Twilight and its inhabitants belong to Stephenie Meyer. I've just transplanted them into my little universe…
Playlist for Chapter Thirteen – Also known as The Really Long Playlist for a Relatively Short Chapter… "This Ruined Puzzle" by Dashboard Confessional, "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane, "Singing Bridges (We All Fall)" by Matchbook Romance, "Sort of" by Silversun Pickups, and "Inevitable" by Anberlin
Chapter Thirteen – Somewhere Only We Know
~Bella~
I woke up Saturday morning after having the most vivid dream of running through the forest. I could feel someone there with me, but I could never see him. His hauntingly familiar laughter filled the dark recesses between the trees. I wasn't sure if I was chasing him, or if he was chasing me, or if it even mattered anyway. I ran until I was out of breath and when I came to a stop I found myself at the edge of a meadow. Across from where I stood was the treehouse I visited nearly every night. The figure waiting for me on the steps was blinding in the sunlight, rainbows dancing in every direction from his shimmering skin.
The rare sun had decided to make another appearance, waking me from my recurring dream and illuminating columns of dust swirling in front of my bedroom window. I stretched lazily in the warm rays of sunlight and smiled as I thought of the previous evening.
My date with Edward had been absolutely wonderful. I loved every precious second I was able to spend with him. We had laughed so hard during our dinner that my sides were still sore. The musical sound of his laughter still rang in my ears. I don't remember ever laughing so much in my life. It was hard to believe how similar our tastes were in movies, music, and reading.
I dragged myself from my bed and trudged down the stairs to tackle my agenda for the day. Charlie had already left before sunrise to go fishing with Billy Black, so I planned on cleaning and doing laundry.
Thinking of Billy reminded me of Jacob. I felt sort of guilty for not talking to Jacob since he got sick the week before, but the truth was that he hadn't crossed my mind… it was too full of all things Edward.
I checked the clock to see if it was too early to call and decided that Jake should already be up anyway. I couldn't wait to tell him about my date with Edward. I dialed his number and was surprised when Sue Clearwater picked up the phone.
"Sue? May I please speak to Jacob?" I asked.
"Hey Bella, Jake's still sick. I'm checking in on him while Billy is out with your Dad," she explained.
"Jake's still sick?" I repeated, confused by the statement. I couldn't remember Jacob ever being sick in all the years I had known him.
"Yeah," Sue answered. She waited a moment and added, "The doctor says it's mono and he'll be out of commission for a while."
"Wow, I can't imagine Jake being sick at all. Who did he kiss?" I teased. I knew exactly who he wanted to kiss and I'm sure Sue knew, too. He'd been in love with Leah since he was a toddler.
"You do know that's an old wives' tale, don't you, Bella? Jake just let himself get too run down. He's been burning his candle at both ends lately… Well, I'd better go see what I can do for him."
"Is there anything I can do? I can bring him some soup or something," I told her.
"No, it's better for him not to have visitors. He might still be contagious and we don't want anyone else getting sick," Sue advised.
"Okay, but have him call me as soon as he's feeling better, please?"
"Sure, sure. I'll tell him," she promised.
Three hours later the house was dust-free, laundry had been washed, dried, folded and put away, and it wasn't even noon. I wanted to call Angela, but she was busy helping her parents with her twin brothers' birthday party in Port Angeles. I called Edward to see if he had any plans and reached his voicemail. I decided not to leave a message. I hoped he wasn't avoiding me.
I scanned through the contents of the pantry and the refrigerator, and made a grocery list for the next week's worth of meals, the majority of which would feature fish. My recipe collection for different ways of preparing fish had become quite impressive. It was that or come up with a way to convince Charlie to quit fishing, which would occur simultaneously with hell freezing over.
I knew the trip to the store would be over with quickly, so instead of heading straight to the Thriftway, I drove aimlessly for a while until I found myself in front of Forks Elementary.
A strange compulsion came over me, so I pulled into the school parking lot.
I left my truck parked at the school and hiked across the adjacent field into the forest, practically on auto-pilot. My feet carried me through the forest as if they knew exactly where they were going. I passed a small stream and stopped for a moment as the strongest sense of déjà vu washed over me. A faint image flickered in my mind of me as a little girl sitting cross-legged by the stream holding someone's hand. I wasn't sure if this was something from a memory or from a dream. Standing in that spot, I was filled with a feeling of utter contentment.
I kept going, climbing over fallen logs in my path, winding my way through the forest until I had walked for what seemed like hours. Finally I stepped into a clearing and stopped, my breath catching at the sight in front of me.
I stood at the edge of a beautiful meadow, turning slowly, somehow knowing what I would see. My breath caught as I saw the treehouse nestled in the woods at the edge of the forest, just as I had dreamed. Sitting on the steps, glistening blindingly in the bright sunlight, was the figure I knew would be waiting for me. I gasped and my thoughts swirled in a kaleidoscope of confusion as the world around me grew dim and then finally went black.
~Edward~
"Edward!" Alice called from her room upstairs.
I had been playing the piano, toying with a melody that had come to me while I was enjoying my time with Bella on our date. I smiled to myself, remembering every moment in perfect detail.
"What is it, Alice?" I asked, slightly annoyed. I hated having my concentration broken when I was busy reliving the most memorable event of my life.
"It's Bella!" she answered. I don't understand this, and it scares me.
I was at Alice's side in an instant.
"She disappeared, Edward! I saw her at your treehouse, and she just disappeared! Hurry, you have to go now!" she said frantically.
A sense of dread overcame me. I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach.
I ran faster than I had ever run before. I had to get to Bella before anything could happen to her. My heart clenched with fear. If anything happened to Bella, my life would be over. There would be no reason for me to go on without her, so I would have to find a way to leave this cursed existence.
With a great sense of relief, I heard Bella's footsteps and watched as she made her way through the forest. She paused by the little stream where she sat with me as a child, holding my hand.
She continued wandering through the forest, closing in on our meadow with each passing step. I couldn't believe that she knew where she was going. It had been so many years since the last time she had been there with me and even back then she had never been on foot. I had always carried her.
When she reached the meadow, I walked slowly behind her, trying to gauge her reaction to seeing our special place once again. I raced to the steps as she turned to see the treehouse and then heard her gasp as suddenly she began to fall. I caught her before she hit the ground, cradling her in my arms.
I stroked her forehead, sweeping the strands of hair that covered her face behind her ear. Every molecule of my being was rejoicing at having her in my arms again.
Her eyelids fluttered as she slowly opened her eyes.
"It… It was real. It was all real. I thought it was a dream," Bella stammered. "I remember you now. I remember everything. You were my guardian Angel, when I was a little girl. You played with me. You ran carrying me through the forest and you built this beautiful treehouse for me. Charlie always thought you were my imaginary friend, so after you left I came to believe that I had made you up. Eventually I forgot…"
I nodded, still stroking her face with my fingertips, feeling how fragile and delicate she was.
"You look exactly the same as I remember you. You haven't changed at all …"
Her eyes grew wide and she was silent for too long. The wait was agonizing when she finally spoke. "Jake's story was true. I thought it was just an old legend. I didn't think…" she said as she struggled to sit up. "I know what you are."
I released her and stood up. I had to put some distance between us. I was practically vibrating. I walked over to the treehouse and stood near the steps.
"What do you think I am, Bella?" I asked, knowing and dreading the answer. I braced myself for the running and screaming. I waited for what seemed an eternity before I prompted her.
"Say it. Out loud." I needed to hear the words from her mouth.
"A vampire," she whispered.
"Are you afraid?" I had to know. It would be better for us both if she was.
"No," she answered quietly.
"You should be," I told her.
"Why? You won't hurt me."
"Bella, it is very dangerous for both of us for you to know the truth about what I am. There are laws that require that our existence be kept a secret. The punishment is death for all involved. Please don't tell anyone what you know about me," I begged.
"I would never tell anybody anything," she replied fervently. "I'll take your secret to my grave... I promise."
I winced when she said "grave". The thought of Bella dying left me unable to breathe. If anything happened to her, I would be right behind. There was no way I could exist without her. But there was no way I could be with her either, not the way she wanted me to be, definitely not with the feelings that she evoked in me. I had to keep her beyond arm's length.
I thought for a long while before speaking.
"Bella, you need to understand, and you need to understand RIGHT NOW, that I am NOT your Prince Charming and this is no fairytale. I am a soulless monster and this is your worst nightmare. You have NO idea of the things I've done, or the things I'm capable of," I said harshly. I had to make her see past her delusion to the cold, hard truth.
She flinched as I continued trying to persuade her to see reason.
"I've killed more people than I care to count. I killed them in cold blood… with no remorse. I sunk my teeth through their throats and drained them dry. I could hear them begging and pleading for a second chance in their thoughts and I had no regard for absolving them of their sins. I thought they deserved the death I dealt them, the rapists, the murderers, the vilest examples of humanity. I hunted them down and was their judge, jury, and executioner…"
"I don't care what you've done. You won't hurt me," Bella protested. "I trust you."
I took a deep breath, feeling the vicious burn in my throat as the venom pooled in response to the intoxicating scent of her blood. I stepped back another step, and she stepped closer again.
"Don't," I whispered.
"If you wanted to kill me, you would have done it already. You've certainly had plenty of opportunity."
"Bella, I don't want to hurt you. But I am what I am. A soulless monster. You don't want to believe me, but that is the truth."
"That's bullshit, Edward Cullen, and you know it is! You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me," she shouted.
She was so stubborn. I had to convince her, somehow.
"Take my hand," I ordered.
She reached out and held my hand with hers, feeling my bare flesh for the first time since she was a child, and a jolt of electricity ran up my arm. Her hand was so soft and warm, the sensation was incredible.
"How does my skin feel?" I asked her.
"It's cold, hard, and smooth, like marble," she answered.
"Exactly." I nodded, placing her hand on my chest where my heart would be beating if I were alive. The heat from her hand penetrated my chest and spread through my whole body. If it weren't for the gravity of the situation, I would have thought I was in heaven. "Now what do you feel?"
She held her hand against my heart for several moments, and my whole body was tingling from the current running between us where her hand touched me.
"You don't have a heartbeat, but I wasn't expecting you to have one."
"No, I don't have one. Because. I. Am. Not. Alive." I told her coldly. "I am little more than a bloodthirsty animated stone."
"Dammit, Edward, you are so much more than animated stone and you aren't dead either! If you were, we wouldn't be standing here having this conversation," she pointed out.
"Bella, what do I have to do to convince you that I'm not good company for you to keep? You are in danger every moment you are near me." I was growing frustrated at her refusal to see the glaring truth in front of her.
"I don't believe that for a minute. You were never anything but kind and loving to me when I was little. You were my best friend… You still are. Why would you be any different now?" She tilted her head to the side waiting for my response and for a moment I was reminded of the little girl with pony tails.
"I'm not saying that I would ever intentionally cause you harm. But the fact remains that I am a vampire. I live with a family of vampires, and even though we survive on the blood of animals, it doesn't mean that we have perfect control of our nature. You do not belong in my world."
"Then what are you doing in mine?" she countered.
That was the ultimate question. What was I doing in her world? I should leave her to live her life without any interference from me, so she could go on to live a long, happy, human life. I was only confusing both of us by my proximity to her. But I also knew that I could never leave her again. It had been agony being away from her for the past eleven years, and even though we could never truly be together, I would never be able to be distanced from her. I would watch her life from the shadows, ensuring her safety. Unbeknownst to her, I would celebrate her victories and suffer her defeats right along with her, all from the outside the edge of her perception.
"I came back to make sure you were okay. Now that I know you are, I should let you live your life in peace," I explained.
"You think my life will be peaceful without you? My life will be empty and meaningless without you! You can't go away! You say you have no soul, but if you leave me you take mine away, too," she cried, shaking in anguish.
Huge tears formed and started to roll down her cheeks.
"I have loved you since I was five years old, Edward. My conscious memories may have faded, but my heart never forgot you, and now that I have you back in my life, I can't be without you."
"Bella, I can't give you what you want. I can't be what you need…" She held her hand up to stop me before I could continue.
She walked toward me slowly, purposefully, and came to a stop mere inches from me. I could feel the heat from her body warming my own. She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath.
"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me, Edward. If you can do that, you're free to go. Leave and don't ever come back. My heart can only be shattered irreversibly once. I won't give you the chance to do it again."
I struggled to find the strength to lie to her. As agonizing as leaving her would be, it was the right thing to do.
I looked deep into twin pools of melted chocolate, and drowned in them. I was lost, my resolve crumbled and I couldn't fight it any longer. I saw myself in her eyes… No, I saw us in her eyes, and I had to tell her the truth.
"No. I can't say it," I whispered. "I love you, Bella. Beyond all sense of reason, I love you."
"That's what I thought," she said triumphantly, throwing her arms around my neck and pressing her petal soft lips to mine, and the world around us disappeared. I wished the moment could last forever.
~Bella~
Everything came flooding back to me when I saw Edward sparkling in the sunlight. I remembered every priceless moment we had shared and I remembered how much I had always loved him.
He tried to convince me that he was wrong for me, but I refused to believe it. I could believe in myths and fairy tales, but I could never accept that Edward was an evil, soulless monster. It just wasn't possible. And when he tried to convince me that I was better off without him, I told him the absolute truth. I would be nothing without him.
In a flash of inspiration, I asked him to tell me that he didn't love me. If he could look me in the eye and say it, I would let him go. Forever. I realized that my own soul would die in the process, but I would release him.
I knew it. I knew when he hesitated that he couldn't say it.
He loves me.
He loves me!
I couldn't hold myself back any more. I flung myself at Edward, grasping his neck with all the strength I possessed, and when I finally touched his perfect lips with mine, I felt the missing puzzle piece fall into place. We were two halves of the same whole and nothing would ever part us again.
A/N: Happy Thursday everyone! FINALLY! Hope you all enjoyed the return of Bella's memories and the treehouse…
Thanks and love forever to my beta and bestest friend ever, Christine, aka A Little Distracted, for putting up with my insecurities on a daily basis… You make the world a better place for everyone!
Hugs to FangMom for pre-reading my chapters and providing your insightful and humorous running commentary – love ya hun!
And now for something completely different…
*Review of the Week: I received a review for Chapter 12 (Edward and Bella's date) that made me laugh so hard my husband thought there was something wrong with me. So I'd like to share with you my review of the week from bismarckfairy – your review made my week, I absolutely loved it!
*Poor Bella probably thinks Edward's not attracted to her. Meanwhile, poor Edward has to puke up ravioli. A rather unpleasant end to the night for both of them.*
Speaking of reviews, a lot of people expressed interest in Emmett and his "Secret Service Agent" suit... I posted a couple links on my profile to some very nice pictures of Kellan in a suit (sorry, not Armani). You'll just have to use your imagination to give him dark hair and honey eyes (or enjoy as is)!
Real life has kept me from having the chance to read any new fics this past week, so I don't have any rec's to make this time around. Hopefully, I'll have something to add next chapter.
Now for the bad news. The same real life that's blocking my fic reading is also probably going to delay the release of Chapter 14. I will TRY to get it issued next Thursday, but I'm changing jobs, and will be very busy with the transition. I promise I will get the update to you as soon as possible.
Reviewers get a teaser from Chapter 14…