So. Today we take this simple three-shot story and transform it into a four or five chaptered fic. Today we mark this day in our calenders as the day when blu blade completely went in a different direction for her story, thus throwing the lives of her readers into tandum. Today we celebrate the day where blu blade tried to put her readers first, by uploading the first part of the end rather than waiting even longer to complete it.

I decided to split this last chapter into two (or three) because I realize that my track record with updating on a regular basis is really bad, and I know what it feels like to love a story and have to wait to finish it. I used to be in your very shoes. And then I started posting and realized that it's very hard for a person who can't multi-task, like me, to put this first above all else. So I really do apologize.

As an apology, I'm giving you this early, even though its killing me, so you won't have to wait as long. I'm sooooo close to the end of this story, I can feel it, but I'm going to go ahead and give you a glimpse. So the last part is coming soon, I promise. :)

That's all. Please enjoy!

P.S. Loved your reviews! Gave me a swift kick and motivated me to focus on bringing this baby to a close!

The way I saw it, Axel had two choices.

He could stay with me.

Or…

He could leave me.

While I'm sure the second option would provide better results for the both of us—I would salvage my rep and Axel would just be all around better off—, I couldn't deny that the first option was something I wanted more than anything.

But just looking at his face, scrunched in disgust, made me feel sick to my stomach. In fact, it made me feel almost as if I was too dirty for him.

"A-Axel?" I began, fidgeting with my sleeve and walking into my room. He remained rooted in the doorway, still staring in disturbed amazement. I cleared my throat and continued. "S-So…um… this is my room."

Axel turned to me with the most taken aback expression on his face. "Seriously?"

"I wouldn't joke about this." I retorted softly, chuckling nervously. I slowly sat on my checkered comforter, patting the space next to me for Axel to sit. He cautiously entered the room before also slowly sitting down.

We proceeded to stare at each other for a long moment—I was trying to figure out what must be going through his head. I'm sure he wanted to leave…this was surely too much for him to handle. Yet, still he sat, staring at me with an unreadable look on his face.

Finally, he broke the ice. "Um…what is all this?"

By all this, he had to be referring to the dozens and dozens of horrifying pictures that covered every surface of my room. Mutilated arms, legs, torsos, heads, chests, fingers, toes, and other miscellaneous body parts lined my walls, almost like a second paint job. On my ceiling hung massive, realistic depictions of dead bodies that were so graphic that there left no room to the imagination. The only item in my room that was spared from the violence was my checkered bed and my desk, which was so clean and organized, it seemed foreign in my hideous room.

I cleared my throat. "Well, this would be my room, Axel."

"Fine, I'll ask the obvious. Why in the flying fuck do you have pictures of dead bodies and bloody body parts hanging in your room?" Axel demanded, unable to look away from the horrid images. "Most boys just have a sexy model or something, you know."

I tried to laugh, but failed miserably. I was still too afraid that Axel was going to leave me because of this. And nothing about that was funny. I spoke softly as to not scare him off. "They're reminders."

"Of what?"

I took a deep breath. "They're reminders of why I have to be this perfect, angelic Roxas."

Axel shook his head. "I don't understand."

I stood up and walked over to my desk. Opening the second drawer, I pulled out a giant file with my name on it and tossed it to Axel. "This is my file from middle school. Five years ago."

"Jeez! It's so big!" Axel marveled, carefully opening it to avoid any pages from slipping out. "Clearly you were a bad, bad boy."

Despite myself, I smiled. "You could say that."

Axel scanned the first couple of pages before stopping on the summary of my record. "You were in so many fights…with high schoolers!"

I shrugged and thought back to those days. "I was an aggressive child. If I detected any ounce of judgment on either me or my friends, my fists would immediately be in someone's face."

Axel sat the file down to look at me. I was relieved to note that the disgust had disappeared from his green irises. "So…what's the problem? Tons of kids fought when they were younger; doesn't mean you have to completely erase who you used to be."

I shook my head as I tried to fight off tears that threatened to erupt. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about this stuff again. But Axel had a right to know who he was in love with.

"Axel…do you know what happened to all of those kids I fought?" I began shakily, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. Axel immediately reached over to soothingly caress my shoulders, but his eyes were filled with curiosity.

"Angel…what's the matter?" He asked softly, brushing my hair out of my eyes where it had fallen. "You don't have to tell me."

He was wrong. I did have to tell him. I had to tell him now, before I lost my nerve.

"Axel…I gave all of those kids life-changing problems. A few of them are blind now, most of them are in wheelchairs, and one of them…he's been in a coma for three years now." I whispered. Then the tears came. I didn't want to cry while I told him this…I didn't want any of his pity. I didn't deserve it.

I was an awful person. He was more like the angel.

"Oh Roxas…" Axel murmured, pressing me against his chest. He felt warm and safe, just like I had always wanted to feel from another person. But now that I had it…I wasn't sure so sure I was allowed to have it.

"In eighth grade, I was convicted for attempted murder on the kid who is in a coma now. He's…He's the one Hayner was talking about a couple of weeks back. Sephiroth, Cloud's on and off ex-boyfriend, was my lawyer, and he cleared my name. But my parents…they were scared. So my mother moved us to Twilight Town, where I was placed into rehabilitation center that monitored me 24/7." I explained, feeling calmer now that I was finally getting the entire story out. Axel listened attentively, encouraging me to continue.

"Mom…believed that I was on the track to becoming a murder. I tried to tell her that it was my rage that I couldn't control, not an urge to kill, but she wouldn't listen. After awhile…I started to believe her. I thought, maybe I am a murderer! Maybe I just haven't actually killed anyone yet. That's when Dad hired my therapist, Aerith." I swallowed thickly, thinking back to awkward moments with Mom and Dad, who had tiptoed around me like I was some kind of infected lemur.

Axel shook his head and ran a finger down my arm, trying to comfort me. "You're not a murderer, Roxas."

I nodded slowly. "I-I know. I know that now. Aerith convinced me of that. She suggested that I visit the hospital that my victims stayed in every day. And every day, I went in, and lost my nerve. I turned my cowardice into anger again, because that was all I knew. I went back to beating up people who looked down at me. My parents didn't know what to do. It was only until I met Namine that I began to change."

Axel went still, but his expression remained composed. "So…there was a girl?"

I smiled. Only Axel could still be possessive after someone admitted that they could have been a murderer. "Yes, there was a girl. She was sick in the hospital, with Lupus, an incurable disease."

"I ran into her during one of my daily trips. Right before I turned around to leave in fear again, I passed by her open room. She was wearing a plain white dress with white flip flops…staring sadly out of the window."

Axel furrowed his brow. "Sad because of her disease?"

"No," I answered, shaking my head, "it wasn't that. That's what I had thought at first. But when she looked up at me, finally noticing me staring at her, she explained that her sister, Xion, had disappeared. She didn't know where she went or when she was coming back."

I fell silent, starting to feel down again, but was surprised to note that Axel was gazing at my room in a new light, looking almost appreciative. He looked at me and smiled. "Your room isn't so bad."

My heart swelled as I gave him a watery laugh. He just hummed at me and kissed my temple. "Please, continue."

I sighed. "I really should have known what I was getting into right after she told me. But I was too curious for my own good. I had to know more about her. So every day, after that, I would return to her room, chatting and getting to know her. Her name was Namine Taurus, from a place that no longer existed, and wanted to be an artist someday. The more she told me, and the more I confessed to her, the more I wanted to be with her."

Axel tensed again, and I leaned against his chest, trying to dispel his discomfort. "Oh, don't worry. It was one-sided. I think she knew that the only reason I was romantically interested in her was because I wanted some of her goodness."

"What happened?"

I frowned, attempting to access the part of my memories of Namine that I had buried a long time ago. "Well…one day, Namine wasn't in her usual spot by the window when I came to visit. She was waiting for me in the hallway. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied that she was…saving me. She said that I was ready to change. When I tried to protest, she silenced me by whispering that it was time for her to find her sister. But, as she reminded me as she kissed my cheek, she would always be there for me. All I had to do was look at the sunlight coming in through the window, and she would be there, giving me advice like always."

Axel smiled a bit to himself. "So that explains why you always get sugary around sunlight."

I let out a breath, smiling back at him. "I didn't know anyone had even noticed."

"I watch you a lot." He admitted with a shameless shrug. I laughed. I could always count on Axel to completely transform what would be an awkward conversation into a funny one.

"I never saw Namine again after that. To this day I'm not sure if she's…dead…or just around the world somewhere, sipping Piña Coladas with Xion." I laughed fondly. "Either way, I started going to see Aerith every day, actually listening and paying attention. But changing my ways was hard. It just seemed easier to completely erase the old Roxas and recreate a newer version. So that's what I did."

"And that's when you and Sora moved back here." Axel finished. I nodded. He got it.

I let out a sigh of relief and collapsed against Axel. I couldn't believe I had actually told another person every dirty detail about my past. It was incredibly exhausting. My heart was still beating irregularly, still nervous that Axel would realize how worthless I was and leave me.

I blinked up at him, trying to gauge his reaction. He was staring down thoughtfully at me, idly rubbing circles into my arm. I blushed a bit at his contact. It was awfully strange for him to be touching me so fondly when I had just revealed that I was a phony.

"You know," He began, laying so that we were both on our backs, side by side, staring up at the gruesomely covered ceiling. "I think I get you."

"You do?" I asked doubtfully. How could he get me? I didn't even get me!

But he seemed sure in his idea. He even nodded resolutely. "Yep."

"Care to elaborate?" I demanded impatiently, growing anxious. Who knows what he was thinking…for all I knew, he could be thinking I was an alien!

"You, my friend, are two steps away from achieving split-personality disorder; you know, if you're not careful." He stated firmly. I jerked in complete shock. Excuse me?

"You can't be serious!" I cried in disbelief, sitting up to glare down at him. "You don't just go around telling people that, you dick!"

Axel smirked and pointed at me. "See, right there. That was Roxas speaking. But earlier, when you were telling your story, you were working hard to ensure that you were completely honest with me. That was Angel."

Ignoring my exaggerated head shaking, he pressed on determinedly. "You have these two personalities, but you refuse to merge them. Roxas doesn't think he deserves Angel, and Angel feels like he isn't allowed to be Roxas anymore. But what you forget is that you harbor one body, one soul. You need to be one, Rox."

I stared at him blankly. Was this really happening? Was the love of my life actually telling me that I was two people in one?

If that was true, why the hell wouldn't that be something Aerith deducted? She was the therapist, for goodness sake! Axel was just a high schooler.

But I had to admit, something about Axel's words made sense. It explained my mood swings and contradicting thoughts.

Truth is, Axel was right.

I was two halves of an incomplete whole.

Just as I opened my mouth to admit that his theory made sense, the sound of the front door opening startled me. I jumped up, widening my eyes at Axel. I had to hide him. Now.

"The closet!" I hissed, running over to slam my room door shut as the sound of racing footsteps on the stairs was heard. I pushed Axel towards my closet door, practically carrying him over.

"Wait, there's no like, dead body in there, right?" Axel asked me hesitantly, cautiously opening the door. But before he could protest further, I pushed him inside and shut the door, leaning my back against it. There.

Good thing too. Because not a second after I had closed the door, my own room door swung open, revealing an enraged Sora and an irritated Riku. Not a good combination.

I laughed nervously at the couple. "Hey guys! How was school?"

"Well, I'm sure it would have been better if my younger brother hadn't tried to kill himself!" Sora snapped, striding into the room and grabbing me by the collar. "What the hell were you thinking?"

I coughed awkwardly. It was a little embarrassing getting lectured in front of Axel. "I…wasn't?"

"Your damn right you weren't!" Sora shouted, letting go of me in disgust so abruptly that I stumbled to the ground. I blinked up at him confusedly. What was his deal?

"Sora…I'm sorry." I stressed slowly, frowning now. This wasn't like him at all. I glanced at Riku, trying to get some answers out of him, but he was still in the doorway, eyeing my room warily. Oh right…he had never been inside of it.

I turned my attention back to Sora. He was shaking! He was that pissed at me? I felt like my gut was twisting. I wasn't trying to hurt anybody.

"You know, Roxas," Sora started, suddenly looking very tried. "I've always protected you from the judgment of other people. When people were going around whispering that my baby brother was a murderer, I made it my life's mission to clear your name. But there's one person I can't protect you from. And that's yourself."

I was speechless. To hear this, on top of what Axel said, made me feel broken. Like something was wrong with me, as if I was some broken, misfit toy. Never had I felt so…scattered.

I wanted to line the pieces up.

"Sora," I began seriously, blinking slowly, "I think there's a serious possibility that I'm irreversibly…fucked up."

My brother gaped at me. No doubt he was registering my usage of the word 'fuck' again. But before he could say anything else, an unidentified chuckle was heard from the closet. I shut my eyes tightly in exasperation. Damn it Axel!

"What the hell was that?" Riku demanded, looking enormously creeped out. He shook his head and backed away from us quickly. "Sorry, I'm out of here."

Sora and I watched blankly as Riku ran out the room. I turned back to face him. Anyway. "I-I can explain."

Sora narrowed his eyes at me before sighing and shaking his head. "I don't even want to know. Just…get whoever that is out of here before dinner."

With that, Sora left the room, searching for his wimpy, chicken boyfriend. I let out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for Sora's capacity to only stay focused on one thing at a time.

I stalked over to my closet, kicked it hard for good measure, and then wretched it open, glaring at its current inhabitant. Axel, said inhabitant, shrugged helplessly at me.

"I found some of your baby pictures." He grinned, holding up a photo of me shoving my diaper into Cloud's horrified face. "You were so cute! What happened?"

I gave him a disgusted look before shutting the door in his face and walking away from him. Axel immediately followed after me, laughing the entire time. "Sorry, sorry! Just kidding! You know I think you're adorably sexy."

I could not believe he was making jokes! I whirled around, angrily shoving a finger in his face. "You almost fucked me over with Sora, you dick!"

Axel cracked a half-grin. "Clearly Roxas is back."

I huffed indignantly, plopping down on my bed in annoyance. "He never left, asshole."

"Hey, don't take your crazy, split personality disorder out on me, Angel." Axel retorted, sitting down next to me and giving me a come-on-man-stop-being-stupid look. At my hurt expression (I was sensitive about my possible disorder! Jeez…), he added, "You know I'm only kidding."

I stubbornly folded my arms and looked away from him. "It's not funny."

How could my personality problems by funny? Only a jerk would make fun of someone about it. But it was so hard to stay mad at him when his delicious, tantalizing scent was practically invading my senses. He was way too close for comfort. I tried to scoot away, but Axel reached out and, in one slick movement, twisted me so that I was on my back, and he was hovering over me.

"Hey!" I protested, but it was obvious to the both of us that it was half-hearted. My cheeks reddened and my breath lost its steadiness, instead coming out sporadic and uneven. For the love of all that is wholly, Axel's sexiness should be outlawed.

"I'm sorry." Axel murmured huskily, kissing my right temple. I shut my eyes, giving up all pretenses. I shamelessly arched into him, causing him to moan slightly before he moved down to my sensitive collar bone.

"I'm sorry, Angel." He repeated, biting me lightly and inducing a moan from me. I nodded, dazed, as he whispered it again into my skin. Cheese and rice, I forgave him already, jeez!

It was kind of hard not to when his hot, wonderful tongue was creating such amazing sensations. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed his head with both hands and brought his lips to mine, desiring that tongue in my mouth.

I wasn't sure that I would ever get tired of kissing those lips. It was like they were made specifically for me.

And then, I did something that was so unlike me, and yet…completely me.

"We…w-we should fuck." I whispered shakily in his ear, curling my tongue around his lobe. He jerked, and I could feel his toes curl against my leg in surprised pleasure. Something inside of me cheered triumphantly. See. I could be sexy too.

Axel stared down at me. His eyes were so wide that they were practically bugging out of their sockets. "Why are you…what do you…for real?"

I laughed at his jumbled statement but decided to address each unfinished question. "Because I want you…I mean that I need you inside of me…and yes, for real."

He started to kiss me again, frantic with need (or because he thought I was going to change my mind), before pulling away just as frantically, practically flipping the bed over in his haste. I glared up at him as he licked his lips unconsciously. Um…those lips belonged on mine! What was he waiting for?

He gazed down at me, appearing speechless, before murmuring, "You're really willing to give me your body?"

I immediately blushed. Did he have to put it that way?

Well…it was true, I was ready! This man knew who I used to be…and wasn't running for the hills. He was trying to help me with my problems because he cared about me. And most importantly, he knew the real Roxas.

Of course I trusted him with my body! But I was way too embarrassed to repeat it.

"I-I…I mean, yeah, sure." I huffed, crossing my arms and looking away. When I heard nothing, I glanced back at him. He was staring at me tenderly, as if I was the most precious thing he had ever seen. I reddened even further.

"You want me." He repeated softly, slowly running a hand down my face and to my chest. I shivered and ached for that hand to touch my actual skin. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I want you too."

I shivered again. His breath was hot; it made me feel tingly and aroused and warm. I managed to give him a weak grin. "I know."

"That's why I'm not going to fuck you." He quipped with a little chuckle, and before I could protest, he removed his entire body from the bed, standing up and smirking down at my pout. "Aw, come on. Don't give me that look."

I pouted even further. This wasn't fair! "You got me all excited…and now you're rejecting me?"

Jeez. Who would have thought that Axel Highwind, sexiest guy on the island, was a tease?

Axel hesitated as his eyes roomed from the bulge in my pants to my pouty expression. He tentatively sat back down next to me, cautious, as if he expected me to jump him at any time.

He was probably right to be cautious.

"Why," He began slowly, running a slightly shaking hand through his vibrant red hair, "do you want to fuck me? I mean, I already knew you did. But why now?"

I licked my lips, eyeing his long, manly neck. I wanted to kiss that neck so badly.

Truth is, I wanted to lick everything on Axel.

"Secretly, I've wanted this for a long time." I admitted grudgingly. I rolled my eyes when he grinned knowingly at me. "Fine, you were right, I admit it. But I always held back because I was scared…"

Axel slid a little closer to me, and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"And now that you're ready…?" Axel pressed, lightly tracing a finger down my bulge. My breath stuttered slightly as I tried to continue.

"And now that I'm ready…there's no reason to…" I swallowed thickly. My words were failing me. "Well…you know…"

"Wait?" Axel guessed, but before instead of waiting for an answer, he ripped off my shirt in one fluid motion and proceeded to attach those sensual, hot lips to my apparently sensitive nipples.

I bit my lip and writhed, trying to keep from moaning again. I didn't want Axel to think that I was some kind of inept, lovestruck virgin who was bad in bed. Axel moved his lips from my nipples up to my neck, sucking and biting on a pleasurable spot that I didn't even know was there.

"No, no, no. Let me hear you." Axel murmured lowly, watching as my hands came up to cover my mouth completely. I shook my head; my face was deep scarlet. There was no way I would give in. It was too embarrassing.

Moving his lips to my left ear, he created a seductive pattern of licking, sucking and nipping. I moaned. Hotly, he whispered, "Your moaning turns me on so badly."

When I gave him a doubtful expression, he yanked my hand down to press against his very large and very prominent hard-on. It pulsed at my touch, and I could feel the heat as if I was pressing my hand against the outskirts of an oven.

My eyes widened in shock as I gaped up at him. He smirked down at me, unashamed, and, if possible, I reddened even further. "A-Are you…going to fuck me, then?"

Axel laughed. "Yes. Just not today."

Suddenly, all traces of innocent little Angel vanished. I glared up at him. "You fucking tease! I'm so hard right now it hurts!"

Axel just laughed harder, actually tearing up. "You're adorable."

"Shut up!" I ordered sharply, but I'm pretty sure it came out as a whine. "Stop making fun of me!"

Axel sobered up a bit and gave me a quick kiss to the corner of my lips before sitting up and grinning down at me. "I'm not."

I frowned up at him, resisting the temptation to fold my arms like a five year old. "It kind of seemed like you were."

Axel's grin only widened further. Grimacing at him, I started to sit up too before a strong hand on my chest pushed me down again. I glanced at up him…then wished I hadn't. I was just starting to get my blush down again—Axel's eyes were smoldering in lust and desire.

"Allow me to quickly finish what I started." He offered gallantly, but before I could respond, his tongue was on my arousal through my jeans and my mind had completely left the building.

After a few minutes of torture, he swiftly pulled my jeans and boxers off and began to rock my world…

The first thought I could conjure was that I really needed to be quieter…Sora was right down the hall. But that ended up being a fail.

The second thought I could conjure was that Axel's tongue was so freaking amazing it should be outlawed! Illegal! It felt so good. So, so…damn good.

The third thought I could conjure was that I didn't want to come in Axel's mouth…but as he hummed pleasantly, sending intense vibrations through me, I came harder than I ever had with Reno…and my hand…and I spurted down Axel's throat.

I tried to catch my breath again, practically gasping for air, as I unclenched my fists and relaxed. Axel smirked smugly at me, standing up and not even bothering to hide the thick, thick bulge that was in his jeans. I blushed instantly and sat up quickly.

"Aw, shit, I'm so selfish! What about you? Should I…" I faltered, trying to remember all of what Axel had done to me, so I could return the favor. But for some reason my mind was still in a state of goo. "I-I could try…to do…yours…"

Axel raised an eyebrow, his expression full of wickedness. "I'll take you up on that."

I gulped. "R-Really?"

The red head burst out laughing again and shook his head. I sighed a bit in relief. Thank goodness. The last thing I needed was for Axel to think I was quick and bad in bed.

"Don't worry, I meant that I'll teach you some other time. For now, you should go eat dinner, do some homework, then spend the whole night jacking off in remembrance of what I've just done to you." Axel explained pleasantly with a smirk. As I gaped at him, he saluted me and actually left the room. I jumped up and watched him walk straight past Sora's room, pausing to grin at me, before going down the stairs and out the door, as if he hadn't just rocked my world with my brother and his boyfriend in the house.

I let out a breath and rested my head against the door. Now I really wanted to have sex with him.

Oh, how the mighty fall.

The next morning, I floated happily from my house all the way to school, much to the confusion of Sora and Riku, who had both forgiven me. At their curious stares, I only smiled sweetly back at them, feeling completely and utterly fantastic!

This might possibly be the start to the best day I would ever have!

But then I got to school.

And realized that I was wrong.

Because school kills dreams.

I was practically bombarded with angry girls, including Selphie who was leading the pack of women. Now, I prided myself on being manly and all that, but…I have to admit…I let out a shriek that was far from being masculine.

"Roxas Strife, we just want to let you know that none of us support this….this thing you have with Axel Highwind." Selphie declared, thrusting a petition into my hands. I stared down at it. It was ten pages long!

I blinked up at her. Why was she doing this? "Selphie…"

"You have nothing to worry about. They aren't even dating, Sel." Sora laughed, coming up and shielding me from the hostile females glaring me down. "Give the guy a break!"

"Yeah, he likes…Zexion." Riku added, making the name sound like some kind of disease.

Sora paused, turning to frown at me. "Wait, I thought you liked Hayner!"

I groaned in exasperation. It was no one's business! "Who cares?"

I saw that Selphie was faltering, and for a second, I thought maybe we could settle this quickly, but her back-up girls picked up on her doubts and came to her aid.

"What about that thing on the bus yesterday? He defended him!" A voice shouted from the back, but I couldn't tell who it was. I frowned. That didn't even have anything to do with my feelings for Axel!

"He was just being nice! He's a nice person! Remember?" Sora shouted back, folding his arms in irritation. Then he focused on Selphie. "You, of all people, should know that. We're all supposed to be friends!"

Selphie looked embarrassed for a second before she schooled her features into a frown. And, of course, she directed it at me. "Roxas, Axel is all wrong for you. He's the sexy bad boy in town, you know? He'll chew you up and spit you out! I'm just trying to look out for you!"

Riku snorted from behind me. "Yeah right. You're only looking out for yourself. You're in love with Axel Highwind and everyone knows it."

Selphie immediately reddened, averting her face in her bouncy curls. "Th…That isn't true."

I felt a small twinge run through me at her reaction and it wasn't pleasant. She was in love with Axel? What? That couldn't be possible. He didn't give girls like her the time of day anymore. Right?

Right? I chewed on my bottom lip.

I didn't actually know the answer to that. I was in such a state of screwed-up-ness that I hadn't paid any attention to what his life was like. As selfish as it was, I had liked the time when everyone stayed away from him in loyalty to me. It meant I had him all to myself. But now that I had cleared his name officially, the girls could go back to swooning over him again.

I grimaced as I eyed the petition again. It seemed that now I had competition.

"I…" I started, knowing that this was the time that I was supposed to fight for him. But all the fight had left me the second I had put that kid in a coma. "I'm not…dating Axel Highwind."

Sora stuck his tongue out at Selphie triumphantly as the rest of her followers mumbled apologies and set out for their classes. She stood there for another moment, staring at me, and in her gaze, I saw a startling resolution.

She knew I was lying.

And she was going to prove it.

I opened my mouth to say something to her—what I was going to say, I had no clue—but she shook her head and walked off in the opposite direction. I sighed and then realized for the first time that my heart was hammering in my chest.

This was going to be harder than I thought.

"Can you believe her? She's such a Romeo!" Sora laughed, dragging me to my locker as Riku chuckled behind us. "She hardly even knows him and she was willing to bite your head off for him!"

I laughed nervously. "Yeah…what a Romeo."

"You'll be okay to go to your locker by yourself, right?" Riku asked me, concerned. At my nod and Sora's bewildered expression, he added, "Sora and I want to get in a little extra…keyblade practice before class."

Both Sora and I blinked up at him. What did that mean?

Riku discreetly ran a hand down Sora's chest and into his pants. "This keyblade."

"Ugh, Riku! Gross! Go away!" I cried, not waiting for his reply and instead running down the hall to my locker as Sora moaned loudly from his caress.

Jeez. It was a little early to have to deal with them, wasn't it?

I shook my head as I opened my locker. This day was getting worse by the minute.

Where was Axel? He needed to understand that I was going to have to renege on our relationship status…at least in public.

Then, of course, I smelled him. His wonderful cinnamon, red spice scent that I had become intimately familiar with 24 hours ago. I looked up to see him walking towards me from the other end of the hall, smirking at the fact that I had gone completely frozen. My eyes were glued to his every movement.

I watched as he winked at a couple of girls drooling over him, and they immediately giggled. I clenched my fist and turned away as he smiled at another set of swooning girls. I knew he was only being friendly…but still. Didn't he realize that so many girls wanted him?

Wait…was I jealous?

Was I even allowed to be jealous? It's not like I was giving him much leeway here…I wouldn't even let him tell the world that we were going steady.

I looked up to see that Axel was just a few steps away from me. I turned away again and once more concentrated on chewing my bottom lip.

"So…" Axel began as he reached my locker, leaning on the one next to it and grinning at me knowingly. "How was your night?"

I stared up at him tiredly, pushing the memories of this morning in the back of my mind. "You were right."

Axel's grin grew even wider. "Oh, was I?" He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my ear.

"Too bad it wasn't my hand around your—"

I had to stop him right there…even though it was exactly what I was wishing last night. "Wait! Axel, we can't do this here!"

His face fell in confusion, and I felt like such an ass. But it wasn't my fault that society frowned upon the angel/bad boy mixture! "We have to remain a secret."

"What?" Axel demanded, outraged. I jumped a little. I knew he wouldn't hurt me but…he looked super pissed! He groaned angrily. "Are you serious, Angel? Didn't we talk about this? Didn't you say you were going to try and be yourself?"

My shoes were suddenly extremely interesting. I really needed to get around to cleaning them. "I-I…I know what I said."

Axel gently lifted my head up to face him. His expression softened as our eyes met. "So what's the problem?"

I sighed and relaxed again as his hand stroked my cheek. "When people find out that we're dating, they won't think less of you. They'll think you're the man! But your reputation is so…um…established as a sexy, womanizing badass that I'm going to look bad."

Aw shit. That came out wrong.

Axel's hand dropped from my face. He looked pissed again and, even more shocking, very hurt. "So this isn't about your reputation. It's about mine."

I frowned. That sounded really bad when said out loud like that. "Axel, please."

"No, I get it. Your baggage is fine, but mine is insufferable. Thanks a lot, kid." He breathed, backing away from me. Now it was my turn for my face to fall.

"Axel—"I began, reaching out for him, but he dodged my grasp and stalked away from me down the opposite end of the hall. I groaned and banged my head against my locker. What was wrong with me? I couldn't let the man have one good day with me!

But it wasn't like I had a choice here! I said I would try to be myself again, and that's what I intended to do. But being with Axel was so complicated…everyone thought that he was wrong for me.

"But what do you think?" Zexion asked me quietly, suddenly right next to me, and I jumped out of my skin. What the—where the hell did he come from?

"What the hell, man?" I cried, backing up quickly and bumping into an unidentified student. I placed a hand to my beating heart as Zexion cracked a small smile.

"Did you...did you just read my mind?" I gasped, aware of the first bell ringing but feeling unable to move. This was starting to get creepy. I always suspected Zexion had some kind of…specialty, but I was never sure.

Zexion chuckled slightly and shook his head. "Not exactly. But that's not what's important. What's important is that you're hurting my friend through your insecurities."

I flushed and looked away from him, shutting my locker and leaning against it. "I don't mean to."

Zexion gave me a kind look. "I know you don't, Roxas. But Axel has loved you for five years. Isn't it time you began to love yourself?"

I turned to him sharply. How did he know that I…that I didn't…that I couldn't…

I guess it wasn't that hard to see. All one had to do was glance at me closely.

But that was my problem! No one else's.

Besides…Axel surely didn't love me now.

"Don't worry about Axel. He has fire running through his blood, so he has a hard time controlling his temper. But like fire, he loses steam quickly." Zexion added, giving me another smile. I jumped again. What the hell?

Stop that!

"Get out of my thoughts!" I cried loudly, gaining the attention of a couple of stragglers who were running to class. I tried to calm down. This wasn't Zexion's fault. It was all mine. No need to shout at him for just trying to help. "I mean…how does someone even begin to love themselves again?"

Zexion shrugged as he calmly set off for his next class. He paused at the end of the hallway, turning back to call out to me. "That's up for you to figure out."

I scowled. Thanks Zex. Real helpful.

Then I shook my head and let a tiny smile ghost on my lips. Actually…it kind of was.

This time, it was Olette who was staring at me during lunch, gazing at me as if I was some kind of stranger. I continued chewing my sandwich, struggling to avoid her penetrating gaze, before I gave up with an exasperated sigh. No one could eat like this!

"What?" I snapped grumpily, grimacing when she jumped at my tone. Great…I didn't mean to scare the poor girl. "I mean…what is it, Olette?"

She exchanged a glance with Pence, who looked equally curious, before announcing, "I feel so confused about who you are, Roxas!"

I groaned, letting my head bang against the table. No! Couldn't I enjoy a meal without someone inquiring about who I was? Even Hayner, who was stiffly eating his lunch as far away from me at the table as possible, kept giving me bewildered glances when he thought I wasn't watching.

"Look!" I declared, throwing my sandwich down on the table in disgust. "I'm me! Or at least…I'm trying to be myself for a change. So just…let me, alright?"

With that, I stormed away from the table, taking off for the library. At least there I wouldn't be bothered.

As I walked, I thought about what Olette asked. Did I seem different or something?

Maybe Axel really was changing me. I mean, come to think of it, I was slowly placing cuss words back into my vocabulary. And I was kind of getting…bitcher.

If that was even a word.

Considering how little I was paying attention to where I was going—I was so lost in my thoughts—I shouldn't have been surprised when I bumped into a tall, mescaline person and fell straight on my ass.

But I was. Surprised, I mean.

"Whoa!" I cried out, startled, as I blinked up at whoever I bumped into. It didn't really cross my mind to apologize, which was another change that had clearly overcome me, but I managed to smile sheepishly up at the shadow that was staring down at me.

"Sorry." I finally managed, still smiling, as green eyes came into view. My smile turned quizzical. "Axel?"

Axel rolled his eyes and hauled me up in one swift motion by grabbing my elbows. He immediately let go of me the second I was upright. "Who else would it be?"

I shrugged and followed him like a little puppy back to where he was previously sitting at one of the library desks. I slid into the chair opposite of him, glancing at the multiple papers that decorated the table like a second skin. What was he doing?

Axel tried to ignore my gaze, but after a while, he finally just glanced up at me and muttered, "Applications", in response to my questioning expression.

Like an idiot, I had no clue what he was talking about. "Applications for what?"

Axel actually blushed. We had made love, seen each other naked, and told each other our deepest thoughts…and still he blushed. I felt a warm, clenching feeling overtake me, and I kind of felt like reaching over right then and there and hugging him tightly to my chest.

He…

Axel Highwind was so cute!

"You're blushing!" I murmured affectionately, practically melting from the cuteness. He rolled his eyes at me again before sliding one of the papers on the table towards me. I blinked down at it.

Applications for Bastion University, TWTNW College, The Institute of Tron Technology…

I looked up at him in horror. "College applications?"

He scratched his head and leaned back in his chair. "Yeah…I know it's kind of stupid for a guy like me to be applying, but…I figured, why not? Worth a shot. If I managed to make you, my crush of five years, fall in love with me, I can manage to think about my future."

Then he scowled down at the desk. "Well, ya know…I thought that shit about you loving me up until today."

I answered immediately without thinking. "Well of course I love you, Axel. You're everything."

"So you say. Can't you just…forget about all of them?" He pleaded, but his tone was harsh. I could tell by his exhausted expression that he was getting very tired of having this conversation with me. Hell, I was tired of all this too. But it's like I had said before—It was not like I had a choice in the matter!

I figured now might be a good time to change the subject.

"College, huh?" I mulled, running a finger down the application he had slid towards me. "How…so like, h-how far do you think you're willing to…you know…go?"

That seemed to disarm his anger for a second. He gazed at me for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then finally, a simple, "It all depends on where I get in."

"Oh."

A tense silence passed. Finally, I slowly stood up from the desk. I forced a smile on my face. "Then I guess I understand why you're mad at me."

He eyed me warily. "Do you?"

"Once you go to college," I began, smiling sadly, "this is all going to be over. We only have a couple of months left together, and here I am, fucking it up all for my high school reputation."

Axel sighed and, with the third eye roll of the conversation, grabbed my hand, pulling my body so it fit snuggly up against his. My heart sputtered helplessly. He feels so good…

"You're right that I want to spend time with you while I'm still here. Publicly. Unashamedly. Because you're mine and I want everyone to know."

At my nod—and slightly dejected sigh (as sweet as that sounded, I couldn't take my mind off the idea of him leaving)—Axel gently raised my chin so that I was gazing directly into his mesmerizing green eyes. His expression softened.

"But you're wrong about me leaving you. I will never be able to let this go, Roxas. No matter if I go to the community college or the university on the way other side of the world, I'll never let this end." He informed me seriously. I shivered. That was intense.

"Face it, Angel. You're stuck with me." He smirked. There was the mocking guy I was in love with. I smiled back at him, standing up on my tiptoes so I could give him a peck on the lips. Right as I was about to pull away, however, his arms tightened, effectively cutting off my plans of escape. He casually pulled my lower lip into his mouth, sucking gently and evoking a small moan from the back of my throat.

Satisfied, he released me. I sagged back into my seat; my knees had buckled. Damn. He laughed lightly at my glare.

"Sorry."

At combat class, I had found another little oddity. My fighting style had changed.

Usually, I was very focused on the person I was fighting so that I wouldn't hurt them. I would use the same move every time to even up the playing field and never did I actually enjoy the fighting.

But now…

I was like Master Chief! I was dominating the class! Everyone I went up against, I defeated in a matter of minutes. Well, until Axel came up against me, smirking and looking all sexy and stuff. Shoot.

We were pretty well matched for the entire fight, and I have to admit, it was pretty fun not holding back. I actually found myself smiling while we fought, which was definitely not a good idea with everyone already so suspicious of us, but I couldn't help it! I was having so much fun!

Finally, the final bell rang and we had to make the fight a tie.

"Look at you, being all aggressive." Axel whistled as he walked me to my locker. "I have to say, I'm very impressed."

I blushed and hid my face in my locker. "Thanks…I guess."

"So…what are we going to do about your little 'appearance problem'?" Axel asked in a tone colored with amusement. I glared at him, having finished packing my backpack, and slammed my locker door shut.

"It's not my problem. Your fan club equals your problem. I'm just trying to be proactive about it." I snapped, motioning for him to follow me as I headed down the hallway. He rolled his eyes but obediently followed me.

"Whatever. I'm not the one freaking out about it." He grumbled, blinking when I stopped abruptly. "What is it?"

I sighed. Everyone was staring at us. In my adrenaline rush from combat class, I had forgotten that Axel and I were the subjects of the hour in school. We couldn't be seen being so amicable and close, not with the rumor mill still churning about us.

"I forgot about the rumors." I whispered, biting my lip. He began to laugh but one look from me silenced him. He cleared his throat and instead snorted,

"Fine, I'll play your little game. Are you taking the bus from now on?"

I nodded, taking a step back and into an empty classroom. Axel raised an eyebrow and joined me, closing the door behind him.

"I think it's better if we're as distant as possible in school." I admitted, fumbling with my fingers. Axel groaned, running a hand through his spikes in an attempt to calm down.

"How can I be with you if I can't be with you?" He demanded, slamming a fist against the blackboard behind me. I flinched. He was always so angry…sometimes it reminded me of me. Well, you know, past me.

Noting my silence, he took a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm just a bit frustrated."

"I know." I murmured, sliding my arms around his neck, a feat only accomplished by standing on my tiptoes. "I am too."

"Should we just…stop seeing each other?" He whispered, gazing into my eyes. "Is that what you want?"

I frowned almost immediately. "No. Jeez, of course that's not what I want. Is that what you want?"

Axel gave me a pointed look that answered my question. We both fell silent, deep in thought. Finally, I came up with a solution.

"I have an idea! What if we just make a schedule? Like, at lunch we can hang out. But during classes and stuff, we either don't see each other or act like we have some big project we have to be around each other for. Then, after school I can take the bus home, and after that, we can hang out again!" I exclaimed. This could work! Sure, it was a bit unorthodox and kinda complicated, but desperate times called for desperate measures! We could make this happen!

Axel pursed his lips, staring at me, and my heart was beating so fast it was practically about to explode. I wanted this so badly…if Axel agreed.

"Let's add one more thing to this deal. If I go along with it…you have to go back to seeing Aerith for therapy." Axel said quietly. My jaw dropped. What?

"Why? I'm doing just fine being myself again!"

Axel gave me another look. "We're in an empty classroom because you're too scared to even walk down the hall with me. I would think not."

I huffed and folded my arms. If this was the only way he would go along with this, then…I would have to make the sacrifice. "Oh alright. I'll do it."

Axel, who seemed surprised that I agreed, blinked at me. I gave him an amused grin. Ha! I wasn't as predictable as he thought! Internally, I cheered myself for my valiant effort.

After snapping out of it, Axel just rolled his eyes at me. "Fine. Whatever…we can go along with that for a little while. But you know we're going to have to come out with this eventually, right?"

I waved that off. "Yeah, sure. Oh Axel, I'm so happy!"

And with that, I pulled his lips to mine, making our deal…and our love...official.

As crazy as it was, I had finally established a balanced routine. Well, semi-balanced, at least. But it was a start! It went like this:

Go to school.

Skip lunch to make-out with Axel.

Ride the bus home.

Do homework/Procrastinate like crazy.

Go to therapy.

Go back home to eat dinner.

Sneak out to hang with Axel.

Sneak back in, go to bed, and do it all over again.

So okay. Fine. It probably wasn't the healthiest routine. Aerith herself said that even though I was being myself again, I was lying to everyone around me. But she didn't understand how hard it was to ignore what people thought of me! Their opinions mattered to me, damn it. At the same time, Axel mattered a whole damn lot, too.

So I really had no choice but to live this crazy, destructive lifestyle. Why couldn't I have my cake and eat it, too?

What with it being February and all, I was struck with the thought that Axel, being my secret boyfriend and all, was probably going to want to do something outside of this routine for Valentine's Day. We'd been "going out" for about three months now…that constituted something, right?

"Sora…" I began inquiringly as Sora, Riku and I made our daily trek to school in the chilly, February air. I finally felt warm enough to walk around sans scarf, but that just made it harder to hide Axel's "labels", aka his hickies. Still…it was too warm to wear Sora's heavy love scarves.

Sora, who had previously been engaged in a violent poking war with Riku, shoved Riku to the side and gave me his full attention. "Yes, Rox?"

"What are you and Riku doing for Valentine's Day? It's coming up in a week." I asked him, rolling my eyes when he gasped and fidgeted with his phone, searching for the date.

"What?" He exclaimed, running a shocked hand through his spikes. "I thought it was January!"

I frowned at him. Jeez…way to be a flake. "No, it's definitely February. How could you get that mixed up? Don't you have a massive project due by the end of month?"

Sora looked near tears. "Yes…it was supposed to be an experiment that took place throughout the entire month. Now I'm missing a whole two weeks!"

Riku snorted and took his hand, giving it a sweet kiss. "Don't worry, I knew you would forget. I already talked to the teacher about us working together. I've…I mean, we've…been monitoring the effects of the darkness on everyday household objects."

Sora let out a huge sigh of relief before throwing his arms around him and giving him a huge kiss, right in front of me and the rest of the school. "This is why I've always loved you, Riku. You know me better than anyone else."

I scowled. "What about me? I'm your flesh and blood, damn it!"

But they were ignoring me, as well as the world, at that point. They were kissing as if their lives depended on it. I scoffed and took off for my locker. Thank goodness I wasn't all lovey dovey for Axel.

As I reached my locker, I noticed a familiar tall, sexy redhead leaning against it, and before I could help myself, I sighed amorously.

Aw shit…maybe I was lovey dovey.

Only for Axel, though.

And that made it okay.

Once Axel saw me, he immediately smirked, remaining unmoving in front of my locker. I hid a grin. This was the game we played during school; we would pretend that we were just acquaintances so no one would suspect anything.

"You're blocking my locker, Axel." I informed him primly, eyeing him in false annoyance. "Don't you have your own?"

Axel raised an eyebrow, obnoxiously taking a step to the side so that I could access my locker. "I wasn't aware I was blocking it. Sorry. Anyway…"

He paused as a couple of kids eyed us nosily, slowing so that they could hear our conversation. This time I couldn't stop the grin on my face as Axel leaned down and handed me a crumbled note, announcing loudly, "Don't forget, Roxas, we have to work on our project at lunch."

I schooled my features into a serious expression as I tucked the note into my agenda, acting as if it was an important piece of information for our fake assignment. "I would never forget something like that."

Axel nodded before starting to walk off, giving me a salute. I winked back when I thought no one was looking, before slowly turning back to my locker. I almost wished we didn't have to do this; school just wasn't fun without Axel. But at least I would see him at lunch!

I cheerfully traded my books out and walked to class, blissfully unaware of anything going around me.

Maybe if I had, I would have noticed that Axel's note had slipped out of my agenda.

And maybe…just maybe…I would have noticed who had grabbed it.

For the first time ever, Olette wasn't in her normal, chipper mood. That didn't sit well with me. For one thing, it usually meant that I did something. But frankly, I couldn't imagine what it possibly could be! I didn't do anything!

Except, ya know, sneak around behind her back with Axel.

But that didn't count! I was hiding that from everyone, so…no, did not count.

"Olette…what's the matter?" I asked her as I sat down at our lunch table. As always, I had planned to say a few words, leave, and go meet with Axel, but…seeing one of my friends looking so distressed worried me. I'd been so selfish lately that I hadn't been paying any attention to them.

Olette tucked a strand of her soft brown hair behind her ear and slowly glanced up at me. She reached in her pocket wordlessly, then slid a folded up paper across the table at me. Pence, Hayner and I stared at it for a moment before we all simultaneously lunged for it.

"Stop that—"

"Ouch, Hayner!"

"Let go of it, Rox!"

"She gave it to me, dammit! Let go!" I snapped, finally managing to rip it out of their hands. Sticking my tongue out at them in triumph, I swirled around in my chair to read it to myself. But as I unfolded the paper, registering the words that were scrawled on the paper, my heart sank.

It was the letter Axel had given to me this morning, the one I hadn't read yet.

Dear Angel,

Remember when you said that you had never gotten a love letter? Well…sorry, no, you still haven't. This won't be a love letter. This will be a lust letter.

Today, when I see you, I'm going to make you come harder than you've ever come before. You'll be dripping wet before we even get started. The taste of you is the sweetest drop on my tongue and later on, when I have you excited and—

I couldn't finish the letter. Not when my cheeks were burning bright red, my mouth was hanging open, and my nether regions were standing at attention. I slowly folded the letter back up and glanced at Olette. She was staring at me with an unreadable expression on her face.

"Olette, I—"

"Who else knows?" She interrupted me, her voice harsh and demanding. I fell silent.

Finally, I answered softly, "Just you and his friends."

Olette pursed her lips, taking her eyes off of me and directing them at Hayner and Pence. "Do you guys mind giving Roxas and I a second alone?"

Hayner opened his mouth to protest, but Pence quickly agreed and yanked him out of his chair and to another empty table farther away. I watched them go with an expression akin to panic. Great. Now I was all alone with a surely angry and enraged Olette.

Never a safe thing.

"Why," she demanded, folding her arms and tilting her head at me, about to lay into me, I'm sure…"aren't you guys dating in public?"

"Olette, I'm sorry! I'm—" I began before her words registered in my head. Wait, what? She eyed me expectantly, waiting for me to respond.

"You aren't upset that we're seeing each other?" I asked her confusedly, blinking at her. She laughed before schooling her features into a scowl.

"Am I upset that you didn't tell me? Yes. Am I upset that you're doing the dirty with Axel Highwind, the sexy, uber popular bad boy in all of the islands? No." She explained testily, giving me a judgmental once-over. "Since when do you keep secrets from us?"

Since always.

"Well…" I began slowly, clearing my throat nervously. "I may have withheld information about certain things…"

Olette slammed her apple juice on the table with a grimace that could rival an Orc from Lord of the Rings. "Spill it."

After Olette had been properly informed on all matters Axel-related as well as my…well, mental issues, she was smiling and laughing again as she walked me to the library. I was a little unsure about whether Axel would be cool with Olette knowing about us, or freaked. I tended to think it would be the first option…

Then again, you never quite knew about Axel.

I slowly opened the door, peeking inside, but of course, Olette scoffed at me and burst through, grinning madly. "Axel baby! Where are you?"

Axel blinked up from a book he was flipping through, staring at Olette in confusion. "Um…hi? Olette, right? What's…up?"

Then his eyes found me, grimacing from behind the door, and no one could mistake the soft expression that erupted on his face. Olette burst into a fit of high-pitched giggles, clapping happily.

Axel's smile faded and now he just looked thrown off. He cocked his head at me suspiciously. "Hey, Roxas…why don't you come on out here and explain what's going on?"

I grimaced and did as I was told, dragging my feet the whole way. When I stopped in front of him, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me down on his lap, despite my protests.

"Our school assignment is to act like we're in love." He explained mockingly to Olette, even as I wriggled around, trying to escape. "Babe, your writhing is turning me on."

I shot him a look of disgust. "Gross!"

"Not what you said last night." Axel retorted cheekily, grinning wickedly at me as I gave him an annoyed glower. Finally managing to wriggle free, I turned to face him.

"I told Olette everything. She knows about us." I admitted, rolling my eyes as Olette meowed playfully at us. "It just came out, Ax. I'm sorry."

Axel's smile faded a bit and now he regarded me seriously. I gulped. Great, he looked mad.

"So you'll tell Olette, but you won't tell anyone else? Look, that's cool and all, Angel, but I just wish you would come out with it instead of us hiding as if it's wrong." Axel said sincerely, his eyes growing troubled. "Why can't this be an opportunity—?"

"Because it's not an opportunity, it's an accident! A mistake! This can never get out, Ax!" I exclaimed, his miserable expression making me in turn feel emotionally upset.

"I'm a mistake?" Axel snapped, glaring at me dangerously. I blinked and shook my head frantically, taking his hand in mine while I still felt safe enough to do so (Ax was scary as hell when he was upset).

"No. You're not a mistake. But telling the school will be." I explained, kissing his knuckles. He softened, but the reluctance to do so was clear on his face.

"I understand…"

"I understand too, Roxas, but I have to say, I'm on Team Axel here." Olette chimed in, looking unapologetic for disagreeing with me. "He's right."

Axel smirked. "See?"

I scowled at the both of them. Their alliance was going to be a pain in my ass down the road, I was sure of it.

"What are you really afraid of?" Olette pressed, sitting down at one of the chairs around the library table and giving me her utmost attention. "Seriously?"

"That's a good question." Axel added unhelpfully, winking at my frown. "Come on."

I turned away from them so they couldn't see my face. I knew that my expression would give me away.

The truth is, I had no clue what I was afraid of. My reputation…my appearance…those two things seemed so shallow. So what was the real reason behind keeping Axel a secret?

"Yes, Roxas, let's spend some time on this." Aerith smiled interestedly at me after I had relayed the events that happened with Axel and Olette at school today. "Think about it; why won't you come out of the closet?"

I made a face at her word choice. There was never a closet at my house. With two gay older brothers, it only seemed natural that I would end up gay too.

Yes. I had finally come to terms with it. No longer could I deny the fact that it wasn't a V but a P I desired in my most exotic fantasies. But anyway, that's not what she meant.

"I have no clue." I mumbled, looking away dejectedly. It was hopeless. I would never understand myself…never let go of the Angel persona.

But instead of pressing me further, she changed topics, asking, to my surprise, "Can we talk about Namine?"

I blinked in shock. We hadn't talked about Namine since the day she left. "Um, sure, I guess. Why?"

Aerith shrugged ominously. "You sound hesitant to discuss Namine. Where is that coming from?"

I shrugged as well. I just didn't understand why she was important to my relationship with Axel. "Nowhere. I just…don't need to talk about her."

Aerith nodded wisely, giving me a look that told me she knew exactly what was wrong with me, but wanted me to figure it out on my own.

I stared back at her, giving her a look that said, 'I'm paying you, so please give me some damn answers'.

"Is it at all possible, Roxas," Aerith began cautiously, actually putting down her precious notepad for once and regarding me seriously, "that you're waiting for her to return?"

I gaped. That couldn't be true, not at all. I hastened to reassure her. "No. That…that can't be possible. I-I hardly even think about her anymore."

Aerith smiled sadly. "Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how little you think of her or how much you love Axel. There's a part of you—a part that I suspect is your dominant self—that has not received closure from your past. And that is the part that still loves her."

I walked back home in a daze, my mind still back at the counseling office.

Basically, after dropping that little bomb on me, Aerith explained that the reason I won't "come out" so to speak, is because the Roxas half of me is still pinning after Namine, and the Angel half is deeply in love with Axel.

"I know it's a frightening concept, but you have to merge these selves, Roxas. Only then will you be able to fully commit yourself to Axel, if that is the dominating feeling."

That meant, it was possible that when I became "myself"…I might not feel the same way about Axel. I might be more in love with Namine.

That scared me shitless.

Besides that, Aerith made "merging my selves" sound so easy. As if I knew exactly how to do that. She did say that I needed to make a choice between hypnosis or psychotherapy. If I chose psychotherapy, I would be fully admitting to believing that I have split personality disorder, during which she would try to determine my true personality, and what triggers my second personality.

The thing was, I felt the same, whenever I was "Roxas" or "Angel." So how was that going to help solve anything?

So sure, there was hypnosis left as my last option. But I didn't really believe in that shit. It sounded a lot like magic to me.

Maybe I should see what Axel thought about it.

But when I snuck out to be with Axel that night, I couldn't get the nerve to bring it up. Sitting at one of Axel's favorite spots, the rooftop of a Japanese steakhouse that smelled like smoke and reminded me of a junkyard, I had loads of opportunities to bring up Aerith's conclusions.

Instead, I focused on returning Axel's searing kisses as we lazily made-out, our bodies pressed up so close that I could hear his heart racing. My heart in turn skipped a beat as I realized just how much I would miss this—miss him—if Roxas did, in fact, love Namine more than Axel.

"So." Axel began, just the picture of ease as he grinned up at me (I was lying on top of him, my limbs having given out early in our kissing session), his voice too casual considering that I could feel his arousal pressing up against my thigh. "How was therapy today?"

To my horror, at the mention of therapy, I immediately burst into terrified tears. Axel's face fell, and he quickly set us up so that we were sitting up, facing each other. He gave me a confused grimace as he gently wiped my tears away. "What'd I say?"

I shook my head, frustrated. "Nothing! You didn't do anything. You're perfect, Ax. It's…It's me."

Axel chuckled half-heartedly. "Kind of sounds like you're breaking up with me."

At my miserable stare, the small smile dropped completely, and now he just looked panicked. "Are you breaking up with me?"

I sighed. Might as well come out with it. Taking a deep breath, I told him everything, sparing no details as I filled him in on what was going on. The more I mentioned Namine, the more disappointed his face became, which was even worse than seeing him angry or annoyed.

"What are you going to do?" He asked me, his voice devoid of any emotion. I felt my eyes filling up with tears again.

"I don't know yet. I'm scared. I…Axel, I love you. I don't want to lose you to my past."

Axel stared at me with an unreadable expression on his face, and all I could do was gaze back at him, my face an open book full of regret, frustration and fear.

Finally, Axel sighed and said, "Well, at least I know that the reason you won't come out is because you're ashamed of me."

How could he have ever thought that? "Of course not."

Axel was quiet again as we both turned our attention back to the view of the cars below us, racing at the speed of light.

"I think you should do the hypnosis. Psychotherapy doesn't seem like something you would like." Axel muttered softly, slowly reaching out and grabbing my hand. I squeezed back tightly.

"That's what I was thinking. But Ax…are you…? Do you…? Do you really think I should go through with treatment? Can't things just stay the way they are?" I pleaded, begging him to stop me, stop all of this…

But Axel loved me selflessly. "No. You're slowly hurting yourself, Roxas. Despite the façade you put on, you aren't happy."

"But I'm happy with you." I whispered in a small voice. That cracked him a bit. He gave me a fond smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I know. I feel the same way. But you have to be happy on your own. Are you ever happy when I'm not with you?" He challenged me, clearly giving me a tough love lecture.

I blinked. Come to think of it…no. I wasn't. When I didn't respond, Axel knew he had gotten his answer. Turning away but still holding my hand, I think we both came to one agreement.

No matter what happened tomorrow, next week, or even next year…we still had tonight.

Next part is coming to you VERY soon. Seriously.