point that I was dreaming. If the flying wasn't enough to give it away, then this tree house certainly was, because there was no way a treehouse like this could exist in real life. It was a magical place. I had the strangest feeling of peace and contentment here, as if this were where I belonged. I knew I wasn't alone, but I couldn't see who was with me.
Suddenly, I felt something pulling me, wrenching me away from the happy place I had discovered and dragging me back toward the edge of the forest, across the field from my old elementary school. An incredible feeling of sadness and loss washed over me, and a sob built in my chest.
I woke with a gasp, trying to shake off the effects of the dream. When my head finally cleared, I got up and started getting ready for school. It wouldn't do for me to be late on the first day of my senior year.
I ran out the door with my backpack in hand and jumped in the old red truck that Charlie had bought from Billy Black for my sixteenth birthday, cramming a granola bar in my mouth on my way. As long as I could remember, I made sure I ate something each morning. I might have skipped other meals, but never breakfast. I'm not sure who told me, but I remembered hearing when I was little that it was the most important meal of the day.
My old truck rumbled into the school parking lot just before the first bell rang, and I made my way to my advisory. I headed for a desk in the second row, where Angela had saved me a seat. Unfortunately for me, the seat behind mine was occupied by Mike Newton. Great. I would have to put up with a whole year of fending off his misplaced advances. He hadn't figured out that I wasn't interested in him since he first noticed that I was a girl, in ninth grade. I crossed my fingers and hoped that by some miracle he wouldn't be in any of my other classes. I could live with being confined with him in a classroom for five minutes a day, and forty-five on Wednesdays, but that was about as much as I would voluntarily tolerate.
Angela turned to me excitedly and asked, "Have you heard about the new students who are starting here today? They just moved here from somewhere in Alaska. A brother and sister. They're the adopted kids of the new doctor at the hospital, Dr. Cullen."
"No, but I feel bad for them already. Hopefully they can escape being victims of the Forks High social microscope, but it's not very likely," I answered. I hated being the center of attention and it was the same for any new student here in this little town, where everyone grew up knowing everyone.
The bell rang and we headed to our first class, English. Angela and I had most of our classes together. We even planned to room together when we went to college. We found seats and settled in before Mr. Berty could give us the evil eye. He had just started to hand out the syllabus and reading list when the classroom door opened and a boy entered the room.
Oh, but he wasn't just a boy, he was hands down the most gorgeous example of humanity I had ever seen. He was tall and pale – even paler than me, and that's saying a lot – with a head full of untamed bronze hair. A dark t-shirt and jeans hugged his lithe, muscular form. He looked strong without appearing muscle-bound.
He glanced at me and I was caught in his gaze. It was then that I saw his eyes and I gasped. Their color was so unusual, a beautiful shade of gold, and they were framed with thick, dark lashes and perfect, masculine eyebrows. I had to remember how to breathe.
Our eyes remained locked for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality could have only been seconds. I thought I saw a glimmer of something behind his eyes, but I couldn't place it. It was gone almost before I caught it, and replaced with a darker, almost sad look. Then he broke the connection and walked over to meet Mr. Berty.
"Ah, Mr. Cullen, is it?" Mr. Berty asked.
"Edward, yes," he answered.
His voice was unbelievable. It matched the rest of him. It was smooth and soft and I wanted to wrap it around me like a blanket. I could spend forever listening to him talk.
"Please find a seat Mr. Cullen, so we can resume class," Mr. Berty instructed.
Edward moved to an open desk in the back of the room and took his seat. As he passed my desk, I took a deep breath and nearly passed out. He smelled amazing. I could spend forever smelling him and listening to him talk.
I could feel his eyes on me through the whole period.
The rest of the morning pretty much followed suit. I would find a seat in my class, the door would open and Edward would enter the classroom. He would find a seat behind me and stare at the back of my head. Strange.
Lunch arrived much too quickly, and Angela and I headed to the cafeteria. I could feel Edward walking behind us. When we got to our tables in the cafeteria, I saw that he had been joined by a tiny slip of a girl, equally pale with spiky black hair. She must be his sister. I tried not to make it obvious that I was watching them, so periodically I would cast a glance in their direction. Each time I looked, I was trapped in Edward's gaze. I noticed that the food on their trays remained untouched.
Angela filled me in on more information about the Cullen family as we ate. "I overheard Jessica and Lauren earlier. Dr. Cullen and his wife are in their early 30's. They have five adopted children, all teenagers. There are three boys and two girls. The oldest two boys and girl are in college. Edward and Alice are twins. They were Mrs. Cullen's sister's children. Their parents died in a car wreck when they were younger and Mrs. Cullen took them in."
"That's so sad about their parents," I said. I knew how it felt to be without one parent. I couldn't even imagine losing Charlie also. "It's nice that Mrs. Cullen was able to take them in. She and Dr. Cullen must be wonderful people to raise so many children so close in age. Edward seems nice and very intelligent. Alice is in my Spanish class. She seems nice, too."
"Of course Jessica and Lauren are competing to see who can snag Edward first..." Angela continued.
I shuddered. "I hate to think of either one of them sinking their claws into him. There's just something about him that's above their pettiness."
"Maybe you should give it a shot!" she teased.
"Angela, look at him. No, wait… I didn't mean look at him right now! Don't make eye contact! Gorgeous guys like that don't associate with plain, ordinary girls like me," I pointed out. "Oh well, a girl can dream though, can't she?"
Just then Edward and Alice got up from their table and left the cafeteria. My eyes followed them as they walked gracefully across the room. It was lovely to watch.
Angela and I left for fifth period. I had gym, which I dreaded because of my utter lack of coordination, and Angela went off to Spanish with her boyfriend, Ben Cheney. Much to my horror, I discovered that Edward Cullen was in the same gym class as me. Fantastic. Now he could witness firsthand the natural disaster that was me in gym. I just prayed I wouldn't take him down with me at some point. Fortunately for me, and everyone within my vicinity, today was a free day in gym with meant no organized torture. I ran to my gym locker and retrieved one of my favorite books, Wuthering Heights, and sat down on the bleachers to read. It was much safer this way for everyone involved.
Every so often I would peer up over the edge of the book to find Edward standing across the room, watching me with a strange expression on his face. He looked perplexed. I gave him a shy grin and blushed furiously. I saw the corners of his mouth raise a fraction in return. I went back to my book and read the same paragraph at least fifteen times before I sensed Edward sitting next to me.
"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen," he said softly.
His voice must be what angels sound like when they sing.
I did my best to clear the fog from my brain enough to form a coherent response and said, "Hi, I'm Bella Swan. It's nice to meet you, Edward."
~Edward~
My heart was fracturing again. Bella obviously didn't recognize me or remember me. Of course she would have forgotten me by now. She was human and eleven years, three months, twenty-six days, twenty hours and seventeen minutes had passed since she last saw me. Even though I knew that human memories are like sieves, it still hurt that she didn't seem to have any memory of me at all. I kept a calm mask on my face to hide my bitter disappointment, and continued our re-acquaintance.
I couldn't help but stare at her through our classes. She was breathtaking. I hadn't expected to see my precious little Bella become such a beautiful young woman. Part of me was still expecting to greet the little girl who owned my world. Her eyes were still wide and brown, full of everything innocent and pure. Her face still heart-shaped, but the rest of her…
Her mahogany hair had grown longer and flowed in luxurious waves down her back. Her fair skin was luminous. Her lips were full. A glorious pink blush stained her cheeks. She didn't have any make-up on, and she didn't need it anyway, as her complexion was flawless. There was absolutely nothing artificial about her beauty. It seemed to glow from within, as well as on the exterior.
I could see the relief on her face when we were told that there would not be any organized activities in gym today. She made a beeline to the bleachers, where she sat reading a worn copy of Wuthering Heights. Of course she would have a fondness for classical literature.
Tired of watching her from a distance, I made my way across the gym to take a seat next to her.
"Good book?" I asked, trying to capture her attention as I breathed her freesia and lavender scent deeply. Fresh venom pooled in my mouth, but I swallowed and ignored the fiery thirst. Her well-being was far more important to me than her blood.
"It's one of my favorites. I've probably read it a hundred times," she answered. Then the most beautiful shade of crimson spread across her cheeks, and she said sheepishly, "Oh wow, I guess I just made it blatantly obvious what a total geek I am." Even without the benefit of reading her mind, I could see her mentally slapping herself.
"I'm somewhat of a fan of the classics myself," I admitted.
"You must have been asked a hundred times by now, but how has your first day at Forks High been so far?" She smiled, meeting my eyes and I could feel warmth radiating through my chest.
I was lost in the depths of those melted chocolate pools for a moment. She had asked me a question. I knew it would be impolite of me not to answer, but reason had taken leave and I had to scramble to recall what she had asked me.
"It has been a very positive experience. I think I'm going to enjoy all my classes this year," I answered.
"I'm good with all my classes except gym. You'll probably want to keep your distance when we really get started. I'm known for being a danger to myself and others. My clumsiness is legendary. As long as I'm kept from having any contact with balls, bats, clubs, racquets, and anything else that could become a projectile, you're safe." She ducked her head and blushed furiously.
I couldn't stop myself from laughing. She was still absolutely precious. She had grown into such a beautiful young woman, as I always knew she would. Her clumsiness just made her more adorable.
"Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you've been in all my classes so far today. If you have Calculus next period we're six for six," she observed.
"As a matter of fact, I do have Calculus next period. Would you like to walk to class with me?"
I simply couldn't bear to be parted from her. Every second I spent in her presence filled me with joy. It had been far too long without her.
"Sure, that would be great. Just let me get my things and we'll blow this popsicle stand. I'll meet you outside the gym," she said, and turned to head back toward the locker room.
I waited for her outside the gym. A million thoughts and emotions were battling in my mind. I wondered if I should remind her of the time I spent with her during her childhood. I wondered if I should keep pretending that I didn't know her and love her. I thought about her full lips and I wondered if I could kiss her.
What? Kiss her? No! What was I thinking? Where did that thought even come from? She was far too precious, too pure for me to think of in that way. I was mortified for even considering it. My purpose had always been protecting her, not molesting her. My stomach twisted and if it were even possible for a vampire, I felt nauseous. I could NOT think of her that way! I would have to be careful to maintain my distance. I had vowed to keep the precious child that I cherished above all else safe, and I was honor-bound to uphold that promise, even if it meant keeping her safe from me.
I made the decision to leave for class without her. It pained me to know it would hurt her feelings, but it was the only way for me to do what was right. I would have to appreciate her presence from a distance.
When I got to class, there weren't many students there yet, so I had my choice of seats. I took a desk at the back of the room where I could best observe Bella. Much to my chagrin, Jessica and Lauren were next to enter the room and they headed in my direction to find their seats.
"Hey Jessica, let's sit here," Lauren called to her friend. I'll sit in front of him so he can notice me. There's no way he'd want Jessica over me. She looks like a frog crossed with a poodle.
"Sure Lauren," Jessica responded sweetly. He is SO hot! I'm definitely wearing my mini-skirt tomorrow. Maybe I'll skip the underwear.
Eww. What a disturbing visual. There wasn't enough bleach on the planet to remove that image from my brain. This class was going to be unendurable if I had to sit here and be subjected to their inane fantasies and petty ramblings, both verbal and mental. Not that either of them had much in the mental capacity department.
Bella arrived just before the bell rang to start the class. I could see that she had taken my implicit rejection hard from the way her shoulders slumped and her head dropped. I felt my chest ache. I knew I had misled her earlier by approaching her in gym, but I had wanted so badly to be near her, to hear her voice.
Lauren pushed her books out in the aisle with her foot as she saw Bella making her way back to a desk. Time for a little public humiliation, Lauren thought maliciously. When Bella tripped over the books as intended, Lauren and Jessica giggled. They had seen me talking with Bella during gym, so Lauren wanted to make sure that I thought less of Bella by embarrassing her. I growled under my breath, using every ounce of control I had not to physically remove the two cruel girls from the room.
Bella blushed the most violent shade of crimson I had ever seen and looked away before I could catch her eye. She practically crumpled in on herself from her embarrassment. I wanted so badly to comfort her and soothe her pain, but I had to keep my resolve. I was doing this for her.
~Bella~
I raced back to my gym locker to grab my things and rushed out of the gym to where Edward would be waiting for me. There was no sign of Edward. I waited a little while longer until I had to leave or I would be late for Calculus. The whole way there I wondered what had happened to Edward. I went through multiple scenarios in my mind, going from bad to worse, trying not to let the disappointment overwhelm me.
Edward was already sitting at his desk when I reached the classroom. Lauren was sitting in the seat directly in front of his, looking like the cat that had eaten a whole flock of canaries. Jessica was sitting at her side. I felt my heart sink. Of course he wouldn't be interested in someone like me. I weaved my way through the room to where Angela had saved a seat for me, tripping over Lauren's books on the floor in the process. I heard Lauren and Jessica snicker as I passed. I deliberately avoided eye contact with Edward. I didn't want him to see the hurt in my eyes.
When class ended, I collected my belongings and rushed to my truck, trying desperately to hold back my tears of anger and frustration. Why had he been so nice to me in Gym, only to ignore me from then on? He must have realized how boring I was after all. Especially now that he had the most beautiful girl in Forks High sitting only inches away from him. I could never compete with Lauren. Next to her, I was as plain as a brown paper bag.
As I backed my truck from its parking spot, I noticed Edward watching me from across the lot. He was leaning against his shiny silver Volvo. Our eyes met and locked again. For a moment I felt a strange sensation, like I was flying. The feeling seemed like a faint echo of a long-forgotten dream. Just then, his sister Alice skipped up to the Volvo and the connection was broken. I shook my head and leaned over the steering wheel, taking deep breaths to clear the dizziness.
I held myself together long enough to get the truck home and ran to my room. I jumped onto my bed, pulled the pillow over my face, and screamed into it as loud as I could. I screamed for the anger at myself for falling for Edward so quickly, for the happiness that seemed forever out of my reach, mourning the loss of something that I knew in my heart would be wonderful but never stood a chance, and for the unfairness of it all. Then the tears broke loose and I sobbed until I fell asleep.
I woke several hours later when I heard Charlie's footsteps on the stairs. "Bells, honey, how was your first day back at school?"
"It was fine, Dad," I answered. I met the man of my dreams and thought everything was going great between us and then he just blew me off and pretended like I didn't exist. Other than that, it was great. "How was work?"
"Typical day of crime in Forks: three speeding tickets, a parking lot fender bender and a shoplifter at the Ace Hardware. Sometimes I wonder why we bother buying bullets, not that I'm complaining," Charlie said, laughing. "I brought a pizza home so you wouldn't have to cook this evening."
"Thanks Dad. You didn't have to, but I'm glad you did. I fell asleep so I didn't have a chance to get anything started."
We ate pizza in the living room while Charlie watched a Mariners game. I excused myself early to work on my homework and went to my room. I tried to concentrate on school work, but all I could see was honey-gold eyes.
I eventually gave up on my homework and went to bed. I replayed the day's events in my mind, wondering what had gone wrong between the time I left the gym to return to the locker room and my Calculus class. Edward had been so nice while we were talking and I was looking forward to walking to Calculus with him. I just wanted to be able to spend a few extra minutes with him before our class. What had I done to scare him away? My mind raced in circles until I finally fell asleep.
A/N: Happy Thursday, everyone! Feeling any better, now that our kids have met up again? Interesting times are ahead for those two!
The Twilight Convention in Houston was a total BLAST and great fun was had by all. Peter Facinelli was absolutely charming and completely gorgeous. Michael Welch (Mike Newton) can through one hell of a karaoke party and does a pretty good impersonation of Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder. Given enough liquid courage, I actually made an appearance onstage myself, and got a hug from Michael, along with the announcement that my "hair smells like fruit-flavored gum."
Gil Birmingham was a riot, and the Charlie Bewley (Dimitri – MUCH cuter in real life than in New Moon) and Christopher Heyerdahl (Marcus) show was hysterical. Christopher said he just knew that Marcus made silly faces (which he demonstrated for us) at Bella whenever she would blink, then go back to looking "bored" when she could see him. Kiowa Gordon (Embry Call) seemed a little shy at first, but warmed up after a while.
My digital reader is full of autographs now, and if I had to, I could die happy.
Thanks, hugs, and a Rob and Peter sandwich to my beta Christine, a.k.a. A Little Distracted, for sharing the convention fun and a room at the hotel. You are the BEST!
The link for the playlist for My Imaginary Friend is on my profile, or here is the web address:
www(dot)playlist(dot)com(slash)playlist(slash)19366254859
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