Hey everyone! I'm finally back with an update! Part two! Everybody say yeah! Yeah! Say yeah! Yeeeeeeaaaah!
Okay. Moving on. ^^
Just a couple of things brought up in the reviews (and they were all wonderful and very much appreciated! thank you, my loves!) that I wanted to adress. 1). As much as I toyed with the idea once someone mentioned it, Roxas is NOT a real angel. Whenever someone calls him that, they are speaking metaphorically; it represents someone who prides themselves on being "good." 2.) Roxas is "mary-sue" sometimes for a reason. Wait for the final installment to find out why! :) 3.) The "light from the window" thing also has a purpose besides being-as someone put it-"annoyingly cliche." Just gotta stay tuned to understand! :D
That's all! Please enjoy the second piece! :)
The questions and comments didn't surprise me.
"Hey Roxas, can you give me some advice on coming out to my mom?"
"Roxas, we want to do a story on you for the magazine for the Most Well-Liked award!"
"Can you tell me how to get back with my girlfriend?"
"What are the sweetest things to say when you're trying to romance someone?"
"You're so charming, Roxas. You're such an angel!"
No, what was surprising, more to myself than to anyone else…
I liked being with Axel. As friends, I mean. He was funny, sarcastic, and, if circumstances had been differently, he'd be my ideal guy. But, because I was who I was, and he was who he was, we'd never work romantically. Sometimes, though, late at night, I liked to imagine a place where I could just give in to my sexual fantasies.
And then I would slap myself.
Honestly, for the last three weeks, I was being torn between really wanting to hang out with Axel, and wanting for him to just leave me alone and let me simmer in my image. And okay, lately I had been starting to think about what he said all of time…
"It has to get lonely like this. When you become everybody's angel, no one can see the real you."
People had been coming up to me all day, like always, and asking for advice and giving me compliments, but…this time, it bothered me. This time the looks of disgust from Larxene worried me and every time Demyx interrupted someone pestering me, I felt…relieved. Little by little, I was changing. And I...didn't mind.
"Hey Rox, you want to go teepee old Maleficent's house?"
Well, let's not get too carried away.
I stared at Pence as if he were crazy. Teepee the old crazy lady's house? I may be kinda sorta agreeing with Axel now, but that didn't mean I was ready to lose my reputation. That was still pretty important to me. Besides that, how did Pence even know I was starting to revert back to my old ways?
I'm not sure if he realized that I've been getting rides from Axel every day for the past two weeks, but something was different in the little coy smiles he gave me every now and then. And Olette had even stopped blushing whenever Axel passed by us. Jeez…I wish I had that privilege.
Axel still seemed to be sweeping me off of my feet. More so now that he had a car…
November
"Hey Roxas, are you going on the bus today? You haven't been on there for like, two weeks." Kairi, basically Sora and Riku's best friend, wanted to know, stopping with Selphie at my locker. I'd been rushing as I packed my bag, but now I slowed down, glancing at her before focusing all of my attention back to choosing which books I needed. It was better to stay focused on the task at hand, that way the lie would come effortlessly.
At least, that's what I was telling myself.
"Uh no, I'm getting a ride." I tried answering confidently, but my voice cracked on ride, completely shattering my cool image. Oh crap, cracked voices were only found in two types of people: boys going through puberty and liars! And I was both!
Kairi nodded, even though she looked kind of confused about something, but Selphie jumped in front of me, clumsily losing her balance and bumping into me, sending me sprawling onto the floor. And to add insult to injury, my books all fell from my locker.
This, my friends, was a daily product of Selphie's personality.
Or maybe this was karma.
No, no, it was definitely Selphie.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Roxas! Let me help you!" She cried, making a sudden jerk in my general direction, and I couldn't help it, I flinched and held up my hands in a surrendering position.
"No, no! Stay back! I'll do it myself!" I said jokingly, trying not to hurt her feelings. Truth is, that girl is a klutz! I'd rather not be here all day, missing my ride with Axel, just to pack up my books.
But I guess it was better than being seen with Axel in the first place.
"Hey Angel, what's taking you so long?"
And just as if he was beckoned, Axel appeared by my side, in the flesh, looking just as sexy as ever in his black leather jacket and sunglasses. Kairi, Selphie and I all simultaneously blushed as the red head bent down in front of us to pick up my books. If he bended down some more, I could just see that perfect ass of his-
"Well, Roxas?" Selphie asked me heatedly, and I quickly looked up and unintentionally into Axel's mesmerizing green eyes. He was smirking at me knowingly, and I hurriedly turned to Selphie. She looked kind of pissed.
"Uh…what?" I coughed, and out of the corner of my eyes I could see Axel trying to hold in a chuckle. I nudged him sharply with my elbow. If we were going to keep hanging out, he was going to have to learn how to shut up when we were in the vicinity of my friends.
"I asked you why Axel is talking to you. Are you guys friends now or something?" Selphie asked suspiciously. Kairi looked down at her shoes as if they were the most interesting things in the world. Jeez, why were those two so angry today? I mean, it wasn't like-
Oh. I forgot. That rumor thing from a few weeks back.
Like most rumors that haven't been directly addressed, the whole "Axel-forced-Roxas-to-make-out-with-him" thing faded with time. People just sort of forgot about it. And since I had done nothing to indicate that it was true, everyone kind of just went on their merry way.
But of course, my friends refused to forget. And I didn't know how to tell them the truth without revealing that making out with Axel was secretly what I wanted.
"Would that be a fucking problem for you?" Axel demanded, resting against the locker next to mine, folding his arms and his ankles and glaring over at Selphie. "I don't recall you being his mom."
"Uh, yeah, I do believe it would be a problem for me. And I may not be his mom, but I am his friend. And friends don't let friends talk to the guy who sexually attacked him and made him cry!" Selphie snapped, putting her hands on her hips. Anger flared inside of me for a second as I regarded her darkly before I quickly tucked the emotion back in. It wouldn't help to get mad at her for something she didn't even understand.
Still, I couldn't stand how my friends were treating Axel. Especially when he didn't do anything wrong. Except annoy me and piss me off.
"Look, I don't know who the fuck you are, but-" Axel began scathingly, but I took his hand and ran my thumb along the back of it comfortingly. That stopped him. He, along with Selphie and Kairi, stared down at our intertwined hands quizzically.
"Roxas, what are you-" Kairi began softly, faltering when I shut my locker sharply. I gave the two girls a forced, tight-lipped smile.
"He's my friend, okay? I like him." I announced to them abruptly. There. That should stop the two of them from judging him too harshly. I snuck a glance at Axel. A cocky, goofy grin was spreading on his face. Oh great, he probably thought I meant as in like like.
"As a friend, of course." I added in for his benefit, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't listening to me anymore at all.
"Come on Angel, we can't be late." Axel suddenly announced with a little laugh, and took my arm, dragging me down the hall. I stared up at him. What was he talking about now?
"Late for what?" I demanded, pulling my arm out of his roughly. Unfortunately that had an opposite effect. Axel grinned down at me even more, efficiently giving me a helpless attitude. God, everything I did was so backwards with this guy!
"I'm taking you on a date." He replied easily, holding open the doors for me. I peered over at him in horror. What? No he was not.
"Hell no! I wouldn't go out on a date with you if you were the last guy on earth! Actually, more than that, if you were the last guy on earth and there were no apple pies and socks to satisfy me!" I snapped, and Axel stopped completely in the parking lot. I stopped too. Uh oh, I wasn't watching what I was saying. Damn it, did I go too far?
"Did you really just say that?" Axel asked in disbelief. I eyed him cautiously before pleadingly taking his hand.
"Yes, and I'm sorry. I only meant-" But I paused when I saw that Axel didn't look mad. He just looked…
Amused.
"I didn't realize how funny you were." He laughed, continuing to walk and keeping my hand in his. "Wow, I'll bet most people don't even know that about you."
I scowled at him as I opened his car door after he unlocked it. Who did he think he was, saying that to me? Was that supposed to be an insult? "Yes they do."
"I don't think they do." Axel disagreed, winking over at me. "Seat belt."
I rolled my eyes and clipped my belt in. What was he, my mom? But these weren't nice thoughts. I mean, he was giving me a ride and everything for free. I should try and be nicer like I was supposed to be.
"Okay, I'll let you take me out on a date. Where are you taking me?" I asked him with practiced pleasantness and politeness. His smile lost some of its amusement, and now he kind of looked annoyed.
"Could you not be like that for a while?" He finally sighed, pulling out of the parking lot and onto the interstate. The interstate? Just where exactly were we going?
I glared at him. "Like what? Like myself?"
In return, he tossed me a small smile. "Is that too much to ask? I like Roxas better than Angel."
"Does that mean you'll stop calling me that?"
"Not a chance."
It was quiet as we drove further down the road, Axel's mesmerizing green eyes watching the cars in front and behind us like a good driver. The silence becoming uncomfortable, I racked my brain for something to say. Just say something! Anything!
"It's Friday." I blurted loudly, wincing as soon as the words left my mouth. Great job. Now the guy probably thought I was a weird, split personality-having idiot. Axel glanced over quickly at me, giving me an odd look before returning his eyes to the road.
"How very perceptive of you." He commented, a smirk forming on his face. "I don't suppose you happen to know what day tomorrow is."
I scowled at him. "Shut up. I was just trying to break the uncomfortable silence."
Axel chuckled slightly as he took one of the exits on the road. "I wasn't aware that our silence was uncomfortable. That sexy body of yours was speaking for you."
I gasped and shot him a murderous glare. I couldn't believe he just said that! "Was that a come-on? Were you just…hitting on me?"
Axel burst out laughing as we pulled into a dirty area. "What, never happened to you before?" At my appalled silence, he added, "Do you expect me to apologize for your inexperience? Okay, how about this: I apologize for thinking that your body is absolutely perfect, and I apologize for imagining it curl around mine in pleasure."
At his seductively murmured words, my pants got tighter and my toes curled in my shoes. Oh God, this guy was going to steal my will power with just a couple of sentences! Ignoring my traitorous body, I slapped my forehead and shook my head at him.
"Look-"
"Yes?" He replied attentively, stopping the car and turning to me with perfect concentration. I found myself so tongue-tied at his green eyes staring so intensely into mine that I completely forgot what I was going to say.
"I don't know what I was saying." I muttered sheepishly, biting my lip. But this time, I didn't look away. I was tired of pretending as if Axel's advances weren't working. I was tired of pretending that I didn't like him, or like all the attention he was giving me.
Our lips, on their own, began to slowly gravitate towards each other, like magnets, and something inside of me cheered in relief, until-
"Wait a minute, who am I about to kiss right now? Angel…or Roxas?" Axel asked suddenly, giving me a meaningful look, and any sort of amiable feeling towards him vanished. I could not believe he was still pulling this crap! Even now, when we were having a moment! Well…I mean…not a moment, but…I don't know, it was something!
"Ugh…I'm me, dammit!" I snapped, and opened my mouth to say something that would make a sailor blush when a sudden face slammed against Axel's window. The redhead next to me just sighed and held up a rude finger to the face before leaning back and looking at me seriously. I gulped. Uh oh, I take it he didn't appreciate being cussed at.
"Roxas." He said, and that's when I really knew I was going to get it. He never called me Roxas. "Give me a break. The more I like you, the harder a time I have distinguishing the New You and the Old You. Don't take this the wrong way, but you're like a fucking safe. It's hard to get to know you."
It got painfully silent. Outside, a couple of squirrels glanced over at us, still in the car, with curious little eyes. I sat, unable to meet his eyes, in disbelief. Was I that hard to get to know? Then I thought about it. Well, it probably was hard getting to know someone who didn't even know themselves. But what did he expect me to do about it?
"I don't know-" I began, but when I looked up, Axel's serious look was completely gone and was now replaced with laughter as he made funny faces at the person on the other side of the window. My sincere expression melted into a scowl. Here I was, seriously contemplating his words, when he was over there just fooling around!
What was I thinking, agreeing to this? And what was going to happen when I got home? Kairi and Selphie would no doubt tell Sora about having seen me leaving with Axel, and since it was obvious that I wasn't going home anytime soon, he would know I was with him. Great.
Embarrassed by his words, nervous about Sora, and most of all, annoyed at his inattention, I shut my eyes and mumbled, "I think maybe our date is over."
I had half-expected that he wouldn't have heard me considering how low my voice was, but when it came to Axel, I was proven wrong. Again. He swirled to face me, completely ignoring the face on the outside of the car; he even went so far as to slam his palm against the glass to block that person's view of us.
"What? Why?" He whined, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "You can't want to leave already."
"Uh yeah, I think I do. I don't even know why I came; it's obvious that you're more interested in making faces at your friend than trying to figure out what this is between us." I sighed, irritation making me exhausted. I always felt exhausted when I had to talk to Axel.
Axel's face fell. "That's not true, Angel! That person out there is my brother, okay, and I brought you here to meet him."
I stared at him blankly. "Really?"
"Really!" He rushed to assure me, "I would never take you all the way out here just to ignore you. Except…I kind of did. I'm sorry. I promise that I'll pay complete attention to you now."
Looking into those eyes, I realized that I couldn't deny this sexy man of anything. "Okay."
He grinned and palmed my face, leaning in towards me. My breath hitched. "Okay." He repeated with a reassuring nod. "Now, let's introduce you to my brother, Reno!"
Wait, what? Reno? Just where the hell was I, anyway? Oh man…I thought Reno was living in Radiant Garden or someplace like that with his boyfriend Rude! I slowly got out of the car, shutting my eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths before I finally appeared from around the corner of the car.
"Reno, I want you to meet my friend, Angel, otherwise known as Roxas Strife." Axel introduced me, pulling me in front of him to face his brother. Reno raised an eyebrow at Axel before glancing down at me. A shocked silence ensued. Oh great, like this wasn't awkward enough without Reno speaking.
"Wait…your special friend is Roxas? Like, Cloud's little brother?" Reno snorted in surprise, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards him. "Come here, babe, and give me a hello smooch."
Just as Reno's lips were about to touch mine, I was jerked backwards and into Axel's chest. I peered up at him, trying to ignore the warmth of his body and his intoxicating scent. He looked really pissed.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Axel demanded angrily, glaring at his older brother. "You just met the guy and now you're going around demanding kisses? Get a fucking grip, will you?"
Reno laughed and tugged me back into his arms. He grabbed my chin and used it to yank my face up to look at him. "Didn't you tell him, Roxas?"
Axel was practically foaming at the mouth. "Tell me what?"
I sighed in frustration. See, this is exactly why I was trying to be a good person now. Because of situations like this; inevitably someone always ended up hurt. I bit my lip and winced. Ah crap, I bit it all the way through. Like I wasn't suffering enough!
"I, um…we used to, well…uh…" Oh god, this was painful! Maybe if I lied and accused Reno of making up shit, Axel would believe me! Yeah, you know what, Axel would believe me! But just as I opened my mouth to form a good excuse, I noticed a small beam of light coming from somewhere to my left. It hit me hard. I couldn't lie to this guy. Axel was too important to lie to, and it would only make me a terrible person.
"We used to kind of…do it." I admitted, steeling myself for Axel's wrath. He stared at me, his face a mix between amusement and confusion.
"You kind of used to…do it." He repeated, a bemused expression taking hold on his face. I scratched the back of my head awkwardly. Aw jeez…
"Yeah…"
Reno ran a hand through my spikes, causing me to flinch from the familiarity of his touch. "Don't sound so ashamed…"
Axel's face fell as he realized what I was saying. My heart beat rose to an alarmingly unhealthy pace as I wrestled with the possibility that Axel might completely lose interest in me. Would I care?
…Yes.
Axel suddenly snatched me back from Reno and pushed me behind him so he was covering me from Reno's view. Giving Reno an annoyed glower, he grunted, "It doesn't matter…he's mine now."
My heart swelled so fast that it was kind of alarming. I didn't think his opinion mattered so much to me. But it did. It really did.
Reno smirked at me. "Isn't that his decision?"
I coughed as Axel's expression worsened to murderous. I needed to diffuse this situation, and it needed to happen pronto.
"Axel, I'm ready for our date. I'm completely yours for the day!" I blurted with a nervous laugh. Then I almost immediately blushed. That wasn't helping at all!
But apparently, Axel's attention was diverted. He grinned goofily at me, before promptly dragging me away, ignoring Reno's indignant, "Hey!" and yanking me towards a building.
Once we were far enough away from Reno, I jerked out of his grip. "Just because I said all that doesn't mean I'm yours, you know."
Axel rolled his eyes. "Right."
"I'm not!" I insisted, right on his heels. "I'm a free bird."
Now Axel snorted. "Yeah, okay. And just who else are you interested in, Angel?"
I turned an even deeper shade of red. Well…no one. But that didn't mean I was ready to admit that I was interested in him!
"I'm not interested in anyone, including you!" I declared, walking ahead of him. He laughed out loud at that.
"Who do you think you're kidding?" He laughed, but grabbed my hand anyway and led me towards the nearest building, which happened to be a McMickeys. It was a really popular burger joint for teens my age.
I allowed Axel to lead me inside as I began fumbling nervously with my hoodie. This was a really bad idea, and now I'd let myself be convinced to stay when I clearly had an opportunity to get back home before anything bad happened.
Well, wasn't this just pleasant.
"Why did you choose McMickeys to have a date in, anyway?" I asked, trying to settle the butterflies in my stomach. "Wouldn't a restaurant be more elegant?"
Axel laughed and grabbed my hand, giving it a little kiss. I blushed, and a familiar fire went rushing down my body. "It's cheap and fun, and it doesn't mind if I kiss your hand."
I looked around in surprise. All of the couples sitting inside were gay or lesbian pairings. "It's a gay-friendly establishment?"
The redhead winked at me. "It sure is. This area is one of the best kept secrets—everything around is open-minded and doesn't discriminate. So I figured this would be the best place for a date. And also…I'm kind of broke right now."
Despite myself, I smiled as I scanned the menu. "Alright. I guess I'll get a—HAYNER!" I cried, leaping out of the line and scrambling under the counter, ignoring all of the weird stares and the dirty, fallen food scattered around me. Because Hayner, my best friend Hayner to whom I hadn't told I was hanging with Axel now, was working there!
"Uh, Angel, what are you doing?" Axel wanted to know as a smirk lit up his face. "Are we role playing?"
"Of course not!" I hissed, glaring at him. "This isn't a game! This is my life we're talking about!"
Axel tilted his head at me. "Is this the part where I ask you what's going on?"
I mouthed the word H-A-Y-N-E-R and pointed above me to the counter where Hayner was lazily taking orders. Axel's smirk faded and now he just looked annoyed. "Who cares?"
Uh, I did! I cared a lot about Hayner, despite it being three weeks since I had last spoken to him. I wasn't really mad anymore about him having almost told the whole school my secret, but I wasn't going to be the one to hedge first. He needed to know that I had trusted him and what he almost did was not cool.
But still…I didn't want to hurt him by showing up with Axel. If he knew that for the past three weeks I had been hanging out with Axel, he would be so pissed and hurt that he would probably never talk to me again! And I may be able to deal with three weeks, but forever was just too long without my best friend.
"I care! Just…order your food to go; I'll meet you in the car." I ordered, not paying attention to the little girl who screamed upon seeing me hiding beneath the counter. "Please, Axel."
The redhead sighed at me, annoyed, before walking up to the counter. I couldn't see what they looked like, but I could hear what they were saying.
Hayner: Welcome to McMickeys, may I take your—oh. It's you again.
Axel: Hell yeah it's me. Now, I would like a-
Hayner: How does it feel, attacking someone who doesn't want you?
Axel (sounding offended): I didn't attack him. I haven't done anything to him that he hasn't wanted.
Oh god, did Axel really just say that? I mean, it was true, but it just sounded so…sexual, somehow.
Hayner: Yeah right! Roxas would never want you!
Axel: Oh, and he'd want you?
Hayner (sounding flustered): I-I mean…I never asked him to!
Axel (laughing now): Oh sure, because it's so obvious that you just want to remain friends! Please. I see the puppy dog eyes you always give him.
Alright, enough was enough. I really didn't want to do this but…I didn't like hearing two of my good friends fighting over me when I was right there. Besides, they were getting it all wrong! Dusting myself off, I stood up and shakily waved at my friend, pretending as if I couldn't see Axel standing right behind me.
"Heeeeeey, Hayner." I greeted warily as my voice shook. "I didn't know you worked here now."
Hayner's eyes jumped from me to Axel to me again. They narrowed suspiciously. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me anymore."
That comment really hit me in the heart. Hayner was my best friend! Best friends knew everything about each other, that's why I told him everything that had happened in the past. That's why I trusted him. "Hayner, look..."
"Excuse me, but are you guys going to order? I mean, hello, I'm not going to bulk up eating air!" The customer behind us whined, waving his arms in our peripheral vision. I shot him an annoyed glare. Couldn't he see that we were trying to resolve something here?
"Hayner," I started again, completely ignoring the dramatically-huffing customer, "I know what you're thinking, but…this isn't what it looks like."
Hayner scowled darkly. "What, that instead of making up with me, your best friend, you're running around with the same guy who assaulted you? Since when did you get so stupid?"
Ouch. That was a little cold, wasn't it?
"I don't like the way you're talking to him." Axel growled, pushing me behind him. I groaned. Shit. This was just going to cause Hayner to-
"Are you trying to protect him from me? Listen asshole, I'm not the one who-"
Hayner didn't get to finish. Before the sentence got out of his mouth, a large shadow passed over his face. He stiffened. Uh oh…his manager. I cringed as the manager silently held out his hand. Hayner, his eyes on everything but me and Axel, slowly took off his uniform shirt and hat and placed it inside of his manager's hand. Then, with the coldest glare I had ever seen pointed at Axel, he slammed out of the restaurant.
The entire restaurant was silent as I slowly shut my eyes and covered my mouth. This was just like back then. Back when I lost anything and everything that got near me. Was I such a bad person that I couldn't even speak up when my best friend's job was being taken from him?
"Hey." Axel grabbed my firmly and pulled me into his arms. Those passionate green eyes stared deeply into mine, erasing all of my fears within that look and reassuring me of something that I had never been reassured of before.
That I wasn't alone.
His grip slid down my arm and wrapped around to my hand, grasping it and squeezing it tightly as he began to order our food. Something in me, something I thought I had locked away, combusted with passion. The flames licked my heart and soul, touching me from my head all the way down to my feet.
I paused. Oh God…wait…
Was I falling in love with Axel?
"So about Reno…" Axel began hesitantly as he drove me back to my house. "What exactly happened between you two?"
I sighed. We were starting to get into uncharted territory. Never had I admitted to anyone that I had been in an affair with the now-graduated school slut. How could I? It would completely tarnish me! "Axel, please."
Axel looked even more uncomfortable than I did. And that was saying something. "Did you love him? Or was it just…you needed a dick and Reno has one?"
I sputtered indignantly. Just because Reno was a slut didn't mean I was! "Of course not! Reno was just a hot guy that knew how to make me feel good about myself whenever I didn't., okay?"
"No. Not okay." Axel finally snapped, narrowing his eyes at me. "You did love him, didn't you?"
"What's it matter?" I cried exasperatedly, slouching down in my seat. Axel was going to be the death of me, I swear.
Axel's hands tightened on the steering wheel and the thought occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't be antagonizing him while he was driving. I fell silent, trying to stay reasonable and clear headed. He was just asking a question. A perfectly innocent question. No need to cause an accident with my over-reacting.
"I…never loved Reno." I admitted, tugging on my seatbelt before hastening to add, "But I wasn't just in it for the sex either. I…didn't feel so lonely when I was with him. And the only way to stay with him was to give him my body. In return, he gave me his company."
Axel sighed softly before giving me a relieved little grin. "That's it? Good. I thought maybe it was something serious."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want us being together to cause drama for you…or Reno, I guess."
I shot him an annoyed look. "We're not together."
Axel scoffed, sounding as if he thought my last statement was the most amusing thing I had said all day. "You talk as if it'll never happen."
"It won't."
"Please, Angel. You know we're going to get together eventually." Axel drawled, giving me a sexy smile. I blushed, and once more, my heart battered painfully against my chest. Watching my reaction, he laughed and shook his head.
"I know you want to fuck me." He muttered cockily under his breath, but I heard him. I heard him clear as day. And I was NOT having that kind of talk.
"Pull over!" I demanded, giving him my scariest expression. He raised an eyebrow at me, outright ignoring my request. Instead, he continued driving and began talking as if I hadn't said anything.
"You know, Angel," He said thoughtfully as we entered my neighborhood, "I think, given the chance, you would fuck me."
My cheeks flamed from both embarrassment and anger. "That is not true!"
Axel ignored me again and went back to concentrating on driving. I slouched down in my seat again and silently seethed. He didn't know the first thing about the things that went on in my head. There was no possible way he would know that I…well, that I had thought about it.
A lot.
Not that I had intended on acting out these thoughts! They were just…fantasies.
"Given the chance, I would fuck you too." Axel murmured lowly, licking his lips and grinning while his eyes were still glued to the road. Now my face was dark crimson.
"I only…make love…with people I like." I informed him primly, twisting away from him in my seat. But that didn't seem to put Axel off at all. Instead, he burst out laughing.
"Reno?" He asked me incredulously, and I bit my lip. Damn it, I forgot he knew about Reno. Well, he had been an exception. I didn't particularly like him, but…he had been good enough at the time.
Finally, we pulled up to where my house was. I sighed in relief as the car came to a stop. But instead of unbuckling the seat belt and shooting out of the car as I thought I would, I found myself staring at Axel expectantly. What I was expecting, I have no clue.
What Axel did, however, was definitely not it.
"One night." He demanded, looking deep into my eyes. "One night is all I need to convince you that we belong together, Angel."
I was speechless. "I-I…I c-can't."
"Why?" Clearly, he wasn't giving up that easily.
I looked away. It's not like I didn't want to.
There was a brief silence as Axel stared intently at me, watching my reaction curiously. Finally, he leaned back in his seat, breaking out into an easy grin. "So you're not saying you don't want to…you're just saying you're not ready."
"I didn't say anything!" I protested, but he just laughed, clearly already sure in his deduction. I huffed and unbuckled my seat belt. Ridiculous. He was so ridiculous.
And right.
But he didn't need to know that.
"Date's over!" I announced, getting out of the car. I expected him to nod, wave from his seat, or maybe even drive off angrily. Instead, he was exiting the car as well, tossing me an amused smirk at my shocked expression.
"What do you think you're doing?" I hissed, trying to duck behind the car. "What if someone sees us together?"
"I don't care." Axel shrugged, pulling me towards the door. "I have to end the date properly."
Did he mean a kiss? Oh goodness…
I'm not sure I would survive a kiss from Axel…he was so sexy!
Oh jeez...pathetic. I sounded like a little girl.
"N-No, wait. My family is in there. If they catch us, I'll never see the light of day again!" I sputtered as we reached my porch, right before Axel's lips touched my own. He paused, giving me a suspicious look.
"You're not just saying that to get out of kissing me, are you?" He asked, grabbing my chin and lifting it so he could better see my face. "Because, let's face it, Angel. You need to be thoroughly kissed."
My face was so red it put Axel's hair to shame. "No. It's true. Sora would go bananas if he caught sight of us."
Axel sighed, but he had a little smirk on his face. He let go of me reluctantly. "Fine. You're off the hook…for now."
I sighed too, in both relief and disappointment. "Great. So I'll see you tomorrow, I guess?"
He just grinned and saluted me, turning on his heels and walking back to his car. I watched him go, debating running down and dramatically pressing my lips to his. That would be the romantic thing to do.
But the right thing to do would be to turn around and get inside before anyone got suspicious. It was already 7 o'clock.
With one last longing look towards Axel, I went inside the house and closed the door.
Neither Sora nor my parents had even noticed how late I was.
Some family.
It was the morning after my date with Axel, but I was still thinking about the almost-kiss. What would it have been like? I had never been kissed by someone that I actually…lusted after.
Ugh. Lusted after…
It had taken almost a month, but I had finally come to terms with the fact that I was clearly sexually attracted to Axel, and that I wanted to have his babies.
Yes. It was true. Roxas Strife, who was supposed to be a male equivalent of Glenda the Good Witch, wanted to have Axel Highwind's babies. It wasn't possible…but that didn't stop the thought from entering my mind.
Stupid Axel with his stupid sexiness.
"Hey Rox! There's somebody at the door for you!" Sora (also, seeing as how he was speaking to me quite normally for Sora, clearly Kairi and Selphie had not ratted me out to him…interesting) suddenly called up from downstairs, and I jumped, actually falling out of my bed. I ran a hand through my spikes guiltily. I wasn't supposed to be thinking things like that! It was so dirty!
And scientifically impossible, mind you.
"Okay. One second!" I called back, running to the bathroom to get myself together. When I came back out, I felt a lot better about the situation. I was a growing boy! Thoughts like these about peers my age were completely natural.
Then again, I reasoned, as I ran down the stairs, Axel was the only object of my desires. It wasn't like I was fantasizing about any other guys…or girls for that matter.
Oh jeez…Axel was turning me gay now too.
But of course, as I noticed who it was waiting for me downstairs, destiny just had to bitch slap me.
"Hayner!" I exclaimed, feeling awkward from all of the thoughts that had just run through my head. "What are you doing here?"
Hayner frowned fixedly at the ground, refusing to look at me. "I lost my job yesterday."
I softened. Oh Hayner… "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that."
"It wasn't your fault. Axel clearly asked you out and you were just being nice, right?" Hayner guessed, finally looking up and giving me a smile. I smiled back nervously. So…he thought that I was just being nice yesterday. He didn't realize that I agreed to that date.
Well…no use correcting him when we were finally making up!
"Of course!" I cried, a bit too loudly for my taste, ignoring the light coming in through the window and throwing my arms around him. He seemed to turn to jelly at my proximity. Huh, that was weird. Maybe he was just nervous.
"Roxas…" He breathed with a slight blush, staring down at me. I laughed and pulled away. I forgot that whenever I touched Hayner, he acted strange like this.
"Sorry! Forgot how you are with touchy-feely stuff." I grinned, nudging him in the gut. "Always trying to be the big guy!"
"Roxas…" Hayner repeated in the same tone, shaking his head at me, but now that we were made up, I didn't want to waste any more time in talking about it.
"So tell me about these last three weeks that I haven't seen you!" I suggested, sitting at the kitchen table and grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl. "I missed you."
Hayner sighed, giving up in whatever he was about to say, before joining me at the table. "Eh, nothing much going on…"
I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness, like everything was finally coming into place. I had my best friend back, a love interest, and my reputation still intact. Things couldn't get any better!
Still…I did feel bad that the only thing connecting the three was a lie about who I was.
But the old Roxas was gone. And he wasn't coming back.
"We're not walking with Riku to school today, Rox." Sora sighed, as we prepared to pass by Riku's house. It was Monday morning, and the wind chill was the coldest it had been all year. And yet…Sora wanted to stop and chat, as if it was a beautiful spring morning.
"What happened this time?" I asked with a roll of my eyes, struggling to be a caring and attentive brother. Zeus knew it was hard, though. Sora had a new issue every day.
He sighed again, but this was time it was even more obnoxious than it was before. "I think he knows I like him."
I tried not to burst out laughing. Of course he did. Everyone knew! But to tell Sora that would be to tell a child that Santa no longer exists. The illusion of Riku's ignorance was all that was keeping my brother going. I couldn't break that.
"What makes you say that?" I questioned him, starting to shake from the cold. If only Axel were here, he could warm me right up with just one glance from those smoldering green eyes of his…
Ugh, I did not just think that.
"He was teasing me about kissing yesterday. He said that I needed to just kiss the first person I saw, because my inexperience was kind of embarrassing. Well, no one else was around." Sora babbled, totally not even realizing that Riku had caught up with us. He continued talking without even looking up. "So I was like, Riku, no one else is around. And then he looked pointedly at me. And-And…I blushed and ran off. I think he was making fun of me."
"I wasn't making fun of you, Sora. I was serious." Riku grumbled, sounding irritable and grumpy. I rolled my eyes and made an attempt to walk past them to give them some privacy, but Sora grabbed me and gave me a pleading look, silently begging me to stay. I sighed. Fine.
"B-But! Why would you say that? We're best friends! Not lovers…" Sora stammered, slowly relaxing. He let go of me, but by this point, I was really eager to see what was going to happen between them. Finally, they were being honest with their feelings!
Riku gave one of his rare, genuine smiles, making him look absolutely gorgeous. I scowled. Stupid Riku with his stupid good looks. My brother was practically salivating!
"I know how you feel about me." Riku murmured, pulling Sora closer to him. He blushed and looked away.
"I-I have to go."
"No." Riku ordered softly, leaning down so their lips were practically touching. "Don't run…because I have feelings for you too."
Sora gaped, giving Riku access to his mouth. He kissed him deeply, and I had a feeling there was some tongue action going on. Sora stiffened for the briefest instant before melting in his arms, his body molding into Riku's. Riku gave him another smile and took his hand, leading him back towards his house.
Well. Clearly they weren't going to school.
I left the lovers, thinking only of one person, and how much I wanted to be able to do that with him, in the open, with no fear of judgment from my friends.
Maybe in the next life.
December
I needed a vacation. It was as if I couldn't hang out with the people I used to love the most. Even my own family was exhausting; Sora couldn't focus on anything that wasn't related to Riku, while Cloud wouldn't stop complaining about how stubborn Sephiroth was (which really meant things in their relationship were going really well).The only people I enjoyed being around were Axel and the rest of the gang.
And for some reason, I was okay with that.
It was lunch time, but I was tired of listening to Hayner bitch and moan about how annoying and evil Axel and his friends were. I didn't want to hurt his feelings…so I came into the library to read my favorite book before I could say anything I didn't mean.
I sighed and took a quick scan of the area, looking out for bright red, or neon green. Nope. I was in the clear for now.
For the past three weeks, no matter what I did or where I went, Axel was always there, lurking in the shadows somewhere, just waiting to pop out when I least expected it and pull a reaction, any reaction, from me.
It was annoying as hell, especially when there were impressionable people around, but I couldn't stop myself from the witty responses that just begged release whenever he spoke to me. I had forgotten that I used to banter and argue pointlessly all the time, prior to my perfection. Sora says that we used to debate playfully all the time up until…
The point is, Axel was bringing out emotions that I'd been trying to conceal. So like I said, it was annoying as hell…
…but it was also thrilling too.
"The Angel reads Stephen King?" Axel laughed, and I jumped. Where did he come from? I had made sure to look all around me when I first entered the library, and I wasn't possibly that into the story that I didn't notice someone come in. I shook my head in wonder. He was such a mystery.
"Didn't I tell you to stop calling me that? Besides…at least I read." I snorted, feeling myself fall into the strange comfortableness that I felt whenever it was just Axel and I alone.
Axel grinned and came around me to sit on the table right next to me so we were sort of facing each other. He nodded in agreement. "This is very, very true. I hate reading."
I marked my page in the book by bending the corner and closed it with a sigh. "No you don't." I disagreed, giving him my undivided attention and hating myself a little for it. "You don't hate reading."
Axel looked surprised…or amused. "I don't? Really. Please, enlighten me as to why my opinion of myself is wrong."
I winced. Yeah, I was walking on thin ice here. It was always hard trying to explain things to people without them getting defensive. Usually, I just smiled innocently and refrained from doing it. But something about Axel made me want to jump out of the box I'd put myself inside.
"Hate is a strong word," I began, and he groaned loudly. I frowned at him. Jeez, way to be rude. He asked, and dammit, I was going to get my opinion out! "You shouldn't-"
Axel groaned again and this time he reached down and covered my mouth with his hand.
"Don't start with the Seventh Heaven shit on me, Angel. Save it for your countless admirers, because I don't want to hear it. There has to be something you hate." Axel amended, lifting his hand from my mouth and giving me a teasing smirk. "Anything."
I pretended to think about it for a second. Then I let my eyes widen on him before narrowing. "Huh, I don't know, let me think about it…nothing, nothing, nothing…oh! Wait, I know! How about…you."
Axel snickered and poked me on the forehead. "Who is the liar in here now, Angel? And let me give you a hint, it's not me."
I scowled at him. "What makes you think I'm lying?"
"You don't hate me—that is why. In fact, it's like I said earlier: I think you like me more than you're letting on." He replied easily, leaning back on his elbows. I cursed under my breath and looked away as his hair fell into his eyes, making his whole demeanor incredibly sexy.
"I think you're crazy." I scowled, folding my arms. I kept my gaze steadily pinned to the library carpet. It was in a weird black and red heart design that absently kind of appealed to me. Axel snorted and his long, slender fingers gently lifted up my chin to make me look at him.
"And I think I'm starting to fall in love with you." He countered softly. The comment caught me so off guard—I was expecting some kind of smart retort—that I fell out of the chair I was sitting on. Axel stared at me incredulously as I quickly stood up, a blush making its way slowly across my cheeks.
Axel was in love with me? What? How…why? If he was in love with me, then why was he always basically calling me a "fake"? It made no sense! Then realization slowly dawned on me. Maybe he was just saying this to get a rise out of me. Maybe he didn't even like me at all, but was trying to get some kind of revenge on me for those rumors a while back that he thought I started.
I glared at him with a sudden vigor that I only recognized from my past. "I can't believe you." I hissed, suddenly eager to get the hell up out of there. Axel furrowed his eyebrows at me as I quickly packed up my books.
"What are you talking about? What's wrong? Where are you going?"
"I'm going to class early. Unlike you, the teacher doesn't seem to completely hate me." I snapped, shouldering my backpack. "And you say that I'm being dishonest!"
Axel's expression slowly starting to go from confused to pissed off.
"What the hell did I say? All I told you was the truth! If you're mad at me for being crazily, stupidly and pathetically in love with you, then I'm sorry, Angel, because I can't help that!" He shouted after me, but I didn't look back at I hightailed it out of there.
I was distinctly aware that he was following me, even as I got frustrated and tried to shake him. I took a sharp turn and entered the janitor's closet before he could see where I went, being sure to lock it.
I panted as I listened to the resounding footsteps go past the door. Good. I think I lost him. I turned around so my back hit the door before sliding down it. I sighed. What was I doing? I shouldn't be acting like this. I should go find him and apologize. That's what I would normally do, right?
I shook my head. No. This was different. I was tired of always giving people outs at my expense. And I knew that this action was affecting years of training but…for once, I didn't want to be the good little angel anymore. I wanted to be Roxas.
And Roxas wouldn't go after him and fake an apology.
And yet…why did it hurt so much?
It was stupid, childish, and completely unlike my "image", as Axel would say, but…
I was avoiding him. I was avoiding that sexy redhead like the plague. The worst part was that everyone at school noticed. I wasn't even trying to hide it. And Axel himself looked like he was torn between being proud of me, and being hurt for my attitude towards him. Whatever, he couldn't have it both ways.
I refused to talk to him in AP Combat, instead translating my feelings into my strength by matching his every move. And for the first time, I think I beat him. But for some strange reason, it didn't make me feel any better.
"Angel, just talk to me! What's wrong?" Axel groaned as he followed me out to the bus circle. People were staring at us, but I didn't care. As long as I got away from him, I would deal with the rumors and gossip that was sure to follow.
"Leave me alone." I said simply, getting onto the bus, praying on every higher being that I knew that he wouldn't follow me. But of course, Axel being Axel, got right on with me, and sat right next to me, trapping me from further escape.
" Please, Angel…talk to me. Tell me why you ran off like that. I was only being honest." He pleaded, and something inside of me panged. I looked away from him.
"Yeah right." I murmured softly. "You weren't being honest, and you know it."
Axel stared at me wordlessly for a moment before finally speaking. "You think I was lying?" He asked me incredulously. "Do you think my feelings for you are a joke?"
I looked at him then, and my look was hostile, and surprisingly hurt. "I'm not stupid. You're only trying to get a rise out of me, just like every other time! Well I refuse to fall for it! And I refuse to fall for you!"
Oops. Oh god, I can't believe I just admitted that out loud! My eyes widened and I quickly backpedalled.
"I-I mean, um, I…err…" I stammered, feeling pathetic and pitiful and stupid…how was this guy changing my entire outlook on myself in just a quick couple of weeks! Axel watched my struggle for a second before gently taking my face in his hands and leaning down towards me. My breath hitched.
"Roxas," He whispered gently, his breath tickling my skin, "I've liked you since I was in the eighth grade. Don't insult me by questioning my feelings."
And then he kissed me.
Oh god…oh god…Axel Highwind, the most desired bad boy on the island right now, was kissing me, little Roxas Strife, the perfect angel of the school. And, the bad thing was…I liked it! I was kissing him back!
And then, the worst happened.
"Roxas! What are you doing?" Sora yelped, suddenly looming down at us from where he was frozen, shocked into a stand still. Riku was next to him, glaring at Axel in distaste. What? Was Riku also against Axel too? Did he believe the rumors?
Suddenly the entire bus was silent and staring at us. People were sending me confused glances, disgusted looks for kissing someone who was so "unworthy" and dirty, and I…I…
I panicked.
"Get off of me!" I shouted, shoving Axel off of me and inevitably sending his head slamming against the seat in front of us. He glared at me angrily and rubbed his forehead. Secretly, in my head, I winced and apologized. But on the outside, I was scowling.
"What the fuck was that for, Angel?" He snapped, but Sora was there first, grabbing him by his collar and lifting him up to face him. He looked beyond pissed, and for some reason, I felt deep fear for the red head who had just kissed me.
"Roxas, did he attack you again? Did he force himself on you?" Sora demanded, looking at me now. I bit my lip. Axel was glaring down at me so expectantly, that it almost broke my heart at the thought of what I would have to do to maintain my image. But I had to do it.
"I-I didn't want it." I lied, deciding that vague was the best way to answer. "H-He didn't even ask me before he did it."
That was it for Sora. He sent a firm punch to Axel's rib cage, making him double over in pain. I immediately winced. Oh no, I didn't want Axel to get hurt! But by the way that Riku and Sora were looking, it was almost inevitable. Oh god, what had I done?
"W-Wait, stop it, Sora!" I cried out before Sora could do any more damage. Besides that, the cameras might be activated on the bus, even though it hadn't started yet. Riku grabbed Axel by the hair and shoved him roughly off of the bus, making sure to reach over and shut the glass doors before he could come back on and retaliate.
Cheers erupted from the bus, and almost immediately people rushed over to comfort me. Sora shook his head in frustration but he placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him with tormented eyes. How could I have done that?
"You okay, Rox? Where else did he touch you?" Sora demanded, squeezing into the seat, sitting on Riku's lap so they could both sit.
"Nowhere else. I'm fine, Sora. Thanks for helping me."
The bus started moving. Bystanders turned back to whatever they were doing, and Riku and Sora returned to their previous conversation (something about water slides and kangaroos?), although Sora still seemed kind of annoyed.
I rested my forehead against the glass of the window and glanced out. Axel was standing there, holding his rib, watching me as we sped off. He looked so…betrayed. Sad. And more than a little pissed off. Something in my heart cried out for him.
I was such a jerk.
Six hours, twenty minutes and thirty five seconds after I betrayed and hurt Axel like the ass that I was, I received a phone call from the victim himself.
I was very surprised.
"Axel!" I hissed in shock, my eyes growing wide and wild. I had been sitting down on the couch, lazily watching Lord of the Rings for the hundredth time while Sora talked loudly on his cell phone, when Cloud, who was visiting from college, tossed me the home phone.
"Some girl named Lea, last name X." He explained disinterestedly. "I never knew you were straight, Rox." He added, ignoring my indignant sputtering and walking back out. So now I was sitting here, clutching the phone nervously, waiting for an explanation, any explanation, as to why he was calling me.
"D-Do you…do you have the wrong number?" I asked confusedly. There was a chuckle on the other line (I was sort of relieved to hear it…), and it made my chest pang knowing that he probably had made a mistake, and was just laughing at his own stupidity.
"Angel, I think I would know your number by now. Didn't I tell you already that I liked you?" He replied easily. I smiled a little, but I wouldn't let myself let my guard down just yet. He could just be pranking me or something for a cruel joke.
"Okaaaay," I drawled, reminding myself of Sora, "then why are you calling me?"
"Jeez Angel, for someone so sweet, you really have some bad manners. Can't I just call you to say hi?" He retorted. Now I couldn't stop the smile from spreading wide across my face.
"No, actually, you can't." Then I frowned. "I can't believe you're not screaming at me. Aren't you pissed?"
"Hell yes, I'm pissed. I can't believe your brother, sweet little Sora Strife, bruised my rib! He's stronger than he looks, huh?" Axel replied thoughtfully. I could sense that he was giving me an out, a way to move on from this, but I had enough experience acting like a good guy to know how to be one. And taking this out wouldn't help anything.
"Axel," I murmured softly, turning the volume down to mute, "I hurt you."
There was an uncomfortable silence, so silent that I could hear Sora laughing madly from his bedroom and Cloud crumpling up his fifth attempt at a love letter to Sephiroth. Finally, Axel sighed.
"Maybe a little, but it isn't like I didn't deserve it. I keep trying to force my feelings on you and trying to make something work that just…won't." He admitted dejectedly. My eyes widened in fear. Wait, was he giving up? Was he tired of chasing me?
"This girl, Ashe, asked me out this morning, and I'm thinking about giving it a shot." He continued, only breaking my heart further. No, he couldn't…why was he doing this?
"B-But…I thought you liked me?" I demanded, trying to keep the insecurity out of my voice. I think Axel heard it, though.
"Of course I do!" He replied quickly, but it was a little too quickly. "But I don't want to keep fooling myself. It's obvious that you don't feel the sa-"
"So that's it then? You're just going to go back to being the school heartthrob while I go back to being miserable without…" I trailed off, closing my eyes. What was I doing? Why was I allowing my emotions to rule me?
"Without what, Angel?" Axel prodded with a trace of hopefulness in his voice.
"Without you." I whispered. "Without the only real thing in my life."
Axel was silent on his end before replying slowly, "So then what does that mean?"
"I like you too, okay?" I admitted, suddenly terrified. I couldn't believe I just admitted that to him. I hadn't even admitted it to myself! And what if Sora heard me? He couldn't know about us!
There was a silence again before Axel, who sounded a little out of breath, asked, "Are you serious?"
I shut my eyes tightly and against my better judgment, answered, "Yes, okay?"
And suddenly, as if all the words had shoved their way out of his mouth, Axel began to ramble so excitedly that I had to smile too. Yeah, I was smiling even though I'd basically just shot myself in the foot.
"Cheese and fucking rice Roxas! I can't believe this is happening! I've liked you for five fucking years, baby, five fucking years of wanting you, then avoiding you, then missing you…! Hell yes! Hell-" He continued, seemingly now off into his own euphoric high. I, however, remained completely sane. Hell, someone had to.
Shit. What was I going to do? It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It's not allowed to happen this way. Then something Axel said stopped me.
"Wait…you've liked me for five years?" I asked slowly, my face falling and my whole body beginning to shake in horror. "You knew me when I…when I was…"
"Yes. Well, no, I didn't actually know you. But I watched you from afar a whole damn lot. I was generally too much of a coward to ever do anything about it though." Axel admitted, still sounding euphoric and high.
I closed my eyes and willed myself to calm down. "So this is why you think I'm a phony…you knew me back when I was an overly aggressive dickwad. And now you probably think I'm a lying overly aggressive dickwad, too."
"What the hell are you talking about? I don't think you're a dickwad. I've never thought that." Axel replied, sounding a bit confused at my mood transition. Not that I could blame him; a minute ago I was smiling.
"Then why are you always trying to make me act like one?" I demanded, starting to get suspicious again. What were his intentions? And why, for the love of Zeus, couldn't I figure this guy out?
Axel was silent again before quietly answering, "When I used to watch you five years ago, I thought you were so honest. You didn't try to be anyone you weren't just because a lot of people didn't like you. I really admired that, because I've never been able to do that."
Now it was my turn to fall silent before whispering, "W-What? You…admired me?"
"Well," Axel mulled, seeming to think it over, "you know, up until that incident. But pretty much, I thought you were exactly what I needed to be."
I thought about this. Maybe the only reason my niceness bothered Axel so much was that I was the complete opposite of the guy he used to want to be. If that was the case…
Then I guess I could understand why my reputation would piss him off so much.
"Frankly," Axel continued, still talking. "Everyone else may have forgotten what you used to be like, but I haven't. And I never will, Angel."
I finally allowed a slow smile to emerge back onto my face. "I can't believe you liked me for five…fucking years."
Note: cursing was one of the first things I gave up to be a nicer person.
Note: Damn do I fucking miss it like hell. Shit.
Axel laughed on the other line. "Welcome back, Roxas."
"Axel," I sighed, trying to get serious again. "I'm not ready to change, okay?"
"What?" Axel cried, sounding kind of pissed, actually. "You're going to make me wait five more years for you?"
I prepared to answer before stopping. Wait. "You would wait five more years for me?"
"Of course I would." Axel said softly, and my heart began to flutter as if it had wings. "My feelings for you won't go away that easily."
Oh jeez. This guy was going to be the death of me.
"Anyway…I'm still not sure if I'm willing to be myself again. I just…" I trailed off, struggling to make him understand without having to relive that horrible, terrible incident that changed me so drastically.
"Tell you what." Axel interrupted. "How about you just focus on becoming the person you truly want to be? In the meantime, we can just take it slow. Sound good?"
I didn't deserve this guy. Not after the things I had done.
"That sounds perfect, Axel."
"Goodnight, Angel."
"Goodnight, Axel." I replied gently, hugging the phone to my chest as we both hung up. I had really put myself in a dangerous spot with this phone call, but…I still felt happy. It felt really…damn good, actually.
The walk to school the next morning with Riku and Sora was uneventful at best, which I was completely grateful for. The last thing I needed was any drastic changes in my routine; I didn't want to bring any extra attention to the fact that Axel and I had feelings for each other.
"When are you going to get a man?" Riku asked me out of the blue as we entered the school building, and I couldn't stop myself from jumping. Was he on to me?
"W-W-Why?" I stammered, tightening my grip on my backpack straps. "Who wants to know? S-Sora?"
Riku raised an eyebrow at me, letting me know that he was a little weirded out by my reaction. "The only one who wants to know is me. Jeez, what's up with you this morning? Did someone pour crack in your coffee?"
Har har har. Riku was so hilarious. Not.
"No." I grumbled, racking my brain for a response to his previous question. Clearly, I couldn't tell him that it was Axel who occupied my mind most of the time. He would snitch to Sora, who would proceed to unintentionally damage my rep in his brotherly efforts to protect me.
That couldn't happen.
"I…" I began slowly, dragging out the syllable to buy myself more time. "Like…"
Suddenly Zexion emerged from the boys' restroom, and I did the only logical thing I could think of. Which, honestly, wasn't all that logical. But it was the most logical choice out of the few I could conjure in my mind.
"Him!" I shouted, pointing at Zexion at once. He froze, his one visible eye widening in confusion. "That's who I like!"
Riku coughed. "Really? You don't want someone…taller?"
I glared at him. Really? This coming from the guy who had a thing for Sora, who was only tall because of his clown shoes?
"Can you be any more shallow? We're not all gorgeous like you." I snapped, taking this opportunity to quickly head to my first class. Riku simply rolled his eyes. I could tell he wasn't attracted to Zexion whatsoever. Neither was I. But that didn't mean I appreciated any insults on his account.
"Roxas." Zexion said quietly, suddenly right behind me. I jumped back. What the hell? How did he get behind me so fast?
"Zexion!"
"What was that?" He asked me softly, and when I responded with a blank look, he reiterated. "With Riku."
"Oh!" I laughed obnoxiously, throwing up my hands dramatically. "That! That was nothing!"
Zexion remained expressionless as he gazed at me. Then he asked something that made me sick to my stomach before he even got all of the words out. "Do you feelings for Riku?"
I scrunched up my face in disgust. Gross. "Hell to the no!" And before I could stop myself, I added, "I like Axel!"
Zexion gave me a surprised yet approving smile, and I shut my eyes in contempt for myself. What the hell was wrong with me? When did I become such a blabbermouth? "I-I mean…"
But before I could come up with a reasonable lie to deny the words that had flown out of my mouth, Axel himself appeared, coming straight towards us from the end of the hallway. My heart flew up to my throat, and suddenly words failed me. He looked…he looked…
Like a walking incarnation of Sex.
His usually wild hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail at the nape of his neck, exposing all of the long, creamy complexion that lay there. His uniform jacket was slung carelessly over his shoulder while he had one hand resting in the pocket of his slacks. And his button down shirt was unbuttoned and gaping open, revealing what I had always suspected was underneath it…faint six pack abs.
I was practically drooling. Which was kind of embarrassing and gross, but at the moment, I could've cared less.
"Angel." He grinned blissfully when he finally caught up to us. My heart melted at his smile. Was he happy because of me? I couldn't resist the blush that bloomed on my cheeks at the thought.
"Hi, Axel." I murmured, gazing at the floor.
Zexion's gaze went from him to me, and back again. Then a slow smile spread on his face. "Is there something I should know?"
"No." Axel and I answered at the same time. I bit my lip. Oh jeez…
"I see. Congratulations." Zexion muttered, speeding off before I could protest. Damn it…
"Good morning, Angel." Axel smirked, giving me an appreciative once-over. "You look extra sexy today."
I blinked. Really? "I do? No way…I mean…" I lowered my voice so only he could hear me. "I think you're the one that looks good today."
Axel's smirk grew even wider. "Is that so? Huh…looks like we're both attracted to each other even more than usual."
"What do we do? I can hardly keep my eyes off of you!" I complained, looking around worriedly. No one was paying attention to us, but I knew the second someone noticed us ogling each other, everyone would have their eyes on us.
Axel licked his lips and discreetly ran a hand down my back. Chills raced down my spine and I tried to twist away, but he had grabbed my ass securely, preventing me from escape.
"Axel!" I hissed, trying to get away without attracting anyone's attention.
He just laughed before whispering, "We should fuck."
I froze in complete shock. "What?"
"Clearly, we're both lusting. You know you want to." He purred seductively in my ears. My face went bright red as I wildly looked about. Okay, fine. He was right. I did want to.
But there was no way I was going to!
"No way, Axel! We'll get caught! Besides…" I declared, straightening my clothes, "You're not that sexy."
Oh goodness, Axel was that sexy.
Boy did I want his body wrapped around mine. I wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything else. I wanted to feel those lips on my skin, running down my body and finally, around my—
Roxas. Get it together.
"Dude, are you okay?" Pence asked me, poking me in the head. "You're so…distracted."
"And you keep breaking out into heat flashes." Olette added, frowning suspiciously at me. "What going on?"
Hayner didn't say a word. He was staring at me in speculation, as if I was some specimen he was determined to figure out. I blushed in embarrassment and looked away. It was weird to have his eyes on me when I was so…horny.
Ew, the word sounded so foreign and dirty.
"Axel is staring at you again. He's not even eating." Olette gossiped, fumbling to open her water bottle. Pence gently leaned over and opened it for her as she whispered, "He looks almost as flushed as Roxas does."
I stiffened and looked up. Axel indeed was staring at me…and he looked hungry. My stomach dropped and butterflies filled the air inside of it. My heart immediately began to race. He was feeling the heat too.
We watched each other, and it suddenly felt as if no one was in the room. Why were we so far away, again?
Then the people rushed back into my consciousness, and I remembered why weren't together in the light of day.
But for the first time in a long time…I was aching. I was aching to fill the distance between us, aching to become one with him.
I was ready.
I wanted to feel him inside of me.
I loved him.
I blinked. Woah, what? I officially loved Axel? Since when?
Well, since a long time, I supposed. Since he saw who I really was, since he remembered me from years ago, since he accepted Reno and I, and since he respected me so easily…
I slowly smiled at Axel. He seemed surprised that I was acknowledging him…but returned my smile with a knowing smirk.
Hayner eyed me accusingly. "Who the hell are you smiling at?"
I glanced over at him before looking down at my sandwich. "No one, Hayner."
Hayner didn't stop watching me for the entire lunch period.
"Something seems different about you today." Hayner announced as he walked me to my next class. I focused on my shoes intently, but he even seemed to notice that. "I mean, you've hardly even looked at me at today!"
I still wouldn't meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, Hayner."
"Damn it, Roxas! What's wrong?" He finally shouted, grabbing me and pressing me against the lockers. Everyone immediately stopped to watch us curiously. I sighed. My reputation was starting to get exhausting. Their eyes were always watching.
"You're going to start rumors, you know." I lamented, noting the giggles and knowing smiles from everyone around us. Looked like no one minded if I was with Hayner. But of course, everyone minded if it was Axel.
Hayner stared into my eyes deeply, making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Um…
Oh jeez, wait a minute.
Maybe Axel was right. Maybe Hayner…
"Can't you tell how miserable I am, Roxas?" Hayner whispered brokenly, caressing my arm. My eyes widened. Oh no. "Can't you tell…how much I love you?"
And before I could protest, he had claimed my lips with his own.
To Hayner's credit, the boy could kiss. It was as if he had practiced this kiss in his head thousands of times before. And there was something sweet about the idea of us, I had to admit.
But didn't he realize? Didn't he realize that I was a fool for Axel?
I shook my head, trying to politely push Hayner off, but he mistook it for compliance and deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue deep into my mouth. I opened my eyes, preparing to punch him if need be, when I saw Axel glaring intensely at us.
I gave him a pleading look, telepathically telling him that I didn't initiate the kiss, but he just glowered at me and stalked off. Great.
Hayner finally pulled away to catch his breath, blushing slightly and smiling. My heart ached for him; this was my best friend!
But I had to tell him the truth.
Well, at least part of it.
"Hayner…" I said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You know I love you. But I just don't…love you in the way you want me to."
Hayner's entire face fell. I could tell my words had hurt him. Badly. Painfully.
Without another word, he ran off.
I shook my head and slid down the lockers, hiding my flushed face in my hands. This was awful. My best friend probably hated me now, and my love interest probably thought I was some kind of lying whore.
Just another day in the life of Roxas Strife.
Axel was pissed off. Clearly.
It wasn't hard to figure out what with the chakrams that came flying at me every second. For a brief second, I thought maybe this was how I was going to die.
Then I shook my head and defended myself.
"Axel! I didn't do anything!" I pleaded, deflecting a spiky chakram that was close to marring my face. He didn't bother to make any response. His eyes narrowed to dangerous green slits as he continued to come at me.
"Axel, please be careful." Mrs. Mulan fretted, but like always, we ignored her.
Axel roared in anger, startling everyone in the room, before lunging at me and pining me to the wall. The chakrams in his hand were two inches from my lips.
"You let him kiss these lips." He murmured lowly, his anger seeming to fizzle into hurt. "You let him press his lips to yours with no protest. But somehow, when I try to, it's a big deal."
I gaped at him. He couldn't be serious. I liked him! I even told him I liked him! "Axel—"
"The truth is," Axel whispered, ignoring the ringing of the bell and the students around us who were nervously looking at us and wondering if they should get help, "You're not embarrassed to be with Hayner. But you are with me."
With those last words, he let me go and walked away from me.
I stared after him. Was that true? Was the only reason I wasn't with Axel…out of embarrassment?
It was ten minutes later and I still couldn't believe I was doing this. But Axel thought I was embarrassed to be with him…I had to do something!
I took a deep breath. This would be the stupidest thing I'd ever done.
"Attention! Uh, can I have everyone's attention?" I called out, peering down at my peers. I had climbed up onto one of the buses in the center of the parking lot, balanced only by the keyblades I had buried into the ceiling of the bus that I was tied to.
Everyone stared at me in shock, before a girl in the crowd screamed. I rolled my eyes. That was a little dramatic, wasn't it?
Sora emerged from the school, holding hands with Riku, no doubt looking for me. When he found me, his face had never been so pale. I felt a little guilty for scaring him like this, but…it had to be done.
"Um…I just wanted to let you guys know, straight from the horse's mouth, that Axel didn't attack me on the bus yesterday. That was just another stupid rumor that someone started." I explained loudly, looking around frantically for Axel. Aw crap, he wasn't even watching!
But finally my eyes landed on Axel at the bottom of the bus. He looked like he was just about ready to come up and drag me off the bus. Well, no such luck.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Axel shouted, shooting me daggers with his eyes. His voice sounded dangerously angry…but I could hear a small hitch of fear. "Get down now."
I shook my head determinedly. "I need to clear your name first."
Axel growled warningly at me. I don't think he took too kindly to people ignoring his orders. "I don't care about that. Please get down."
"No." I answered simply, before turning back to the gathering crowd. I smiled at them. "Like I said, Axel is innocent! He's a great guy who would never do something like that. I'm just sorry that I didn't clear his name sooner."
Some random kid in the crowd started slow clapping while everyone just stared at him. But of course, a couple of other people joined in, and suddenly I was receiving a standing ovation.
"Why are you clapping? This is about Axel, not me!" I yelled in frustration, but no one could really hear me. But before I could yell any obscenities (because I was seriously getting annoyed), I was yanked off the bus and down into someone's arms.
I blinked up into murderous neon green eyes. "Axel?"
Axel merely scowled down at me, not even bothering to speak to me. Without a word, he carried me out of the bus circle and to his car, opening it and throwing me inside carelessly. I bit my lip nervously. Clearly, I had crossed a line.
"Um…Axel?" I tried again, but one sharp glare from him silenced me. When he had situated himself in the driver's seat and closed the door, he turned to me and finally spoke.
"You were five seconds from dying, Roxas." Axel spat, eyeing me distastefully. But as I stared into his eyes, I saw a flash of fear in his green irises. I shook my head and took his hand in mine.
"You're just overreacting. I was tied to the keyblades. I was fine." I reassured him. He let out a humorless bark of laughter.
"Were you paying attention to anything around you? Your strings had come untied, your keyblades had disappeared, and if Sora hadn't run in front of the bus to stop him from moving, you would have been five seconds from splattering on the ground."
I stared at him. Oh.
OH!
My chest began to heave a little bit. No wonder Sora had looked so pale and Axel so angry. I almost unknowingly killed myself!
"I'm sorry, Axel." I apologized, embarrassedly staring down at my hands. "I didn't know. I thought I was helping."
"Yeah, and you did. But I don't care about that shit, Roxas. The only thing I care about is you." Axel snapped, but his hand was still in mine and his thumb was mindlessly caressing my palm. "Do you know how afraid I was just now?"
"I'm sorry." I repeated, sighing. Well…this was it. The end of our relationship. Clearly I had pissed him off to no end. "I guess I'll see you around."
"Oh, hell no. You're not getting out of this that easily. From now on, you're mine. I'm your boyfriend, and you're my boyfriend." He declared, his grimace just daring me to question him.
"Axel! No! I'm not ready for—"
Axel silenced me with a hard, deep kiss, a kiss that had me falling into him for support. When he pulled away, my heart stopped working for a moment before it sputtered back to life.
"We don't have to tell anyone. But you and I will know that we belong together." He explained, and finally, he allowed himself to sigh and relax. "I don't know what I would do if something happened to you, Angel."
He called me Angel. Finally, he had forgiven me.
After singing to the Top Forty hits at the top of my lungs, much to Axel's chagrin, we had arrived at my house.
I took a deep breath. It was time. I asked the one question that I had been completely avoiding for the past month. "Do you…want to come to my room?"
Axel gaped at me, and I paled instantly. What the hell was I doing? If he went to my room, he would know everything.
Everything about who I was….why I had to change…
What I had done.
Axel smirked at me. "Is this what I think this means?"
I rolled my eyes. Of course he would take it there. "No! I just want to show you some stuff."
Axel's smirk grew even wider, and I smacked my forehead. This guy…
"I said, not that!" I insisted, but he only hummed and ran a hand seductively down my leg. I broke out in tingles as I eeped! and pressed myself against the window. "Would you stop that?"
Axel pouted at me, and it was so comical that I had to laugh. At my laughter, he grinned again. "Fine. I'll go to your room and be on my best behavior. But…what about your family?"
I shrugged. I already thought all of this out. "It'll take like, fifteen minutes for Riku and Sora to get here. As long as I get you inside before they arrive, we'll be safe in my room. Oh, and Cloud's visiting Sephiroth, remember?"
Axel frowned, instantly growing serious, and it made me so upset—seeing him upset-that I found myself asking about it. "What's wrong?"
"Angel…where are your parents?"
I looked at my shoes. They were covered in dirt, probably from when I was standing on top of the bus, stupidly risking my life. "They still live in Twilight Town. They didn't want to move back, but Sora and I did, so we begged Cloud to let us live with him. He let up."
That wasn't the whole story. I could tell Axel realized this, but he didn't say anything, and I didn't finish. Not yet. Once we got to my room…and he actually saw what I meant...I would tell him. You know, if he didn't run away.
"Angel…look at me." Axel ordered, and I looked up at him slowly, obliging, though everything in my being screamed at me to run. He kissed me on the temple before whispering, "You know how I feel about you."
I blushed, but it was like he was hypnotizing me. I couldn't look away. "…Yes."
He uttered those three words, and in that second, I knew that these last moments would be my demise. The demise of Angel.
"I love you."
My eyes filled with tears. I couldn't accept this from him. "You don't even know me yet. Axel…please, let's just go to my room. Don't say that to me unless you know who I used to be."
Axel shook his head and pressed his lips to mine, silencing me...and my body.
I tried to protest…I swear I did! But if you ever kissed those lips—which, you better not—you would understand.
He pulled away with a smirk and a slight blush. "It's too late. I already love you."
Those words gave me hope. Hope that he wouldn't run for the hills once he saw what I used to be like. I took a deep breath, and hoped beyond hope that these next three words wouldn't be ones that I would come to regret.
"Okay. Let's go."
I watched Axel in my house as he inspected every object like it was a fascinating specimen. As cute as it was, I huffed impatiently.
"What are you doing? My room is upstairs!" I asked him, pointing to the stairs. He straightened from the couch he was gazing at and looked at me. He gave me a sexy grin.
"I was inspecting your couch. You know…for next time." He murmured seductively, grabbing my ass as he passed by me. I jumped and ignored the pleasure that tingled all the way down to my toes.
"Ugh…just follow me." I snapped, but even I couldn't hide the red that had tinged my cheeks. I heard him chuckling behind me as we climbed up each step.
When we got to my room, I paused. Did I really want to do this?
The only people who had been in my room were Hayner, Sora, and Cloud. Even Olette and Pence hadn't seen its contents. And now I was actually letting in the one person whose reaction mattered the most.
But I had to do it.
I clutched the doorknob, sighed, and swung open the door.
I immediately turned to Axel for his reaction.
He stood frozen in the doorway, unblinking and unmoving. His mouth fell open, and his face immediately paled. In his neon green eyes…I saw a flicker of disturbance.
"What…the fuck…" He murmured to himself, sounding incredibly disgusted.
I shut my eyes tightly and shook my head. Oh no…it was exactly what I feared would happen.
"The fuck!" Axel repeated louder this time. I could feel the tears bubbling underneath my eyelids. But even with all of that, only two words came to mind.
Oh.
Shit.
Hiphiphorray! One more installment to go! Can she do it? Yes she can! Stay tuned!
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