Okay, so I just wanted to say hey and thanks for all the reviews. I really appreciate your feedback and encourage it. I'd just like to say what an awesome country we live in that you can find That 70s Show on two different channels on Christmas. It kept me sane at my aunt's house with eight little kids running around. L Anyways, I don't own this show. If I did, season eight would be entirely redone.
The rest of the week went by surprisingly fast for the gang. Every guy in school ogled Lucy, none of them catching her eye. Contrary to everyone's bets, Jackie didn't get jealous. In fact, the midget encouraged her friend to do a little flirting. Jackie knew Lucy had yet to get over Jason, just like she had never completely gotten over her first love. The best friends sat with their band mates at lunch, sitting at a table farther away from the gang per Jackie's request. She had a feeling Donna and Hyde were picking up on things and getting suspicious. The band used lunch as a planning time, Jackie tweaking songs and Dexter telling them their gigs. Trent had yet to bring up the new male lead singer thing again. He decided to wait until after their gig on Saturday. Meanwhile, the gang slowly grew to enjoy Lucy's presence in the basement. She turned Jackie into a different person, which only made Donna and Hyde realize what a mask Jackie wore all the time.
Lucy was sitting in the basement, watching TV, fresh from band practice. Jackie had stayed at Dexter's later to nail the drummer solo in a new song. Truthfully, she just wasn't done playing yet. Lucy, knowing she was alone, slipped into the bathroom upstairs. She got out the small pocketknife she kept in her pocket and pushed up her sleeves. Lucy pressed the blade against her skin, enjoying the cool sting it brought. Lucy watch blood drip into the sink. She felt alive again. Lucy needed to feel alive. After Jason died, all she felt was dead inside. Cutting herself reminded Lucy she was still there. Jackie had caught her doing it once but hadn't ratted her out. The midget knew what it was like to deal with pain. Instead, Jackie had helped her clean up the cuts and carefully monitored her friend. Lucy always made sure not to cut too deep; she didn't want to die. Jackie needed her.
Unfortunately for Lucy, Jackie walked into the bathroom just as Lucy was wrapping up her cuts. "Lucy, what the hell?" Jackie shouted angrily. She had seen the healing cut marks on her friend and assumed Lucy had stopped. Clearly, she hadn't. Lucy started to cry softly.
"I know. I'm sorry. I just get too numb. I become my mother." she sobbed into Jackie's shoulder. The midget rubbed her best friend's back softly.
"You're not your mother. You have so much in your life. I hope you realize that one day." Jackie comforted her friend, looking her straight in the eyes. "You're stronger than you think." With a word, Jackie lead Lucy to the Forman's rarely used piano. "This song should make you feel better. It's shows just how screwed up I am." Lucy remained silent at this. Jackie was painfully aware of her flaws. It was the reason she acted like she did. She began to sing, playing a soft melody as she did. Neither girl realized Hyde was standing in the doorway, listening to Jackie sing.
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake
She says, "Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?"
"I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season."
Yeah, we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe… just breathe
In May, he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just a day, he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe… just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
I know that you'll use them however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one could find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
And breathe, just breathe
Woah, breathe, just breathe
Oh, breathe, just breathe
Hyde stood there in shock. He had never expected such depth from the spoiled cheerleader. Jackie acted as if she was all unicorns and rainbows, which usually pissed Hyde off. After his childhood, he couldn't stand people who didn't live in the real world. Now Hyde realized that there was more to Jackie than she let on. He could see the pain in her mismatched eyes.
"Wow, Blue. That was amazing." Lucy whispered in awe. The song had so much emotion in it; it was like a piece of Jackie's soul in her hands. Lucy knew that Jackie had been to therapy numerous times, but it had never helped the midget. One of the therapists had suggested that she keep a journal, which turned into songwriting. Jackie hadn't gone back to therapy since.
Jackie only shrugged, unable to speak. Singing that song had been painful for her, a huge blow in her heart. It reminded her of all the bad things in her life: her childhood, her first relationship, and Jason's death. Jackie had been in the hospital when she wrote the song. She had fainted from dehydration; the part about what's inside her threatening the life it belongs to was literal. Everything that Jackie was feeling had been killing her. If it hadn't been for the songwriting and Lucy, she was certain she'd been dead by now.
Lucy could sense Jackie's hurt. She was a little curious to learn who it was about. Lucy tried to change the subject. "So, want to go to the Hub and grab a bite to eat?"
Jackie shook her head lightly. Though the pangs in her stomach just kept getting worse and worse, she refused to give in. Jackie felt a sense of accomplishment when she saw the numbers on the scale go down. It made her feel good about herself in a twisted way. In Jackie's eyes, the hunger pangs and the non-eating were all worth it in the end. Or at least those were the lies she tried to feed herself. "Nah, I'm good," Jackie answered lightly.
"Blue…" Lucy said worriedly. She was scared out of her mind for Jackie. The girl had no idea how over her head she was. Lucy knew Jackie appeared superficial to everyone else, but all she saw was a deeply insecure girl who was lonely and in need of love.
"No, Luce. Not today." Jackie cut off her friend before the conversation got too far. She wasn't about to hash this out with Lucy, who Jackie knew wasn't afraid to give her a swift verbal whooping. Before Jackie landed in the hospital, Lucy was very cautious in her approach to help her. But, after it happened, Lucy's approach became a little more aggressive. Jackie had a feeling her friend would spill her secret to the gang eventually out of concern. Well, either that, or they'd figure it out on their own.
Hyde watched this interaction with interest. Lucy must've known some secret of Jackie's because the cheerleader's face looked worried. It made him extremely curious. What things did Jackie Burkhart have to hide? But, Lucy's tone didn't sound threatening enough to indict that she was going to tell. It was more of a pleading tone, like she was worried about Jackie. Hyde mentally cursed himself for caring so much about this spoiled princess, but the more he learned about Jackie the more he was convinced there was more to Jackie than that.
"Hey, am I interrupting something?" Hyde asked, stepping out of the doorway and into the living room, his eyes studying the two best friends behind the shades.
"No," the girls answered in unison. Hyde smirked at how alike the girls really were. Lucy looked like a rocker chick while Jackie screamed virgin, but the two girls acted like twins.
"Oh, and by the way, we're going to a bar tonight. Want to come?" Lucy asked Hyde casually. He raised an eyebrow.
"You're going to a bar?" Hyde asked in disbelief. Jackie always complained about how dirty and smelly bars were. Jackie only shrugged.
"You don't know everything about me, Steven," she replied with a roll of her eyes. Lucy had to repress her giggles. That was an understatement.
"Sure," Hyde replied. "I'll tell everyone else." He walked away, his head swirling with questions. The girls went back to the basement and watched TV, both girls trying to formulate a plan to hide their trail. That night was going to be interesting to say the least.
I don't own Breathe by Anna Nalick, though I wish I did. It's a kick-ass song. I don't know if it really fits in the story, but I used it anyways. It just seemed like something Jackie would write. Anyways, read and review!